Weird evening w/ DH (kinda vent)

So for the past couple weeks I've been talking with dh about leaving the house to go purchase a highchair. I wanted to look around and figure out which one I liked best because I'm the one who feeds them. I talked to him last week, a couple days ago, yesterday, and again today about how I planned to leave him w/ the babies to do their evening cereal while I went.

Well, he kinda freaked out. He said he was just nervous to be left alone with them and be responsible for a feeding. He's fed them their cereal before, but I've always been right there to measure everything and warm up the ebm. Tonight I left him written instructions about what I do and when just to make it easier for him. And I was gone less than an hour!

I almost felt guilty for leaving, but he needs to take a shift...right? With the exception of doctor's appointments for the girls, I haven't left the house since Sep 18. We're under house arrest due to RSV and flu seasons. So since that time, I've left the house maybe ten times and always for a doctor's appt, never for leisure. Before Sep, I was in hospitals since July 3. So it's been almost 9 mos of being cooped up, and I'm surprised I'm still sane. I exclusively bf them, do their one solid feeding a day, do all their baths, and get up w/ them during the night. I needed a break, and I took it, and I'm not going to feel guilty.

I guess this was a vent, but I'm also curious...does anyone else's husband get weird about being left with the twins?

 

You go girl, I hope you enjoyed yourself.

 

Mine does, but he is good about doing it if I need him to, he would rather be the one leaving and running chores I think. Good for you for getting out! He'll feel more comfortable with them as he spends more time with them.

I hope you enjoyed your freedom!

 

My dh does stay home with them so I can run errands. Your dh will get the hang of it. Good for you for getting out!

 

quote:
Mine does, but he is good about doing it if I need him to, he would rather be the one leaving and running chores I think.

Same here, I have only left them a handful of times in 9 months. I think the twins scare him! He will do it though. Good for you on getting out, I can't imagine being in the house for that long! I stay home A LOT, but wow, Sept 18th??

 

YES! My husband has always freaked out about being left alone with the babies. My oldest child is six and when he was four months old I ran to the gym one evening to exercise. The gym was about a mile from our house and I was gone for an hour. When I came back Nick made me feel so guilty! He told me how Gabe SCREAMED the entire time I was gone.

Leave him alone with the babies. It will be good for him and the babies! He is their dad. I know I was nervous the first time I was alone with the twins, but I got through it - not it is second nature. He will get used to it!!!

Angel

 

Dads need that time with their kids. They will feel so proud of themselves for getting through an evening alone with them and it creates time for them to bond exclusively. My husband freaks out too, but now he can do it. He was this way with our first baby too, and now he handles him like a pro. You might ask him what are his biggest concerns about being left with them and tell him how you handle those things. Also, if you do start leaving him with them for long, don't be surprised if he develops his own way of doing things with them. It might not be your way, but it may be what works for him. As long as there's no danger, leave him to it and get out of there for a bit! Enjoy!

 

My dh is pretty intimidated with them as well but he does it. Right now he is 2500 miles away so hes getting one heck of a break. Usually when I would go to do something it would be during nap or bedtime. Hes only dont baby duty a handful of times and has never given solids or a bath for that matter.

 

My husband will do anything else if he gets asked to do anything with the twins. Other times he will volunteer to take one to the store. For example, when the lawn needs to be mowed, he'll mow the lawn (something he hates doing) vs staying in with the twins. Maybe this summer it'll be different now that they are toddlers, but last summer it was this way.

 

my husband actually looks forward to me working on Friday night and Saturday morning to play and hang out with them...give him time - he'll get used to it...oh and I second the fact that he will get his own way of doing things and it won't be your way - but it gets done and they're still alive when I get home so its all good!

 

I guess my DH doesn't really freak out when I ask him to stay with them alone. Sometimes when I give him the option of "watch the girls or go here/there" he will chose the errands because he KNOWS how much work watching two can be! He's had them twice for long periods of time (4 and 6 hours) and for shorter periods of time when I run errands. I could sense the fear when I left the first time and a few times after, but now he seems much more comfortable. I haven't gone much of anywhere since October when I was put on bedrest...mainly dr appts for the girls. But, I got to the point where I wasn't even feeling like a normal person because I was always stuck in the house. Sounds like you have been staying in for much longer...I can't imagine! My DH often gets offended when I suggest that he do soemthing differently (my way) with the girls...he says he thinks I don't trust him. So, I got to the point where I decided that if he wanted me to prove to him that I DO trust him he could watch the girls for a few hours while I went to my friend's baby shower. I came home and everything was just fine...and I think he realized that having them all alone isn't all that easy afer all

Anyway, I do think it's important for daddys to get comfortable with their babies as early as possible...comfort definitely comes with practice! And, I agree with pp...my DH often does things a little bit differently than I would, but unless it's endangering their health/safety I just bite my lip and let him do it his way...it's tough though!

 

You definitely need to get out on your own, and way more often than you do. Your DH should be able to stay with the girls. Mine does it all the time...the first time he did was when they were not even 2 months old (and they were in the NICU 5 and 6 weeks).

My DH isn't weird about being left with the girls - he absolutely loves it actually!

 

When my twins were 8 weeks old I hit a wall and told my DH I HAD to get away from the kids and be by myself, just for a couple of hours. He was nervous about being alone with all three of the kids (I was exlusively BF the twins) but I pumped plenty of milk and he was very supportive of my going out for a while. I went and saw a movie by myself and it was wonderful! I did feel a little guilty, but I thought back to the first day my husband went back to work when the twins were a week old, I had that deer in the headlights look because I was going to be alone with newborn twins and a not-yet-three year old. But I did it. And my husband did it. The best way for your DH to gain confidence is for you to go away. Try to do it once a week, if only for an hour. Go get a pedicure or get your hair cut, or go walk around Target by yourself. It'll work wonders for your sanity (especially since you've been so cooped up!)

 

I can't believe you've been out as little as you have,. you are truly a brave soldier! you shouldn't feel guilty at all- when you are with them you give 110% and you need to recharge your battery for their sake too.

 

I must be in the minority, because my DH has been hands on since the day they were born.. he was the one changing their diapers the first couple of days in the hospital (I had a c-section), and the one to do the finger feedings of formula to supplement while I was BFing... And he kept it up when we got home, too... If anything, he's the one who gets the least amount of "me" time (I don't count when he goes to work)... What can I say?? I guess I just got lucky..

Anyway, back on topic.. I hope you get some time to yourself soon... and enjoy it while you can!

 

I'm in the minority too. My DH is very hands on and does everything with the kids when he gets home from work and has been this way since birth. He also encourages me to get out and he hangs out with the kids.

I think you need to just tell your DH that you are going out and not feel guilty about it. He needs to learn to take care of them on his own. Getting out by yourself feel so good and is so relaxing.

 

Mine is a little bit of both ... he is very hands-on in their daily care, he was the first to change diapers in the hospital, to swaddle them, etc., and he will pitch in at home too. But he still won't give both of them a bath (which I've mastered, yay!) - i think the thought of it freaks him out. But if I need to run errands or get out, he has no problem watching them, which is awesome. I think he looks forward to the time alone with them.

At the almost opposite end is that sometimes he thinks he knows what's best for them and will do whatever he wants no matter what I say ... it's a partnership, you know? One time he insisted they were hungry, I said to leave them alone, he went ahead and fed them and one puked all over ... but I'd rather have a dad who will help out and be very hands-on than one who runs when duty calls.

Oh, and he always encourages me to get out of the house to get some breathing room, he's good that way. What we do argue over is naps, he feels he is more entitled than me to nap because he works all day.

 

I think you should take this as a big sign to make sure your DH does more, and that you leave him alone with the babies more. If he is starting to feel like he can't do it, and it is too scary and complicated, he will pull back more and more. I think the opposite is what needs to happen. I would starting pumping some, and letting your DH feed them bottles. Whatever you need to do to keep him involved.

 

quote:
Originally posted by Her Royal Jennyness:
Mine does, but he is good about doing it if I need him to, he would rather be the one leaving and running chores I think.



Mine too... I think he just feels like he is being helpful if I never have to "get out" or "lift a finger" But I have to remind him that it is nice for me to be AWAY from our home.. so far he hasnt "freaked", but that is because my mom is still here! I think he will do fine when they are a lil older (he raised my 2 step daughters on his own before we married) he is used to lil girls! I am glad you "made" him step up to the plate...sometimes daddies just need a lil nudge to realize they do know what to do... So good for you!

 

The first time i left dh with the twins, i think they were about 2 months. He must have called me on my cell about 10x the 2 hrs i was gone. When i came home, our house was a mess. Apparently, he's been trying to entertain them and get them to stop crying that he brought out all sorts of toys and stuff to our family room, you can barely walk without stepping on something. I thought it was hilarous. Now, he doesn't even budge when i said i have to go somewhere and he has to stay home with both of them.

 

My twins are 2 1/2 & it is only recently that the color does not drain out of his face when I mention leaving. He has recently taken all 3 children out of the house ALONE!!! I wonder how the groceries ever get bought !! The grocery fairy!!!