Ways to get MIL involved...

Well, its been a little over a week since we've been home from the hospital and since my MIL came to town to help. My DH goes back to work tomorrow morning. My MIL will be here another week. Tonight will be full of firsts for us. Our first time taking shifts with night feedings. My DHs first time feeding them both at the same time. And there are more, but I can't think of them right now.

Anyway, my real question is about my MIL. She flew here just to be with us for these first couple of weeks. She used to run a couple of day cares and has taken care of numerous babies, but we think she's lost her touch. My DH and SIL are both more than a little worried about her recent absent-mindedness. She's basically just been helping us catch up on laundry (and keep up with baby laundry) since she's been here. Now, with DH leaving, she's going to want to be more involved with the babies. But, she hasn't figured any of it out yet. She gets pee'd on during every diaper change (and goes thru about 3 diapers and 2 outfits to get one baby clean), she still feeds them lying flat despite us asking for a week to sit them more upright, she can't get them to burp so they end up with hiccups or cranky and she hadn't figured out how to swaddle them or how mix the formula either.

I really love having her here and I'd love for her to be more involved with the babies. I'd love to be able to hand her a baby and know that she'll be taken care of. And I really don't want her to spend all of her time here just doing our laundry. (Though it is WAY behind after 3 months of modified bed rest!) She came here to help with the babies and I want to let her do that as much as possible. But how can I do that and know that my girls are getting good care?


Any help would be much appreciated! Thanks! Laura


P.S. Today got me down a little. For the first time, I was home alone with the babies for about 3+ hours and they totally ganged up on me. My normally mild mannered, great eaters and good sleepers wouldn't do ANYTHING but fuss and cry the whole time. I'm really hoping it is not a new pattern! But hey, on the bright side, they should sleep well tonight!

 

Well, its been a little over a week since we've been home from the hospital and since my MIL came to town to help. My DH goes back to work tomorrow morning. My MIL will be here another week. Tonight will be full of firsts for us. Our first time taking shifts with night feedings. My DHs first time feeding them both at the same time. And there are more, but I can't think of them right now.

Anyway, my real question is about my MIL. She flew here just to be with us for these first couple of weeks. She used to run a couple of day cares and has taken care of numerous babies, but we think she's lost her touch. My DH and SIL are both more than a little worried about her recent absent-mindedness. She's basically just been helping us catch up on laundry (and keep up with baby laundry) since she's been here. Now, with DH leaving, she's going to want to be more involved with the babies. But, she hasn't figured any of it out yet. She gets pee'd on during every diaper change (and goes thru about 3 diapers and 2 outfits to get one baby clean), she still feeds them lying flat despite us asking for a week to sit them more upright, she can't get them to burp so they end up with hiccups or cranky and she hadn't figured out how to swaddle them or how mix the formula either.

I really love having her here and I'd love for her to be more involved with the babies. I'd love to be able to hand her a baby and know that she'll be taken care of. And I really don't want her to spend all of her time here just doing our laundry. (Though it is WAY behind after 3 months of modified bed rest!) She came here to help with the babies and I want to let her do that as much as possible. But how can I do that and know that my girls are getting good care?


Any help would be much appreciated! Thanks! Laura


P.S. Today got me down a little. For the first time, I was home alone with the babies for about 3+ hours and they totally ganged up on me. My normally mild mannered, great eaters and good sleepers wouldn't do ANYTHING but fuss and cry the whole time. I'm really hoping it is not a new pattern! But hey, on the bright side, they should sleep well tonight!

 

Congrats on your babies and welcome home!

I know it's frustrating when things aren't done the way you would like them to be done. You have help so even if it is just doing laundry then that alone is a HUGE help! (I know you know this already) I had no help and my husband had to go back to work the day after the babies came home and I would've given anything to just have someone do the laundry. Let her continue to do that.

As for her not being able to mix the formula, I bought a 64 ounce plastic container with a pour spout (at Target, but you can get them anywhere) and I made a batch every night before I went to bed so that by the next morning it was ready to go. Or if you don't want to do it that way, then show her again and again how to do it. If that doesn't seem to work let her sit with the babies while you get bottles made. I don't think it's that she has lost her touch, she just need to be shown how you like things done. The one thing I would not back down on is her feeding them laying flat. Tell her over and over until she is doing it correctly...even offer her a pillow to put under her arm or even under the baby if you have to. Is it possible for her to feed them and then you or daddy can burp them? Do you have bouncy seats? When I was by myself I put them in their bouncy seats and sat between them holding the bottle...maybe she can do it that way then they are reclined whether she likes it or not

Most importantly, you have to tell her what your expectations are. Whether or not she raised children of her own or worked in a daycare she may be hesitant to step on your toes and it's quite possible she is just waiting for some direction...it's ok for you to give it to her! It's not being bossy.

You have to eat and rest as much as possible so if you don't feel she is grasping the babies' needs make her responsible for your needs, making you lunch, getting your water (or whatever), continuing with the laundry, etc. Showers tend to go by the wayside these first few weeks so if the babies are resting or at least content, let her sit with them while you go shower. You'd be surprised how much a nice shower can lift your spirits and help you get recharged for dealing with them tag-teaming you because they will do that and it will never go away! My girls STILL do that, but I just have learned how to deal with them in ways that work best for us and you will, too! They are twins after all so I don't see it going away in the near future.

Last, but not least, this is what we are here for...to listen and help you through it when you think you can't do it another minute...you can! Try, try, try to enjoy these moments no matter how crazy. We are planning our girls' first birthday already and I am still wondering where this year went, where my little babies went. Good luck...you will figure it out..it will just take some trial and error.

 

First, again congrats on the babies. Second, wow, a tough place to be with your MIL. A couple of thoughts. When I leave my DS' with my MIL, I put the powder in the bottles and let her just add the water. You could do that when you get time and let her add the water when they're ready to eat. Also, more than likely at some point you may put them in a bouncy and just hold bottles to feed. So, maybe let her do that- put them in a seat so they're upright and let her hold the bottle.

Otherwise, I guess you could figure it as a dry run to doing it all yourself, but have her be the gopher. She can bring you babies for eating and changing. And I bet she's good at just holding and loving them! And just having company while you're doing all that stuff seems to make things a little better, also. And, if she's there you can take a nap with instructions to wake you if they need something.

Good luck and enjoy those new babies.

 

Hey Girlie Girl!

Awwww, they ganged up on you the first time

It seems like you've gotten some good advice - I just wanted to say hi and wish you good luck. Since our babies were in the hospital for so long, we often 'blamed' the teaching and procedures on following nurses' orders. I can still hear my beloved grandmother's voice saying 'stop beating those babies!' while we burped them, quite effectively I might add, just like the nurses taught us to. Maybe she just needs a little push, or just give it up and let her pamper you and snuggle them when it's time for that.

Sending you lots of and hoping you're able to enjoy the good and the bad of these moments..they do fly! Good luck to DH as he goes back to work, also.

 

I don't know if I have any answers, but I have been there. My MIL stayed for 3 days, then my mom came for 3 days after A and C came home. MIL has eye trouble, so she couldn't change the babies at all. Nobody could burp them, so we had spit up city from the baby that didn't have either me or DH feeding them. I remember trying to nap once when MIL was here, and the phone rang. I came downstairs, and here she was asleep in the recliner. That wouldn't have been bad...but she had Ainsley dangling on the side. Like her arm was barely around her. Then the phone startled her, and she reached down and flung the recliner up real quick, I thought A was going to go flying. Sooooooooooooooo...needless to say that was the end of my napping!

 

Laura! Good luck!!!

I think with practice she'll be ok with some of this stuff. Just figure, she's doing the laundry so if she gets pee'd on - oh well!

Actually, I did all the diapers for the most part. My Mom was here for a month and got the hang of feeding etc. Just SET HER UP when she feeds. Give her a pillow to prop the baby on top of etc....

She's really do the BEST stuff for you!! My Mom basically cooked and did laundry! It was awesome!! She cleaned bottle parts and kept me plum in pumping parts! It's really good stuff. She probably feels like she's helping a lot and she really is!!