Twins getting PT, OT

Our twins are now 7 months old, 5 months adjusted and we thought everything was going well. At first I was worried about my ds with hypertonia, but he seemed to be improving and the ped neuro said he was not at all concerned. We applied for an evaluation for developmental delay at three months and were denied, then I applied again at 6 months because I really just wanted to make sure everything was ok, and they were approved because they were behind even their corrected age developmentally. I thought I would be ok with this ( and stay strong) because in the end if something is not majorly wrong PT can only help them and if there is something wrong they will get the best attention and care early enough to help them progress to their full abilities. I just feel so bad and upset right now. I am not sure why, I just feel guilty that I didn't do enough to stimulate them with activities and I am a bad mother because they are so behind. Even though they did have reflux issues, ds had colic and I had a two year old to chase around as well, I just feel like I failed them. I should have done better. I know this is a minor in the big scheme of things and I did the best I could and all that, but then I question did I really? I am just rambling now, but I feel so inadequate.
Sorry for such downer post, not usually so low.

 

I am sure you were doing the best you can. Having twins is very challenging especially with reflux, etc but add a toddler to the mix and you are in a whole other arena. Don't beat yourself up about it. I think that babies develop at their own pace and maybe yours just need a little extra to meet the milestones. THankfully there are programs like EI out there to meet those needs and help your kiddos. I bet much of it was beyond your control. Maybe they just need a bit more specific therapy than a parent can offer. :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

 

Hey,

Do not feel bad. Your twins are developing however they were meant to. If they're behind, that's just the way they are, not a reflection of you as a mother. Seriously. If kids became developmentally behind because their parents didn't stimulate them enough, then all the parents who worked hard at playing with their kids and helping them grow would have kids who are developmentally ahead, but that's not the case. Similarly, all those "bad" parents... those who neglect their kids, who put them in front of the TV all day, etc. would have kids that are behind. And that doesn't happen. There are tons of developmentally advanced kids who come from neglectful homes. And there are wonderful parents, great people, hard working people, who have kids who can benefit from physical therapy and other services. You're one of them. If you were a bad mother, you would not have applied twice for your kids to get service and stuck with it after you were denied.

So do not worry. Your kids will do great. They will get whatever therapy will help them, and in a few years, you'll be looking back and will be glad you were smart enough and committed enough and a good enough mother to get your children the help that they need.

 

QUOTE(Trishandthegirls @ Dec 13 2007, 01:47 AM) [snapback]531524[/snapback]
Hey,

Similarly, all those "bad" parents... those who neglect their kids, who put them in front of the TV all day, etc. would have kids that are behind. And that doesn't happen. There are tons of developmentally advanced kids who come from neglectful homes.

This is an excellent point.

 

QUOTE(Trishandthegirls @ Dec 12 2007, 08:47 PM) [snapback]531524[/snapback]
Hey,

Do not feel bad. Your twins are developing however they were meant to. If they're behind, that's just the way they are, not a reflection of you as a mother. Seriously. If kids became developmentally behind because their parents didn't stimulate them enough, then all the parents who worked hard at playing with their kids and helping them grow would have kids who are developmentally ahead, but that's not the case. Similarly, all those "bad" parents... those who neglect their kids, who put them in front of the TV all day, etc. would have kids that are behind. And that doesn't happen. There are tons of developmentally advanced kids who come from neglectful homes. And there are wonderful parents, great people, hard working people, who have kids who can benefit from physical therapy and other services. You're one of them. If you were a bad mother, you would not have applied twice for your kids to get service and stuck with it after you were denied.

So do not worry. Your kids will do great. They will get whatever therapy will help them, and in a few years, you'll be looking back and will be glad you were smart enough and committed enough and a good enough mother to get your children the help that they need.


Wow! This was what I was trying to say but couldn't figure out how! So glad you are articulate (you must be getting more sleep than me )

 

I am sorry you are feeling this way, but relieved that someone else is feeling what I am feeling too. I have 2 sets of twins, ages 2 1/2 and 1 1/2. All but one of them has OT; the 1 1/2 year olds have PT too and will begin speech soon. I am feeling overwhelmed and guilty too. It is soooo hard to give everyone the attention I feel they need at times. I have felt too that maybe I haven't worked hard enough, etc. Maybe we should be at home reading or working on fine motor stuff instead of running to Walmart. I taught 1st grade for 9 years and feel like I should have been able to help more. I feel especially guilty about the son who isn't involved in therapy b/c I feel he is feeling left out, not knowing that his brothers need the therapy and it isn't somewhere "fun" to go, which I think is how he views it.

However, children all have their own time in doing things. I am convinced of that. I am learning not to compare my own children, nor them to other children either. I think benchmarks are great for snapshots, but they don't define your child.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You love your kids and are giving them what they need. As my PT once said "One day you won't even remember J. scooted across the room on his butt to get to where he wanted to go. You will be busy praising him for crawling!".

 

First off, let me say that I think you are a HERO for just making it through the day with baby twins and a toddler with everyone in one piece! :clapping:

It is so easy to feel guilty if things don't all go according to the textbook, but from your post it sounds like you are a WONDERFUL mother. You sought help for your babies not once but twice - plenty of people would have shrugged it off after being denied the first time and just assumed everything is ok. You are being a terrific advocate for your kids and getting them any extra help they may need. And you're catching issues early, instead of waiting til they're a year old or something, which will make a huge difference. If they do need any extra help from EI, it is NOT your fault - after all, your babies came 2 months early! Preemies are more likely to have little delays just because they're preemies.

Please give yourself a pat on the back instead of beating yourself up. You are a great mom, and your kids are so so SO lucky to have you!

 

Thanks everyone for the support! It is so nice to have that extra push in a positive way of thinking. My logical side says that they need this and it is nothing I did wrong to make them delayed and that my precious babies will develop in their own time, but every now and again I just question myself and wonder if I had done something different along the way, ... maybe if I had told the dr's to stop the mag a few hours sooner, then they wouldn't have had hypermagnesia and wouldn't have needed ventilation, maybe if I had gotten off work sooner I wouldn't have gone into preterm labour, maybe if I had tried to put them on their bellies more they would have been up to speed by now... but with your comments I am able to rest those doubts and simply move forward and enjoy the pace that the babies themselves will set! It is soo nice and theraputic to just get some of these thoughts out there, and not keep them bottled up inside (no one else in my ring of friends/family really knows the doubts and fears of having premature twins). Anyways thanks again!

 

Good news,

Just started PT and OT today and it was wonderful! I think this is truly the best thing for my babies. They therapists said that they really don't have any huge issues, and that this therapy will only help them catch up with peers a little faster and considering it is free and we qualified then why not? I was so happy with today's session, the babies love it and the therapists even noticed something that my 2.5 year old dd could work on in terms of posture and walking. I think it is going to be so valuable to have trained professionals with my family 2x a week. I was so nervous and afraid at first but now I am glad I have these services! Thanks for all the advice!

 

QUOTE(pumpkintwins @ Jan 9 2008, 07:42 PM) [snapback]565260[/snapback]
Good news,

Just started PT and OT today and it was wonderful! I think this is truly the best thing for my babies. They therapists said that they really don't have any huge issues, and that this therapy will only help them catch up with peers a little faster and considering it is free and we qualified then why not? I was so happy with today's session, the babies love it and the therapists even noticed something that my 2.5 year old dd could work on in terms of posture and walking. I think it is going to be so valuable to have trained professionals with my family 2x a week. I was so nervous and afraid at first but now I am glad I have these services! Thanks for all the advice!


That's great news! :hug99:

 

What a nice update! I'm so happy to hear it.

 

I'm so glad to hear the great update. I think part of what makes us great mommas--that drive to want the best for our kids and to do everything in our power to help them, is the same thing that somehow makes us beat ourselves up when we can't make everything perfect. Oh, the guilt of being a mom. You are doing a great job.

Reyna