Two Together, Two Apart?

My twin boys will be 5 at the end of the summer... for the most part they are always together, playing, sharing, being social, fighting etc... Lately, I've noticed one is tending to be more independantly social with his friends at school and at the park/playgroups... the other seems to be sitting back, almost not knowing what to do without his "partner in crime", sitting at the perimeter of what all the other kids are doing.

Strangely, this one used to be the more dominant of the two, for he had better language skills, tended to over talk people, loved being the center of attention...now the other has improved his language and social skills and is branching out...

I guess I'm unsure how to approach the situation...I've gently tried to encourage him to join the others but he often stays with me (which he never did before) or plays on his own... I've noticed that this is primarily with kids they know from school - if they were strangers he would approach them and be fine with it because his brother is standing by his side...

How do I go about nurturing his independance and individuality? I don't want to push too hard - and I know it is a stage and he will grow in to it - so do I just let it happen on its own??

 

Do you take them for one on one time? Do they have any separate activities or playdates? That is what I would start with to help him get used to approaching/playing with other children without his twin.
The one on one time doesn't have to be anything flashy or expensive, you can take one of them to run errands or to the park while the other stays with their dad/grandparent/family friend. Or arrange a couple of playdates at the same time where one goes to a friends house and the other has a friend over to your house.
Different out of school activities (or even the same thing at different times) could also be a great way of gently encouraging him to interact more with his peers. Any class will have structure to it, which is useful for children who are a little unsure to start off with, and they also have the bonus of the kids having a common interest to base interaction around.

It might also be worth talking to his teacher(s) to see if they have noticed the same behaviour at school. If they have I'd say it's worth considering putting them in separate classes (assuming they are in the same class and you were going to keep them together).

Good luck!

 

Sorry, posted twice by accident!

 

I agree with Twin Nanny that is sounds like they need time apart. I would also try and find things that each likes to do and/or are good at and foster those "skills". For example, take a climber to the park or a reader to the library. You might find that friendships develop out of being around other kids that enjoy the same activity. I wouldn't push the quiet one into situations where he is uncomfortable, but instead try and find situations where he is comfortable. Hope that makes sense.

Best of luck!

 

Is he unhappy hanging back, or does he just seem to prefer it? He may just be going through a phase where he doesn't like to jump right in. I think time apart is probably a good idea no matter what, but as far as how you handle that specific situation (when they are together but one twin is playing with other kids more than the other), it depends on whether it seems to bother him.

Amy tends to jump right in and play with other kids. Sarah will hang back, but her emotions about it are not always the same. Sometimes she seems envious that Amy is interacting with other kids and she isn't -- in those cases, I try to help her get involved in the play too. But sometimes she just wants to swing on the swing or sit with me on the bench, and is pretty content with that. (I think she likes having the extra attention from me, since Amy is much more demanding of my attention when we're at home.) If she's happy, I have to remind myself that it's OK for her not to be playing with the other kids.

 

Does he have something that he just loves to do on his own? I would embrace that and run with it. If it's music then maybe a music class that he takes on his own.

You've gotten some great advice and I hope something helps. :grouphug: