twins don't separate well?

my girls don't like to be separated at all. i'm not really worried about it at this time since they're only 3 1/2, but i can't even take one to the potty during dance class, cuz the other one has to come with. i know it's part because neither one wants to miss out on anything, and part because they'd miss their twin too much. they are inseparable even at home. they play together all day. they're attached at the hip, actually. i guess we'd like to start taking them out on little errands separately just to kind of help them get over their separation anxiety...?

anyone else's twins like this?

 

My twins always wanted to go places together, and I probably took them both to the bathroom out of necessity (only caregiver with them at the time), but going places meant getting out of the house, and possibly with grandma. I had them together in preschool and seperated in Kindergarten. They were not glued to each other's sides though like you are describing. They are only 3.5. Perhaps you can tag team them and take them each somewhere special at the same time and show them that seperation can be fun as well.

 

Mine aren't like that, because even from infancy, we would separate them for errands on the weekends. I would start doing that. It will only get harder on them as time goes on. I once met a family with 5 year old twins who "had" to keep a well child home when the other was sick because they were so upset at being apart. They will probably cry when you separate them, but that is OK. I would try and make it something really fun for both of them. Like here we have both Rita's ice and Friendly's within 5 min. of each other. I would take one to Rita's, and have DH take the other to Friendly's. The next week switch. That way they each have a chance to do something special with mom, and with dad. As they get more used to it, you can take longer trips.

 

Mine are IN separable! totally. They have been since day one. I see it as the way it is and am fine with it. I'm the only one home 7 days a week so it's not possible for me to separate them for errands etc. I don't think I'd do it anyway as it just seems unnecessary to me. Everyone will grow up just fine! They're best friends and that's okay!

 

That is great. But the OP says that she can't even leave one to take the other to the bathroom, that is a problem. It is at the very least a distraction. They are 2 people, not one, and should be allowed to be separate people. My MIL grew up like you describe--then she had the unthinkable happen in that her ID twin died--almost 40 years ago. She STILL cannot talk about her sister, she is still that devastated from loosing her. I want my children to be able to cope as an individual, not one half of a unit. Because every time I see my MIL, I am reminded of how hard it is for her to function as half of a unit.

 

i think it's awesome that they're best friends, and i love love LOVE to watch the ID twin bond every day. but yes, i do worry a tad that when they're in their dance class, if one has to go potty, both have to leave the class... they have to stand next to each other "on the blue line" while doing floor work in the class... if dh, me and the girls are all at the grocery store, and dh takes one in one direction and i take the other one in another direction, within minutes they're saying, "where's my sister?" and you can hear them calling for each other throughout the store!
the thing is, if one is sick and the other is not, i still have to take both to the dr's office. i don't WANT to have to keep both kids at home from school if only one is sick.
i totally don't mind them having that "twin bond", but i don't want them to end up completely paralyzed WITHOUT each other.
i guess we'll just have to start taking little tiny trips separately so they get used to be separated!

 

Danielle, mine are like this to some extent too. I was pleasantly surprised the few times this year when one was sick and the other still went to school that they were okay with that. They did miss each other but understood why they were not together. I find if I prepare them beforehand, they seem to handle the separation better. I did not want to keep them both home when just one was sick.

 

That was actually our primary "goal" at the girls preschool this year. We hadn't been good about separating them for errands etc before. So when they started, they *needed* to be together. Snack time, they started out having to sit next to each other or melt down.. But we talked with the teachers who gently encouraged the girls to explore individual interests. Wouid reassure that the other girl was fine doing what she was doing and they could continue with their task. By the end of the year, the teachers told me that they were only occasionally in the same area at the same time. I could also see it for myself when I would pick them up from the playground. Complete opposite sides!

I would ask the dance instructor for her suggestions as well, let her know that this is something you're interested in having help with and see if she has any suggestions. You mentioned the 'blue line'. One thing the girls' teacher did for snack was to initially place them next to each other (they had little name tags for assigned seating), next step was to have them sit with *one* person between them, so that they could still touch hands if they needed/wanted too. By the end of the year, they had progressed to sitting next to different friends without name tags, on opposite sides of the table. So maybe see if they can start small, by one person between.

 

Mine are too .. but they had to separate in school and it WAS hard on them at first. I wish it could have been different for them .. but it is what it is. They DO wait for each other to get home from school so they can be reunited ... and it's such a sweet thing to see. They are each others best friends .. and i think it's wonderful.

 

Mine are like that alot too... but at home they will play alone. It's one of the reasons I'm separating them next fall at school. :good: It's great that they have this amazing bond but my thing is that one day they will need to lead lives without the other so it's best to start them young. :lol: