Vent

I am going crazy! Seriously! I have always wanted a family, one baby at a time, but we were blessed with twins! I love them with all of my heart, but I am going crazy trying to care for them myself. My husband took on more responsibility at work, and now when he gets home he gets on his computer, to do more work. He stayed at home to work from home today (his bosses idea- although he just called him all day), and he's been on the computer since 9am, and it's 4:30am! He has spent about a total of ten minutes with our kids today or should I say yesterday! I just want to pull my hair out and scream and run away - from everything! I know I could not do this, I love my kids too much, and I know my husband needs my support, after all he is supporting our family (although he didn't get a raise with all this new responsibility, not even a title change). It's just hard, we are trying to sell our house, and I feel like I do EVERYTHING, and not so much as get any communication out of him. Sometimes I just wish that we didn't have our twins, and I could just be a work a holic like him. Family is VERY IMPORTANT to me. I really don't care if we were living in a trailer or a shack or something, as long as BOTH PARENTS were there for their kids. It breaks my heart when my daughter sees her daddy, and then he rushes back to his computer in the bedroom, and she cries and cries, and I am the one who has to comfort her. I don't know, I think I could make this very LONG. I am getting frustrated with it all, I don't want to feel like a single mother anymore, and I think it is taking it's toll out on my marriage, and it has only been going on for like a month, and he says it will be going on for a couple of months (probably longer). I don't know if I can handle it. Am I the only one who feels like this? I feel like I am the worlds worst mother, I get so frustrated w/ my kids because I NEVER get a break!

 

:hug: I feel the same way most of the time. DH trains for triathlons when he is in town so he is always gone doing something fun. We had to sit down and have a long talk about it. I can't honestly say it has made things better, but it helped me to be able to express how I was feeling. Of course, he got sent on a 4 month deployment after that and I really am a "single" parent now. Sometimes I think its easier when he is away b/c I don't have as much laundry or cooking to do. Anyway, you are not alone in how you are feeling. Def. talk to him about it.

 

My dh works long hours and even when he does get home at 5 pm the phone rings the moment he walks through the door. He is away about 1/3 of the time, with travelling for work. It is hard work and the days seem so long sometimes. Today I feel frustrated that at least my dh gets peer review or praise from his boss or co-workers, etc. I only get feed-back from him and most times he is sarcasticly funny... but still sarcastic. I'd like to get some praise every once in a while.

Heather

 

:hug: :hug: I'm so sorry. It is hard having twins and then to do it alone makes it even more frustrating. I would talk to your husband and let him know that you all NEED him in your lives. :hug: I know work is important and everyone needs money but he shouldn't be working that many hours. It is not fair to you or the kids. I hope something changes and you all get some time together (and you get a break, I'd be going crazy too without one!!)

 

Big :hug: in your shoes I would be very frustrated. I get frustrated and stressed with the kids and that is with my DH around to give me a break! I agree with the other posters, I would sit down with him and have a talk about how you are feeling. He may have to start setting some boundaries with work, he cannot continue to work all those crazy hours especially since he is not getting a raise or paid overtime for it. :hug:

 

You need to schedule in some "me" time. Do you have a sitter? Can you arrange for one at least once a week for a couple of hours so you can get a break? Do you and your DH split up the weekends so you can get a little break? :hug:

 

My husband is a great father, he does give me time to myself, but I haven't had me time in about a month since he took on all these crazy hours. Our family time is going to the library. I need communication. I can't get that, I try talking to him, he doesn't listen.

 

I agree with the "me" time. Do you have family around that can watch your little ones for a few hours or a good friend whom you trust? Or can you find someone who can come for a few hours once or twice a week so you can outside and just breathe without worrying about anybody but yourself?

I'm sorry you're going through this, and I hope things get better soon for you

 

I'm sorry you feel this way. But I also think you're discounting the single moms out there that do all of the things that you're doing along with work in order to keep their families in a house, with food on the table, etc.

I do think that you and your husband need to sit down one night after the kids are in bed and you need to express how frustrated you are.

 

In no means am I trying to say something about single moms. They are my heros, because I can't do it. I couldn't imagine working full time, AND taking care of the twins when I get home. I just really need my husband, and I really need our family.

Thanks everyone for listening to me. I hope it gets better for us, I am sure it will, it's just extremely hard when you are used to the help and it all goes down the drain.

 

I know sometimes it seems harder when dh is home because the routine is different. :hug: It is hard when the other parent is there, but isn't really. I hope the two of you can work it out. It is hard having twins. I agree with the pp's when they say you need to take some time away from the kids. Babysitter, relative... good luck! Give yourself permission to take a break!!!! Plan a nice romantic dinner.

eta: You are at a hard age to have two. Teething & probably very mobile... so you probably don't get too much time alone.

 

it is very hard to handle the twins and have a sane life... my husband travels for work sometimes, and even if he's in town sometimes he gets home too late to help. one thing I will say is that it gets especially hard for me the week or so before my period... not sure if you get the same way or not... but I totally PMS!! and with two whiney ones its hard not to PMS... Like the others said, I hope you are able to get some Me time too.

keep your chin up and I hope that everything settles into a more relaxed routine for all of you soon!

 

:grouphug: I am so sorry you are having such a terribly tough time. I've had my share of challenging times, and I can imagine you are just exhausted. I hope you can find some respite to enjoy *something* just for YOU! We're here for you if you need us.