Uninvolved Grandpa

I feel like my dad is so uninvolved with my babies. He drops by to see them once a week if I'm lucky and stays for about 5 minutes. He lives 5 miles away and is retired, so it's not like he has too much to do. Then he wonders why my DD bursts into tears every time she sees him.. She has no idea who he is!!
My mom on the other hand works a full week and still manages to come by to see 'her babies' almost every day and sits for them every chance she gets. My mom was going to take them overnight so DH and I could have a night out (our last one was 3 months ago for a wedding) and Dad put the kibosh on that so Mom is coming to our place and just going home when we get in. I'm glad we can still go out but we're going to come home earlier and I won't have as good of a time because I'll be watching the clock all night so i don't keep mom up too late.
These are his only grandchildren and he acts like they're not even related to him. He has never bought them anything and gives my mom a hard time if she spends any money on them. He even hassled her because she spent time knitting for them when he wanted her to be spending time with him.
I have no idea how to talk to him about this because he is ultra sensitive and if I bring this up it's likely to start a fight that could go on for years. My dad knows how to hold a grudge

 

My MIL is the SAME way! She lives 5000 miles away and has called ONCE since the boys were born. No emails, letters or anything from her! She could care less! I even end pictures to her to "be the better person" and she doesn't even acknoledge that she recieves them! My parents (also 5000 miles away) call all the time, fly up all the time when they can---and we even just purchased video phones for the computer so they can see the boys LIVE everyday!
I figure it is my MIL's loss not mine!

 

My MIL is the SAME way! She lives 5000 miles away and has called ONCE since the boys were born. No emails, letters or anything from her! She could care less! I even end pictures to her to "be the better person" and she doesn't even acknoledge that she recieves them! My parents (also 5000 miles away) call all the time, fly up all the time when they can---and we even just purchased video phones for the computer so they can see the boys LIVE everyday!
I figure it is my MIL's loss not mine!

 

I totally understand! We moved back here to be near my mom. She has only seen my son (who is almost SEVEN) a handful of times. As for the twins - I think she sees them about once a month. She came in to about $200,000 not to long ago - did she buy my kids any gifts with that - NO. Not even anything for their birthdays.

My FIL is the same way. They live in Texas and the kids only see them twice a year. They give them token holiday gifts and that is it. It is really weird. I know when I have grandkids I plan to spoil them rotten!

Angel

 

What is it with granparents who don't show their love for their gradchildren??? I don't understand it. My mom is the same way. She sees how exhausting it is for me to watch the kids by myself. And what does she do, she sometimes takes the day from work and stops by my house (along with my grandmother) on their way to the Casino!!!! They only stay about 10 minutes because they have to rush over to the freakin Casino!!! and if the kids are napping they want to wake them just so that they can see them awake, without any regard to what my schedule is. The worst part is that most (if not all) the gifts that mom has ever given them are second hand toys that my mother's nephew no longer uses. Can you believe that?! The good thing is that my kids are not missing anything that they coudl offer anyway. They get everything they need from their father and I. The way we look at it is "our kids are precious and it other's people loss if they are not part of their life. It is very sad though. I am very disappointed. I tried to talk about it with my mom, and she has a way of blowing me off that drives me crazy, so I am just letting it go little by little and focusing in being a better parent myself. If you think that speaking to your dad will improve the situation, then you should do it, but if it might only makes things worse, then consider if that is worth it. Good luck!

 

When the boys were from 3-6 months old my dad was laid off from his job, so every morning he had me and boys come up and we played and visited. It was really good for them, because now they LOVE their grandpa, they would spend every waking moment with him If I would let them.

 

My dad lives about 10 minutes from us and works here in town and only saw the girls while they were in the hospital twice. Doesn't call to see how they are doing or anything. He has only seen DS a handful of times also. My mom and step-dad see my kids at least once a week and they live farther away. My ILs see them quite a bit too and live about as far away as my mom.

 

My FIL is the same way. He has never came to see the girls on his own, only when he is here to drop something off and most of the time he doesnt even come in the house! He has only seen them on holidays and for their first birthday tried to weasle out of it to go to a swap meet!!! My MIL on the other hand comes twice a week to visit them. My mother comes just about everyday (she's retired) and my father tries to see them at least once a week for a few hours (he's also retired)

I dont understand how they wouldnt want to be a part of these beautiful babies lives. I guess it is just their loss but it is SO hard to look at it like that....I hope it all works out for you.

 

I know exactly how you feel and I cry about it often. We live in PA and my Dad lives in IL. He saw the girls twice since they were born and they will be 9 months on Monday. He never calls, has never given them a single thing besides a bond for Christmas that he spent $37.50 each on. To be honest, I HATE him for this and want to end our relationship. I don't want the girls to know him. I wrote him an email about this and asked how he will feel when he comes to our house once a year and the girls say, "Mommy, who is that guy?" It obviously didn't hit home with him because he hasn't changed a bit. My sister has a 4 month old and my Dad has not flown out here to see him yet. Not once. That is an absolute disgrace. I need to stop this email because I can feel my blood pressure rising!!!

 

Me, Me, Pick Me!!!!!! My DH's father never sees the boys unless we go visit him and if he already has his routine plans that day, he won't be there! :angry: It is very hard to deal with sometimes because we have to work around his time with his friends and his Sports/Fantasy League stuff (not the word I would like to use for it but this is rated G board ).

:hug99: I know how you feel though and honestly, I don't think you can change him. Its hard for an old dog to learn new tricks, kwim?

 

My motto is: let the people who WANT to see them enjoy them. We have issues too, esp. with the IL's. They always want us to come to THEM. Sorry people, I have TWO babies, they have a schedule - our house or nothing. I know that's harsh but they are super mean to me (save that for another day - another post). I have learned to not let it bother me if someone doesn't want to see them because there are TONS who adore them waiting in the wings for a visit. I can see why this would hurt you for sure! Chin up sweetie and enjoy your mom's company.

 

Same here. MIL comes over to help out once or twice a week. FIL has seen them 2ce at the hospital and only once since then. I know my MIL is embarrassed about it; she'll say things like, "Well now that they're smiling and doing more things, we'll have to get Grandpa over here!" Whatever. They have a grandson 2 states away that he's seen more often than my girls who live 7 miles away.
But he was kinda like that with his own kids, too, kwim? So whatever. DH is an AWESOME dad, so I don't worry about it.

 

I get along fine with my MIL but she is the same way. We used to live 2 hours from her and in 2005, she only saw Samantha 1 time and we had to drive to go see her. I've tried everything, sending photos, urging DH to call etc but she's too into her own life to really care about her granddaughters. DH and I have discussed this issue many times and he's really tired of it as well. Then she has the nerve to say "I don't think Michael loves me" - uh maybe because you're ignoring his kids. We've since moved to another state and she was talking about moving here to be near the kids but it was all talk. My FIL on the other hand is more involved, he and his wife call all the time to see how we're doing (they live in FL) and will be visitng at the end of the month.

xox
Mariel

 

I have a MIL with the same annoying habit. She threw a fit that she wouldn't be invited to the baby shower when I was pregnant. My mom made sure to call her and let her know when it would be and to get her address for an invite. Then when it came down to it, she was busy getting in touch with nature (camping) and couldn't come. She complains that she never sees the babies, we don't send pictures, she is left out, etc. But.....this weekend my SIL is down from Idaho with her kids and we are having a picnic at a park with all of the grandkids. We called to tell her that we were thinking about getting together on Sat and we would call her with a time. When we called to tell her the time she said that she can't come because she has other plans. Her husband is retiring in June and she is having a party for him--I told my husband that we are not attending because I don't want to give her the opportunity to show off the kids and act like perfect grandma. She drives me nuts, she was a horrible abusive mother to her children and I just figure that it is her loss if she doesn't choose to participate when invited. It just frustrates me that she has to be the center of attention (or attempts to be) Sorry so long but I really needed to vent. Can't vent to much to DH because even though she is a beast she is his mother.