Welcome to my life...

Good morning Twinstuff friends!

It has been ages and ages since I've posted anything, and even quite a while since I've lurked looking for advice and info. Things have really been pretty smooth sailing for our family of four, and I have felt quite lucky that my kids have been "easy" in most respects. For almost threes, they were doing pretty well...

Until...

We had been living in Tunis, Tunisia for the last two and a bit years and were uprooted from our life them overnight after an attack on the American Embassy in Tunis (where my husband works). We were forced to evacuate with one suitcase for each of us, and are now back Stateside. We've been back for almost a month. I didn't think it would be so hellish. Behaviour issues all over the place. I know that they are missing Daddy and their home and their life so I'm trying to be patient and understanding, but Mommy is at the end of her rope just about 99% of the time right now.

Our biggest issue is sleep. Please help me with this one! In Tunis they had their own rooms and were still in cribs. Happily. They went to bed at 7:30 every night without issue and would sleep all night without making a peep, usually until 7:30 a.m. We got back to the U.S. and our friend gave us two peapod tent beds for them to sleep in. They are old enough to unzip, so I had to use twist ties to keep the zipper closed. I felt terrible about this, so I borrowed a pack n play from a friend, but suddenly they both know how to climb out of it!!! So...my husband and I decide (over Skype, he's still in Tunis) that it's about time for toddler beds anyhow. I found some on Craigslist that very day, so I took the kids to Target to pick out bedding, and they went to sleep in their beds without a problem that very night and I was so thrilled! They woke up and got out once or twice in the night, but that was to be expected and we all celebrated in the morning at how well they had done. That was a week ago, and I've been wanting to rip my hair out ever since. They will NOT stay int he beds since that first night. It's not that they don't like them, but the novelty of being able to get out is just too intense. Within seconds of going to bed and me (or my Mom, who's here to help) walking out, they are at the door giggling and running around. This goes on for a very long time. My Mom has taken to sitting in the room with them until at least one of them falls asleep. This take a good hour, so they are now not sleeping til 8:30 or 9. Then they wake up multiple times during the night and repeat their bedtime antics. I can't take it. I'm sitting here now having been awake trying to get them to sleep in their beds since 3:30 a.m. (5:30 now). I finally zipped them into their twist tied shut tents and closed the bedroom door because I had not a drop more patience.

What do I do? I feel like we're all going to go insane if none of us is getting any proper sleep, and I don't have the patience or emotional energy right now to parent them through this without lots of yelling. And yelling isn't helping anyone.

I'm tempted to dismantle the toddler beds and just keep them in the "tents" for another month or so until we are more settled and in a routine here and I can work on a plan for the bed training. I feel bed having them sleep in what's supposed to be a travel bed though for an extended period of time. And then what? Will they ever be ready? They have never slept in the same room until now, so I think that this is also a large part of the problem.

Please help!

Kristen

 

First of all I'm sorry for the stress and upheaval your family has been through. It must be very difficult for everyone and I hope you can find a new 'normal' soon.

I think that in this case, yes I would keep them in the tents for a little while longer. You're right it's not ideal for them to be sleeping semi-permanently in travel beds but they have a lot to adjust to and they'll be able to do it better if they are getting a decent sleep each night. You'll be able to function better and cope more easily with their behaviour if you are not spending half the night awake trying to get them to sleep too. In a month or two, once all the other stuff has settled down and they are used to sharing a room you can try again with the toddler beds.

 

Oh I'm so sorry, what a frustrating situation all around. Do you have a room where you could stick one of the tents or toddler beds, even though it's not a bedroom? When we went through a similar phase (minus all the upheaval of course), we put one in a PnP in our library. It's what would be the formal dining room on our house plan and doesn't have doors or anything. But it made it so they weren't in the same room. It didn't look nice and I had to be extra quiet after bedtime, but at least they weren't waking each other up over and over. I would probably have put her in the kitchen or living room if necessary, because we needed the sleep! It was only a few months and then we put them back in the same room (actually all 3 girls share).

 

I am so sorry to hear about your ordeal. About the sleep situation, I was going to suggest separating them also. Ever since we separated ours at night they sleep much better - but they are still in cribs. They aren't waking each other up when they wake up during the night. Maybe you can put one in your mom's bedroom and you can sleep with your mom for a while or she can sleep on the couch in the living room - that's what I would do if I were you. Later on you can move them back together if you have to, but at least it will be after they got used to the new living arrangements and the toddler bed excitement goes away.

Good luck with your transition,

Monica

 

Wow I'm sorry. That must have been insane.

Honestly I never policed my kids, just put them in their bed and left the room (they still share too). They played for an hour or more the first week but eventually they calmed down. I mean they still play for a while at times but put themselves in bed eventually. I just didn't want to drive myself nuts over it... shut the door, maybe come back in once or twice and put them back in bed, then leave for good. They slept on the floor a few times, oh well. They didn't wake up at night though... Could you remove a favorite thing from their room every time they're not listening? Give them a couple warnings, and if they don't go back to bed, take something out? Maybe they would get it eventually.

You didn't mention how old your kids are... mine were almost 3 when that happened though.

 

I am sorry your life has been set upside down. It must be very hard for everyone to have moved with so little and without your DH. I really hope your life settles down soon. As for the sleeping, I would pick either cribs or beds and stick with it. If you go with beds, either separate them or if you cannot, figure out a routine that works for you, institute it and stick with it for 2 weeks.

We do bath, books, bed. Then if they want to play without bothering us, they are welcome to stay awake as long as they like. If they bug us, we go up and there are consequences. At 3, they understand that.

While you need to work on night time, you also need to try and spend quality time with them during the day which will make them feel safer at night. Anything you can do to make your life normal (daily walks, daily talks to daddy, etc) will help them establish a routine and routine is what gives toddlers the most comfort.

I would also suggest you may want to get a gate for over their door to keep them in their room.

Good luck, I hope you find some peace.

 

Wow! Sounds scary and stressful and I am glad everyone is ok. We did the switch from cribs to toddler beds just a month or two after their 2nd birthday because DS was climbing out and jumping and we were afraid he would get hurt. We did have similar crazyness for the first week or so as they were getting used to their new-found freedom. What we found worked was a couple things. We made sure that their room had no toys in it except for the few loveys/nighttime items they required in their cribs. It was empty except for 2 beds and a dresser, and the dresser/closet were locked. We did our bedtime routine and when we kissed them goodnight we reiterated that nighttime is for sleeping and they needed to stay in their beds and go to sleep. We have always been fine with them talking/chattering before they fell asleep (they have always shared a room). Often they did get out of bed and run around a bit, but within reason we tolerated this. If it got too loud or wild sounding, we would give one warning and then turn the nightlight off. It's pretty hard to run around and play in a pitch black room! As for the night waking, I am sure that part of it is due to the changes and part of it is due to falling asleep later than usual. Maybe if you know they're going to play for a while before falling asleep you could put them to bed earlier so they are falling asleep earlier than they are now? Also, talk to them about being quiet if they do wake up. I have one who often has nightwaking, but there is never any playing overnight because he never wakes his sister up.

I think the transition to beds is difficult no matter when you do it. Just be consistent and it will get better. We did earlier bedtimes and naptimes to help get through the rough patch. Good luck!