Vent about a comment I got today

I ran into an acquaintence today at the grocery store. She asked when I was due, etc. I told her that I would be having a c-section on April 27th and she said "Oh, well isn't that the American way". I told her that I wish I didn't have to have one, but that since I had one last time and had another abdominal surgery this past fall that my OB felt it was the best thing to do. To which she said "oh well that will be convenient for you". I was kind of annoyed b/c I felt like she was criticizing me for having a cesarean and suggesting that I was doing it for convenience and scheduling reasons! Trust me, the last thing I would do is request a c-section (I had such a miserable experience last time) and the recovery was ANYTHING but convenient. I know I shouldn't be offended, but I guess my feelings were a little hurt and I felt like she was saying that I'm a bad mom . Anyway, I think I'm getting hormonal

 

Offended? No. I wouldnt waste being offended on an ignorant comment like that. You did what YOU and your DR thought was the best for you and your babies. Dont think twice about it!

 

Sorry to hear about that inconsiderate comment. There was just an article in the recent Parent's magazine about how c-sections are more prevelent now because of 'scheduling' wants. I think that if I were to do it again, I'd try for a vaginal delivery, but.. with your history you are definitely going the correct way! It is none of their business anyway! As Michelle Tanner would have said: "How Ruude!"

 

Unfortunately, it is becoming more common (think of how many posts we have here by mommies to be wanting to schedule c-sections without any medical need) but it makes me soo angry when people assume they know the reasons behind everything when in actuality they know nothing about it. Don't let her get to you!

 

I would have been offended too! That was a really inconsiderate and ignorant comment. I don't care how many articles she's read or how many times she's heard it said on The View or Oprah, it doesn't make it true for everyone. Shame on her.

Brush it off though. Totally not worth sweating over. You know you are doing the best thing for your health and the baby's.

Honestly, I really hope I can do the VBAC. I had absolutely no milk supply after my c/s and I've heard c's can contribute to that. Add to it all of the other factors I had and I was doomed. I'd really like to give it a shot again. However, if my doctor doesn't think it's safe, then I'll do the c/s.

 

I would chalk it up to her being a nasty woman and vent some and then leave her behind. These are always the situations when you wish you had come up with the great comeback while standing there rather then 10 minutes later. Think of your comebacks, put them in your memory bank for next time and then be happy that you are doing what you and your doctor feels is best for your baby.

 

I don't think there are many women that I know who would schedule for convenience, but I know they're out there. My first was delivered via an emergency c/s and then it was determined that at 7#15 oz. I could never have done it any other way. I'm super small. Scheduled my second with DH in Iraq and no family local in a hospital that doesn't do VBAC's. My last was 9#4oz. No way on that one eithewr. People need to keep their cluelessness to themselves. Go get em.

 

I have been getting more and more sensitive to people's coments lately too. I ran into a casual accquantince the other day and she asked me when I was due. When I told her when and that I was having twins and she rolled her eyes and said "oh you're F#$@*&". That comment is wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to start. People just have their own opinions on things and I think sometimes they are missing that little stopper between their brain and mouth. The important thing is that you know you're doing what's best for you, and if people want to be judgemental let them. She probably didn't know what to say so she said the first thing that came out of her mouth. Hang in there.

 

Well, that was a snide remark if I've ever heard one! Sounds like this woman was rather judgmental -- and even after you explained your situation, which you totally didn't have to do. There are names for people like that....

Don't let it get to you -- clearly you're doing what you need to for your own health, and the health of your munchkins. That woman can shove it!

 

Eh, puff on her. I was amazed at how many people would ask me how I was going to deliver, although they could never quite muster up the word "vaginal" , they would ask if I was going to have a C-section or try for "natural" ... People really can and do ask anything! The way I got through stuff like that was just assuming everyone was deep-down envious and leaving it at that.

 

QUOTE(Jennie-OH @ Apr 11 2007, 01:32 AM) [snapback]213976[/snapback]
I would have been offended too! That was a really inconsiderate and ignorant comment. I don't care how many articles she's read or how many times she's heard it said on The View or Oprah, it doesn't make it true for everyone. Shame on her.

Brush it off though. Totally not worth sweating over. You know you are doing the best thing for your health and the baby's.

Honestly, I really hope I can do the VBAC. I had absolutely no milk supply after my c/s and I've heard c's can contribute to that. Add to it all of the other factors I had and I was doomed. I'd really like to give it a shot again. However, if my doctor doesn't think it's safe, then I'll do the c/s.


Just wanted to throw in here... I had no milk supply after the vaginal delivery of my first... sometimes milk supply is more related to whether it's your first child or not....way back in they day it used to be standard procedure to assume that a first time mom would have no supply for her child...so a wet nurse would be brought in.

Anyway I wouldn't waste your energy being offended. This woman has probably not had any c/s....maybe someday God will bless her with such a "convenient" delivery too. Until then she will remain in ignorance. I do agree that some people are a little to quick to opt for c/s. But with your past experience, the fact that you haven't had a successful vaginal delivery to encourage you toward VBAC, I would take the same route. I had a vaginal delivery with my first...a c/s with my twins... I'm hoping to go vbac with this one. But if I hadn't had a successful vaginal delivery in my history I don't think I would be trying vbac. I think that when you have c/s with twins your uterus has been under extra strain...it was a lot thinner at the time of the c/s... so I think things are a little different looking at vbac after twins. Personally I felt like the only nice thing about the c/s was not having to go through labor...and not being in pain down where I was also really messy....with my vaginal delivery I had a 3rd degree tear...so it was difficult to deal with the mess, stay clean and not be in a lot of pain while I was dealing with it. I did prefer having the pain higher on my body, so I could deal with the mess without stitches interfering. But there were lots of other yucky things about c/s .... like getting the spinal twice and having the whole bp dropping/dry heaving thing happen TWICE.... that is an experience I don't want to do again...

 

PS.. regardless of whether anyone schedules c/s out of convenience there is still a risk to vbac...so it's perfectly within their rights to avoid that risk...In my opinion...who cares about what the birth stats look like in the us..the point is having a healthy delivery... I don't care if a first time mom wants to have a c/s just for convenience...that's her option. If her doc says it's okay then who is anyone else to judge...it's not their body... why should they care where the baby comes out from???? :umm:

 

Melissa, I got some reactions like that, too. When the kids daycare teacher found out I was having another c-section, she called me chicken. One of my sisters sounded really surprised and a little disappointed that I wasn't going to have a VBAC. My doctor wouldn't allow it. I have a classical incision (vertical) and also a fibroid on my cervix, so there is no way I was ever going to be able to do a VBAC. (My twins were a scheduled turned emergency c/s because of the fibroid). The fibroid prevents me from going into labor.

Offended? Yes, I would be, too. It is none of her business and I don't think you are being overly sensitive.

 

Melissa :hug99: It would have bothered me too!! What does she know about your medical needs! I know it's not easy, but try to just let it go!! I wish you could have (because this is what I would wish after the fact) thought of something or had something come naturally out that made her feel an inch tall. I wish people weren't so rude, but I guess my wanting HER to feel an inch tall isn't exactly not-rude You get what I mean, I hope!!

 

Geez....how rude! :hug99:

 

If they actually ask, tell people you're just going to have them at home in the bathroom. :icon_eek:

 

That comment would bother me too. I was at a bday party for one of DH's friends 1 year old over the weekend and the women there were asking about me and when/how I am delivering, etc. We were talking about c-sections and a "former" friend walked in the room and said oh I delivered with no meds or anything because I am tough. I wanted to smack her. She will often use this as her bragging right. This offended even my DH who knows I dread the c-section like crazy.

 

Dont worry about replies like that, none of us have gone through 9 months pregnancy just to have something go wrong at the birth of our babies, just to proof we are "tough". When some "friend" asked me the other day how i will deliver I explained to her that my leading twin is breach and that her oxygen supply is at high risk should i go into natural labour. The comment I got was, "I watched the in the womb series and that woman gave birth to her twins without a problem". I just walked away, feeling that I dont owe her any explanations.

 

People are so stupid sometimes! I even had an L&D nurse argue with me once that I should do a VBAC...I explained that because I had a classical c-section with my first that I am not alllowed to labor (even Kaitlyn was a c-section though she was already gone). The nurse didnt seem to understnad that no intelligent doctor in the US would ever allow me to labor (I even have it in writing saying I cannot labor at all). I dont see why a c-section makes us any less of a woman than vaginal...maybe if they had their stomach cut open they would see its not as easy as it looks <_<

BTW, I dont think a c-section affects milk supply...my milk came in just like anyone elses with all 3 c-sections

 

It is rude.

I feel kind of bad because I'm probably part of the problem on this one. I did require a scheduled section because Melissa (my Baby A) was breech, but sometime I tell people we did it "the civilized way -- in at 7, babies at 8:04 and 8:05" and of course I'm kidding, or using "civilized" in an ironic way. But sometimes we make jokes about things we do. And with doctors really seeming to promote c-sections sometimes, we come up with "excuses" or "jokes" in our heads.

Anyway, I'm sorry she made such an assumption, even with your explanation. Just brush it off if you can!