Vent ... Brewing for some time now(extremely long)

So most of this discussion deals with my eldest and I had almost let it go...and then my "friend" had to bring it up again last night...

The weekend of our anniversary my inlaws paid for us to go away and were also generous enough to watch the girls and because my MIL sometimes gets a little stressed out about Cailie's ADHD (and because there is some favortisim, because Cailie is not biologically their grandaughter)we made arrangements for Cailie to stay with my neighbor(who has 4 children), friend and her best friend's house(btw my mother was also out of town, so unavailable) on the Sunday night so she could also go to school. We were on strict instructions not to call and enjoy ourselves( but ofcourse we called every morning, noon and night). We did not call my friend Sunday night because we thought Cailie would be ok so Monday morning at breakfast I called after Cailie got on the bus as to not disrupt her schedule, and the conversation started off with "I didnt want to bother you but last night I made dinner and it included corn..." (I knew any words to follow would not be good Cailie has a hatred and disgust towards all veggies)she continued with Cailie told me she did not like corn but instead of calling you I insisted she eat the corn because(IHO)who doesnt like corn?". I said well Cailie doesnt eat any vegetables she then proceeded to tell me she shoved a few kernels in her mouth(who does that?) and Cailie threw up all over the table. So after the vomiting Cailie yells at her for making her throw up and my friend said she had her 15 mo. old in one arm and guided Cailie to the bedroom with the other to the back of the neck for the night.So after having a few hours to stew over this before Cailie got home from school I was pretty annoyed. Cailie comes in and tells me about her day and then proceeds to tell me how Ms.Melanie choked her and because my daughter is not really a flat out liar I asked what she meant she said that my friend had picked her up and (demonstrating) with both hands wrapped her neck and carried her off to the bedroom. So we decided that she was not allowed to go over their anymore because my friend was denying it and did not want to put her in that situation.

So last night while at the grocery store with Melanie because she needed to get a few things for her kids lunches (no car, doesn't drive and jerk husband). She tells me that I should really make Cailie eat all things even if that includes putting it in her mouth and her gagging she will learn to like it, and because that is what worked for her kids...so with steam coming from my ears calmly said well Melanie thats where you and I are different I would rather my child eat something than throw up her food entirely.

If you have made it this far...

So the reason I am boring you with my vent is to get your opinions she is now practically begging to watch the twins(she even went out and purchased a swing), should I really feel comfortable with that? Would you?

 

So most of this discussion deals with my eldest and I had almost let it go...and then my "friend" had to bring it up again last night...

The weekend of our anniversary my inlaws paid for us to go away and were also generous enough to watch the girls and because my MIL sometimes gets a little stressed out about Cailie's ADHD (and because there is some favortisim, because Cailie is not biologically their grandaughter)we made arrangements for Cailie to stay with my neighbor(who has 4 children), friend and her best friend's house(btw my mother was also out of town, so unavailable) on the Sunday night so she could also go to school. We were on strict instructions not to call and enjoy ourselves( but ofcourse we called every morning, noon and night). We did not call my friend Sunday night because we thought Cailie would be ok so Monday morning at breakfast I called after Cailie got on the bus as to not disrupt her schedule, and the conversation started off with "I didnt want to bother you but last night I made dinner and it included corn..." (I knew any words to follow would not be good Cailie has a hatred and disgust towards all veggies)she continued with Cailie told me she did not like corn but instead of calling you I insisted she eat the corn because(IHO)who doesnt like corn?". I said well Cailie doesnt eat any vegetables she then proceeded to tell me she shoved a few kernels in her mouth(who does that?) and Cailie threw up all over the table. So after the vomiting Cailie yells at her for making her throw up and my friend said she had her 15 mo. old in one arm and guided Cailie to the bedroom with the other to the back of the neck for the night.So after having a few hours to stew over this before Cailie got home from school I was pretty annoyed. Cailie comes in and tells me about her day and then proceeds to tell me how Ms.Melanie choked her and because my daughter is not really a flat out liar I asked what she meant she said that my friend had picked her up and (demonstrating) with both hands wrapped her neck and carried her off to the bedroom. So we decided that she was not allowed to go over their anymore because my friend was denying it and did not want to put her in that situation.

So last night while at the grocery store with Melanie because she needed to get a few things for her kids lunches (no car, doesn't drive and jerk husband). She tells me that I should really make Cailie eat all things even if that includes putting it in her mouth and her gagging she will learn to like it, and because that is what worked for her kids...so with steam coming from my ears calmly said well Melanie thats where you and I are different I would rather my child eat something than throw up her food entirely.

If you have made it this far...

So the reason I am boring you with my vent is to get your opinions she is now practically begging to watch the twins(she even went out and purchased a swing), should I really feel comfortable with that? Would you?

 

My short answer is....ABSOULTELY NO WAY would I let her watch ANY of my kids, period. That is unacceptable.

 

Thank you, that is what I thought but I am such a non confrontational person I keep making excuses when we plan to go out and she knows about it...and everyday I hear from her when are you gonna let me watch the twins...How should I go about saying NO? (and btw she comes over atleast 5 times a day at all hours for a "baby fix")

 

I'd be way too afraid that someone whose solution to a child not liking vegetables is to physically force it into their mouths and gag them, would "solve" a baby's fussiness with shaking.

No. Freaking. Way.

ETA: As to telling her no, I think I'd say that I just wouldn't feel comfortable imposing on her like that. And that's the gospel.

And furthermore, I don't think I'd let Callie go over there anymore either. If she wants to play with her friend, I'd have them do it at my house. Were it me.

 

Definatly... we do not let her go over there to play we have always had her friend here since the incident.

 

I don't think I'd let her go there any more, although I can't imagine you'd be able to get her through the door after what happened.
When I was about 4 my parents left me with an older Italian couple (from Italy) on our street and they tried to feed me tripe. Of course, I didn't want to eat it and they shoved it in my mouth and I gagged on it. Well, I ran out of the house and back to my house so fast and was banging on the door to my father to let me in. I never forgot how I felt when they did that to me, I gag just thinking about it and it was over 25 years ago it's one of my worst childhood memories.

 

not that this is funny in any way but I guess now I will have to here the ...and then Ms. Melanie choked me comment forever. What is really interesting is the look she gets when Cailie said it to her face and she says now Cailie I didnt choke you...

 

OMG!!! Makes you wonder how she disciplines her own kids or what happens on days when she's short on patience!!

 

My oldest has very severe ADHD, so I have an idea of what you are going through. Because of that, I am VERY careful of who takes care of him, since it is very easy to not understand and empathize with kids like that. Gracious, I am his Mom and I still lose my patience!

That said, what your friend did was totally out of line. She obviously does not know how to work with kids like that, and should not be disciplining your kids like that. ADHD kids require a different way of disciplining, and she does not seem to get that.

As far as the others, I just would not let her watch any of them. It isn't worth you worrying about their well-being. I think you also should discuss whether or not you are going to be disciplining eachothers kids. Maybe sit down and discuss some ground rules. I personally don't think she is qualified to discipline your kids.

BTW, my kids hate corn!

 

NO! Definately not! If that is what she considers to be acceptable discipline for a 6 yr old not eating a few bites of corn - what about when the twins frustrate her? There may not be an "easy" way to get out of it - you will probably have to lay it one the line with her at some point. Sounds like your gut is telling you that she really did choke your DD1, not "just" shove corn in her mouth & make her vomit. The twins won't be able to tell you what goes on there...

 

I wouldn't let her watch any of my kids. I would be upset that she wouldn't just let the corn thing go. What's the big deal it's not her kid and it was for one night.

 

I would ask her what foods she does not care for and then proceed to pin her down on the ground and shove that very food into her mouth until she throws up all over herself, ask her how THAT felt and and walk away. Sorry, but that gets me sooooo fired up.

I'm sure it's pretty obvious what my vote would be

 

Thanks everyone...I really appriciate all of your advice and comments. Believe me they are well taken and my firm decision has been made.

 

quote:
Originally posted by becky5
My short answer is....ABSOULTELY NO WAY would I let her watch ANY of my kids, period. That is unacceptable


This is exactly what I was thinking. She does not sound very loving, especially to a friend's child. To tell you the truth I'm not even sure I could still be friends with someone that did that to one of my children.

 

I definitely think your parenting style and her's don't mesh and she probably should not be watching your children. It will only strain your relationship.

While I do agree with her that Cailie probably shouldn't be just allowed to just not eat vegetables every day, her method of dealing with the problem was definitely not the best solution.

 

Not only would I not let her watch your kids...and I would end this friendship ASAP! Anyone who would shove food in a childs mouth to the point of making them vomit is no friend to you, and not safe around children. Whether she choked your daughter or grabbed her by the neck...either way...psycho!! Stay away from this woman.

 

Here are a few things I guess I should have explained in more detail:

When I said "friend" in my opening statement I guess I should have said previous friend current pest(who comes over numerous times throughout the day unannounced) who has a daughter who happens to be my daughters closest friend...

I also did not eat vegetables as a child and grew into loving them and now I will eat almost every vegetable with the exception of onions and mushrooms. With Cailie's medication we are lucky if she is hungry at all let alone eat something she does not like so if she wants chicken and rice, chicken nuggets and mashed potatos or beef tips and egg noodles that is what she will get it is only she and I(+the twins) in the evenings and so I pretty much work around her appetite (I dont cater to her every whim but at this time her doctor is most concerned with her putting on weight). She also gets a daily vitamin and Pediasure, to balance out her nutritional intake.

Thanks again everyone!I appriciate you all so much and being able to come here with my thoughts and problems.