Twins in totally different grades?

Hi, I'm hoping one of you have some advise for me. My kids were born in November, and I'm trying to decide if my daughter should move on to Kindergarten, or do another year in preschool.

Ally is a normal 4 year old, but Jack has Autism. Currently, they're in seperate schools. Ally's teacher suggested that Ally go to Kindergarten next year, instead of another year of preschool. Jack will do another year in his special ed. preschool program.

I can see the good and bad of sending her to K.

Bad:
Ally will always be a grade ahead of Jack.
She'll be one of the youngest in her class for the rest of her school career.

Good:
If they're in different grades, it won't be as apparent to the other kids that Jack is Ally's brother. I worry that she's going to get teased because he's different.

She'll be challenged in K, where she wouldn't be in another year of preschool.

It's just so hard! I don't want to hold her back in the hope that he'll catch up, and can be in regular Kindergarten. But, then I don't want to send her on to K and have her be the 'baby' of the class.

 

I would probably let her do the year of K. As a November baby, if she lived here in NJ or in PA, then she would have to wait regardless--our cut off is Oct. 1, and PA is August 27. I have never heard of a parent saying they regret giving the "gift" of another year--as my Nursery school calls it. What you can do is look at other preschool options, like if she has been going 3 days a week, somewhere that goes 5 days a week. Also, Marc's school offers a 4+ program for kids like Ally, which is more academic than the regular preschool program.

It is a hard decicion--good luck!

 

Wow, that's a really tough decision to have to make. I like Sharon's suggestion of a different type of preschool that does more academically to prepare her even more for when she does go to kindergarten. Do you think she's ready to make the jump into kindergarten? Or do you think that another year of preschool would do her some good?

 

She's already going 8-3, M-F. She's fine dealing with other kids, in fact, she's way more popular than I ever was She's really outgoing, and I don't think she'd have a problem dealing with older kids. She already gravitates to the older girls in her preschool class.

She does tend to be on the mouthy side, but that's not isolated to school, I swear she's got the mouth of a 14 year old instead of a 4 year old. That's the only thing I worry about with her going to Kindergarten. I think those teachers will be less tolerant of back-talk and I don't want her in trouble all the time at school. I don't know if another year old preschool will cure her of her mouth though...I hear it only gets worse, lol.

 

quote:
She'll be one of the youngest in her class for the rest of her school career.


quote:
I don't want to send her on to K and have her be the 'baby' of the class.



I just wanted to say that I don't think this should be considered either a bad thing or a good thing. I started kindergarten at age 4 and turned 5 a couple months after school started. I was always the youngest in my group of friends, the last to get my drivers' license, and the only one who graduated at 17. Honestly, I never felt self-conscious about it at all. It just "was," KWIM?

Since I was a very tall youngster, it was probably a good thing that my folks didn't wait an extra year. I was already as tall as all the boys in kindergarten who were a year older than me. Imagine how I would have towered over them if we'd been the same age!

As for having twins in different grades, I have been working hard at realizing that my boys are individuals and deserve to have their individual needs met. In their case, it might manifest itself in one at a gifted school and one not. I don't think one should be held back in hopes the other will catch up.

I heard someone explain it once that they wouldn't deny one medicine because the other didn't need it, nor would they give them both medicine when only one needed it.

Good luck with your decision!

 

Jill,
Have you come to any conclusions? I too am struggling with the same decision. My twin's birthday is September when they will be 5. One twin is ready for kindergarten (Katie) 4 going on 15, the other (Ellie) is delayed due to a mitochondrial disease. She's not just delayed but I doubt that she will be physically able to have a full day of school by first grade. The special ed pre-school has recommended she try an early fives program next year and then do kindergarten at 6. We have serious reservations about how she will do in a regular school situation, I just hate to set her up to fail. I know I can't hold Katie back for her sister the rest of her life, in fact this is the only instance I would consider doing it, to start them off on a level playing field, but they will never be on a level playing field and Ellie will most likely be held back or need special schooling anyway. My worry is for Ellie's psychy when she's older. I am weighing will she feel better about herself if I made the decision in the first place for Katie to move ahead, rather than her think it was her getting held back. Does that make sense? I don't want her to be upset with me, but I would rather it be me than herself, when it is out of her control. They don't have a strong twin bond because of their maturity differences, my 5 year old and Katie are more bonded. But Katie feels a very strong sense of protection and responsibility for Ellie, and that is another factor. On one hand I would like her to protect Ellie from being teased, but I also don't want Katie have to feel responsible for her all day long either.
Rebecca

 

I was just getting on this forum to pose a similar question. "what to do when one is delayed" and how to proceed with kindergarten.

Thanks for the post and I'll continue to watch the responses.

It really eased my mind seeing the comment
quote:
I heard someone explain it once that they wouldn't deny one medicine because the other didn't need it, nor would they give them both medicine when only one needed it.


Thank you

 

I don't know if this will help or not, but I saw this movie about a set of boy/girl twins. The boy had Autism, and the girl was fine. The movie showed on Disney a couple of years ago. I'm sure that it is now on DVD. It is call Tru Confessions. One of the stars in it is Shia LaBeouf. He was the boy who aways got in trouble on Even Steven's. In this movie he plays the boy with Autism.
I really liked this movie. When it came out our Twins Club had said for us to watch it. Some said that it helped them understand. Anyway I just thought you might want to check it out. It might give you some insight.

 

If it were me, I would have her do another year of preschool. Here in Maryland, there is now a cut off of Sept. 1, which is a new thing, because this coming Aug/Sept. all schools have to have all day K. My DD now is in all day K, she is an October b-day and missed the cut off the year before, when it was Sept. 30, by 11 days. That said being in all day K is hard work. It is amazing how much they expect these little kindergarteners to do, it is basically first grade. I am also a former teacher and I have seen it catch up to kids in 2nd or 3rd grade when they have a late b-day. I didn't have the option to start my DD when she was 4 turning 5, but if I did I would not have started her then. I have seen kids that have late b-days that are less mature and therefore have a harder time completing the assignments they are expected to complete. I just always remember when I was teaching 2nd grade I had the media specialists DD in my class and she used to teach 3rd grade. Her DD was a Nov. b-day. She started her when she was 4 and by 2nd grade she was struggling. She said that in preschool they told her she was ready to go, but she can see it catching up to her now. That has always been in the back of my mind. I did not want my DD to struggle in a few years or be less mature than her classmates. I also would not want her to be the youngest child in the class. She is now the oldest in the class since she started K at the end of Aug. and turned 6 on Oct. 11. I have no problem with that infact I think it has helped her.

It is a difficult decision and I'm glad I didn't need to make it. But personally I would not want to find out in a few years I didn't make the right decision and have her be struggling. I feel there is no hard in starting her late and giving her a better headstart. Good luck with your decision.

 

My first impression is to continue to give them what they each need, and if they are in different classes that's what they need right now. I only had to grapple with the issue of different classrooms or not, not diff. grades, but I must say that my boys have flourished; that they're twins isn't the first thing the teachers think about them. They still see each other at lunch, or on the bus. And they still spend much of their free time together, although we don't make them.
If one of your kids is ready for a different grade than another, I wouldn't hold them back. They may resent you and/or their sibling later.

 

My first impression is to continue to give them what they each need, and if they are in different classes that's what they need right now. I only had to grapple with the issue of different classrooms or not, not diff. grades, but I must say that my boys have flourished; that they're twins isn't the first thing the teachers think about them. They still see each other at lunch, or on the bus. And they still spend much of their free time together, although we don't make them.
If one of your kids is ready for a different grade than another, I wouldn't hold them back. They may resent you and/or their sibling later.

 

Hi all

This is my first entry. Hi everyone!... I am a Australian mum of fraternal twin girls, aged 7. We have just put our girls in separate classes this year for the first time. So far so good. Emily requested this last year, as she was struggling a bit with friends. Her sister Olivia is very popular and has always been slighter ahead of Emily in all regards, physically and academically. Emily is in a Year 1/2 class, and Olivia Year 2/3 composite class (at our request). It is only a small school so the choices of classes were not great. Fortunately for us, this worked out perfectly. However other twins in their year haven't been so lucky. The parents would have like them separated, but because they were at the same level academically they had to remain in the same class again. They appear to be liking this set up, but they have always been fairly independent of each other. Dealing with different teachers, homework, routines etc has meant more organising for us however, but you would get that with non-multiples anyway.

We are also about to put them into separate bedrooms!! to again give them some more independence... and less squabbling in the evening. Will keep you posted on that.

Look forward to chatting with you all in the future.

 

I would struggle with this, i would like to send all three of my kids off to school the same year if i could.

I think she would be fine going to k, or staying back at preeschool.

maybe ask her what she wants to do, does she want to stay with her brother or go on to k?