Vent and anxiety back

Hi all, not sure what I'm looking for here, but I guess mainly a place to vent my feelings

I have 9 wk old twins. I have so much to be thankful for. They were born at 38 weeks at great weights, no NICU time and have had no health problems. I have been able to successfully breastfeed with no supplementation needed except the first two weeks. I have a lot of help at home, especially my mom who is living with us for 3 months, so I am getting pretty good sleep and not too sleep deprived

I hit a low point yesterday. DH's BIL who was in from out of town for business came by to meet the twins in the early evening. DS who is usually my champion nurser threw tantrum during feeding which he's never done before and I ended up having to take him in the nursery for an hour by myself to calm him down. I felt so sad and just cried. I am sad we can't have a visitor over without a kid fussing, and I couldn't even visit with the BIL. I really feel like I don't want any visitors over because I end up so nervous one of the kids will get overstimulated and fussy and not be able to nap. I'm also insanely jealous of two friends with singletons that are week older than mine - posting on facebook about road trips with the baby and nights out to concerts while DH takes care of the baby. i just don't see this in my future anytime soon.

I also have had mild anxiety problems my whole life. I've only taken meds once when I was super anxious during fertility treatments. I think it is GAD - generalized anxiety disorder The anxiety was mainly due to work issues, during stressful situations. I usually end up worrying myself almost sick when I would have problems at work - I usually have terrible time sleeping when there was something to worry about and I'd lie in bed worrying at night. when it is really bad I've lost weight from worrying so much. Well my anxiety has slowing been creeping back and last night when I had the chance to get some sleep all I could do was worry myself to death about how I'm going to take care of these two twins solo (DH works during the week) when my mom and all the help is gone mid July. She and I have a hard enough time in the day getting them to nap with one person taking each kid. Its a month away and I'm already worrying myself crazy, which unfortunately is usually what I've done before in the past.

Also my kids are still waking every 3-4 hours at night. DD is a poor sleeper and makes noises all night. DS was doing good - going from 8 - 2 most nights but we tried a dream feed three nights this week and it didn't really work so we dropped it last night and he was back to one 4 hour stretch :-(

I know everyone keeps saying it gets better but I honestly can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't see how they will sleep longer at night, especially as DD has made very little progress from birth in dropping a feeding.

Sorry, I guess I'm just looking for a place to vent.

 

First, totally don't worry about not wanting visitors at the moment and not having time to spend with people. Newborn twins suck up all your time and attention and that's ok right now.

I also had weird feelings of jealousy toward singleton moms. That is normal, and it's important to recognize those feelings and deal with them. It is hard, and it's hard to accept that there are things that you won't be able to accomplish because you have twins. But in a couple of years, you'll feel like supermom when you're handily managing two toddlers and your friends are struggling with their second newborn and one toddler. You'll be the one getting out all the time! This is one thing that I can say definitely gets easier.

As for the anxiety: get thee to a doctor or public health nurse or whoever you need to right now and get evaluated. Get on meds if you have to, get more rest if you need to, do whatever it takes to help manage the anxiety. All the hormonal changes and sleep deprivation you're going through, as well as the hard work of breastfeeding and managing baby twins will contribute to that, and it may even be PPD. Whatever the case, you will enjoy the first year so. much. more. if you don't have to cope with those feelings.

If your mom is leaving in the middle of July, you can take advantage of nice weather and get out for walks, get some sun, let the babies enjoy being outside. I'd suggest getting confident with getting the kids out and about while your mom is still with you. Also, talk to your husband about how you're feeling and figure out if you can afford some help a few times a week or how he can help out in different ways to give you a break. And if visitors make you anxious right now have your husband help manage that. Have a good discussion about how things are going to work when your mom is gone; who is going to do dishes, laundry, cooking, how are night feedings going to work. The more communication you have at this point the better off you're going to be and hopefully it alleviates some of your concerns.

I had anxiety the first year that went unrecognized and untreated and I was miserable. I didn't set up support networks, I didn't talk to my husband about how I was feeling because I thought it was normal and I thought I had to be supermom. I didn't get on medications because I put breastfeeding above all else (even after I developed an abcess from untreated mastitis). I didn't get enough sleep because I was anxious all the time, and then I was anxious all the time because I didn't get enough sleep. Basically, I was a mess and I didn't enjoy all the things that I should have.

If venting helps you and you feel better doing that, then vent away. But do also bring all of this up with your doctor or whoever and get an outside opinion on whether your feelings might be related to PPD or post partum anxiety so you can get treatment if you need to. And most importantly, remember that :youcandoit:

 

:hug: hang in there... I know everyone says it gets easier, and to tell you the truth if someone says that to me one more time I will scream lol I'm just kidding, I've said it myself... I guess in a lot of ways you get used to managing life with twins, so you become used to it, and it's not so hard as it was a month ago.

Jen has given you some great advice and I just want to add something I thought of to tell you in your last post: if possible get your mum to make some frozen dinners before she goes, it will be a godsend for when you first start to adjust to her not being around.

Try not to worry about the babies not sleeping through yet, they're still very little and I found with one of mine she slept great at night sometimes 8 hours or more as a newborn, then went to 4 hourly feeds then lengthened it to sleeping through around 12 weeks, so hang in there.. 4 hourly's good.. If possible try to synch their feeds as much as possible. And dream feeds never really worked for our babies either, just go with the flow and when they start nearing 4 months, then look at what you can do to help them sleep through if they aren't already!

Looking back I remember being overwhelmed wondering how the hell I was going to do this and here I am and honestly the time has flown and it feels like a blur to me. I have also only recently got myself paid help a couple of hours per week and I wish I had done it sooner, it is so worth it!

:hug: please take care of yourself, you will be okay, you'll get through it! I remember carrying both the babies down the stairs and feeling like super mum!

 

Great advice from Tas and Jen, I say follow all of it It will never be EASY but it will get easier, if that makes any sense. If it makes you feel any better, people tell me all time 'oh you must be supermom!' but secretly I feel like a crazy chicken with it's head cut off. My only three goals for the day are: get outside, make dinner, and throw in a load of laundry if possible. Everything else has gone to the wind and my house is filthy, the sheets are unchanged, and lots of times we end up eating dinner at 10 pm. Some advice I wish I would take from myself is: a) get into a routine that involves getting out for a walk every day, and some down time for you. b) cook dinner EARLY in the day c)GO OUT BY YOURSELF, even if you are exhausted, and even if it's just to target and d)if you see an opportunity for a nap, take it! Oh and I'm also jealous of people who have singletons.