Twins and preschool - WWYD?!?

My twins will be starting preschool in September... We need to decide ahead of time whether we want them to be in the same class or not...

What would/did you do?!? And why?!?

Thanks...

AnJo

 

i would keep them together.
why not they r always together anyway and i think it would be easier for them to see each other.

 

I will be keeping mine together in the fall. At 3 years old, I just don't see a need to seperate them yet.

 

My girls started JK in Sept and are just now adjusting. IT was a very stressful time for them and I believe that if they had been separated as well, that would have made things even more difficult. As it was, they have only started to finally eat and drink in school on Jan 30th!!!! Huge milestone for them! They are now interacting with the other children and playing. But it took some time...a few months.
My girls have not been in daycare or such. I have had a sitter when I worked days that came to my home, but for the past 2yrs I have worked nights and been home with them.

It may be different if your children were already used to going to a daycare ect, than I would think that the adjustment to school would be a little smoother.

 

My kids have never been together. Actually, it turned out to be a good thing they were in separate classes--in that 1/2 way through their first year of preschool, Jon qualified for the preschool disabled program, and ended up in a different school.

Personally, I don't buy the idea that they need each other--all the other kids who are also starting school don't get to go in with a buddy, so why do multiples get special treatment? Also, I felt that my kids would drive a teacher crazy, since they know each others buttons, and when one gets upset, the other gives sympathy hysterics.

Ultimately, it is your choice. My best piece of advise, is to choose a school with more than one class at a time so you have the option to separate if that is what you choose.

 

I would think it would totally depend on your kids.

I will be keeping mine together. I have one DD with higher 'needs' and she tends to 'watch' her older sister for appropriate behavior. Her sister also encourages her. I think they have a positive relationship and provide support for each other- they also will have something to 'share' and I can more easily extend on what they 'both' are doing in school-though that said, I can split them if it is a problem later in the school year since they have multiple classrooms.


If you have twins that are dependant on each other, fight alot, or need to be apart for any reason (different teacher style work for each one) then split them.

There is not 'right or wrong'. Do what you think is best and if it doesn't work you can try to change it later!

KC

 

When I was pg and in the first year, I was all for putting my boys together. As they grew and became their own, I will DEFINATELY separate them. They rub each other so badly, that it would be a behavior thing and they'd both be in trouble! LOL

I can also sit on the other side of the fence and see how the one actually doesn't like to go someplace without his brother, I'd have to rethink that if there weren't some special circumstances already involved.

Brody is already in preschool, and it takes him a LONG time to adjust. Boyd will walk into Brody's classroom when we drop him off and he'll chat with the other kids. Brody doesn't do that (delays are why he's in there in the first place). There would be another reason why I'd separate them. I need Brody to shine on his own, whereas, Boyd takes all the spotlight, and Brody is in the shadow.

You will have to sit down and seriously think through your children. What will be the best for them, and their situation.

Good luck!

 

Ours have always been seperated. Our oldest ds is autistic so he had to go to another school. But I think I would have done it anyways. It give them a chance to be seperate and make their own friends and not depend on each other so much. They have the rest of the day to be together. I think some parents feel they have to stay together or they will be too upset, I think maybe they do need to be seperated to find their own individuality. Our dd always talked for our ds and took over things. Now he has his own group of friends and so does she.

 

Mine will be together because that's the only option for the school they are going to go to!!

 

My girls are together. It was my preference... I wanted to see how it went.. They are fraternal & look very different, so I knew there wouldn't be an issue with the teacher or other kids mixing them up.

I'm surprised now at how much they DON'T play together. They have different friends at school (in a classroom of only 12!), and honestly, I don't think they care if their sister is there or not. There are some moody mornings, when Cate wants to hold Claire's hand for a minute, but I think that's a "perk" of having a twin. As soon as I round the corner, I can see them skip off to their separate table spots & start talking to their separate friends.

We have one more year of preschool before I decide what to do about K. One step at a time!

 

My boys will be going to 4K in the fall. We didn't have a choice wether to separate or not, but I would have wanted them together. They are separated in daycare now. They have different teachers & for the majority of the time are in the same room, except for activity time. The boys get very worried about each other & anxious when separated. This is also turning into a huge problem with the separate field trips too. Sometimes they have enough room to take the other twin along, if not they both don't go. Which may not be "fair" to the one who should have gone, but the other is so upset about not going it's just easier for them both not to go.

 

I always thought I wanted them to be together. But recently at pre-school one was sick and the other went by himself. The teachers remarked at how wonderfully the other twin did on his own and that he was much more focused and attentive. Now I have to re-think my decision for when they go to Kindergarten. I really want my boys to do the best they can without my personal feelings getting in the way.

 

Great point, Michelle!

I want to add that about 2 years ago, we were in a Friendly's, and there was a family right next to us. I could tell by how they were talking to the boys that they were twins, so I struck up a conversation. The mom was telling me how she had created a couple of monsters by NOT separating her boys. It was so bad she COULDN'T send one to school when the other was sick, because they were both so upset. She told me that she never realized how much she was hurting them by never giving them opportunities to be apart. The hadn't learned what it was like to not be part of the pair, so they couldn't funtion as individuals. The boys were in K at the time.

 

QUOTE(sharongl @ Feb 23 2008, 11:09 AM) [snapback]637080[/snapback]
I want to add that about 2 years ago, we were in a Friendly's, and there was a family right next to us. I could tell by how they were talking to the boys that they were twins, so I struck up a conversation. The mom was telling me how she had created a couple of monsters by NOT separating her boys. It was so bad she COULDN'T send one to school when the other was sick, because they were both so upset. She told me that she never realized how much she was hurting them by never giving them opportunities to be apart. The hadn't learned what it was like to not be part of the pair, so they couldn't funtion as individuals. The boys were in K at the time.

Great point Sharon. This reminds me last year when my oldest DD was in K, I was talking to another twin Mom, her twins were in K, they are b/g. In Nov. her DS was home sick and she said to me she had hoped her DD had a good day as they had never been apart, and she (DD) didn't want to go to school that day without her brother. This has stuck in my mind.


I am obviously not to preschool yet, but I am thinking of keeping them together at 3 and separating them at 4. I do think I want them separated in elem. school.

 

Just another spin on this.. I never thought it mattered that they were together, because they are so independent - but:

Cate apparently kicked a boy in the face yesterday while he was leaning over to pick something up. She blacked his eye pretty good, and the teacher called the director to come to the class. After she made sure the boy was OK, the director took Cate back to her office for the time out & for a pretty good scolding. Their teacher said Claire went into hysterics, because she knew Cate was in DEEP trouble when Ms. Sue took her out of the classroom. She said it took her a while to get Claire settled down.

 

I would say together. I am not a parent. But I am a twin. My sister and I were in the same class all the way up unil 6th grade. And now in highschool we still have the majority of our classes together. Twins and other multiples have such a strong bond and they lean on each other alot. My mother regrets not putting us in different classes because we really don't have a strong identity. We define ourselves with each other instead of just one. So I would say in the beginning its going to be hard, so keep them together and then as they get older serperate them or elave the choice up to them.

 

I am sorry, but you contradict yourself. You say how you and your sister define yourselves based on one another--how is that a good thing? My MIL could have written your post--about the personal experience, and she very much wishes that she was separated from her sister, because it made the the permanent separation (her sister died almost 30 years ago) devestating, and she still can't deal with it.

I disagree with giving the children the final choice. If a child has always known being together, they are rarely going to choose to be apart--why try something new and scary if you don't have to. I know Krystal used to ask her kids, and they always wanted together. When she moved last year they had to be separated due to classroom space and moving mid-year, and both boys blossomed. Children are children and don't always know what is best for them, that is why we are here as parents--to guide them.

 

I think its all about your twins dynamics. Mine act simply like siblings. When they got to preschool, they don't sit by each other, don't play with each other or have a need for each other (the teachers have told me this and I have observed when I am volunteering). I will keep them together for a while, I really don't see a need to since they don't rely on each other for anything. I have sent one without the other before and they have each done just fine. If that changes, I may change my mind. There was only one day I can think about where McKenna needed Mitchell. They had a sub teacher and Kenna was very nervous so put her hand behind mitch's back and pushed him ahead of her. She was nervous but didn't want to show it. I think it also helps that my twins are 1 of 4, not my only kids so they have learned to play with other people other than each other. They don't go everywhere together and stuff like that. I think that may have something to do with it.

 

Sticking to the OP, I will be keeping my twins together for 2 years of preschool and K, since I have no other choice, there is only one section. Then for 1st grade I will decide at that time. Everyone is different and everyone has different parenting choices to make for what is the best for their kids. I think it is a very personal decision, esp with identical twins.

 

QUOTE(sharongl @ Mar 5 2008, 07:11 AM) [snapback]653566[/snapback]
I am sorry, but you contradict yourself. You say how you and your sister define yourselves based on one another--how is that a good thing? My MIL could have written your post--about the personal experience, and she very much wishes that she was separated from her sister, because it made the the permanent separation (her sister died almost 30 years ago) devestating, and she still can't deal with it.

I disagree with giving the children the final choice. If a child has always known being together, they are rarely going to choose to be apart--why try something new and scary if you don't have to. I know Krystal used to ask her kids, and they always wanted together. When she moved last year they had to be separated due to classroom space and moving mid-year, and both boys blossomed. Children are children and don't always know what is best for them, that is why we are here as parents--to guide them.





Yes I realize reading ti again that I did contradict myself. However I don't regret it my mother does. The only problem is that we have leaned on each other for long and now we are 16 and graduating in two years so we can't live together forever. Anyhow my mother read a twin book and it said to keep identical twins together.

I still think that I would say keeping them together is a good idea. Maybe not all the way through but deffinately in pre school.

 

We wanted our twins separate, they are only in school so many hours a day and can play with each other at home. However, the preschool they went to wouldn't allow it, the school psychologist said it would be psychologically damaging to separate them. With us there was the added dimension of school not being in their mother tongue, so they ended up in preschool/K for 4 years never having friends or integrating into the class, and being very behind in their language acquisition. Our teacher would also comment on how much better they did when one was off sick, but it was never enough evidence for them to allow us to split them. Splitting up twins is VERY countercultural here, even adult twins in the army are kept together. We prayed a lot before we sent them to 1st grade, and after an interview the psychologist there agreed to split them. The first few weeks they weren't sure they liked it that much, but soon got used to being apart. They each have their own friends now which is a 1st for them, and really important to me, they are integrating well and improving in their language. It is fun for them to compare their classroom experiences and tell about things the other one doesn't know yet.
I really think it doesn't do them any harm to split them up, and it broadens their experience in a positive way. It's not like they don't get to see each other the rest of the day, and being separated gives them something to talk about. I have found it to really boost their confidence in making friends and being liked by someone as an individual. Both my twins are very introverted and have until now (age 7) relied on their gregarious older brother (9) to provide friends for our family, now they finally figured out they can do things on their own just as well. I think it's great.

 

I kept mine together in Pre-K & now in Kindergarten.

 

I agree.. I kept mine together. It can be stressful and having a 'friend' in class can be very helpful. I will be reserving comment once they get into Kindergarten, but I'm thinking that in first grade, they will be in seperate classes.

 

I have a boy/girl which may be easier than those who have girl/girl or boy/boy? I think it all depends on how you raise your twins based on that given by whether they are always together, have some time alone individually, and learning how to deal with separation anxiety. It doesn't matter whether you have identical or fraternal. I look at my twins and they are at BEST to be separately because they don't look alike, they are normal toddlers like to play with their own toys and DO play together many times. They just have their own unique personality that influenced us in a deciding factor. I cannot make any judgement because I don't have the same sex twins.

If they enjoy playing together, always want to stay together, and etc. I think it a bit more riskier as they need to have some form of reality that in real life they will go on and do their own things unless they stay together ALL the way for college years? I have a friend who have twins' girls who turned 4 and is in preschool together. I am curious what decision they'll be making for next Fall and the years they grow up to be.

Good luck, it is tough decision because it is yours alone!
RJ

 

I wished my parents had seperated us earlier on as I lived in chloes shadows, she was the outgoing one and I was not I was shy, it wasnt until we were seperated that we showed our own personalities that others could tell the differences.