Very dramatic eight year old...

Honestly the title says it all. My eight year old daughter is contantly getting "hurt" (I use hurt very lightly here). She injures herself the way a toddler does when they want a bandaid that miraculously cures their fake injury.

This morning she is getting ready for school and she bumps (or better yet rubs) her back on the hamper in the bathroom. She tells me and I don't say much because I am drying my hair and I saw the whole thing and it wasn't anything that needed a comment. She tells me again and I just say "OK". She looks at me at says in a sassy tone..."Mommy!!". This is because she hasn't gotten the response she wanted. She wants me go over to her and give her lots of attention for this non-existant injurty. It really reminds me of toddler behavior. Sometimes she will carry on for a very long time about the most minor cut, scrape, bump or whatever.

I am struggling with how to handle this. I don't want to make a big deal out of her fake injuries because I don't want to feed this need for attention for an injurty that doesn't deserve it but at the same time I don't want her to think I don't care when she is hurt.

 

I have one like this also. My 9 year old daughter has always been a drama queen. Even very minor injuries are a huge deal & you would swear she was mortally wounded. I struggle with how to act too. I have always found that if I make a big deal out of the minor injuries, it just gets worse over time. I've tried sitting down & talking to her and explaining that if she makes acts this way about very minor things, then I don't know when she is truly hurt or sick. She says she understands, but she still acts the same way. I don't know if she truly just has a very low pain threshold or if she's just really dramatic. Sorry, I don't have any answers, but you aren't alone!

 

Perhaps it's just the smart-mouth in me, but when the kids are being dramatic about something and if it hits me wrong, I'll just look at it and say "oh, looks like we have to chop it off". Usually that jolts them back to reality.

Most of the time, I'll look at it and ask if it's bleeding. When the answer is "no" I give it a kiss and then walk away. I just try not to even get involved in their drama.

Marissa

 

one of our 7 year olds does this, not only with me but with his teacher at school. sometimes i just want to roll my eyes & say "whatever" but i myself am not 7 so i have to restrain my self, haha. i either ignore it or tell him, "if you need me to, i can take you to the doctor for xyz, but you will miss {insert the day's fun activity here} if you are hurt bad enough to need that." usually that takes care of it. and i've been known to tell him (& his twin when needed) if you aren't bleeding & don't need a hospital i don't need to hear about it. i have also called him out on it telling him i know he is fine & that he is only doing it for attention. i told him it needs to stop 7 there are other ways he can get attention other than complaining that his tooth/arm/cheek/eye brows hurt or that he feels "sad" (he says this after his many aching body parts don't get him attention). him realizing i'm not buying his drama has helped & i make sure to give him individual attention in a positive context & attend to his needs when he really is hurt, sick or in need of comfort.

 

Oh, we do the whole lets cut it off routine but it doesn't matter the drama continues. I have also said "if it hurts that bad we can call the doctor.".

She is also dramatic about other things....there was the phase of "my stomach hurts" where I thought possibly she had an ulcer. Then we moved on to "my head hurts"...hard to tell if it is truthful at times as she does get bad headaches every now and again. Currently we are in a "my eye is itchy" phase. She tends to pull these out when she is overtired or getting in trouble for something else.

I have also tried explaining that it is hard for me to tell when she is really hurt if she howls and acts like every minor thing is a big deal. Oh, eight year old girls are so fun!

 

QUOTE(MomofMBA @ Apr 23 2009, 05:52 PM) [snapback]1286255[/snapback]
Oh, we do the whole lets cut it off routine but it doesn't matter the drama continues. I have also said "if it hurts that bad we can call the doctor.".

She is also dramatic about other things....there was the phase of "my stomach hurts" where I thought possibly she had an ulcer. Then we moved on to "my head hurts"...hard to tell if it is truthful at times as she does get bad headaches every now and again. Currently we are in a "my eye is itchy" phase. She tends to pull these out when she is overtired or getting in trouble for something else.

I have also tried explaining that it is hard for me to tell when she is really hurt if she howls and acts like every minor thing is a big deal. Oh, eight year old girls are so fun!


Right now, we are in the "I feel dizzy" phase. We have seen the doctor, had blood tests, nothing seems to actually be wrong & to be honest she doesn't act like she's dizzy, so who knows? So hard to know what to believe, isn't it?

 

our other boy told me one time during a stressful situation that his stomach felt funny. i asked him if it felt like something crawling in it or if it felt like he was going to throw up. he said yes & i told him that that is called feeling anxious & it happens to me sometimes too. i gave him a fruit flavored tums to calm his stomach. well, since then we feel "anxious" all the time, esp. about 10 minutes after lights out. he really likes pepto, tums, & chewable tylenol apparently (or just REALLY needs an excuse to get out of bed) as there is nothing wrong with this child & a pat on the head, sip of water & kiss on the cheek fixes it 99% of the time & he goes off to bed. it makes me smile every time i hear him coming down the stairs, though.

 

I am the one to say things like, "Oh, it's a long way from your heart" or even just "Oh, brother. You wanna give me a break please?" I think you'd have a instinctual reaction and be able to tell if something is really wrong.

 

My dad used to look at the "injury", then pinch us in some other part of our body and ask, "Now does it hurt?" We hated it as kids, but I laugh to think of it now when my boys are "dying" of some sand in their shoes.

 

Oh, I am so there with you! My almost 6 year old, Drew, is so melodramatic about his 'injuries'! Blood, in particular, will really get him going - even just an itty bitty pin drop of it. I usually just tell him he's fine and leave it at that. He also picks his scabs and then freaks out that they are bloody. I have a really hard time with self-inflicted injury drama! Dh always tells him to 'suck it up' and that instruction is surprisingly effective....... Probably not the best parenting strategy, there, but no one's perfect?

I might have to think about doing the 'boy who cried wolf' thing to help him understand that when he is so dramatic about a teeny injury, that I won't know, or know to listen, when he gets a real injury that needs my attention.

 

QUOTE
My dad used to look at the "injury", then pinch us in some other part of our body and ask, "Now does it hurt?" We hated it as kids, but I laugh to think of it now when my boys are "dying" of some sand in their shoes


This one really has me laughing!! :rofl: I can just see the look on my daughters face if I pinched her somewhere else! :cry:

 

My daughter does the same thing. One thing I do that works (most of the time) is turn it around on her. "Oh no! She's hurt really bad, should we take her to the ER. Maybe we should call an ambulance. Oh my poor poor baby. Oh please God don't let her die!" Then I smile and hug and kiss her and tell her to go play. Works great with chores too. One time she was pulling the drama queen act about how she had to work so hard. (I told her to pick up her room) Throw herself to the floor, yelling "I don't want to, why are you so mean to me, you must hate me, etc..." I waited patiently and then when she started asking about dinner I repeated her act from earlier. The other 2 kids came running to see what was wrong too. It was great! Their eyes were real big and I had their full attention. Then I explained that we all have to do things that we don't like to do. Since I don't complain about cooking their meals and washing their clothes, I didn't want to hear them complain about their chores. Every once in a while I will get a small complaint, but all I usually have to do is remind them that I don't like cooking. Good luck!

 

My girls especially are dramatic about cuts/scrapes and the like. They constantly ask for band aids even when there isn't blood. it drives me crazy, to the point where I don't buy band aids anymore. Poor DH cut himself the other day and I didn't have anything to give him. Oh well, I bought more today. Anyway, I usually ask them if it requires a trip to the ER. When they say no, and there's no apparent blood or injury, I usually tell them they will live and to stop being so overly dramatic. I sometimes use the "do we need to cut it off and get you a new one" bit like Marissa too. That usually gets me a 'nice' look from the older ones.

 

I would totally go wayyy overboard every time she is "hurt". Smother her with hugs and kisses, keep her on your lap exclaiming over her injury. Just on and on and on. it won't take long until she's trying to get away from you. A couple of times and she will stop being so dramatic over every scrape. Promise