Weaning at 3 years?

My twins are on there way to being three in two months, and I am contemplating weaning. I always thought that I would do baby-led weaning, but I'm not sure if that will ever happen. I love the snuggle time but at the same time, they are getting bigger, they wiggle around a whole lot and it is just getting less enjoyable for me. I am a little concerned that they rely so heavily on breastfeeding for comfort. If they have a bad fall, or other disappointment, they will often come to me for "mommy milk." We definitely do it less than before but still maybe three times a day (morning, before or after nap, and before bed). I will try to redirect them or delay them if it is not at a good time or location.

I've been trying to not offer it and just give it to them when they ask. I am definitely ambivalent about stopping but I know I am not going to do it forever.

Any advice from those of you at this for awhile? Do you have an end date in mind? How have you wound down?

Thanks in advance.

Sotto

 

Wow, opcorn:

Never thought I'd be so interested in the responses, but we're in the exact same position, but younger. Mine just turned 2 last week and they show no signs of backing off the mommy's milk. We nurse about 4 times a day.

Think I'll do it for another 6 months or so, since they rely on it for the same reasons as yours twins do.

But then what? BTDT?

 

Yay! It's always nice to talk to other extended nursing moms.

We're still nursing 3x/day - morning, before nap, and bedtime. But it often winds up being 2x/day, since there are usually a couple nights a week when I'm out at bedtime, and usually a couple days when I'm out before naptime. Also, I skip morning nursing whenever I can get away with it (not that often, but sometimes they forget to ask). I'm also ready to be done (for some of the same reasons - they're big and wiggly and I get touched out), but I'm not quite ready to actively wean them. I feel like we're on the right track toward gently encouraging them to wean themselves. It's definitely much less important to them than even 6 mo ago. And now that I'm missing sessions frequently, I can tell my supply is really going down. Sometimes they'll come off and say (frustrated) "Want the milk to come out!"

A long time ago (somewhere between 18-24 mo?) I limited nursing sessions for my own sanity. Back then we were still nursing 4-5x/day, but I made a policy of NOT nursing anytime other than morning, before nap, after nap, and bedtime (I think that's what we were doing then) - I had just had it up to here with comfort nursing for boo boos and all that stuff. Definitely made life saner. You could try that, since you're also frustrated with it. There are going to be some tears and resistance, but they'll get used to it.

Also, if there's too much squirming, they're old enough to cool it if they have to. You can just tell them you like to nurse, but you don't like the squirming, and if they can't stop squirming then we'll be done nursing for now. They'll catch on.

 

Elizabeth weaned around 22 months and I would tell her before nursing that we were going to nurse until the count of 20, 15, 10, etc. Every few days I lowered the count until she weaned. She could count, so she understood. She eventually got bored with it b/c it was so quick.

 

I also never expected to be in this elite club, but here we are!

I looked at the Mothering the Nursing Toddler book (La Leche League) the other day and was completely depressed by what I took away, which was that any form of weaning at this age, other than child-led, was harmful to their emotional well-being.

Hey - LLL ladies! Don't say the book is about weaning on the cover if you're only going to give us 20 pages at the very end on how to do it, after convincing us it's akin to abandonment and neglect!!!

Sorry. Needed to get that out.

Anyway, making nursing less interesting does seem to be the preferred method. I can't imagine that counting would work for my guys, but skipping sessions in order to gradually reduce supply would. They do get annoyed when I've had a terrible day and there's not enough milk. When I try to limit their time they freak out.

Removing reminders of nursing can help - if you've used a particular chair or place in the room, move the furniture around. Move the nursing pillow to a closet, etc. Moving the nursing pillow alone hasn't worked for us - we would probably need to change the whole routine at night if we want to distract them successfully.

The book also recommends making a real effort to replace the nursing time with other kinds of cuddling in at different times and places than you would usually nurse.

 

My twins nursed that long. I always kind of thought that if either of them had been single children, they might not have gone so long. My others weaned themselves about a year sooner. But when there's one child nursing, the other seems to want it more than they might otherwise. I think the advice you've gotten so far is good. Instead of just outright saying no, maybe try distracting them with something else if they're not totally committed to it. If they're really hurt, that's one thing. But maybe if they're just bored and wanting to nurse, or still feel like they need it before bed, try coming up with a new routine. Snuggle while reading a book, for instance.

 

Same here. Ambivalence all around!
My girls are *only* 32 months and nurse about 6-10 times a day. I sometimes think if they were weaned they may not be so needy for just me. Night weaning helped my mental health and improved my attitude for day nursing. I'm also feeling odd about nursing in public. My issue, I know, but they are so big and there are two of them, and they are very vocal about not wanting my shirt near their faces. But these are my last kids, so why the need to rush it, kwim?

I figure I will just take each day as it comes. If/when I hit my limit, we'll stop but until then we just go on. I do count, but they have caught on quickly (Not 10, count to 20!) and they will sit like a baby, when I ask but it doesn't last long.

Yikes, two kids hanging on me now once they realized I was sitting! Me nurse, Me nurse, me nurse............

 

My twins nursed until they were 2yrs 8mths. Longer than I had nursed any of my other children.

At the very end, we usually only nursed b4 bed. It was a sweet & calming way to end the day. Makes me remember how they would run into the bedroom saying "that's my side" :laughing: as they crawled up on the bed.

My weaning was a combo of child led & my gentle led. By that age I had more out of the house commitments again (meetings & such) and ended up not being the one to put them to bed every single night.

Occasionally when I was feeling the whole ~time to be done~ thing I would shorten the nursing a little. My DS was the first to say he was "ok" (didn't need any). Not every night, just once in a while.


It is hard to remember the last time. I wish it was burned into my memory.

I still miss it.

WTG on extended nursing. It was a completely amazing time in my life :wub:

 

Thank you all for your replies. Oddly after I had posted this question, the next day one only BF once and the other twice. I missed it oddly enough. Since I have had a few days this week where it was only 2x a day, provided on request, I am going to to give it a few more months of just supplying it on demand (at home). We'll see if it drops off on its own. I think it will be bittersweet when it ends. Liberating but I'll still miss the intimacy with my children.

It is of some comfort that there are others of you out there still doing it at 2+ years of age.

Thanks again, sotto

 

I nursed my twins until nearly 3 years old. Gradually over, the course of several months we got down to two nursings: morning and evening. And then, with distraction and a yummy breakfast, we dropped the morning session. The before bed session remained for a long long time.

In the end I did several things in the last few months. I began reading to them as we nursed (and then when they stopped nursing the bed time books and snuggles continued - and still do) In fact this was a major motivator for stopping as they used to keep breaking off nursing to look at the pictures and ask questions - it was a tad annoying! We had lots of discussions about which kids still nurse and which ones don't - I was trying not to force them into 'big girls don't nurse' (because some do, we just don't know any) but just let them see for themselves that, mostly, the kids that nurse here are still babies. We talked about how one day the milk just runs out and that's why the kids stop nursing. We also talked 'with excitment' about how one day their mummy's milk would run out and we'd have a party and then we'd snuggle instead. In the last week, I warned them alot that on X day it'd be their last nursing. That night I gave them a couple of presents - new books to read as we snuggled and a new cup (that I'd decorated with their names) for their evening glass of milk/water. Once we stopped, DH put them to bed instead of me for about a week. And that was it. It was very easy, they never asked to nurse again - although they wanted to look, touch and even pretend. It was really very very easy. It just felt like the right time. Even though it was mummy-led, somehow it felt right for them too.

Good luck

 

I'm so relieved to see this post (sorry I missed it and posted a similar one the other day) and Lisa, you're story made me cry! So bittersweet. Mine are 24 months old and I think my DS would have weaned if it weren't for my DD always wanting it and him not wanting to miss out. I have started to feel like they will never self-wean and my husband thinks it's "time." I have limited them to 2 feeding (morning and night) for about 4 months, and recently cut out the morning feed, explaining they could eat at bedtime. But my daughter cries for it most mornings and I feel awful about it. When one is hurt or sick they nurse a lot but otherwise just the one time lately. Like Lisa said, we read books during the feeding and now they spend less time sucking b/c they are so into the books. I think it's almost completely for comfort rather than milk.My doctor suggested if I wanted to wean them to leave the house for several evenings in a row and have my husband put them to bed. I think I would feel so guilty making my supply stop like that. I guess I am still very torn about taking away something that they enjoy so much.

 

I nursed Allison till she was almost 3. I had a GYN appt and when I came back I just looked at her and said the Dr said you could not have "boobie" anymore. She just said OK and that was it. I was just done BF plus the GYN looked at me like I was crazy for still BF her. I doubt she will ever remember my lie but I knew it was time to stop.