ugh I am so screwed (long vent)

At the risk of boring the ppl who have been following my story. let me sum up. no, there's too much. Let me explain.

age 12 months. Rachel starts saying "I peed in my diaper." Unbelievable. i wait 3 months to start training. things go well. I am having to remove her pants of course. something happened and she refused to go on the potty. then I restarted again at 18 months when she showed readiness. She was in underwear most of the time and dry thru naps but not dry at night. she did well with the transitions around the holidays. almost every time she put pee or poop in the potty she would get a little butterscotch chip. This reward continued probably far too long, because no one told me to stop it, and therefore, Rachel began to become more dependent on my taking her than her telling me that she needed to go.

Age 21 months. Alexis starts showing interest. I am continuing to take Rachel and help her get her pants down, I had to continue giving Rachel the reward because Alexis was now getting one. I was getting excited about giving up diapers. except for night time.

Age 23 months. we take a long car trip 900 miles in 2 days and of course i just put them in diapers for that. But once we got home (after the second 900 mile trip) they were having alot of accidents.

Problems: 1. I am the one taking them to the potty, or insisting that they go at the logical times in order to avoid accidents. It's always been that way. Maybe I am not patient enough, or in too much of a hurry so that I do too much for them? 2. When I try to let them take initiative (not remind them, or try to get something done), I go through 6+ pr undies in a morning. and another 6 in the afternoon. I suffered thru that for weeks then put them back in diapers just before their 2nd bday. I also get lots of accidents that happen in the bathroom while they are deciding which potty to sit on, and who is going to remove the pants. :umm: My peers who only have singletons recommended that I put them back in diapers. 3. DH doesn't want them to have an accident -- ever it seems. every time we go anywhere they would have to have a diaper or a pull up on. either on top of the undies or instead of the undies. the girls are smart enough to know that the pull up is their insurance. 4. stickers (instead of candy) did not seem to be an option because Alexis rips all her stickers off the chart then proceeds to rip off all Rachels stickers. she loves stickers and wants to stick and restick them anywhere and everywhere. So if i put the sticker chart where she can reach it to put the stickers on, she eventually rips them off. She has no sense of accumulating wealth.

5. As of this week. now 26 months. I am trying to re-start potty training, but I am so afraid it's going to be too stressful for me... I'm also afraid of missing the window of opportunity... Here's why I want to start again: We were reading a book and I pointed out that the characters had BG beds, not cribs. I told them when they decided to stop wearing diapers and use the potty that Mommy would buy them a BG bed. Lexis wanted to wear undies and then of course Rachel decides to do so. I decide OK , this will be easier than dealing with 2 tantrums right before nap. So Rachel ended up messing in her pants 3-4 times that afternoon and then I put her back in a diaper. Lexi also had one accident. Today I just put them in diapers I didn't want to mention it. But tonight before bath, Lexi was able to pee on command so that I would turn on the bath water.
6. Today, I did ask them to go potty. Alexis even told me, "Peepee momma" after the fact.. Before naps, I said, after nap you will go poop. Alexis only agreed to go poop if she got candy. So I put her on the potty, promised the candy (ugh) and she went poop in the potty - but pee in the diaper beforehand. ugh! Then after the poop she and her sister did a little potty success song and dance, at Rachel's initiation. Rachel was singing and they were both boogieing. Why can't potty training be this cute and fun all the time!!

I wanted to go from crib to BG bed. Is this reasonable??? Is it better or somehow easier to put them in the toddler bed before potty training. ?? Is it reasonable to day train them and still "entrap" them in the cribs for as long as possible?

Alexis is also removing her diaper about 50% of the time when she pees in it, when she is awake.

I want to be done with diapers. I know they have the capability now of undressing themselves, of holding their pee for along time. They are independent enough to put things where they belong, to clean up, to follow instructions, etc and most of the checklists they seem to pass.

I promise I don't know what I am doing. I am so screwed because of this blessed candy. Should I try the stickers again? Should I just sing and dance? (I like this idea). should I have one potty or two? How do I transition them out of the "Princess/Queen" mode (where I do almost everything for them & they start doing it? Should I just wait until I discover that Pampers doesn't make a diaper big enough to fit them? Should I just focus on one child at the time, or can I train both with out losing my sanity?

Please help. If I start training again, I want it to stick. I don't want to have to bribe them to go with candy, stickers or bathwater.

 

First, I think you need a :hug99:. Now, what I would do in your situation is put away the panties for a while. Pick a date on the calendar and tell them, "when (whatever day you picked) comes, we will stop using diapers when you are awake." I would pick something like Halloween, Thanksgiving, maybe even Christmas. It sounds to me like they know how much it matters to you that they use the potty and it's become a control thing. Let it go completely for a while. When it's time, put the panties on instead of diapers and remind them that they need to use the potty, not go in the panties. You'll probably have a ton of accidents for the first few days. Just help them change and move on. They will see that it doesn't matter to you, and it's much easier to go in the potty than have to change clothes a million times. I would also let them put a sticker on a chart that is visible to them but they can't reach. You pull it down to put the sticker on and then put it out of reach. I've had great success with my three oldest doing it this way. It is parent directed, but there's not much parent involvement. The child is responsible for what is expected of them. Anyway, I feel like I'm babbling! I hth some!

 

:hug99: :hug99: :love0028:

THATS FOR STARTERS..

IMO AND MY EXPIRENCE.. I DECIDED TO WAITE UNTIL THEY ARE 2.5+ AND 3.5

MY OLDER SON IS GETTING BETTER BUT I DONT PUSH HIM.. HE GOES WHEN I GO.. I DONT GO OFTEN ..
SO HE GOES WHEN MY MOTHER GOES.. WHICH IS VERY OFTEN..

MY LITTLE ONES WELL LETS JUST SAY MY YOUNGER TWIN DS.. IS OBLIVIOUS.. IE THE REASON IM WAITING..
WE DO PANTIES FOR FUN..

MY TWIN DD WHO IS ALMOST TWO.. KNOWS WHEN SHE GOES.. BUT CANT TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PEE AND POOP..
SHE THINKS EVERYTHING IS POOP.. SO THAT I WILL CHANGE HER DIAPER..
IE ANOTHER REASON IM WAITING..

I FIGURE.. WHEN WERE INSIDE/ INSIDE PLACES.. NOT AT A PARK WITH PORTA POTTYS.. ILL TRAIN THEM.. IE JAN/FEB/ MAR OF NEXT YEAR.
I WANT THEM TO BE GOOD AND READY.


AS FOR YOU.. I THINK ( PLEASE DONT BE UPSET) YOUR THE ONE WHO IS REALLY TRYING..
NOT THE GIRLS.. I THINK .. MAYBE THEY NEED ALITTLE MORE TIME.. IMO..

ALL OF THAT BEING SAID.. I THINK YOUR A GREAT MOM AND HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL..
JUST WAITE .. WHEN THEY ARE TRAINED THIS TOO WILL BE A BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR ALL OF YOU

PS AND TO MAKE YOU LAUGH..
MY DD (ALMOST TWO) PUT ON PANTIES THEN SAT ON THE POTTY AND PEED THROUGH THEM..
I TOLD HER NOT TO PEE ON ELMO.. BUT I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING..

FOR NOW ITS A GAME..
WINTER IS ADIFFERENT STORY

 

wow you got a lot there!! Well, first, I don't think where they sleep and potty training have too much to do with one another... will they be getting up and putting themselves on the potty at night or after naptime on their own anyway???..probably not..so personally I don't feel it's connected... plus I have always focused first on awake time training. You can't really control what they do during their sleep, so I keep my kids in diapers at night and nap until they stay dry.

as far as general training. I feel like there are two schools of thought...gradual training in which parents expect the child to initiate and to be the one to tell them when they need to go. I've rarely heard of a kid under 2.5 who has done this though.... I do have a friend whose child is a one month older than mine and she now does this. the other school of thought is that you simply get them to figure out how to go on the potty and hold it a reasonable enough time...then you take them on somewhat of a schedule.. This is what I have always done. And I don't need to watch the clock beyond the first week or so of potty training. My twin dd initiated the whole process on her own at 19 months... I trained her at 22 months, formally... My ds and my older dd were fairly similar...at 27 months and 26 months respectively.. I just took their diaper away, let them run around in just undies and had them sit on the potty periodically until they figured it out. lots of accidents yes... some whining and crying b/c they didn't want to sit on the potty. But I would just firmly tell them that they had to b/c we were done with diapers. I never scolded over accidents....just firmly reminded them they needed to do that in the potty and not on the floor. I did try bribery with my older dd and that just frustrated her. with my twin dd I did use stickers at first as a reward when she pooped..but not for too long. With my ds I gave him a "special treat" ...gummy bear or equivalent when he peed on the potty...but I only let it go on for a week, then no more treats...b/c "now he is a big boy and doesn't need a treat to use the potty." He still has yet to poop on the potty, he waits until naptime to do that...so I'm still offering him a treat for pooping...but so far he just tells me "I don wan a special tweat!" LOL!!

Well, that's what I did...and it worked pretty well... for outings I'd keep them in pull-ups if you know they won't go in a public bathroom. If you know for sure that your child will go at least a little bit when you take them, then you can feel more confident in taking them out. For my girls I used a foldable potty seat to put over the public bathroom toilets...found it at BRU for like $10, fits in my diaper bag. Anyway that makes them a bit less nervous. And you do have to practice in public bathrooms... they probably won't go pee the first few times you try it...at least mine never did. too nervous...stage fright with all those strange sights and noises in a public bathroom!!

So when did my kids start asking to go on their own??... around age 3 my older dd started telling me. I think this is fairly typical no matter when you train them. Most kids on the "self-initiating" schedule tend to train between 2.5 and 3 anyway... and I know my kids would have been closer to age 3 if I had waited for them to decide. So the trade off... well, I do have to remember a bladder (or two) outside my own body!! LOL! But honestly my older dd has been putting herself on the potty since age 3....and now with the twins I put them on in the morning when they wake up....once midmorning...and before naptime... so that's three potty breaks in the morning, we do it at the same time since ds still prefers the little potty chair and dd has always used the big potty. In the afternoon, I put them on after their nap, then before dinner, then before bed.... So a total of six potty breaks throughout the day. IMHO there isn't too much inconvenience with this for a few reasons...1. even if they did tell me on their own I would still have to physically put them on since they are too little to get themselves on...(and even if ds could sit himself on the little chair, he still needs that guard up!) 2. I would still need to wipe their little butts...so it does require me getting up off my butt regardless. LOL!! The major benefit... I'm saving lots of money every week...so having to remember their relatively few potty breaks is well worth that trade off IMHO.

okay HTH.. good luck with your endeavors!!!

 

I would do as the PP suggested and give it a break. If they ask to go, fine, but otherwise it is diapers. They are very young. I know my SIL tried to train my neice young, and ended up with constipation issues that stretched through most of her childhood--she is 13 now, and fine. The ped told her it stemmed from early training.

Also, when you start again, only use praise, claps, dances as "rewards". As you found out stickers, candy, etc. can easily backfire.