Twins VS Singleton

I need help... My Mother in law is constantly "suggesting" how to Mother our twins boys (2months old). I am sure this happens to everyone. Our struggle is this: We feed on demand (usually every 3-4hrs), but if only one is acting hungry, we feed both. We do this to maintain some sort of sanity. My Mother in law is constantly wanting to feed the crying baby. We explain there are other reasons babies cry- it is not always hunger (especially if it has only been an hour since their last feeding). Then we explain if we feed one, then we have to feed the other, and so on.
My question is this: She raised 3 singletons (30years ago), it is VERY different with twins... she does not get that. Does anyone have a clever response to the constant "suggesting" from the mother of singletons.

PS My Sister in law also has a 2 month old (singleton) who feeds with every whimper (her kid eats 2x to our kids' 1x), so we are compared to her as well.

 

Our reply for when people offer suggestions/advice/commands, etc is "Well our doctor says......"
Anytime you seem to say it's from your doctor who's calling the shots, they seem to back right off. well at least our families did. They took that as gospel and were surprisingly like "oh, ok, things must have changed".
So we used that a LOT! ha ha ha ha

maybe try that!!! (we are following our drs orders -- our doctor says to feed them every X hours)etc

Hope that helps!!!! It's not easy getting so much advice! :headbang:

 

We used the doctor excuse too! We, from the beginning, fed them at the same time on a schedule and my mom thought it was cruel. I knew they were getting enough, and if they were crying I also knew that it was probably from something other than hunger and I told those who criticized that. I don't think they thought it made sense then, but now everyone gives us kudos for sticking to a schedule and getting them on the same one because it has made everything so much more manageable!

 

I'm sorry-you didn't get the memo that MIL's know best? :laughing: Yup-mil's or even your own mother love to give their .02. But-now that we are almost three years from the newborn stage, I can tell you it doesn't last forever. Well-it is just about different things! LOL! Seriously, in those first few weeks I was going mental with mil. Looking back in hindsight, she was just trying to help. My mother stayed away more because she knew MIL would constantly be here, etc. I loved when my mil would mention how my dh was potty trained before the age of two. Isn't that just dandy. He was your only child at that point. Drove me bonkers! So when she bought me pull ups for the boys, I never used them, and potty trained them in three days-with NO pull-ups.

I couldn't stand when everyone would say, "Oh he's hungry. Where's a bottle? Oh, his nose is stuffy. He must be sick." Everyone was so full of opinions, drove me crazy! But-like I said, it doesn't last forever, and some day, maybe, you will laugh about it!

And-go with the Dr excuse. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! Good luck!

 

LOL - I am going through the exact same thing with my MIL! I love my MIL and we get along really great, but sometimes I just have to bite my tongue. Ever since the twins were born, she has been "suggesting" to me that I need to give them water to drink. I told her that the doctor said it was dangerous to give them water too early, and it may also interfere with nursing and their milk intake. She just nodded, and then a few days later, told me I should give them water because that's what she did with her babies (30+ years ago!). She and my husband's grandmother constantly give me "suggestions" on what I should be doing, and how I should be doing it. I know that they are just trying to be helpful, but it still drives me crazy. So, in short, I don't really have any helpful responses, but I just wanted you to know that I can totally relate. Hang in there.

 

I did, too used the "doctor said" more than once. But I'm not always that smart. Many times I just told her, that whatever they did was her/their business, and this is mine. She can say whatever she wants, if I think it's a good advice, I'll take it. If not, I won't. But most likely the more she is trying to convince me, the more I go against her, so it's just better if she backs off and lets me do my things.
I know, I'm a piece of work.
On the other hand, my mom was soooo different about it.
Yes, it drives you crazy, but as Meg said, it'll pass.

 

Yea, what is it with the water!!! I got that all the time and still get it once in a while.

But, yes, I think that is the official duty of the MIL - to suggest - and suggest all the time - and in different ways "I just happen to be talking to someone about this and let me suggest...". i think it's part of the handbook. I don't know what to say to it, (the Dr. says idea is a great one! I think i'll use that). My MIL drives me bonkers - she knows a few people that just had babies too, so she is always telling me how THEY handle something or that they use a different brand of something - or whatever. Ugh!

And, as far as the feeding when crying - i find that everyone has different opinions on that. I fed every 3-4 hours like you. I have a friend that fed if her baby was crying and nothing else soothed him (e.g. diaper change, rest, etc.) even if it was only 1.5 hours since the last feeding. I don't think one method is right or wrong... just what you feel as the mother is the right thing in your situation. Which is exactly it - you are the mother and you have intuition about your own baby that KNOW ONE else has. It's a special thing.

 

That is so hard - I like the "doctor" excuse, too. Have you tried telling her that you have talked to other parents of twins and that is what most of them do? I know a parent of twins who tried to demand feed both of her kids when small (they are in their 20's now). She gave up after a month because she was exhausted and started feeding one when she fed the other. Also, you can't just feed them every time they cry - my brother and SIL did that with their son and he is overweight and still wanting to eat a bottle in the middle of the night at 16 months. He is constantly wanting to eat and it becoming a huge battle for them.

The issue for me has been with my own mom and the sleeping schedules. She thinks I should just let them randomly nap whenever they act the least bit sleepy. I have been trying very hard to get them on a schedule, but when she watches them for me to go out (groceries, dentist, whatever) she totally throws off their schedule and it makes things worse. I have tried telling her that I have talked to lots of people on here and in real life, and she just says "well, you guys never had a schedule". It's so frustrating sometimes....

 

I burst out crying when they kept suggesting the babies were hungry. Um, I can only feed so much and the doc said every 3 was fine.

Wish I had thought about the doctor answer!!

Just trust your instinct. You are their mom.

 

That's what everybody was doing - or tea instead of water - 30 some years ago. Thinking that milk will not quench babies thurst. Now, 30 years later, we know it's not true, and water is no longer needed in between feedings or at night - because accordint to my MIL everybody gets thursty in the middle of the night. It's only normal.

 

It drove me CRAZY when mothers of singletons would give me advice. Now, at 7 months, I can honestly say I'm confident in my parenting, and I just roll my eyes (to myself). Mothers who mothered infants 30+ years ago don't remember what their babies were like at 2 months. Please. I barely remember and it was just a few months ago. Most of the advice you hear is probably what they did for their baby at 6 months. I'm sure you're doing an awesome job!!! (and we did exactly what you're doing with feeding schedules.)

 

Dr. Sears suggests it for formula fed babies. I don't do it myself, but I don't think it's a horrible suggestion, unless the child is struggling to eat enough food during the day of course. My mom gives my twins a little water off a spoon when they get hiccups and sometimes it helps. I don't mind. My pediatricians' practice officially advises against it, but off the record, their actual ped will say it is okay if it satisfies them.

 

I would just say "thank you for your concern, but every twin parenting reference suggests I feed them this way, and our pediatrician is happy with their growth.". I read 5 or 6 books before I had my twins, and every single one of them recommended feeding both twins if one demands. Its really the only way to keep some little bit of sanity. The pp's are right, so many people overfeed their kids by feeding them every time they cry and it is adding to the obesity epidemic. I always remind my patients that babies cry because they are uncomfortable, tired, dirty, gassy, etc. But, since babies like to suck, they will take the food if it's put in their mouth.

I don't know what your relationship with your MIL is, but if you don't feel comfortable maybe your DH could gently tell her to tone down the suggestions a little. A lot has changed with parenting in the past 30 years, considering then they thought it was ok to give brandy for teething and put babies to sleep on their bellies and let kids ride in the car without seatbelts.

 

Gosh, it feels good to know I am not the only one who has struggled with this! I appreciate all the input... you ladies are great!! It is true, all the books I read said to feed them both at the same time and it is true that our Dr is happy with their growth, so that is going to be my response going forward...Thank you all!!

 

It doesn't sound like a twin vs singleton thing to me. I demand fed my first (singleton) and I got the same suggestion every time she made a noise. I also did what you are doing and fed both twins right after the other or together to keep me sane. Otherwise I would be feeding 24/7.

It sounds like a nice, "Thank you so much for your suggestion but we have established a routine that really works for us and we are going to do it this way." is in order.

you don't need to explain why you have chosen to do it this way. You are the parents and it is your choice as to how to raise your kids. Put down the law and stop the suggestions now or you will be getting them more and more frequently and they will never stop.