Venting - Rude Comment about TWINS

So, I've begun selectively telling some friends about our twin pregnancy. I told one friend last night and she said "I'm so sorry - I mean, I'm really sorry". What's up with that? I'm used to (and expect) - wow, you're going to have your hands full or something. I mean I'm terrifried of how it will all work given our toddler and taking care of my mom (who has alzheimer's). But, I still think these babies are such great gifts!

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

 

I'm sorry, Stacey!

Trust me, we've all experienced it at one point or another. It gets easier to ignore the comments the longer you've dealt with them, but I honestly think it hurts much worse coming from a friend. Most people mean well, but they don't take a second to think about their comments before they open their mouths. Don't let it get to you too much, and never hesitate to ask for good comebacks (trust me, the ladies here have some good ones!).

Our boys were born five days after their brother's first birthday. It was tough, but it's not impossible! They love each other and I really love watching the three of them grow up together. You'll do great! Just hang in there and take good care of yourself during your pregnancy. :hug:

 

You have the right attitude! They are great gifts- and even through difficult times you will forever be grateful that you have them. I believe some people truly cannot see the great joy and blessing twins are. I am not sure why- fear, doubt, jealousy perhaps? I am sorry that she didn't great the wonderful news with enthusiasm and happiness.
When we found out we were having twins we were also helping to care for a sick MIL with several medical issues and a FIL with dementia. Yes, it was stressful, but seeing how much joy the babies brought to everyone totally outweighed that. Good luck to you and CONGRATS!

 

DH and I got the same comments, ESPECIALLY after we told people it was 2 girls.
Um - after almost 7 years of infertility and miscarrying twins 2 years ago, we could not be more THRILLED with twins and I really have to resist the urge to control my very Irish temper...

 

I don't think I could hold my temper. I had plenty of "double trouble", "hands full" comments, but if someone said that to me, I would just call them on it. I would say "Why are you saying you are sorry? I feel so excited about having twins. We are over the moon about it. For you to say you are sorry for me insinutates that I am in a bad situation. Why you would say that to a pregnant friend is beyond me. If you personally wouldn't want twins, that is your opinion on your life. But I think what you said is just cruel. We are happy. The last thing we need is misplaced pity."

 

I am so sorry :hug:
I had to just ignore so many comments during my pregnancy ~ At first I would let them get to me & they would cause me a little bit of anxiety, then I just decided to ignore all the rude stuff and focus on all the positive comments I was getting too :good:

Congrats on your twin pregnancy - Enjoy it momma!!!!!!

 

Sorry your friend said that to you. You have every right to be upset! That's just plain mean. I know that twins are going to be a handful, but once you get over the shock you start looking forward to having two. I didn't start out wanting two at one time, but now I would be crushed if something were to happen to one or the other.

You hang in there. She probably just projected her feelings onto your situation. She'll be jealous when she sees how cute they are and how happy you guys are! :hug:

 

:grouphug: Thanks for all the positive comments everyone... I'm actually tearing up. (course that could be just the hormones. :ibiggrin: )

BTW - on a completely different topic... does anyone know how I can get my ticker to actually show up? I work in IT, so this is embarassing, but I followed the instructions and copied my link to my ticker and it just shows up as a link. Grrr

 

We actually got that same response a few times, one was from our GP! I couldnt believe it. We found out just after our DS passed away that we were gonna have twins, and so many people were like "Oh nooo, how are you going to deal with that right now??" it was like.. deal with it? How am I going to DEAL with it? what is there to deal with??

I think some people just really don't know how to read other people. We were so excited when we found out it was twins,despite the fact that our DS passed away 3 weeks before. But so many people expected it to throw us over the edge, I even had people ask me if we were going to keep the pregnancy going. I was so disgusted. we just lost our first son at 28 months, and they were asking if we were going to terminate this God given gift??

I totally understand where your coming from. I just told people that we were really excited and that we couldnt wait to meet the babies. Hopefully that shuts them up, if it doesn't and they continue, I just say say "well i guess its a good thing God blessed us instead of you..." normally that does it!

 

:hug: I'm sorry. People do not think before they speak at all. I have gotten so many comments about "double trouble"and yes even the "I'm sorry" comments while out with twins as well. But I also get some really nice comments too.


Once when someone said "better you then me", my response to them was "yes, better me".




QUOTE(Tggrtoes @ Apr 24 2009, 12:17 PM) [snapback]1287038[/snapback]
BTW - on a completely different topic... does anyone know how I can get my ticker to actually show up? I work in IT, so this is embarassing, but I followed the instructions and copied my link to my ticker and it just shows up as a link. Grrr



Did you copy the bb code and insert it into your 'signature' under 'my controls'? That's what you need to do. If you need more help, let me know.


Here are the directions from the FAQ's page in the Community software and questions forum.

QUOTE
Tickers
We do not generate tickers nor supply technical assistance here on their usage, but will allow each signature to have no more than two tickers. The web site where you create your ticker should have instructions on how to use bb code to insert your ticker within your signature. Make sure you select the bbcode option.

 

QUOTE(Tggrtoes @ Apr 24 2009, 12:17 PM) [snapback]1287038[/snapback]
BTW - on a completely different topic... does anyone know how I can get my ticker to actually show up? I work in IT, so this is embarassing, but I followed the instructions and copied my link to my ticker and it just shows up as a link. Grrr


put the [] with img inside infront the link and [/] with img at the end
http://preg.fertilityfriend.com/pregticker/ab1cc/preg.png

 

Sorry your friend was so insensitive. I got all sorts of crap from various family members when we found out we were having twins. Had a couple of those comments been said in person and not over the phone to me, a certain SIL of mine would've ended up with a black eye. As pp say, you learn to ignore it and focus on the positive. I've learned that so many people just dont get it and half the time they dont even want to, not something i should worry about. I just keep thinking of the day i get to bring my lil boys home :wub:

 

QUOTE(Tggrtoes @ Apr 24 2009, 06:35 AM) [snapback]1286780[/snapback]
So, I've begun selectively telling some friends about our twin pregnancy. I told one friend last night and she said "I'm so sorry - I mean, I'm really sorry". What's up with that? I'm used to (and expect) - wow, you're going to have your hands full or something. I mean I'm terrifried of how it will all work given our toddler and taking care of my mom (who has alzheimer's). But, I still think these babies are such great gifts!

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.


Hey hun, I know what you mean... I have a 2 1/2 year old, and lots of family to help, and all the people that find out I'm having twins are like oh my gosh you're going to be so busy, that sucks and all this.. I'm like..wow talk about supportive. Mostly I find it's strangers, so i could care less.. But i DEFINATLY know what you're going through. I just try to remember that we're so LUCKY to be having two little blessings at once!!! they're just jealous!!

 

[SIZE=12pt]Sorry you got a rude comment like that, that is really insensitive :angry:
Congratulations on your double blessing!! [/SIZE]

 

Congratulations on your twin pregnancy! I am sorry that your friend was so insensitive. That was a rude thing for her to say. Focus on the positive and enjoy the pregnancy

 

People really don't think when they speak... I saw a friend of mine yesterday who is 5 weeks from having her singleton and I told her I was excited because I started feeling the babies move last week. She starts laughing and says, oh I am so tired of her moving. I just wanted her to say, yeah, thats exciting... I start thinking about how she is 5 weeks away and I am almost as big as her at 19 weeks and how long it will take before I am not excited about being pregnant and just want them out. It is not encouraging when people say, you will be soooooo uncomfortable!!!

 

I always found the worst comments came from people without kids or with singletons. At least they were the hardest for me to handle. It's really hard for me to take my single friend seriously when she said "How are you going to survive?!" Gee, I don't know. I guess I'll just roll over and curl up in the fetal position 'cause no one EVER survives having two kids at once!

But I've found out that it's like a secret club. We know better. Twins are great! I wouldn't have it any other way and I know many many many other twin moms that have told me the same thing! And I can't tell you how many times I've had people tell me their twins were easier than their singletons. Just the other day the cashier at Target told me her mom had twins and always said they were easier than her other two kids. The best part is when I tell that to people who don't have twins in their family, they look at me like "Yeah, riiiight!" Once people see you with them that tone of pity is replaced by awe.

So don't listen to anyone who doesn't know what they're talking about, k? Yes, double trouble, but more than double the joy if you ask me! Nothing beats two smiling babies in the morning, or two giggling little babies, or FOUR BABY FEET!!!! I mean, how cute is that!? I'm so excited for you! I mean I still can't believe I had twins, but I'm so glad I did! What a blessing!

 

You get either the "I'm so sorry" or the "what a blessing"

I really think the "I'm so sorry" people are jealous... they always wanted twins!
The "what a blessing" people, truley are happy for you and wish you the very best with your double blessing!