went to my first baby group today...

so i went to the baby group. i fussed and fussed over my appearance before i left, ran late, didn't feed the kids before we left and got there in the nick of time without knowing that you were supposed to bring toys and blankets and other things to occupy your baby.

there were very few mother's of boys there and i was the only one with twins. most of the babies were in the 4-5 month range and the mom's were really active with their kids. i just sat there on the floor with the boys holding them trying to absorb everything. the group lasted an hour, hardly enough time to really learn anything about anyone or socialize. i was really disappointed with the amount of time the group met.

i felt like i couldn't relate to any of the mom's there. not in the sense that they have singletons and i have twins but in the sense that every mom there was slinging their kids, breastfeeding, totally holistic/naturalists, very interactive with their kids and on top of that all extremely happy and outgoing and thrilled to be a mom. here i am bottle feeding, making them take naps, not spending every waking moment talking to them/playing with them and interacting with them and on top of all i'm not completely happy because of the post pardum i'm dealing with. i just felt like an outsider stepping into this weird place where everyone was happy and healthy.

why can't their be a support group for mom's with post pardum?

i don't know, i'm going to keep going and hopefully it gets better. i just need to get out of the house more but once a week is just not enough, especially for only an hour.

any of you other mom's have similar experiences?

 

haleystar - I dont' know about a group of PP mom's but how about looking into your local Mom's of multiples group. http://www.momsofmultiples.org/ Here is the website and you can plug in your address and find your local chapter. I have joined them and it's really nice getting together with other mom's with twins or more and they totally can understand what you are going through rather than singleton mom's. I understand how you feel though. I'm just happy to be able to eat dinner without one of the boys fussing about something. Good luck and I hope you find a group that fits you perfectly.

Vyckie

 

I bet this is not the case. I am sure that someone in that group is not THAT happy and just putting on a show. It's pretty easy to do for an hour. I know I do and did it. And when your kids are 4 or 5 months, they will be more in a routine and you will know what to expect and they will enjoy interaction.

 

I completely agree with Rachel. I would go to a playgroup with two other women who had babies the same age of the boys. When I confessed to having depression when the boys were 18 months old, both told me they had PPD for well over the first 6 months. None of us knew. I found a great group of women on meetup.com. I did a search for your area (generic Sarasota) and found this one.

 

I co-lead our twins multiple group and I can tell you we only meet for an hour. A large part of that is that we are only able to keep our children under control and sanity in check before its full meltdown mode (if we start to go over that hour).
Just because people "appear" to be happy doesnt mean they necessarily are. If you arent slinging them or breastfeeding them dont feel bad! That parenting style isnt for everyone and part of what Ive found makes a great group is having a diverse group of people that are still open minded to the different methods used to get through babyhood. I hope you keep getting out, I had PPD too and outings definitely made things better.
Im sure there was a mom or 2 there that was envious of the fact you got out wiht your TWO babies!!!!!

:hug: :hug:

 

Well, it's good that you got out & went! That is definitely a start. I would give it more than one day, after a few times you might feel more comfortable & even make a few new friends. Otherwise, you can always move on to a different group until you find a group of moms you click with. And I agree with Rachel, they may have all looked perfectly happy, but I'm sure they have a lot of the same problems as every other new mom! :hug:

 

thanks everyone. it just felt like no one could really relate to what i was going through. perhaps the multiples group would be better even though they meet once a month. maybe giving up an hour once a month from DH might be worth it just to get that face time with other mom's of multiples. i don't know.

i'm just struggling so hard with being a single parent for the most part. it's hard with not being happy all the time and trying to balance babies, chores, and finding time for myself. and it's almost not worth the effort sometimes to go anywhere with the kids because it's such a hassle, although i am fortunate that they are very good babies in public.

i checked out meetup.com and couldn't find any support groups for PPD but i did find some other mom's groups that i think i will look further into. i'm pretty sure the more i mingle and get out of the house during the day the better i will feel in general.

the nights alone are just so hard though!

 

Yes, I rarely going to the playgroup that I am a member of. One reason is that I am the only member with young twins. Most of the moms only have 1 child, and if they have 2 then the older child is old enough to be independent. So they plan activities that are really inconvenient for me to do by myself with two toddlers, like Chuck E Cheese.

 

well the group that i went to yesterday was just for mom's of newborns to 6 months. once you reach the 6 month point you enter another group. their just weren't any twins there.

i've asked the local parents of multiples group what their age average is and they tell me it all varies from newborn to a few years old.

the other mom groups i know plan a lot of play dates for kids of older ages, like to museums and what not. parks we can handle because i can lay them down on a blanket but museums wouldn't really fit with us yet.

 

Haley,
:hug: :hug: , This is such a hard time to go through. I agree with PP, it's seems that motherhood becomes sort of a competition of who can get their act together the best in public! lol! I know for a fact that there are days when I'm feeling exactly like you describe, overwhelmed, tired, stressed, and just generally NOT enjoying motherhood. It's in those days that I HAVE to get out of the house. I take the boys for walks, I'll go to the mall, Wal-mart, Hallmark, a friend's house, Sonic during happy hour for a cherry limeade!, ANYWHERE, just for my own sanity. I don't put a lot of expectations on the outing, so if I have to come home, then I do, but boy it's a life saver!
I know I've finally talked openly about motherhood with a friend of mine with a 3 mo old, feeling like she had it all together, and loved every minute, and you know what, once I did, she said she was afraid to talk about it all with me, because she looked at me with twins (putting on a good show!), and thought I had it all together!
Anyway, my only other piece of advice is possibly looking into a play group with older kids instead of a baby group, because the moms will have free hands to hold and love on your babies! I have a group of friends now who I just met within the past year who all have older kids (youngest in pre-school), and the love and miss little babies. So I pack up and we all get together, and tada! I have people who help me!
Anyway, hope this helps!

 

:hug: With my last singleton I went to baby classes and our group got so chatty that we all still get together 15 months later for fun, much longer than the classes lasted. I don't know what I would do without those ladies especially now with the twins. My point is to give it time. In the beginning everyone is shy and new but you may end up getting more "real" with eachother and having some fun.

The internet is also a good thing for me to feel human heehee. It was down the other morning and I thought it was my modem...you should have seen me freaking out trying anything I could think of to get it working roflmbo!! That saying "you can't take my computer away...my friends live in there" is soooo me, especially now with 3 kids under 17 months! Good luck!