Unreasonable ?

I will try to make this as short as I can but I am annoyed so I apologize in advance if I ramble.
Here is my issue in a nut shell. If the babies stay until then (and I don’t change my mind) I am scheduled for my c-section on November 15 (Thursday). My doctor has already said the earliest I will be released is the Sunday following but most likely it will be Monday and that is if all goes well. That means I will only be home with the babies for two to three days before thanksgiving. Since my mom will be here for two weeks to help I figured we would just order a pre-made dinner from somewhere and that way DH,DS, my nephew (who lives with us) and my mom would have a nice dinner but there would be now work involved.
My sister doesn’t’ like this idea and is insisting that it would be cheaper for her to come over and cook everything if my mom doesn’t’ want to and that way we could have a nice traditional thanksgiving dinner. I just wanted a quit day and she is trying to turn into a big event and is laying a quilt trip on me that I am being selfish.
Am I?

 

I think that your sister is being a little unreasonable, at that point you won't be feeling great and up to alot of hoopla. Maybe you could compromise and she could cook the big dinner at her house, wrap it all up and bring it over. Then you get your nice quiet day (b/c she'll be cooking somewhere else) and she'll get her homecooked meal. Just let her (and her family if she has one) know that they will have to hold a crying baby and do all the dishes!!

 

QUOTE(xavier2001 @ Sep 17 2007, 10:38 PM) [snapback]412320[/snapback]
Maybe you could compromise and she could cook the big dinner at her house, wrap it all up and bring it over. Then you get your nice quiet day (b/c she'll be cooking somewhere else) and she'll get her homecooked meal. Just let her (and her family if she has one) know that they will have to hold a crying baby and do all the dishes!!



yes, i agree with this!

 

Serously.. I wouldnt want to subjest my week old babies to a bunch of people touching them all night long.. Its unreasonable of her to want you to come to her house.. Its a lot of work with 2 newborns.. and then to not be at home.. It makes it stressful on the babies also..

 

Wow. You and I are due around the same time and I think I would flip out if someone mentioned Thanksgiving plans to me right now.

I think Xavier2001 had an excellent suggestion. No need to have a big ruckus over at your house all day. Hope it all works out for you!

 

My kids were born a couple weeks before Easter. I ended up letting my mom and dad do all the cooking/prep work and we went to their house instead. It ended up being a great option for us, and it was quite relaxing. I would be more inclined to do something like that than to have everyone over to my house.

I think that your sister is the one that is being a bit unreasonable. Is there anyway that your mom can just lay it down and say, "This is the way we are doing it"? Seems you should be the one calling the shots since 1) it is your home and 2) it is you that will be recovering.

 

You are definitely not being selfish. I agree with pp that your sister is not being reasonable. The fact that you are even hosting it at your house at all shows that you're REALLY trying to be accomodating. That may even seem like too much. Perhaps your sister can cook everything at her house and then bring it to yours? This way at least there's no cooking messes or hussle and bussle. She would really have to have everything good to go so she is maybe only reheating. This is JMO. HTH. Keep us updated!

 

why dont you come to a compromize..

order the pies and deserts.. and let her cook if she wants too..


not everything has to be expensive.. vegies and mashed tatoes are really cheep if SHE WANTS TO MAKE EM..


there has to be a happy medium..

enjoy your babies..

m

 

NO, you are not being selfish.

Your home, your family, your recovery...YOUR dinner! Perhaps it would be cheaper to let your sister cook it, but in all honesty, your sanity is worth any extra expense.

I would stick to your guns and let her know that the next few months are going to be very unpredictable for you and that your priority over the holidays is to spend time with your family and getting to know your new children. That might mean doing some things slightly differently for a while so that you can make the very most of your time without sacrificing your family time, because we all know that the new baby phase is over so fast and we can't get it back.

ETA: we actually ordered our Thanksgiving dinner the first year also, and it was wonderful. It was good food, seriously easy and we didn't have leftovers out of our ears for ages. Just enough for turkey sandwiches for a few days! We had homemade pies/desserts though, which still gave that nice home-cooked touch and kept it "traditional" enough for our tastes

 

my dd was born a week before thanksgiving, so i've been there.

my parents were staying with us to help, so we decided that my dh would cook a turkey and mom would do sides. nothing elaborate - mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberries, a pie. well, the night before, dd decided to stay up all night, so we ALL stayed up all night, to some degree (except my dad, who sleeps through a baby screaming). on thanksgiving, we went through the motions, as zombies. because we were all so out of it, we couldn't time anything and instead of sitting down to a thanksgiving dinner, we ended up eating things when they were done, so we could eat them when they were hot.

in retrospect, we should have just ordered in. we had the mess to clean up (even though i think we ate off paper plates) and it wasn't satsifying.

we did have invitations to go other places, but our pediatrician had told us to avoid closed, crowded spaces, so going to someone else's house would have been dangerous to dd. and really, what kind of company would we have been?

p.s. add another baby to that, and you can imagine the disaster

p.p.s. the next night, dd must have been so exhausted from her night of crying, because she slept through the night.

 

Absolutely... stick with your guns... you will sooo not be ready for a bunch of hoopla at your house.. It would be easier for you to take the babies out for a few hours than to have all of that at your house. I still wouldn't want to drag my babies out, but if it's that important to your sister tell her to do thanksgiving at her place and then you and your dh will decide whether or not to come based on how you are feeling. If she gets really pushy, just say, "hey that's fine...why don't you just do it at your place without us... you can bring us leftovers or we'll order from somewhere and just have a quiet day." Honestly that's how I would feel about it. We had Easter at my house with ONLY my immediate family...my parents and two of my siblings (they aren't married or have kids)... and my mom brought the whole meal to my house already made. She just had to throw it in the oven to warm it up. We might have even used paper plates I'm not sure...but I do know that my sister and mom took care of everything...all of the mess...but they weren't in my kitchen cooking for hours, making a big mess, asking me where things were... that's just ridiculous. Tell your sister to either bring the meal pre-made or to have it at her house.

 

P.S. Maybe your sister should volunteer to do night duty for a few nights prior to thanksgiving...then maybe she'll get a clue what Twin sleep deprivation feels like... might help her perspective a little bit! LOL!

 

one more thing:

if you tell your sister to host it, and you and dh want to go, could you go in shifts, so that you wouldn't need to bring the twins, and so your ds and nephew could the spend the day with the family at your sisters? to some degree, it might be nice to send dh and have a couple quiet hours alone with the twins. of course with the understanding that he's on call and if you need him, he needs to come home immediately. or send your mom with you ds and nephew and she can bring leftovers home to you and dh. again, you could have a quiet day with the twins, and maybe take turns napping!

 

Good heavens, you are not being selfish. Your sister is obviously clueless.

My babies were born on November 17, two years ago. I was in the hospital for 5 days (they were keeping an eye on me for possible infection). Our Thanksgiving was this: DH's entire family (without us) went to his sister's house and had a traditional big dinner. When they were done, his parents came to our house and brought us some leftovers, which we took turns eating -- one person would eat while the other people would hold babies, wash bottles, etc. And I barely even remember it.

Trust me, you do NOT need someone in your house cooking a big dinner. Plus, you will probably feel compelled to host to some extent (finding chairs, getting plates out, making space in the fridge) even if she swears she's going to do all the work.

QUOTE
if you tell your sister to host it, and you and dh want to go, could you go in shifts, so that you wouldn't need to bring the twins, and so your ds and nephew could the spend the day with the family at your sisters?

This is a good idea, if it's really important that everyone spend some time with the extended family.

 

If it's gonna be in your house, it's what you want. I don't think you're being unreasonable, I think she is. Stand your ground and don't let her change what you want. It'll be tradational food, just not prepared tradationally.

 

Yeah, you won't want it at your house. Ask your sister if she wants a traditional meal and gathering then to have it at her place. You may be ready to get out of the house some also and it may be relaxing. I had two doctor appts. 3 days after I got home and couldn't wait to get out of the house. The next day I was ready to do a little shopping, and I did with the whole family.

I know this isn't a holiday, but the day I came home was my cousin's birthday. It sounded like a bunch of family were going to comeover after the party. I wasn't overly thrilled with having a bunch of people at my house the evening I came home with them, so instead, we went straight from the hospital to the party. This way, I got eat a good meal, the whole family got to see the girls, and when we were tired, we could leave. This may be a good thing for you if you ask your sister to have it. That way when you are ready, you can leave instead of you having people at your house all day.

Also, being with family will help with having the babies taken care of for a little while even though you are there and are getting a slight break. I went up the lake Labor Day weekend just for that. All of DH's family was there and they all took turns feeding the girls and taking care of them (though they slept a lot). It was a great break for DH and I.

Hosetly, after having Emily who is six, the first couple of months is the easiest time to go out and about with babies. Even with the twins, it is pretty easy. I know that in six months from now it isn't going to be as easy. Just my opinion.

April

 

Your sister sounds like my whole family. We basically had to tell them the DOCTOR said we could not have our newborn around a bunch a people for a family dinner. My first son was born on Nov. 21st, so that is how we easily got out of the family hoopla. I know everyone wants to see the new babies, but for their health and you sanity, they should not be around a bunch of people days after birth. Of course my family was disappointed and so was I a little because I wanted to show off my new little joy, but in the end it was so much better for us and our new family to just stay home and not have a bunch of visitors. We actually has no one stay with us after the births of any of our children and we ended up liking it that way. My MIL came over during the day and cooked,cleaned and let me naps some and went to a hotel over night- her choice- and it was wonderful.

My advice, like the rest, would be to really put your foot down that you will not be up for entertaining and while you are disappointed that Thanksgiving will not be the same this year it will be so much better next year. You will be going to pediatrician appointments that week if they come home with you, you will probably be going to the doctor for yourself, you already have a full house and no sleep- it's just too much. I hope it all works out for you. I know how hard it is to disappoint family, but do not feel guilty! You're the one doing all the work having twins, you deserve to have things easy on you.

Kelly

 

i wouldn't want newborns in a houseful of guests. You're not being selfish at all. Your sister just has no idea what life is going to be like for you. Like a pp said, it is your house and you are entitled to celebrate the day any way you want. If you want a pre-made meal from somewhere (Boston Market does full thanksgiving dinners, inexpensively, and very tasty, for example), then that is certainly your right. If she doesn't like the meal you have planned, then i'd tell her, politely, that it's too bad she won't be celebrating the day with you.

 

My twins were born on Nov 14 so we were in the same boat that year. I made plans WELL in advance that we would be ordering from a local chain rest. and having a quiet lunch. My mom had planned to be there, but something came up and she had to leave. So dh and I had a very nice first Thanksgiving w/our family. If your sister can't handle that, tell your mom to go to her house, have a nice lunch, then come back when she's done and that you and dh will be continuing on w/your pre-made plans. Don't let her bully you into this. I SO didn't feel up to having anyone in my house at that point. I absolutely wouldn't allow this to happen.

 

QUOTE(xavier2001 @ Sep 17 2007, 09:38 PM) [snapback]412320[/snapback]
I think that your sister is being a little unreasonable, at that point you won't be feeling great and up to alot of hoopla. Maybe you could compromise and she could cook the big dinner at her house, wrap it all up and bring it over. Then you get your nice quiet day (b/c she'll be cooking somewhere else) and she'll get her homecooked meal. Just let her (and her family if she has one) know that they will have to hold a crying baby and do all the dishes!!


Definitely. It is very hard the first weeks with twins. You don't need the commotion of a complicated meal cooked at your house.

 

Your house, your rules! You make the decisions, especially with twins just newly born! Trust me, nip this in the bud now BEFORE the hormones go crazy after birth!!!