Visiting MIL - Am I being unreasonable?

OK, 3 weeks after my boys have arrived, my MIL (visiting from interstate) who has been here 1 week is beginning to drive me crazy .

I know you'll probably think I'm crazy when I say that I do not get the chance to do anything around my own house.

I'm a fairly relaxed type of person and have accepted the fact that by having twins to look after, jobs around the house can wait, but there are certain things that I need to be able to do so that I feel like I am providing for my family. These include:

Washing my babies clothes.
Washing, changing and dressing my babies.
Making up bottles if I have to go out.
Getting up to my babies anytime of the day or night.

My husband & I get bedroom visits in the middle of the night if the babies are crying while Im getting them ready for a feed. We are perfectly capable of sorting the boys out without turning lights on.

I get food out to cook for dinner, go feed the boys and come out to find dinner started, different to what I wanted to cook.

I could probably go on forever, but wouldnt want to totally bore you guys.

My DH tells her to stop taking over, he is at work all day so doesn't see it as much as I do. I know that she means no harm and is only trying to be helpful....but.....

Has anyone else had these sort of hassles??????

What would you do???? She is here for another 3 weeks.

 

OK, 3 weeks after my boys have arrived, my MIL (visiting from interstate) who has been here 1 week is beginning to drive me crazy .

I know you'll probably think I'm crazy when I say that I do not get the chance to do anything around my own house.

I'm a fairly relaxed type of person and have accepted the fact that by having twins to look after, jobs around the house can wait, but there are certain things that I need to be able to do so that I feel like I am providing for my family. These include:

Washing my babies clothes.
Washing, changing and dressing my babies.
Making up bottles if I have to go out.
Getting up to my babies anytime of the day or night.

My husband & I get bedroom visits in the middle of the night if the babies are crying while Im getting them ready for a feed. We are perfectly capable of sorting the boys out without turning lights on.

I get food out to cook for dinner, go feed the boys and come out to find dinner started, different to what I wanted to cook.

I could probably go on forever, but wouldnt want to totally bore you guys.

My DH tells her to stop taking over, he is at work all day so doesn't see it as much as I do. I know that she means no harm and is only trying to be helpful....but.....

Has anyone else had these sort of hassles??????

What would you do???? She is here for another 3 weeks.

 

Hi Amanda,
I have no experience with this my MIL won't be here to Feb. But could you tell her what you told us, these are the things I need to do to provide for my family. Could you give her a list of things that she could do and that way if there is a moment where she feels the need to do somethng she could refer to her list? # weeks is an awfully long time for you not to say something to her. May be she thinks that since you have not brought it up and only DH has its not as big of a deal as he is making it. Good luck-keep us posted.
Tracy
1st time mom to Hannah and Jenna 5 months old born 7-12-06

 

I won't even start about my MIL....She came for about 2 weeks when my son was born. I don't know who cried more, me or my newborn! Anyways, not much advice here---there is a REASON that she was not allowed to visit for this birth. You and your husband and beautiful children are #1! No one else should interfere!

 

I might be in the minority but depending on how often she visits I might not say anything. If it's just once a year it might not be worth starting a fight over. These family things tend to escalate out of control and unintentionally offend people (especially over-sensitive MIL's as most of them are!)
If she's the type that will lay on the guilt ("I cook dinner and THIS is the thanks I get? I'll just sit in the corner and eat wet cigarette butts.") It might not be worth it because you'll never hear the end of it. She'll be gone in a couple weeks, but if she gets offended the fallout could go on for years.
Although, if she is the type of person who will not be offended or if these visits are frequent then I would say something. For once a year i could put up with it, but not if she's there alot.

 

i say take advantage of it! It may drive you crazy but you are going to have your hands soooooo full enjoy the chance to relax some. I wish I had taken more advantage of the help I had when I had the chance. After they leave you will have absolutely so rest or down time. ENJOY!!!!

 

We had some of the same problems (the middle of the night thing was particularly annoying. She just got in the way when she showed up in our bedroom -- plus, its my bedroom, for crying out loud). We solved the problem by being very specific. When she visits we now provide a list -- here are some things we need help with, could you please take on these jobs? And we suggested that she not come in during the night so that she would be rested and able to do some of the stuff we were too tired to take on.

Kim

 

That's hard, because if my MIL was doing it I probably would be annoyed. But when my mom was here and doing it, I was forever thankful that I could just take a break!

I think if she was just visiting and will be gone and not visit often, I'd just deal with it. My MIL lives close by so with mine I'd probably eventually have to say something.

 

Can you send her to my house I need some help . Like the PP said take advantage of it b/c soon you will be all alone. I would however lock my bedroom door, can't believe she comes in! I remember my MIL came right after the boys were born for 2 weeks and I was on edge and wanted to be in control but I think it mostly was hormones! Everyone got on my nerves then. Now when she comes back to visit I let her take over and enjoy my break

 

I would accept the help and just suck it up a little bit. I realize she's driving you nuts! Let her cook dinner and do laundry!! I know it's hard, but if it were your own mother, you would probably let her run with it. Concentrate on the babes and just remember you have YEARS of laundry and cooking dinner to worry about.

(I didn't really understand the night visits? She's coming in? THAT I would STOP! I have a tendency to be crabby when woken up...so I would stop her! My Mom was with us for a month and we never saw or heard from her till morning!)

You can do your own laundry later!! Try to look at it as help. Talk to her and tell her it's hard for you to let someone else do this stuff, but that you appreciate her help. "Oh and do you think we could have XYZ made THIS way for dinner one night...the XYZ is upsetting the babies (if you are breastfeeding)."

 

I got midnight visits from my MIL! It's great isn't it? I think you will feel 10x better if you put an end to those. I would start there, see how you feel, then tackle the other stuff if you feel a need. Have your dh talk to her and lock your door if you need to.

 

When my girls were 3 weeks the only help I got was an offer to take my ds over night from my mil, which was more of a hassle bc she refused to accept my dietary guidelines for my ds including his allergy to peanuts, so I got angry and basically told my dh she couldn't see him unless she took the girls too, which she just finally did. I would have loved to have someone clean my house. Maybe you can make a list of all the chores you hate, like washing the dishes and give it to her and post a meal schedule for the week. Explain you are on a budget (even if you aren't) and tell her you shop based on a specific schedule for the week.

 

Send her over here!!! I'll take her off your hands!!



I would LOVE some help.

(sorry this was not what you wanted to hear! you will have the whole rest of their lives to be supermom and do it ALL!!)

 

Geez! Let her help you. You need to focus on getting yourself back on your feet. Maybe you need to set some boundaries. Have her make meals to freeze for after she leaves. There will be plenty more laundry to do over the years. Relax and enjoy the help.