Venting

I just have to vent a minute, my sister has a 2 month old baby girl who is such an easy baby, she rarely cries, finishes every bottle, and is already sleeping 7p-7a. What have I been hearing all weekend, "it's not that hard, I don't know why you are so exhausted and needing a break, I mean I could handle 2 babies like mine". Now I do not have super fussy babies (thank god we are past the 12 week mark), but they are up at least once a night to eat and need to be rocked to sleep at night. If I hear one more piece of parenting advice from my sister I am going to scream. . . she just has no idea how hard and how much work it is to have twins. Now I wouldn't trade it for the world, I just wish that people would get that having twinfants is 4 times harder than having a singleton!

ARGH!!!

And Merry Christmas!!

 

I feel like that sometimes too. There are quite a few new moms at our church and we have been sporatic visitors since the boys came along. It has been complicated to get them both there (they were on monitors until Thanksgiving) and we've just established a feeding schedule that is working great and I don't want to interupt it every Sunday. I feel like people just don't understand that it isn't the same with just one infant at home as it is with two. I feel doubly blessed and enjoy each day with my boys--it would be much better if others would just be supportive and not judgemental.

 

CLUELESS! Even two easy babies are not the same ballgame, not the same ballpark, not even the same frickin' sport! (To quote Samuel L. Jackson. ) Maybe karma will catch up with her and she'll have twins herself someday... In the meantime, maybe she should spend a day on her own with your twins and see what it's really like!

 

Oh yeah. I had a singleton first, and she was a very easy baby just like your sister's.

My twins are fairly easy, too, but there is NO COMPARISON. Having twins is exponentially harder, not to mention the mom guilt that comes with twins, because it's just impossible to give each baby as much attention as you would with one....

Smile and nod, because I bet your sister's easy kiddo will turn into a hard-headed 3-year-old (mine did, LOL).

 

I know exactly what you mean, except it's my Mother-in-law that does that to me. She even informs me that she is going to come get my boys and keep them for the weekend (which is not going to happen, we've had a few arguments on the subject). They are 8 months old, what makes her think she's going to keep them for the whole weekend--c'mon now. She lives like 50 miles away. People just don't get it, I hate hearing people say "it's not that hard" Unless they have expierenced having twins themselves, they have no clue, and shouldn't judge. Maybe your sister will be blessed with twins someday, then you can laugh and say "oh, it's not that hard, I do it". :laughing:

 

I've had a singleton. And now I have twins. Anyone who says having twins isn't any harder than one is smoking something!

Reyna

 

Let her babysit...that'll teach her! ha!

 

Yes on the Samual Jackson comment. It's NOT the same. Now, these are my first, but - i can tell you that simply going to storytime at the library this week and watching the singleton moms hold their one baby on their lap drove that one home to me yet again. Oh, no, wait, just GETTING to the library:

1) change and dress two cranky teething babies, pop them in their exersaucers and run out the front door (locking it, even though I was only going across the street to the car
2) get 34 lb stroller from back of minivan, pull it up 8 steps onto the porch so no one steals it
3)come back and tell both babies that everythng is fine
4) load one baby into a car seat, put diaper bag on froont porch
5) pick up one baby, take car seat in other hand (having made sure to put key in lock first)
6) lock door, carry both babies down sandy stairs (unswept from our last snow two weeks ago!)
7) put car seat down, strap in baby i am holding (trying to hold in my abs so my back doesn't break), while telling other baby that you'll be right there, and trying not to get angry at squirming baby who doens't WANT to get strapped in
8) repeat step 7 with second baby
9)scan block to make sure there are no pedestrians who might steal stroller with babies in the time it takes to run up the 8 steps, grab diaper bag and put car seat there
10) hang world's heaviest diaper bag from stroller bars.
11) go to library, have to walk two extra blocks to get to the darn ramp
12) squeeze into tiny elevator
13) arrive at storytime just as it is ending but having the librarian say she will do a few more for the babies remaining
14) unstrap both babies from stroller, sit on floor
15) watch as other moms hold thier babies on laps and sing and play, while holding one, and trying to keep one from crossing the room to take the toy out of another baby's mouth
16) put fleece jackets back on two wriggling babies, go down elevator, walk home and repeat process w/car seats, diaper bag and stroller.
17) prepare food and put two wriggling babies in high chairs. Watch them "eat" and wonder how long it will take to sweep up the ground in puffs, pasta, noodle kugel, tofu in soy sauce and other food that has accumulated since you last swept (12 hours ago)


we won't talk about trying to get TWO babies to nap (uh, at the same time so you can, say fold a load of laundry and do the dishes and make more baby food and wash more bottles and take a shower and) and waking to feed TWO babies, Every single night for MONTHS!!

Yeah, right, that's JUST like having a singleton who sleeps 12 hours at 2 months.
AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargggh

Hmm, why don't you send her MY storytime schedule and ask her if she wants to take YOURS out someday?

 

QUOTE(Jordari @ Dec 26 2007, 02:30 AM) [snapback]546280[/snapback]
Yes on the Samual Jackson comment. It's NOT the same. Now, these are my first, but - i can tell you that simply going to storytime at the library this week and watching the singleton moms hold their one baby on their lap drove that one home to me yet again. Oh, no, wait, just GETTING to the library:

1) change and dress two cranky teething babies, pop them in their exersaucers and run out the front door (locking it, even though I was only going across the street to the car
2) get 34 lb stroller from back of minivan, pull it up 8 steps onto the porch so no one steals it
3)come back and tell both babies that everythng is fine
4) load one baby into a car seat, put diaper bag on froont porch
5) pick up one baby, take car seat in other hand (having made sure to put key in lock first)
6) lock door, carry both babies down sandy stairs (unswept from our last snow two weeks ago!)
7) put car seat down, strap in baby i am holding (trying to hold in my abs so my back doesn't break), while telling other baby that you'll be right there, and trying not to get angry at squirming baby who doens't WANT to get strapped in
8) repeat step 7 with second baby
9)scan block to make sure there are no pedestrians who might steal stroller with babies in the time it takes to run up the 8 steps, grab diaper bag and put car seat there
10) hang world's heaviest diaper bag from stroller bars.
11) go to library, have to walk two extra blocks to get to the darn ramp
12) squeeze into tiny elevator
13) arrive at storytime just as it is ending but having the librarian say she will do a few more for the babies remaining
14) unstrap both babies from stroller, sit on floor
15) watch as other moms hold thier babies on laps and sing and play, while holding one, and trying to keep one from crossing the room to take the toy out of another baby's mouth
16) put fleece jackets back on two wriggling babies, go down elevator, walk home and repeat process w/car seats, diaper bag and stroller.
17) prepare food and put two wriggling babies in high chairs. Watch them "eat" and wonder how long it will take to sweep up the ground in puffs, pasta, noodle kugel, tofu in soy sauce and other food that has accumulated since you last swept (12 hours ago)
we won't talk about trying to get TWO babies to nap (uh, at the same time so you can, say fold a load of laundry and do the dishes and make more baby food and wash more bottles and take a shower and) and waking to feed TWO babies, Every single night for MONTHS!!

Yeah, right, that's JUST like having a singleton who sleeps 12 hours at 2 months.
AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargggh

Hmm, why don't you send her MY storytime schedule and ask her if she wants to take YOURS out someday?


:rotflmbo: :rotflmbo: :rotflmbo:

I love the image of you running between porch and stroller and talking to the one who is waiting while wrestling the other into the stroller. That is the best summary of what I do on a daily basis!

I brought the girls to my friend's house last week for a cookie exchange party and friend's SIL (who has one adorable 2 year old) said "Wow that sure is a lot of work.. was it really worth it to come to this party?" It is a lot of work, but its better than staying home with two bored and cranky babies!

To the OP: Let your sister watch just one of your kiddos along with her's and see what she says about how 'easy' it is.

 

QUOTE(mrsfussypants @ Dec 25 2007, 11:41 PM) [snapback]546253[/snapback]
I've had a singleton. And now I have twins. Anyone who says having twins isn't any harder than one is smoking something!


I'll second that! Having twins is insane!

 

My brother has a 4 1/2 month old son and calls us constantly to complain about how hard it is and how much their life has changed and they weren't expecting that. I just look at the phone and wonder why he is calling us, when we have 10 month old twins. Like we don't know that? You just have to laugh sometime because unless you have twins, you can't comprenhend what is involved. Twice the diapers, twice the feedings, etc., etc. But you also get twice the hugs, twice the kisses and twice the love!

Happy Holidays!

 

QUOTE
how much their life has changed and they weren't expecting that.


Were they living under a rock or something? Who on earth expects life to be the same after a baby? :blink:

 

We heard this same thing weekly from our mother-in-law so when the girls were 15 months old we took them to her house for a week so we could go to NYC. We dropped them off at bed time on Friday (an hour away from our house). On Monday morning at 9am we received a call from his mom that she was at our house and the girls were in daycare. She said she was just too wore out from the weekend (and she had my father-in-laws help) and just had to take a nap. She ended up staying at our house for the week and taking them to daycare every day from 9-3pm. We haven't heard any comments since then and they are now 23 months old. When my husband got off the phone his comment was "Sweet Justice".

 

I have one of these friends also. She has a boy who is a year older, active, and challenging so she figures she's a pro. So, I asked her to watch them for 2 hours while I got my hair done. They were 8 months then and cruising. She now frequently remarks on how she doesn't know how I do it and hasn't offered to watch them since.

 

If it is so easy she should be GLAD to be the one to come give you a break. Most of my girlfriends who have one tell me all the time how they think about me when they THINK they are having a bad night with their ONE baby, it is a gratifying feeling. The important thing really is that YOU know what an incredible job you are doing! I know comments like that hurt but try and remember that people can't even begin to imagine what it is like to actually have TWO babies! Keep up the good work momma.

 

QUOTE(Becca34 @ Dec 25 2007, 07:51 AM) [snapback]545910[/snapback]
My twins are fairly easy, too, but there is NO COMPARISON. Having twins is exponentially harder, not to mention the mom guilt that comes with twins, because it's just impossible to give each baby as much attention as you would with one....


off the subject, but i haven't read much about this guilt here. i feel this so intensely! and i'm not someone who easily feels guilty. but i look at my boys and my 5 yo daughter, every day, and worry that none are getting all they need from dh and me. i told one of my mom friends that, and she said 'yeah, and what about you?' i laughed and said 'who is she?' i hope the guilt dissipates as time goes by and the boys need less of me, but i fear it will get worse...

 

QUOTE(KJS @ Dec 26 2007, 10:26 AM) [snapback]546407[/snapback]
You just have to laugh sometime because unless you have twins, you can't comprenhend what is involved. Twice the diapers, twice the feedings, etc., etc. But you also get twice the hugs, twice the kisses and twice the love!

Happy Holidays!

i agree with you. dh and i always tell each other that a sense of humor about this helps a LOT. my friends keep telling me that i make having twins look easy. first, i know my boys are easy babies and i'm lucky in that regard (because my singleton was a difficult child). but at first i was saying 'oh it's not that bad.' then, i realized that i'm very stoic and i that i should be letting them know the truth. so now when people say that, i respond with 'it's not easy at all. it's really hard, but all worth it.'

 

I feel the guilt too! And I only have my twins! My girls go back and forth on neediness etc. and I'm ALWAYS worrying if I am giving them equal attention etc.! It's exhausting sometimes just worrying about it! I think I do a pretty good job, but one of my girls is SO squirmy during changes - she hates to get dressed, changed - anything - and I find that's when my patience runs thin - I've raised my voice to her 3 times now (I've been so praying for patience) and the look on her face when I've done it just kills me! Then I feel I have to make up for it etc. - Then I feel guilty because maybe Carley is feeling left out - uuugghhhh! some days are worse than others - it's mostly what mood I'm in - especially tired. But I go through the guilt too. I even go as far as putting them in different car seat every other ride so they both have a chance to sit in the seat that they can see me etc. - or taking them out of the car - I try to change it so I'm not always taking the same baby out first etc. - I know this probably sounds ridiculous to some - but that's how consious I am of making sure they both feel just as loved as their sister etc. So- you're not alone in the guilt department! I just can't imagine having an older toddler on top it - I might have to go on meds just for the anxiety.....

 

QUOTE(fuchsiagroan @ Dec 26 2007, 11:49 AM) [snapback]546431[/snapback]
Were they living under a rock or something? Who on earth expects life to be the same after a baby? :blink:


:fool: I've never lived under a rock...but I WAS one of those women who was determined to MAKE life stay the same (or at least manageable) after the baby/babies arrived!! I carried on like normal with my first...but after the twins, I realized it's not only inevitable that life change after baby; but it's completely out of my control!!!

QUOTE(tgbmomofthree @ Dec 26 2007, 01:54 PM) [snapback]546563[/snapback]
i agree with you. dh and i always tell each other that a sense of humor about this helps a LOT. my friends keep telling me that i make having twins look easy. first, i know my boys are easy babies and i'm lucky in that regard (because my singleton was a difficult child). but at first i was saying 'oh it's not that bad.' then, i realized that i'm very stoic and i that i should be letting them know the truth. so now when people say that, i respond with 'it's not easy at all. it's really hard, but all worth it.'


I was the same way...the "stoic" type who wanted to look like she was Charles in Charge when it came to my "crew"...who am I fooling??

 

I, too, was super stoic. People ask all the time, 'how do you do it'? and my standard response was a shrug. To friends i would say "um, what CHOICE do I have?" Now i say 'its' wonderful, but sometimes it's really difficult and i occasionally ask myself the same question!

This is the most difficult thing i've ever done by FAR, and i truly believe that if you have not walked in the twin parent mocosins (sp), you have ABSOLUTELY NO FREAKING CLUE!!!!!

 

Oh my goodness! The guilt, I know what you all mean! I sometimes feel like I really wish I had only one baby so that I could give her my all ... then if I had to choose only one of my girls ... I would just die I love them both so much. In all honesty, I know how blessed and lucky I am to have two gorgeous, healthy girls ... who are very difficult babies. They were both "colicky" and had bouts of hours and hours of intense crying every day for months and months. They hated every baby apparatus we had ... bouncers, stroller, car rides, swing ... no good. The ONLY thing that helped was bouncing them on the exercise ball. You should have seen me trying to bounce two floppy newborns on that thing hours and hours while my husband was at work. Now at 5 months they still wake me anywhere from 5 to 20 times at night, they still take mini-naps all day instead of 2 or 3 good long ones and they still are fussy a lot of their awake time.

Recently, I had a conversation with my sister who has 3 kids ... 5, 3, and 6 months. I was really nervous about traveling with the girls and she said that she wished I could "relax and roll with the punches" ... I told her she couldn't possibly understand what our lives were like. I thought, with 3 kids, she may come close to understanding, but she doesn't. When her 2nd was born, her first was in a mother's morning out pgm and now that her 3rd is born the first is in kindergarten and the second in pre-school. So, she has never had 2 babies 24/7 like I do. Also, at least when her 2nd was born, the first could feed himself and walk ... I mean ... come on! If I "relaxed and rolled with the punches" our lives would just go back to the full-out colic unmanageable days. That is my fear anyway.

 

QUOTE(fuchsiagroan @ Dec 26 2007, 09:49 AM) [snapback]546431[/snapback]
Were they living under a rock or something? Who on earth expects life to be the same after a baby? :blink:

Ugh... my husband sometimes! But, I guess that is a different vent/thread!

Yep, two is much different than one! :hug99:

 

My hubby & I just had this conversation this morning. Both babies were crying, our 3 yr-old was wanting more milk, our 7 yr-old was wanting breakfast & all we wanted to do was drink a cup of coffee. Its total insanity in our house 99% of the time! We love our babies and would not change having the twins for ANYTHING!! However, the reality of it is that it would have been easier if we would have had one baby. GOD chose to bless us though & they really are very special to us. Now, with all of that said....having twins is sooooooo much HARDER than having one. Until you have twins you can not even come close to understanding the amount of time they require. Oh, and to take them somewhere...hats off to the moms who do it. I don't even attempt it without someone with me. I did it once and when I finally made it in the restuarant two ladies came up to me and told me that they were watching me unload babies, strollers, bags and thought 'Poor girl, she's been trying to get out of the parking lot for 30 mins. They were right!! It took me that long to get all 4 kids out ofthecar and into the restuarant. CRAZY!!!!

 

QUOTE(Jordari @ Dec 26 2007, 03:31 PM) [snapback]546735[/snapback]
I, too, was super stoic. People ask all the time, 'how do you do it'? and my standard response was a shrug. To friends i would say "um, what CHOICE do I have?" Now i say 'its' wonderful, but sometimes it's really difficult and i occasionally ask myself the same question!

This is the most difficult thing i've ever done by FAR, and i truly believe that if you have not walked in the twin parent mocosins (sp), you have ABSOLUTELY NO FREAKING CLUE!!!!!



Yes people ask me all the time "how do you do it" and my constant reply is "you just DO"

 

Ohhh two is so much harder than one and my twins are pretty good babies most of the time...it is just double the work.

I am getting crap because I am not traveling to 20 million places next Christmas Eve/Day. In laws Eve, dinner at my house for family Day. I am getting, "well we did it when you were kids"....yeah well you didn't have two babies to pack up twenty times a day.

april

 

What people also have to realize is it is not just 2 babies. It is also t he interactions of babies with you and babeis with each other. What one baby does affects the other. I try to keep mine on the same schedule so if one wakes up early, then I have to decide to wake the other one up early and have 2 fussy babies. Or you let the second one sleep then by the time th frist one is ready to go down the second one is up and you have never a moment of both babies down. Or you ahve 2 fussy to hold, feed, comfort all alone. My DH works noon to midnight now, so I even get the fussy evening by myself. With one baby people don't have to worry abotu schedules, but I live by them or Idon't think I could function.

 

QUOTE(TraciF @ Dec 26 2007, 04:06 PM) [snapback]546780[/snapback]
You should have seen me trying to bounce two floppy newborns on that thing hours and hours while my husband was at work.
This had me giggling for the longest time!!! My heart goes out to you; *only* one of my girls was colicky.....just remember, it does end.

I just wanted to add that there are the times when I see moms of singletons watching me with my two and I just know what they are thinking....how does she do it? Especially when I'm holding one, the other is crying and I have to scoop her flat off the floor while not dropping the other. So, I do think some MOS "get it". In fact, could it be possible your sister is feeling a bit jealous that you ARE holding it together, so her making it seem like no big deal helps her deal with it.

Also, it helps when the twins are your first babies as far as not knowing what it's like with just one. So that's what I say all the time when someone asks, "How do you do it?" I say, "I just do and this is all I know, I don't know what it's like any other way." Sometimes that makes it a bit clearer...

 

QUOTE(mhardman @ Dec 27 2007, 12:49 AM) [snapback]547187[/snapback]
With one baby people don't have to worry abotu schedules, but I live by them or Idon't think I could function.


Exactly, that's the "advice" my sister gave me, "don't be so strict on their schedules, if you let them do what they want when they want they won't be fussy" No, actually it's b/c they are out of their usual routine that they are fussy. My scheudle is flexible, but if I didn't have one I would go insane, and right now the babies seem to need it as much as I do!

 

QUOTE(mar66rus2 @ Dec 26 2007, 07:26 PM) [snapback]546914[/snapback]
I am getting, "well we did it when you were kids"....yeah well you didn't have two babies to pack up twenty times a day.

april


guess what my mom said when i told her we wouldn't be home for christmas this year! bear in mind, i live 1000 miles away from them, and also have a 5 year old. she said 'well, we always took you kids to see your grandparents on christmas.' they lived 2 and 8 miles from my grandparents! i told her she was being ridiculous to even try to compare it.

 

I'm so glad that the twins napped at the same time so that I could read this thread today. I usually can't get through a thread that is two pages. No less post back! I feel fortunate that my folks are VERY understanding and often say to us that it is so difficult to have two infants. They've also extended so much help and I never thought I would accept it until now.

I'll never know any different, but to me, this is hard and I don't know how I'm going to get through some days. I just keep trying to keep to our routine or "schedule" and each day gets better. Then there are times that they cry and I cry with them.

I don't think that any mom (esp a new mom) of a singleton can understand the complexity and emotional crisis that is brought on by your two infants both screaming to be: fed, held, changed, burped, rocked, or cuddled, etc. at the same time. There was truly no way to prepare for it and I didn't understand that it would be the hardest part of it all for me until now.

Thank goodness for TS and all you twin moms out there ahead of me proving that I CAN do this. B)

 

Oh, that would drive you crazy! She has one of the world's easiest babies. It's actually unusual for babies to sleep 12 hours straight at 2 months old so your babies are the normal ones.

Dax is a wonderful baby and I could handle two babies like him as well but Dax wouldn't be Dax if he had a twin so there is no comparison between how easy/hard the girls were and how he is.

 

QUOTE(*Sully* @ Dec 27 2007, 03:45 PM) [snapback]547843[/snapback]
I'll never know any different, but to me, this is hard and I don't know how I'm going to get through some days. I just keep trying to keep to our routine or "schedule" and each day gets better. Then there are times that they cry and I cry with them.


It will get easier, we are just starting to turn the corner in the last few days, hang in there! I have done my fair share of crying getting through these first tough months.

 

YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOO RIGHT!!!! I had two singletons before the twins AND it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much easier than the twins. I LOVE them more than anything but one at a time is truly so much easier. NOBODY gets it unless you are a twin mommy.

 

QUOTE(xavier2001 @ Dec 27 2007, 04:26 PM) [snapback]547928[/snapback]
It will get easier, we are just starting to turn the corner in the last few days, hang in there! I have done my fair share of crying getting through these first tough months.


Thank you Mary. I need to hear that. We've had another good morning so far... so good...

 

When we had our twins after almost losing them to TTTS I think I was just so happy that they were alive that I looked past how hard it was and just thought how awesome it was to have 2 healthy babies. I used to convince myself that it wasn't that hard but what did I know? They were my firsts. Now that I actually am experiencing a singleton I see just how hard 2 babies really were. Mason isn't an easy baby - HAS to be held 24/7 or he'll scream his little head off. I'm up about 6 or more times a night with him and so on...
But your right, NO ONE with a singleton baby can even begin to compare to what life is like with 2 its just not even in the same league.