Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life- To give you some background info: I had been having a rough and hectic week at work, my husband was working overtime all week so I was pretty much all by myself at night and was taking care of both night feedings so he could get some sleep- anyways Friday at lunch I stopped by the house where MIL was watching the girls and they were asleep which was really wierd since they usually eat at noon. She explained that she fed them at 11am. I ended up getting mad about it because I fed the girls every 4 hrs and she had been dropping hints over the last few weeks that she doesn't approve of that- even going as far as to say "well your SIL feeds her daughter every 3 hrs". When I later found out that she didn't put extra in their breakfast bottle like we had discussed then I felt bad about getting upset because the girls were really hungry, but was still frustrated because she could have fed them a snack and then kept their meal on schedule. So pretty much the whole thing was a stupid misunderstanding- I thought we were on the page about how much to feed them at breakfast so that they could make it the 4 hrs. She though went totally off the deep end. She told my husband that if she was going to be "chastized" she didn't want to watch our girls. She freaked out at me, was crying and made it sound like I will starve my daughters in order to preserve my schedule which is absolutely RIDICULOUS!!!! They have been on a schedule since the day they were born because we had to wake them to eat those first 3 weeks and it worked for us so we continued it. And her and I had about 3 different conversations during the week about how since they are sleeping longer at night (thank goodness) that they are hungrier in the morning so we were going to increase their ounces. But apparently because I hadn't said "please-feed-the-girls-x-amount-for-their-am-bottle" the conversation never happened in her mind. So I don't know where we're at, she compared me to my SIL (which coming from her is a HUGE insult) and said "We'll I guess I have been TOLD" and said that maybe my mom should just watch the girls all the time. (my mom who has a full time job on top of watching the girls- MIL is unemployeed) I apologized for getting mad, but just the thought that she was going to take matters into her own hands (like I've seen her do with SIL kids and undermine SIL) made me a bit crazy. I kept telling her it's different with twins and that because I"m bfing, a schedule really is the only thing keeping me sane. Is anyone else protective of their schedule? Why am I being made the bad guy because I don't want to bf twins on demand?
Susie :hug99: To answer your question, YES, I was very protective of my schedule. It was the only bit of "sanity" that I had during the day! I am not sure why your MIL feels the need to do things differently if it's working. I hope that you find a solution. :hug99:
I am very protective of the boys' schedule. Sometimes even my DH will question something and I will always say, "when you stay home with them all day then you can do it your way." I need to know what is going to happen next on most days...like when am I going to get a break
Anybody who's taking care of your kids should take care of them YOUR way. You are the parent, you get to make the decisions. If they're that uncomfortable with your decisions, then they should just tell you to find another care provider.
I protected my schedule more around 4 mos. than before. We were on a very nice 3 hr. schedule from the hospital (nicu) and kept it up! Sometimes, they go through a growth spurt etc., so it has to be a little flexible. I'm sorry you had a misunderstanding with her! Tell her that you are really hormonal still and apologize again. Unless you want to pay someone else to watch them. :hug99:
I am to an extent and my mother doesn't seem to understand. The babies slept from 8:30pm - 9:15 this morning when I finally woke them. My mom told me I should have let them sleep. I tried explaining that I still needed them to take their morning nap and then their afternoon one and I was worried it would screw those up. I think she forgets what it is like to have so many little kids plus she didn't have them THIS close together. When she keeps them overnight, I tell her over and over to keep them on the same schedule for her own sanity and she never does. For the rest of the day I'm playing catch up. Plus they are sleeping through the night and I always worry that moving their schedule around with disturb it. So yes I am protective of it, but it's hard to complain to much when they are helping.
I envy you for sticking to a schedule - she should stick to your schedule - don't even get me started about mils!!!! :angry:
UGH... same boat here... DH so does not understand the importance of MY schedule. And neither does my mother or MIL but they dont have to interact with us daily so it isnt so bad dealing with them. You are not crazy for being so protective of your schedule. Sorry you are going through this.
Oy! How stressful. I hope things smooth over quickly with your MIL. I am very protective of our schedule, because the babies do so much better when things happen like clockwork around here. My mom -- who was here helping for the first 7 weeks -- was infamous for saying, "Oh, but they were sleeping so soundly, I didn't want to wake them..." Great, but they still needed to eat another three times before bedtime, and everything just got pushed back....so then they ended up in bed at like 11pm and slept fitfully because of it. And, if they had just been fed on time, they would have slept peacefully as usual....makes me crazy! Anyhow. I hear ya, and I'm sorry you have to deal with this -- it's tough when you need her to watch the little ones.
Oh yeah, I know where you're coming from. When my girls came home from the NICU, they were on 4 hour schedules. We wanted to keep it that way. My MIL would constantly drop hints, once she said "I guess you want them to be skinny like models" I could have smacked her. My girls were born at 2lbs1oz and 2lbs10oz and I celebrate every little gram they gain. My relationship with her will never be the same. You've made your apologies,what else can you do. I hope you and your MIL can work things out.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I am very protective of our babies' schedule as well. I have never had an argument with mil about it but I know from comments she has made about other people and their schedules in the past that she thinks it is not a big deal. I don't know what they did back when we were kids but I am sure they had us on schedules too and they have just forgotten now that they are not the ones dealing with the babies when they are fussy or can't sleep at night.
OK, people are probably going to throw rocks at me, but I think you should have a talk with her and apologize for the whole thing escalating. Not saying it's your fault, but she may have taken like you were criticizing her and felt she wasn't doing a good job. In the grand scheme of things, it's not that big of a deal that she fed them an hour off schedule and messed up the morning feeding. It's easy enough to get them back on track. If you want grandparents and others to watch them and feel like they are a part of the babies' lives, you have to loosen up a bit and let go that they are not going to do things exactly like you do. My mother does some things that sometimes bug me, but in the end, it doesn't matter. It's not affecting the health and safety of the children. I know I'm probably going to get told off, but this coming from someone who has BTDT and read your post, and thought back to that time in my girls' lives.
at 2 mos we barely had a schedule other than feeding them at least every 3-3.5 hours...the amazing thing about kids is how flexible they can be...I've noticed that my mom doesn't really keep them on a nap schedule (they don't nap for her but she also won't let them CIO or play in the cribs till they doze off like I do) but then when they're home with me, they know when nap time is and when its time to eat... my MIL is a pain in my a$$ too - she picked fights with DH and I because I never heated their bottles up - and then she actually "shamed" DH on Christmas Eve because DS was crying (he was tired not hungry) and DH wouldn't go make him another bottle - and then turned around and bought us $100 worth of formula so we didn't have an "excuse" not to feed them...everything is centered around food with her...I think its just one more thing for MIL's to pick on... hey if she wants it spelled out to the letter - then do it...at least if its written down she doesn't have an excuse...
At our house, the schedule comes before EVERYTHING else. It works. period. I posted about a month ago when my MIL was here "helping" and actively challenging my schedule. After 2 weeks, she had completely screwed it up. She got on the plane and it took me 2 weeks to get them back on track. Stick to your guns. Twins are not the same as singletons. I don't know why it is so hard for people to understand that. Good luck getting things straightened out with her. Obviously, you need her help, but if she is undermining you, it is a problem. The longer you wait to draw the line in the sand about doing things your way, the harder it will be to get her to go along with it. Maybe you can get DH to sit her down and explain how hard everything is for EVERYONE the first year, including you. That is our rule - he deals with his parents, I deal with mine.
QUOTE(Buttercup1 @ Oct 28 2007, 01:59 AM) [snapback]470029[/snapback] Oh yeah, I know where you're coming from. When my girls came home from the NICU, they were on 4 hour schedules. We wanted to keep it that way. My MIL would constantly drop hints, once she said "I guess you want them to be skinny like models" I could have smacked her. My girls were born at 2lbs1oz and 2lbs10oz and I celebrate every little gram they gain. My relationship with her will never be the same. You've made your apologies,what else can you do. I hope you and your MIL can work things out. Just read this. I am shocked! What was she thinking? How awful!!!
YES, I have always been very protective of our schedule. DDs came home from the NICU on an every-4-hours eating schedule. We did this up until about 5-6 months and it worked well! We did end up switching to every-3-hours, but that's because of adding in solids and because of the times we were leaving/picking up DDs at daycare. We all rely on the schedule and it keeps our days from getting more chaotic than they have to be. We don't get off-schedule often, but when we do the day becomes so crazy and chaotic. Sure, I allow for some flexibility...i.e. when they are sick things tend to be a little less "organized." I'm sorry to hear you're going throug this with MIL. You know what works for your family and you have the right to ask other family/friends to respect your routine!
I am protective of our schedule as well. Nothing bothers me more than other people not respecting the choices the parents make, right or wrong. Not that your choice was wrong. But seriously, you are the parents. I don't know what makes moms and mils think that it's ok for them to criticize our parenting skills. I really am sorry for you. I know that finding other daycare probably means a lot more money, assuming you don't pay your MIL, or at least not as much as you would pay at daycare. But you need to figure out what will work better for your family. I get grief from my mom all the time about how we put the kids to bed so early (7pm) so she can't come visit after work. And I tell her the same thing every time "That's your problem, not mine. The kids are going to bed at 7pm and that's it". It's frustrating to feel like you aren't getting support though. Hugs!
