Very frustrated

I feel like I'm going through some sort of frat initiation here as it's literally been hell week. The boys are being sooooo naughty and my thread is wearing thin as is DH's. I've never seen him get so mad before and now it doesn't take him long to lose his cool.

We are using 123 Magic but are not finding that we're getting anywhere with it. It worked for the first few days but now the boys are testing the water. When we count it always ends with 3 and a TO. Some of the things they are doing don't even get counted but an immediate TO if it's severe enough (jumping off the couch while their baby sister is on the floor). I feel like I'm constantly counting and putting someone in TO and it's for the same repeated behavior ... couching jumping, getting on the kitchen table, throwing toys, getting into their sister's swing/chair.

Than when they get into TO it's another fight just to keep them there and for one to leave the other one alone (whether they are both in TO or not).

I just need some ideas or maybe just reassurance that I'm not alone. I feel like I've lost control and my boys are running the house.

Where do you put your LO in for TO? Right now they sit in two corners of a room but they are constantly scooting out, laying down and crawling out, etc. I don't even know the questions I need to ask. I'm just tired. Any help would be appreciated!

 

Be consistent with whatever punishment you use. You are so not alone. I put my girls one on their bed and one on mine if they are both in trouble and if it is just one they sit on the first step going to the upstairs. My girls are 4 and I still get frustrated with them at times and 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 was our toughest time. Now they seem to get it better and just mentioning TO seems to curve the behavior most of the time. Now our huge issue is that they like to hurt each other with their words " you are not my sister anymore" or "you are stupid" that kind of thing just when we get one behavior under control, they come up with something new!! They just fed our little dog an entire box of milk bones in the LIVING ROOM!!


Had to edit because they were dining on milk bones also YUK!!!

 

This is a hard age. I agree with being consistent and tough, no matter what you do. I remember wondering if my now 6 year was somehow innately mean and bad because it seemed like he spent a lot of time in TO for things he knew better than to do. Good luck.

 

oh ugh! do you have high chairs/boosters that you can strap them into? that has worked the best for me. I never did figure out how to get them to actually stay on a certain spot/chair.

I feel like I lose my cool a lot too... but one thing that does seem to work a lot is to praise them and praise some more. I think when it gets bad around here we have just quit praising the good things, and they become ho hum... and then the only extra attention they are getting is when we are ramped up and losing our cool when they are being naugty...

good luck!

 

oh and is there something that they can climb onto, so that they can jump ON TO the couch? maybe that's an "ok" solution... letting them jump and have fun, but only onto the couch, not off of it?? also do you have one of the slide things for outdoors that you can bring indoors for a while? to give them something to do inside?

 

Hang in there. Consistency is key and it will wear the heck out of you. I like one of the pps have laxed on a few rules. You may jump on the bed or couch but not off. You cannot climb on to counters or dressers but may use a stool if you are trying to reach something. All that sort of stuff. The boys are finally to the point, I don't remember the last time I got past counting to 2 and 1 usually suffices. I also note, it was particularly hard when baby came home...I think they were looking for attention so I made a big deal of them helping with baby sister and praising them for playing well together or helping mommy. And giving them special alone mommy time when baby was napping/sleeping so they could feel they had me all to themselves again. That kind of stuff.

 

That's why we never did time outs here... I can't keep both of my kids in time out at the same time. With my kids we give three warnings too and then we find an appropriate consequence (put them in their room, take their toy away, turn off the tv). But really usually they stop right away. My main issue is to get them not to do the same thing again later, which I guess is your problem too, I guess you just have to keep trying until they get it... usually we remove them from the situation after telling them 'you don't jump off the couch' or whatever. At this point the main issue really is that they still don't have much impulse control (at least mine don't).

 

The main thing I find with 123 magic was that it works less well when my husband does it because he has trouble counting/doing TO's AND staying calm (I just mention this because you mentioned your husband losing his cool, which is exactly what happened with mine!) Also, our "time-outs" take place in their room. I would put whoever was misbehaving in their room (they share) until they can calm down and behave. If they came out and misbehaved again, they had to go back in until I told them they could come out. It isn't exactly the recommended "123 Magic" style, but it works for us, mostly because I find WE need a break from them for a few minutes when they're misbehaving. If both boys are being terrible at once (this doesn't happen too often, they generally take turns), I put one in the hall and one in their room. I know my guys are older than your but we did start 123 Magic around 2 1/4. Good luck!

 

We also have trouble with them leaving each other alone during time outs and it's hard to pay attention to one when I'm constantly having to watch the other to make sure he stays in place, so I just bring them to their rooms. Most of the time, they know it's for TO and not to play, but sometimes they play. They still don't repeat the behavior cause they'd rather play with the group and not alone. If anything, it's a place for them to be while I cool off (If it gets that far...).

 

I feel for ya! I am in the same boat with my two boys. I feel like I gave birth to really naughty, defiant chimps! Mine were born the day after yours so maybe it's the age? I am at a loss and feel like I am losing control and my frustration makes me feel like it's damaging my relationship with them. I would love to also hear other stories and get some tips!

 

I also do TO's in their rooms. I don't have enough space in the main part of my house to designate an area as "TO area" without it being a playing area too But something you can consider is using a packnplay for TO, or a chair. I used a chair with my oldest, it sat in the hallway and when he got in trouble, he had to sit on his chair.

 

A few suggestions for you - can you get a small bouncy castle, or trampoline, or some place where they can jump and bounce? That way you can tell them where they "can" do those activities, rather than where they can't do them.

At that age, my DS would stay in TO, but DD would not. I had to put her in the corner of the room and stand next to her with my back to her (so I didn't interact with her). If I didn't stand next to her she immediately would run away (no matter how many times I calmly put her back in TO she would get out again). I found her currency though - she LOVEd to wear skirts at that age and was always wearing one, so if she got up from timeout I would take her skirt off (which she hated), and I think after a few months she learned to stay in to. Since then I have moved TOs to her room, and if she comes out then I close the door and hold it shut (which she doens't like, so she usually stays in her room now for TOs).

and praise, praise, praise. try and catch them doing something right. And, even if they stop jumping for a minute, give lots of hugs and cuddles and positive attention. Or, the other trick I like is to say "if you come jump over this pillow (or whatever item they can jump over) I will give you a big swing around (or whatever else is a big incentive, mine love it when I pick them up and swing them around). and, then praise, praise, praise when they do it !

Good luck!

 

Some books that I have been reading (and there are loads of them by my bed!) are Love and Logic and Positive Discipline. + Discipline states that children under the age of about 3.5 don't have any reasoning skills so TOs don't work. . . They stress redirection and distraction and TOs are more for collection YOURSELF and having them calm down. . . the few times I've tried time out it doesn't work. . . This is really my favorite book thus far. . . although I will enjoy love and logic once the boys understand more about natural and logical consequences. . .
GOOD LUCK

 

Going to reiterate it here too, consistency! I don't use the 1-2-3 Magic with my two who are just 2 months younger than your two. They don't understand when I start counting. They look at me like "What are you talking about, mom!" I do warn but it's just one warning and then straight to TO. They may not understand time out but it's time for them to calm down.

When I do put someone in time out, I keep Super Nanny's advice in my mind. If they get out of time out, put them back. Keep repeating if need be. When 2mins is done, I go back to them and tell them why I put them in time out and then I hug and let them know I love them. I do tell them why I am putting them in TO when they are initially put there.

Another thing: What you are going through right now is normal for their age. They are still young and exploring and testing boundaries. Make sure you have an outlet of some sort for their energy. Soon it will be warming up and you can bet we will be outside running around and I CAN'T WAIT!!!

:hug: to you mama! Just remember, there are other mamas out there that know exactly what you are going through and we sympathize with you.

 

I might be repeating, but wanted to give you encouragement. This age is so hard! I agree with consistency and wanted to add staying calm. There is nothing more satisfying to a toddler than watching their parents (over)react! Once mine have learned that they can't get a rise out of me, acting up is not nearly as fun. Whatever you come up with for discipline, try to stay calm and firmly, consistently enforce whatever boundaries you have laid down. Commiserating with you :hug: