Update: My situation

In case you didn't read my previous post. Here is the link Previous Post

Here is what I recently found out. I trully believe this is why he has been so distant from me.

Yesterday I found out DH has been talking to another girl for the last 5 months, from his phone records. He met her while he was working in Midland. This is the girl that he has joked around with me saying he met a waitress at a resturant with a two year old daughter He claims they were just friends but he talked to her atleast 10 times a day everyday and hid it from me when he came home. ( proof from phone record and dates ) He would wait till I fell asleep sometimes and call her at 1am. He claims they were just friends but I am having a hard time believing him since there are so many calls and it lasted so long....I am just in total shock and only got two hours of sleep last night. I feel so stupid.

( from a text msg, she got my number because I tried to call her and when she answered I asked her who she was and why she was talking to my husband, she hung up on me)In the text msg She told me that he told her we are seperated. We never were nor have been EVER. I noticed he was acting distant. Now I know why. I just feel like he was with her and not me for the last 5 months...I don't know what to do. He met her around May 13th...a week after I found out I was pregnant...that is the first phone call and was in Midland working till the beginning of September. Now he is in Dallas. He is telling me that nothing ever happened btw them that they just talked....I don't know what to believe. We have been together 5.5 yrs and married for 3. He even talked to the girl four times on our wedding anniversary! He even called her the day when found out it was twins. I am feel like my heart is breaking. He keeps saying. I messed up baby I love you. Its done I won't talk to her anymore...I am practically about to pop with two babies and I am having such a hard time dealing with this. I have never been in a situation like this. You don't hide a friendship and you don't call her every freaking hour of the day, the first thing when you wake up, the last before you go to sleep. I should have been the one he was calling! He keeps saying I am so sorry I really F*** up. You are my everything, the next time I see you I will have roses in my hand. This was my wake up call...I want to be with you...BLAH BLAH I feel like he is just telling me what he thinks I want to hear now that he was caught!

Do I believe him??

 

Who am I to say what is really right to do and what is wrong? There are personal moral factors and family beliefs and emotions and spiritual convections to look at. Only you know where you stand on those things.

I have been there, and I ended up doing the single mom thing etc. My advise (not knowing everything) is still healthy seperation. You need time to see clearly through all the emotions (emotions that are even more out of controle with the pregnancy hormones.) And he needs to stop being a dick. Seperation means taking the time to get counseling, sort things out, and hopefully heal the relationship 9if thats something you both may want). You do not, do not, see other people during this time. this time is to see how life is to work out for the 2 of you. You set aside an amount of time (say 5 months) come up with a plan and stick to it. You are still a united front for your kids but you cant have a strong family if you dont have a strong relationship in eachother.

You have to decide if its worth all the work or if its time to move on and rebuild.

Good luck, I know how hard it is right now and all the choices you have to make.

 

Totally ignore me if this isn't helpful, but I would say if he's so darn interested in "dating" again, he needs to woo you back! I would go back to square one... date, call each other, give gifts... the WHOLE deal.

Just my two cents. I would have a hard time throwing away the time and energy that have gone into the relationship. But I would also feel incredibly betrayed and feel like I need some things "reconnected".

And I would need to hear it from this girl that "nothing happened" and that it is "over". I would NOT be able to trust his word right now. But that's just me.

Good luck... I have no clue how you can be so strong right now!

Dominique

 

Your post made me cry. I feel for you.. Totally and completely! Its so hard to forgive someone who has betrayed your trust so completely.

I hate to say it.. But if they were just friends.. he would not have hid it from you.

I dont understand why some men are such JERKS...

He can change.. believe me.. DH was my very first BF. He BROKE my heart and cheated on me a few times. and now we are married. We didnt see eachother for 8 years though. Sometimes i still fear that he will cheat, but we are both older and more mature.

I hope things work out for you. Remember just take time to re-build.. If that what you want to do.

many many :hug:'s

 

Im so sorry--this must be awful for you to be going thru esp since you are preggo. I dont really know what to tell you,b ut Im like Ashlye--if it were something innocent and they were only friends then why did he feel the need to hide iit--Esp if he told her you 2 were seperated.
Sendin big hugs

 

This may sound weird but all that keeps running through my head is "Scott and Lacey Peterson!"

This sounds like HIM! And the girl is "Amber Frey."

Your DH sounds like a real piece of work and by believing him, unfortunately, you are only delaying the inevitable.. the end.

I'm sorry that you are in this HORRIBLE spot! I would not want to be where you are, but I also would NEVER believe a word that comes out of his mouth EVER again.

Soo sorry. Stay strong. Build a support system you can depend on, you're going to need it. Join some groups etc.

Hugs and lots of strength to you.

 

Im so sorry for what you are going through. :hug: I have actually gone through this myself, but after my 4 kids were born.

I also found out through phone records, and found out that he was calling a 'dating chatline'. When I first saw it I was working overnight, so I could be home with the kids during the day. I saw that he had been calling as soon as I would leave for work at night, and there were also a bunch of other phone numbers that he would call after being on the chatline... which obviously means he was getting the girls numbers and calling them direct. We were living together and he was paying the rent and I was too stupid to leave him b/c I loved him and wanted things to work for the kids... but long story short, I eventually did leave (6 months ago). There were other things that went on that made me not trust him too though.

Thats my story, but if you feel like you can reconcile then I agree with the pp that you should definitely go through a separation period. Make him suffer like you're suffering. Talk to the other girl and confirm his story (make sure they didnt do anything) Make him court you and see how far he's willing to take it. If he doesnt feel like its worth the trouble to get you back.. then he's not worth it. I know it can be hard after being together for so long, but you really have to do whats best for you AND the kids.

I hope things get better for you.
My motto is: Everything happens for a reason. Even if you dont know what the reason is now, there is a reason for everything.

 

QUOTE(ivfbound078 @ Oct 7 2008, 05:40 PM) [snapback]1015783[/snapback]
This may sound weird but all that keeps running through my head is "Scott and Lacey Peterson!"

This sounds like HIM! And the girl is "Amber Frey."

Your DH sounds like a real piece of work and by believing him, unfortunately, you are only delaying the inevitable.. the end.

I'm sorry that you are in this HORRIBLE spot! I would not want to be where you are, but I also would NEVER believe a word that comes out of his mouth EVER again.

Soo sorry. Stay strong. Build a support system you can depend on, you're going to need it. Join some groups etc.

Hugs and lots of strength to you.

Have to 100% agree with this. Maybe he wasn't having a physical affair, but he definitely was having the emotional affair and i feel that since he was caught...he's now trying to cover his butt! I wouldn't believe him one bit if it were me. I have absolutely no tolerance though for cheating, even if it was my husband. Flat out no tolerance, because i have been cheated on before not once but two times in previous long relationships. It's just not worth it and you are worth more than what your husband is doing to you. Your husband committed to you his love, respect, faithfulness, etc 3 years ago and obviously he doesn't take that vow very serious. He seems to want his cake and eat it too. All in all it's your decision, but to me cheating is a huge no no and once that trust is betrayed...it's gone forever. I'm so sorry this is happening, but just try to stay strong and do the best for you and your children.

 

I am so sorry you are in this situation. :hug: I don't have any advice, but the only thing that came to mind was if he was only friends with her, he would have told you about her. AND not be calling at 1 AM. <_< No friends calls me at that time. :hug:

 

Do you have family close by? I'd ask if you can stay with family for a week or so to sort this out. I would also suggest counseling. I do think he's exhibiting some scary behavior. He was having an affair - he can call it what he wants, but that's an affair. The truth is the only place to start if you want to repair this and if he's not willing to start there you don't have a lot of hope I'm afraid.

I'm so so sorry for you. This is terrible. You will get through it.

 

This situation sucks so bad!!! I am soo sorry :hug: I read that one of the most typical times in a relationship men cheat is during a pregnancy, don't men suck huh? I myself would have a hard time believing him. I know DH acted very funny during my pregnancy and I was suspicious quite often! My Dh works out of town a lot too and being pregnant and having your Dh put of town will definitely do things to your head! In my opinion if you confirm from the girl that nothing happened I would say he wanted it to or else he would not have hid it. I am so sorry you have to go through this while you are pregnant.. You have enough on your mind as it is! I am so mad for you :angry: No one can really give you advice, but you know what is best for you and your family.. Keep us updated..Stay strong~~~~~
Melissa

 

I'm a firm believer that "where there's smoke, there's fire!" Rumors don't start from nowhere either. I know this must be very difficult but I would encourage you to concentrate on your babies and let him try to prove himself and work his way back into your life. If he has to work for it, then you'll know how badly he really wants it.

Big hugs to you and please keep us posted. We're always here to vent and share!

 

I know I don't know all of the details of your situation, but he sounds so manipulative! First he wants you pregnant and trapped, then he wants a divorce and to date other people, now that he's had a fling he wants you to forgive him and take him back!?! How old is he by the way?

Wow, I really hope that you have a good family support system. I can't imagine going through your situation without being pregnant, let alone pregnant with twins! I'm so sorry you're going through this. He doesn't sound like someone I would want to keep in my life, but like I said, I don't know all the details. It definitely doesn't sound like a healthy relationship though. Maybe you could see a marriage councilor together, or even by yourself.

Good luck and ((hugs))! Please keep us updated.

 

If I had to guess... the 'other woman' probably isn't too happy with him at this point either, she may even have told him where to stick it after finding out that he's been lying to her about being separated… so his options at this point? Loose both women or patch things up with his wife. He probably doesn’t want to loose both and is just being selfish.

Don’t let him treat you as a second best choice after some waitress in Midland! He owes a lot more than a handful of roses if he wants your trust or forgivness!

 

QUOTE
I'm a firm believer that "where there's smoke, there's fire!" Rumors don't start from nowhere either. I know this must be very difficult but I would encourage you to concentrate on your babies and let him try to prove himself and work his way back into your life. If he has to work for it, then you'll know how badly he really wants it.

Big hugs to you and please keep us posted. We're always here to vent and share!


I agree with this. I'm sorry that you are going through this, but I do believe his emotional connection/calling this woman multiple times a day does qualify as an affair. His timing is horrible, but if you want to make it work, he'll have to be honest with you and start from there.

BTW...Just my opinion, but I wouldn't bother with the other woman. She's involved with a married man, who she thought was separated..what else is there to say? AND at this point, why would you believe her either?

You and your babies are in my thoughts!

 

I'd want to talk more with the girl. In my suspicious mind, he's only trying to come back to you because she broke things off with him.

But, only you know what you have to do. I think you still love him very much and want very much for things to work out.

If nothing else, you two need counseling.


Much love and prayers for you and your family.

 

:hug: Kristy :hug: I am so sorry that you are having to go through all this.

 

I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how hard it is to be pregnant and have to deal with this. I would suggest counseling very soon. Do you have family that can help with the kids while you and DH speak to someone? You have to figure out if this is worth working through.

Hugs!

 

I am so sorry....

I just went through the EXACT same thing. We filed for divorce. In my mind, once a cheater, always a cheater. I mean in my eyes it would be different if he came to you, apologized, admitted he had done something wrong. Now, he doesn't seem sorry for what he did, he is sorry he got caught. Just like my dh.
I wasn't the type to be able to forgive that. I can't say what I would do if I was still pg... Thats much tougher. I don't know that I would be able to trust him again. Will you ever be able to believe another word he says. I found out about 20 more lies once I started searching....makes me sick. He lies about everything anymore, and he is on his second girlfriend and we aren't even divorced yet. So for my husband, as much as he apologized, he didn't change a thing. Just made adjustments so he couldn't get caught as easy.

I hope you are able to find something that will work. Its very stressful, so get your rest, stay hydrated and don't let this consume you. I know thats hard to do, but you have to focus on those babies. Counseling may be a good start...

 

Big :hug: to you, I am so so sorry that you are going through this hard time
Please come to us for support :grouphug:

 

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I too have had issues with trust in my marriage, luckily they are being resolved. I haven't been in your exact situation but the only advice I could give is to pray about it and do what you feel is right for your family. I've always thought that I would leave my DH if he ever cheated on me, but then at the same time what if I were to make a mistake (not that I could ever imagine myself doing that) would I expect him to stay with me? Would I want him to give me a chance? Of course it would depend on so many different factors. It's such a struggle to say for sure what your true reaction would be. I've seen many wives who have been cheated on who were able to work things out, on the other hand I have seen marriages that didn't survive. A lot of this of course depends on your DH and whether he is truly sorry, and not just sorry for getting caught. He must truly admit that he has made a HUGE mistake and be willing to make changes in his life. He would need to work hard to earn your trust back if you decide to give him the chance.You need time to heal and to think things through especially with two babies on the way, and he needs to realize the ramifications of his actions. These of course are just my 2 cents. I hope the best for you and your family. I hope you are able to find the strength you need to get through this trial.

Hugs to you!

MJ

 

I have to say, I agree with most of these. The other woman probably isn't happy with him, either. I don't see why she would lie to you unless she believes him- sounds like she was being lied to. I would ask her to have an open and honest conversation with what went/is going on. She probaby wants to know the truth, too...

That said, I don't know your husband, but I don't believe a word he said. You don't call a friend a 1 am. You don't call a friend several times on your wedding anniversary. You don't tell 'just a friend' that you are seperated from your wife when you are not. Sounds to me like he was probably cheating and lying.... lying still... with the exception if he wasn't cheating he was trying darn hard to. IF I had to guess, the other woman is getting bored or fed up with him, thus his change in attitude.

IMO once a cheater and lier always one. But, the question is how do YOU feel about it? Would you want to/be able to eventually get over it? How much does that matter to you? Would you ever be able to forgive him? If you would want to stay with him anyway, why?

IMO he doesn't deserve you, but it is up to you what you want to do. I am so sorry he did this to you and your family.

 

Im so sorry you have to go through this at the moment but what if you forgive and he thinks he can do this anytime he likes. I wouldnt believe a word this woman says really I would be concerned that she may be still involved with him. Only my opinion but an emotional conection with another woman is worse than a one off sexual encounter, that I could probably forgive but calls in the middle of the night I dont know if I could cope if my DH was having feelings for someone else. I hope things get better for you. Lots of :hug:

 

Hugs to you. I want to say something here...I was on the other side...I dated a guy and found out he was currently married about 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. (I stopped seeing him immediately and gave the child up for adoption, as I had an older, special needs child and couldn't financially afford the new one. He's with a great family who are infertile and love him very much.) He was telling me that they were seperated and over...while at the same time telling her that WE were over and that he loves her. You need to talk to her and find out what he's doing on that end...but guys like this suck and will do it over and over again if they can. I'm not going to tell you what to do about your marriage, but just want to offer you support.

 

I'm sorry Kristy. :hug: This sure is a hard situation for you. I guess I feel the same as a few others in that, if they were just friends why didn't he tell you and why was he calling her at 1am. I've been there, (and I know how much it hurts) although we weren't married and there were no kid involved (and some things did happen between them), but there was no way I could trust him again, so we broke up and for me it was the best thing because I met DH after that. But again, it was a totally different situation since we were not married. Again, I'm sorry you have to worry about this. :hug:

 

I am so sorry. No way would I believe him ever again! if I were you I would get as much child support from him as possible and move on! IMO taking him back would be just setting yourself and your kids up for more disappointment.

:hug:
Heather

 

No. I don't believe him. I would tell him if he wants any real shot at repairing things, he will have to start by being honest with you.

Men and women are not friends. There are only a very small set of circumstances in which they can be, without their being sexual tension, and meeting some stranger and calling her all the time does not qualify. I can't tell you if he physically cheated or not, I would guess that he did, BUT he definitly cheated emotionally, and had an interest in this lady beyond friendship. Have you know him to call any of his male friends 10 times per day, or at 1am to chat? There is nothing else to say. SO SORRY this is happening to you ever, mucg less right now. Kick him in the balls.

 

If you end up divorcing, do not feel bad about getting child support. I know it feels emotionally better to have nothing further to do with him (believe me, I would LOVE to never accept another dime from XH), but the kids are entitled, and they deserve it. :hug: to you at this difficult time.

 

QUOTE(Mattsgal @ Oct 8 2008, 07:10 AM) [snapback]1017228[/snapback]
Men and women are not friends. There are only a very small set of circumstances in which they can be, without their being sexual tension


Huh? Since when? If everyone started going around accusing each other of infidelity on account of having friends a lot of marriages would be in trouble for lack of trust. There is nothing abnormal, or wrong, or suspicious, etc about having friends of the other gender. I don’t think I know anyone who doesn’t have friends of both genders… people they know from growing up or from college etc. And it would hardly be reasonable to expect someone to toss out half of their friends when they get involved in a relationship.

I think most of us have the opinion that the ‘husband’ in question was being unfaithful and dishonest, but this should be based on the facts of his actions and not on some insecurity issue about men and women not being able to have friendships.

Hugs to Korey’s Mommy. Hope things work out for you and your children.

 

I was sharing your story with my DH this morning and he has offered his male opinion:

1. Does your husband have a penis? That's his way of saying that a man will not stay in any type of "relationship" with a woman for 5 months without something going on. So he completely doesn't believe that nothing has happened.

2. He's only saying he's sorry now to get back to you because he doesn't want to be alone.

3. Call in your family and friends for support. The people who know you best will help you hold up a mirror to the situation in order to see the truth through the emotions.

My DH went through a divorce from his first wife a few years ago and was convinced they could make it work. He spent 7 months trying to figure out what he did wrong (she left him right after their son was born), how he could fix it and begging her to go to counceling. After accepting that it was over, he needed to pick himself up and move on, he met me in a matter of 2 months. We were married a year and a half later and are now expecting twin girls! So there is hope for the future for you.

Again, my opinion is to just concentrate on your babies. They need to be your number one priority. I would also encourage you to discuss your situation with your doctors. You local medical team might be able to set you up with someone to talk to. Just a thought.

 

I don't know what to do. Right now I am trying to not think about it. I was so upset the first day I found out, monday, and was completely miserable. I talked to her and she told me they were just talking. But she knew about our weekend trip to Louisiana September 26th. ( It was supposed to be our "BabiesMoon") She said that he told her that he had told me he was talking to her...he did mention something, that he had met a waitress in Midland and that she had a 2 yr old daughter and that he gave her his #. ( I know I mentioned this before, sry) I got really upset and left our condo and walked around for like an hour. Than he came and found me and said he was just kidding....okay you don't kid about that...so thats when I started thinking about it and checked his phone records. Sure enough it was the truth. She is a waitress that he met one night out to eat with co workers and she does have a daughter. I think it was his weird roundabout way of telling me...but now that I caught him, he has been so sweet, saying when he comes home friday he will have roses in his hands, he will be a better husband, treat me like the princess that I should be treated like, that he will stop playing his game (addicted to his PS3)...etc. That he loves me and he messed up, he is sorry he should have been talking to me not her, he will do anything to make it up to me...He even said that he would get "fixed" to prove I am the only one for him...he says I realize now how much I have hurt you and we will have three kids together. That she was clouding his mind the last 5 months. That he is trully sorry.....one thing that has changed is that before on text msg he would write "I luv you" now he writes "I Love you"

Well I feel like he is just telling me these things cuz he got caught. But part of me wants to believe him so badly! I guess I will just have to wait and see how much he really changes and if he really is commited to me now. I told him he needs to review our wedding DVD and remember our vows.

I just don't understand how he went from wanting to have another baby to giving his number away to another girl a week after we found out I was pg. But this all makes sense...maybe it was clouding his mind. But even if they didn't physically do anything, I believe it was an emotional affair. I looked it up and everything about an emotion affair pertains to this...this is why he wasn't having anything to do with me...why he was so distant and never wanted to make love anymore. He says he only liked her as a friend, but friends don't have that kind of power over you that you forget about your wife and you don't have to hide a friend from your wife. I asked him why he hid it from me, he said cuz I would get mad. If he had told me though, I have no prob with him having friends that are girls. I have friends that are guys...But I just cant get my head around all the phone calls! All I can think about now is thank god he is in Dallas and she is in Midland....6 hrs apart.

I tried to get the girl to talk to me more but all she said was "We have just been talking to each other. I am done talking to you, it is between you and him now. He will tell you everything you need to know." Than she hung up on me. I believe that if there was more that happened btw them, she prob would have told me. My guess is that she is pretty pissed off at him for just cutting ties with her. He said he will change his number and that it is done. He will never talk to her again. In a way I almost feel bad for her. I mean if he did tell her we were seperated. Then he lied to her too. But I think she could have had the decency (sp?) to talk to me more. I would think that a friend would want to meet his wife??? But goes back to the telling her we were seperated. He says she is married too and in an abusive relationship that he felt bad for her...she never told me she was married though.

I appreciate all of your advice...It has impacted me greatly...although many of you have different views, much of what you think is the same. I need to do what I think is right for my family and I want to believe that is was nothing more than talking and give him a chance to prove to me how sorry he is and that he will change. I guess I am in a state right now where I very much want to believe him, make our marriage work and be happy. I guess I will just have to wait and see how much he really changes. He knows he has alot to make up for...hell 5 months is along time. I have felt through this whole pregnancy that I was alone. He only went to one Ultrasound....mind you he does work out of town and only home on the weekends so it is hard for him. My next ultrasound is 2 days before halloween. He said he will come home early to be there. I hope I am doing the right thing by sticking by and allowing him to prove himself to me. If he doesn't than it won't be worth it to me to stay.....

Now, if I will ever be able to trust him again will be a long time from now and he knows this. I will prob always be wondering and now I will be the suspicious wife always checking his phone records...I used to just get the bill and pay it. Never paid attention. I will be paying closer attention from now on. I hope that I won't have to do this forever...but it will take time. I am trying to be strong for myself, our son and my babies.

Thank you again to all of you! I trully believe all of you are closer friends to me than most of my friends. You are all very understanding.

I have told my mom about everything and she agrees with how I feel about questioning the truth. I need to make him work and prove to me that he is trully sorry and regrets it.

 

QUOTE(Korey @ Oct 8 2008, 11:21 AM) [snapback]1017524[/snapback]
I don't know what to do. Right now I am trying to not think about it. I was so upset the first day I found out, monday, and was completely miserable. I talked to her and she told me they were just talking. But she knew about our weekend trip to Louisiana September 26th. ( It was supposed to be our "BabiesMoon") She said that he told her that he had told me he was talking to her...he did mention something, that he had met a waitress in Midland and that she had a 2 yr old daughter and that he gave her his #. ( I know I mentioned this before, sry) I got really upset and left our condo and walked around for like an hour. Than he came and found me and said he was just kidding....okay you don't kid about that...so thats when I started thinking about it and checked his phone records. Sure enough it was the truth. She is a waitress that he met one night out to eat with co workers and she does have a daughter. I think it was his weird roundabout way of telling me...but now that I caught him, he has been so sweet, saying when he comes home friday he will have roses in his hands, he will be a better husband, treat me like the princess that I should be treated like, that he will stop playing his game (addicted to his PS3)...etc. That he loves me and he messed up, he is sorry he should have been talking to me not her, he will do anything to make it up to me...He even said that he would get "fixed" to prove I am the only one for him...he says I realize now how much I have hurt you and we will have three kids together. That she was clouding his mind the last 5 months. That he is trully sorry.....one thing that has changed is that before on text msg he would write "I luv you" now he writes "I Love you"

Well I feel like he is just telling me these things cuz he got caught. But part of me wants to believe him so badly! I guess I will just have to wait and see how much he really changes and if he really is commited to me now. I told him he needs to review our wedding DVD and remember our vows.

I just don't understand how he went from wanting to have another baby to giving his number away to another girl a week after we found out I was pg. But this all makes sense...maybe it was clouding his mind. But even if they didn't physically do anything, I believe it was an emotional affair. I looked it up and everything about an emotion affair pertains to this...this is why he wasn't having anything to do with me...why he was so distant and never wanted to make love anymore. He says he only liked her as a friend, but friends don't have that kind of power over you that you forget about your wife and you don't have to hide a friend from your wife. I asked him why he hid it from me, he said cuz I would get mad. If he had told me though, I have no prob with him having friends that are girls. I have friends that are guys...But I just cant get my head around all the phone calls! All I can think about now is thank god he is in Dallas and she is in Midland....6 hrs apart.
I tried to get the girl to talk to me more but all she said was "We have just been talking to each other. I am done talking to you, it is between you and him now. He will tell you everything you need to know." Than she hung up on me. I believe that if there was more that happened btw them, she prob would have told me. My guess is that she is pretty pissed off at him for just cutting ties with her. He said he will change his number and that it is done. He will never talk to her again. In a way I almost feel bad for her. I mean if he did tell her we were seperated. Then he lied to her too. But I think she could have had the decency (sp?) to talk to me more. I would think that a friend would want to meet his wife??? But goes back to the telling her we were seperated. He says she is married too and in an abusive relationship that he felt bad for her...she never told me she was married though.

I appreciate all of your advice...It has impacted me greatly...although many of you have different views, much of what you think is the same. I need to do what I think is right for my family and I want to believe that is was nothing more than talking and give him a chance to prove to me how sorry he is and that he will change. I guess I am in a state right now where I very much want to believe him, make our marriage work and be happy. I guess I will just have to wait and see how much he really changes. He knows he has alot to make up for...hell 5 months is along time. I have felt through this whole pregnancy that I was alone. He only went to one Ultrasound....mind you he does work out of town and only home on the weekends so it is hard for him. My next ultrasound is 2 days before halloween. He said he will come home early to be there. I hope I am doing the right thing by sticking by and allowing him to prove himself to me. If he doesn't than it won't be worth it to me to stay.....

Now, if I will ever be able to trust him again will be a long time from now and he knows this. I will prob always be wondering and now I will be the suspicious wife always checking his phone records...I used to just get the bill and pay it. Never paid attention. I will be paying closer attention from now on. I hope that I won't have to do this forever...but it will take time. I am trying to be strong for myself, our son and my babies.

Thank you again to all of you! I trully believe all of you are closer friends to me than most of my friends. You are all very understanding.

I have told my mom about everything and she agrees with how I feel about questioning the truth. I need to make him work and prove to me that he is trully sorry and regrets it.


Kristy,
Not to be the Debbie Downer but just something to think about... Yes it is great that he is now working in Dallas and far away from Midland, however I wonder if the only reasons he's "behaving" now are 1) he got caught and 2) she is now geographicallly undesireable because she lives so far away... Do you all live in Midland? Is there a chance they will "hook up" again in the future? What are the implications for the future? Does he always work out of town for weeks at a time? Will this behavior come up again in another city? In other words I think there are there are more deep rooted issues than this one instance... do you want to live in fear everytime he's out of town that he's hooking up with a waitress?
If you want to make it work, I think you need to insist on counseling... You sound like a strong woman and I have confidence you can make it on your own if push comes to shove..
Best of luck sweetie!

 

I agree with Nana and I would insist that he get a job that keeps him home if you two do get back together.

 

QUOTE(nana2C&C @ Oct 8 2008, 12:14 PM) [snapback]1017641[/snapback]
Kristy,
Not to be the Debbie Downer but just something to think about... Yes it is great that he is now working in Dallas and far away from Midland, however I wonder if the only reasons he's "behaving" now are 1) he got caught and 2) she is now geographicallly undesireable because she lives so far away... Do you all live in Midland? Is there a chance they will "hook up" again in the future? What are the implications for the future? Does he always work out of town for weeks at a time? Will this behavior come up again in another city? In other words I think there are there are more deep rooted issues than this one instance... do you want to live in fear everytime he's out of town that he's hooking up with a waitress?
If you want to make it work, I think you need to insist on counseling... You sound like a strong woman and I have confidence you can make it on your own if push comes to shove..
Best of luck sweetie!


We live in Houston, Texas. Midland is 8 hours northwest and Dallas is 4 hours northeast. He saids they were just talking and he only looked at her as a friend...Yes he mostly works out of town. He is only home on the weekends. He is a project Manager for a company that builds apartments. He goes where the job is and is usually there for 6 months. It is the luck of the draw to get a Houston Job. He hasn't had a Houston Job since Last yr 2007 March till September. Than he was in San Antonio September 2007 till March 2008 and Midland March till September. He met her in May and was still in Midland till September. He says he never saw her unless he and his co-worker buddies ate at the resturant where she worked. I am trying hard to believe him.

Ya Know, I have friends that would always ask me, How do you know he doesn't meet and talk to other girls. I would respond " Cuz I trust him and our marriage is solid" Obviously I had too much trust in him because that is exactly what happened. I will always worry now when he is working out of town. I don't know if I will ever be able to trust him like that again. I think it would be good for him to have a job close to home but he is excellant at what he does, it is his career and the money is so good. We also both work for the same company. It is my Father's corporation. I work in the office as an accountant and Payroll/Employee Executive.

He agrees that we should see a counselor...I want to start looking for one that is available Saturdays.

Thank you so much for your input and support.

 

I wanted to add. He told her to stop calling him that he can't talk to her anymore. That it isn't right and he needs to be fully commited to his wife and that he loves me. He says she keeps calling but that he is hanging up....I don't understand why she can't respect that. I also asked her to not call him anymore.