Ugh! Men!! (Dh Vent)

So our babies have been sleeping through the night pretty well for the past few weeks but I think DD is having a growth spurt because she's woken at 3:30 the past few nights and finished an 8 oz bottle.
So I was saying to Dh that I hope she stops it soon because after her 3:30 feeding I'm up again at 6 for DS and then we're up for the day.
So he offers to take night-duty last night so I can get a full night of sleep. I thought, wow! How nice of him to offer! So I took a sleeping pill and went off to bed around 10PM after the babies were all tucked in and sleeping.
4AM he shakes me awake saying "It's 4 and I haven't slept yet! DD's been up every hour and now DS is up for a bottle" So of course I'm on autopilot and bumping into walls (anyone who ever took Ambien knows what I'm talking about) and I get up and change and feed DS. I took a peek at DD and she was still up and when she saw me she got very excited and was holding her hands up for me to pick her up (unusual at 4:30 in the morning). I picked her up and she was soaked up her back. So I strip her down and clean her up, fresh diaper, all new clothes, change her sheet and give her a new blankie. (all in a stupor from the Ambien, mind you) And she goes back to sleep with no trouble.
I get bck ino bed and I ask DH if he changed her diaper or her clothes at all and he says no. So, of course that's why she was up every hour! Then I find out that he was up late fixing the computer and was in and out of their room to get stuff out of the closet (it used to be his office and he still has some stuff in there) so he was probably disturbing them all night.
So that was my night of 'uninterrupted' sleep. Why even offer to do night duty if that's how you're going to do it, and then complain about it to me at 4 AM??? I didn't ASK him to do it, he offered and even suggested I take a sleep aid so I would sleep through any crying. Next time he offers I'll just decline like he probably expected me to. I just hate empty promises. I'd rather he not offer in that case

 

So our babies have been sleeping through the night pretty well for the past few weeks but I think DD is having a growth spurt because she's woken at 3:30 the past few nights and finished an 8 oz bottle.
So I was saying to Dh that I hope she stops it soon because after her 3:30 feeding I'm up again at 6 for DS and then we're up for the day.
So he offers to take night-duty last night so I can get a full night of sleep. I thought, wow! How nice of him to offer! So I took a sleeping pill and went off to bed around 10PM after the babies were all tucked in and sleeping.
4AM he shakes me awake saying "It's 4 and I haven't slept yet! DD's been up every hour and now DS is up for a bottle" So of course I'm on autopilot and bumping into walls (anyone who ever took Ambien knows what I'm talking about) and I get up and change and feed DS. I took a peek at DD and she was still up and when she saw me she got very excited and was holding her hands up for me to pick her up (unusual at 4:30 in the morning). I picked her up and she was soaked up her back. So I strip her down and clean her up, fresh diaper, all new clothes, change her sheet and give her a new blankie. (all in a stupor from the Ambien, mind you) And she goes back to sleep with no trouble.
I get bck ino bed and I ask DH if he changed her diaper or her clothes at all and he says no. So, of course that's why she was up every hour! Then I find out that he was up late fixing the computer and was in and out of their room to get stuff out of the closet (it used to be his office and he still has some stuff in there) so he was probably disturbing them all night.
So that was my night of 'uninterrupted' sleep. Why even offer to do night duty if that's how you're going to do it, and then complain about it to me at 4 AM??? I didn't ASK him to do it, he offered and even suggested I take a sleep aid so I would sleep through any crying. Next time he offers I'll just decline like he probably expected me to. I just hate empty promises. I'd rather he not offer in that case

 

Aren't DH great??? The ONLY time DH helped me was when he tried to prove to me he could do it better...and I had to take over at 4 a.m. I find it is just easier to do it all by myself as I usually have to redo something he has done. My DH has never given my girls a bath and probably has changed poopie diapers less than ten times.

 

Men! They really don't get it. And what's really funny is, I'm sure he thought he was really helping and had no idea the ruckus he caused. They are made clueless, I think. I can't count the times my DH would give a 3 am bottle and fall asleep and the bottle fell to the floor. He would still be holding the invisible bottle and the baby would be crying, and he's sleeping away and can't understand why I'm angry.

 

Men! My dh falls asleep while feeding them. He ends up dropping the bottle and the baby is sitting there wondering what is going on. I get so mad! The man gets a full night's sleep every night. Why on earth would he be soooo tired that he has to fall asleep while feeding the baby? I also found out yesterday that my dh took them to the mall for 2 hours and also to Cosco for an hour with no diaper bag. It didn't matter that it was during feeding time. He just didn't feed them. What on earth could he need from a diaper bag? Never mind that the babies need to eat!

 

Lol yeah know what you mean! My partner has only ever done about 4 night "shifts" and they havnt even been ones that he has offered to do. I used to think i was being nice letting him sleep to go to work but now i think why the **** dont you get up! Even when you have been up numerous times and you say to him right its your turn. He turns round and say what do you mean MY turn!!! Like he is so surprised that he has to get up to his own babies! I would love if he would get up at 6am and let me sleep to 9am like he does. Or one day i would just say i am going to the shops and leave the babies with him like he does to me. But hey i dont think that will happen in the near future. Lol this is turned into me venting too! So big to you! x

 

quote:
Originally posted by Brockgirl:
Aren't DH great??? The ONLY time DH helped me was when he tried to prove to me he could do it better...and I had to take over at 4 a.m. I find it is just easier to do it all by myself as I usually have to redo something he has done. My DH has never given my girls a bath and probably has changed poopie diapers less than ten times.


This just happened Saturday night - he came home from work at 430 and told me he would wake the kids and feed them so I could sleep, which was a nice thought, but I told him to let them sleep and they'd wake when they were hungry, since they wouldn't be hungry now. Did he listen? Nope, went and did his own thing and I ended up going out there where he had all the lights blazing, Con was wailing because he had puked all over and then bopped his nose in his frantic crying, and Chase was wide awake ... took almost 2 hours to calm everyone down and get everyone back in bed (when it usually takes less than an hour to wake them, change, feed, and get them back to sleep at night.) He meant well but didn't listen to me and I had to clean up the mess, not to mention their schedule was shot.

And what is with men thinking that swings are a cure-all? I asked him to watch the kiddos so I could get some laundry folded and in 5 minutes he plunked them in their swings and walked away because "he wanted to relax" and crawled into bed. They were wide awake! I played with them on their activity mat and felt bad because they were cooing and batting at everything and it would have been a nice moment for them to share. Usually his idea of watching them is either plunking them in their swings or laying with them in bed watching TV. It drives me nuts.

Sorry to hijack your thread but grrrrrr!!!!!! I'm a new mom but I'm really understanding that moms truly know best.

Oh man, just read the sleep comment ... SO TRUE, last night he couldn't rock one to sleep because he was so tired he would fall asleep himself. I was tired too but I guess Moms just don't have the luxury. I snapped at him yesterday afternoon when we had about an hour before we had to go somewhere and he declared he was taking a nap, I was like, what about me??? Then he said how tired he was, I said, well, you're certainly entitled, aren't you, as I'm folding laundry and he's lounging in bed.

 

I am so screwed. After reading this post Ive realized that every fantasy about getting help is in fact only a fantasy. I have 2 kids ages 6&8 that I raised as a single parent, no help whatsoever. My new husband talked me into having another baby with him, promised that he would do most of the baby work, waking up in the middle of the night, etc. I just finished school, got a great job and bam pregnant. Now we're having twins in 3 months and I totally realize that this is such a croc of **** because men are seriously incapable of doing this. I almost wish I was a lesbian so I could have another woman help me out,lol.

 

Its easier for me just to do it myself. The purpose of taking baby duty so I can sleep is so defeated when Im supposed to wake him up when the babies wake up, then I cant go back to sleep because they are awake. Or on occation, he'd end up staying up all night so hed hear them wake up and then he would come upstairs and go to bed because he was tired once they were up for the day But I dont just think its men, my grandma (who is only 65) does the same thing...she'll take baby duty and then go to sleep once they are all up for the day. I dont know why everyone else gets to go back to bed after baby duty, because i sure dont

 

Everyone please vent away, this is making me feel so much better seeing that I have lots of company!

The worst part is, I can't really even say anything because he really thought he was helping

 

I almost wish I was a lesbian so I could have another woman help me out,lol.[/QUOTE]
And Kendra.. I know what you mean!!! My DH thinks that playing with them is putting them in the activity center!!!

 

I'm going to hijack just because I'm so ticked off right now at my own situation, so I apologize in advance.

What is it with this recurring theme of men shirking their responsibilities? Do they honestly feel that helping take care of their children is not their responsibility? I have had it up to here with my husband and his ability to do whatever, whenever he wants (without asking mind you, just doing). He looks at me like I'm insane when I say i need to go to the grocery store for 45 min. Like the frickin world is going to stop spinning on its axis when I leave the house.

I work full time, take the babies to and pick them up from grandmas, take care of the babies when I get home, give them their baths, put them to bed - wash, rinse, repeat 5 days a week, then come weekends, I take care of them all day and all night. He does get up to check on them at night occassionally, but then complains all day about how tired he is. HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A JOB.

Sorry, I feel better. You are NOT alone. I too had this fantasy that he would be an equal partner in all this. For the first 4 months of their lives, he was - then poof, he must have been taken over by the Lazy, Good-for-Nothing body snatcher.

 

quote:
Originally posted by cmharper:
HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A JOB.



and hes still lazy?? Oh Id be mad, well alot more than mad! If he doesnt have a job why doesnt he watch the kids all day? Im sure you are probably asking that same question though.

 

quote:
Originally posted by minnieinafrica:
I almost wish I was a lesbian so I could have another woman help me out.


One of my best friends is...she's got the same complaint about her partner...who doesn't pull her weight with their 8 month old anymore than the ladies who've already posted about husbands.

 

Oh wow! I agree with you, he shouldn't have offered.

Of course she was up every hour, I would have been to with pee all over me!

 

quote:
I am so screwed. After reading this post Ive realized that every fantasy about getting help is in fact only a fantasy


wow ladies - I'm sorry your DH's act like neanderthals - I've had nothing but help and good things to say about my DH since the twins were born...he's always gotten up at night and switched off feedings...changed more poop than I can admit - the only thing he doesn't really do is baths but he will take the clean twin and dry and dress and strip the dirty twin and wait for me...

I don't think everyone's DH is like the PP's - he may surprise you hopefully...

 

I'm with AmynTony... My DH has done nothing BUT help since the day the girls were born.. He was the first one to change their diapers and the first one to feed them (I had a c-section), and he still does as much as I do for them... The only reason my girls get baths at all is that he has the patience to do it by himself and I don't.. I'm sorry the rest of you got stuck having to deal with those problems... I guess now I know to really count my blessings when it comes to all the help I've had... Good luck to the rest of you! I hope your situations improve!

 

Don't get me wrong, my DH helps out alot, he just THINKS he does more than he actually does.
My kvetch is that he should just have kept the offer to himself if that's how it was going to be. Just a vent.