VENT

I think I just need a hug right now. My boys have thrush...I suspect I do to....But that's not the real issue. It's dh. He's an accountant so now he is in the busy time for work. He will be working late Monday, Tuesday and Saturdays. Fridays he goes and plays soccer until 9pm(after working all day). Me-I stay home...all day, every day. By myself-with no help-which I know I am not alone.

He calls me to tell me he is leaving work early and coming home for a few hours. I think great! HELP! Yay! I have a lot to do-dishes, boil everything, laundry, eat lunch, pump, etc....He doesn't get home til 1pm-and has to leave by 2pm. He gets home-I ask him to give one baby his medicine-he says he needs to eat lunch. Must be nice eating lunch. Then he tells me maybe next time he should just stay at work. Sure. Go ahead. Then his mom calls and wants to stop by(I am in no shape for visitors right now). I started crying because I saw it was her-he told her it wasn't a good time-slammed the door and left.

Leaves me home alone to cry and cry and cry. Why???? I didn't think he would be like this. He has NO idea what it's like. My boys are GOOD babies. They really are. But I'm tired. I can't get anything done. They are on opposite schedules today. One is up, the other is down. I feel like I will never get rid of the thrush. Ever. And it's only day 1. And how am I supposed to fit in pumping!?!?! I've been at it 15 weeks...It's not getting any easier either.

Now I have a headache and a p'od husband who just doesn't understand.

Thanks for listening if you made it this far...Now for some more kleenex...

P.S. When tax season ends, two weeks later he is going to Vegas for an ENTIRE WEEK(for business) while I am home alone...Must be nice...

 

:hug99: Im so sorry that you are having to deal with all of that! Is there any way your MIL or anyone can watch your boys for a couple hours so you can get out and have some YOU time? I know what you mean about being home ALL day with the babies. I took a day off last weekend and it was extremely revitalizing! Can you talk to your husband about what you are going through and what you are thinking? Sometimes I think men just need a good kick in the pants to realize what is going on, at least mine does. I hope your day gets better! :hug99:

 

HUGS!!!

no real advice, just know that you are not alone and hang in there.

I've never had thrush but know it's no fun. Call your doctor! Oh, and I used to pump all the time with the girls on the bed with me. They used to like the sound and would fall asleep next to me. you could try that!

Oh, and just out of curiousity, what are you boiling? I gave that up except for the initial washes. hot water and soap are just as good and will save you time.

Hang in there.

 

Oh, honey! :hug99: There's never a great time to do this, but it sounds like you might want to put some energy (I know, you don't have any to spare!!) into sitting him down and explaining that these are his kids, too. There is definitely an adjustment periods for Dads, too. It's not as physically exhausting for them, or as hormonal, but they need to change their whole view of the world and themselves, too.

That's not an excuse for him at all! Just a possible reason for his resistance to reality. Tell him that you need help! Raising ONE baby is not a one-person job - raising two at once is a job for a team. And if he can't be the one helping, you need to find some extra $$ and hire it, especially when he's working late and traveling...or could you rope in his Mom?

 

:hug99:

Hang in there sweetie - at least you will have the satisfaction of basically raising your babies by yourself and knowing it will be done correctly. You can be very proud of that!!!! All of our family is 5 hours away so it’s just been DH and me to care of our boys.

Big pat on the back goes out to you – you’re doing a great job!!!

 

Big HUG!!!!! Sometimes daddy's just don't get it until they have an ENTIRE day alone with the babies themselves....and then they need one of those atleast once a month to continue to remember how hard it is!!!

I ditto getting someone to come over and do anything. They can even just hang out while the babies nap and you nap, and handle them for 1hr while you continue sleeping.

WTG on the pumping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

:hug99: just sending you a big hug. Your dh needs to figure out that it is not all about him anymore and that you need some help and he needs daddy time with his babies.

 

DH's are fascinating creatures and every little piece of "acting up" is, in my mind just them trying to "act out". I think that just when we think they are being insensitive unappreciative moroons they are in fact being very sensitive - only to their own plight, not ours. They are men, they need taking care of and here come these babies that we fuss over and care for and oh my, what is he to do to get noticed? I figure they are like children and any attention, even bad, is better to them than no attention.

When mine were first born my dh would think of any reason in the book to get out to run an errand or something and when we talked about it he explained that he just felt like he had no control over anything but that DECIDING to go run an errand (the groc. is just across the street ) even though a little thing made him feel a bit more in control. Here I was mad at him and really he needed me to just understand how he was feeling.

Your DH definitly needs to respect and appreciate you but sometimes I think we need to make sure we are listening to what they are trying to say because lets face it...they can be babies too!!!

Just my opinion

Oh, and big hugs to you. I only lasted four weeks bfing so I think you are an amazing woman already!!!

Amy

 

:hug99: I hope it gets better soon.

 

QUOTE(Zabeta @ Feb 1 2008, 07:18 PM) [snapback]600854[/snapback]
Oh, honey! :hug99: There's never a great time to do this, but it sounds like you might want to put some energy (I know, you don't have any to spare!!) into sitting him down and explaining that these are his kids, too. There is definitely an adjustment periods for Dads, too. It's not as physically exhausting for them, or as hormonal, but they need to change their whole view of the world and themselves, too.

That's not an excuse for him at all! Just a possible reason for his resistance to reality. Tell him that you need help! Raising ONE baby is not a one-person job - raising two at once is a job for a team. And if he can't be the one helping, you need to find some extra $$ and hire it, especially when he's working late and traveling...or could you rope in his Mom?


Just ditto to this. You need to explain to him how much his help is needed, and how it's not a choice. They are both of your children, and YOU aren't allowed to get upset and storm out, so why should he be able to? Next time, you should try leaving first!

Sending you tons of hugs! It will get better!

 

I am sorry-I hope things get better for you.

 

QUOTE(caba @ Feb 1 2008, 04:14 PM) [snapback]601095[/snapback]
Just ditto to this. You need to explain to him how much his help is needed, and how it's not a choice. They are both of your children, and YOU aren't allowed to get upset and storm out, so why should he be able to? Next time, you should try leaving first!

Sending you tons of hugs! It will get better!


He needs to understand that he is a parent,too! Especially knowing he is gone so much right now, it makes the times that he is home that much more important.

I know you said he's working on Saturdays, how about Sundays.....maybe Sunday should be all about you, you get to go out even for an hour by yourself! I wish I was closer to you so I could come over and give you a break!

Sit him down and talk to him about how you are feeling. See if his mom can help for an hour or so, just so you can get a shower in.

:hug99:

 

ugghh.....hang in there! :hug99: I hope things get better soon! I know it's not easy!

 

You definitely needs some big hugs right now. That is a crappy situation for sure. Hopefully when you're both calm you can explain your needs and wants, and he'll grow up and oblige. In the meantime, come and vent anytime. I sure hope you're feeling better soon!

reyna

 

Oh, sister, been there! Nothing to add but a ditto, and yes, you need to sit him down and explain that things are NO LONGER THE SAME now that there are TWO babies in the house. How old are yours, by the way?

Being a SAHTM (stay at home twin mom, i just made that up i think) is the most difficult thign i have EVER done. I finally explained (read: shouted) to my Dh that what he does all day is a freaking VACATION compared to waht I do.

But - men don't get it. They are babies. they are used to being fussed over (by their mothers, so moms of sons, take note! LOL).....and the truth is, it's a much different adjustment for them. We carried these babies in our bodies, they are part of us in a way taht is distinct from the way they are part of their fathers.

That said - there is NO REASON for you to be doing all of this stuff alone. And yes, most men don't get it til they have to ahndle it. But - i'm sory to say that it took months of my DH and i trying to work somethig out. And now - he takes them for a long walk on the weekends or to run and errand or something so i have a few hours to myself (of course i'm usually cleaning the hosue or doing more laundry or somethinhg but - i really try to get out and have a few mnutes to myself. It is incredibly important, otherwise you just get endlessly drained and lost.

And, uh, this business of just being able to storm out = well THAT has to end! You know him best; for some men it's a quiet conversation, some don't get it until you lose it, sometimes it's a combo of both. And yes, it is an ongoing deal. But - you have to stop holding back. He needs to understand what it is like to be taking care of two human beings all day long. The most difficult - and most important - job in the world.

I am happy to say that it took a lot for my DH and i to get to a place where we at least are clear about who's doing what. And he knows, and SAYS that he could NEVER do waht I do. And i still do more than he does, but he does a lot.

So - hang in there, figure out the best way to talk to him, and YES, see what other resources there are for even an hour here or there. I found that just having another adult around made a huge diferenc,e even for an hour or two.

Hugs and good luck!

 

Awwww Sweetheart!! I send you many hugs :hug99: I think after he gets back from a nice break in Vegas you should have one too!! Make him spend a few hours alone with the boys. He can do it!! Make him. Tell him you gotta go and just go. I know it's hard because you're not sure he can really do it on his own but he'll manage.

That's got to be so hard on you for him to think you can do this alone. I don't know what these men think!!!! I have to nudge my dh sometimes. Today I told him I had to go to the store (grocery) by myself. He really didn't want to but I said sorry. He calls me 1 hour later asking me what I'm doing...what do you think I'm doing!!!??? LOL

Hang in there hun. He can only learn to help take care of them if he is forced to. Otherwise, he will never have to because you will always be there to do it. Get some time out alone now, when he gets back. Trust me, it will be good for all of you.

I hope you have a little help while he's gone. Take care!!

 

:hug99:

 

Oh honey, sending you BIG hugs! I was SO there when my twins were about that age. DH just didn't understand (or want to accept) that things had changed (AKA we had two babies in the house) which meant that our way of living had to change as well. Finding the balance between the two of you and how you split up the responsibilites takes time! But you need to explain to him that you really do need his help in this all--meaning his love, his support, etc etc. I think men have this way of feeling like they are off taking care of the family and providing while our role is to take care of things inside the home. Okay...that may have been how it was back in the day, but things have changed. Search for ways to (and times) where he can take on some of those reponsibilies. I made my DH responsible for the gorcery shopping, picking up the formula/diapers/wipes, etc. I know that is going to be harded with tax season coming, but just because he is busy at work, it doesn't mean that the jobs at home go away either. Hang in there It will get better....it takes them time to grow into that role. My DH is a wonderful father--caretaker, provider, etc. but I couldn't always say that (at least not in the early days). Sending you oodles of hugs!!!

 

big hugs! i'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. my dh and i just started couples counseling because we were having so many arguments. it's so hard being exausted, worried about money, resentful, etc.- esp. after trying for so long to have babies. i'm glad my dh is so great with our girls and open to the therapy to help our communication. i think communicating is the key. i hope your dh will listen to you and that things get better soon!

 

Lots and lots of hugs coming your way!! I dont have a DH but i do know how to it feels to be taking care of them alone, and not have any help while having to deal with sick kids, laundry, dishes.....etc etc. Just keep in mind you will figure out your own routine eventually and things wont be quite as hectic! It really does get better i promise. If you ever need anyone to talk to or vent too im here for ya!!! Like i said i understand far to well on what its like taking care of them on your own with no help. Being a single mom has alot of hardships with it, and i think just being alone is the biggest part of it!! Feel free to pm me anytime ya wanna vent~im always willing to listen

 

Meg, :hug99: first, they will never understand how hard it is til you leave them in the same situation you are in. So my suggestion is, put him in your shoes soon. Start making yourself some plans for the night or for a night away. And he will have to make due with what you have left for bm and what he has for formula for them. I am so sorry you are feeling down and he let you down. :hug99: I think being a mom is hard enough and being a mom of twins is doubly as hard.

I hope your day is better today. :hug99:

 

:hug99:
Sending you hugs. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Your DH does need to realize that it is not all about him. Even though this is the busy season for him at work, you are working just as hard; if not harder. I hope that you will be able to talk to him about how you are feeling and perhaps you can get your MIL to watch the boys for you for a couple of hours while you take some time to yourself.

Hang in there. I'm praying for you!