twins always wanting to be held!

Ok we have a 5 y/o boy who is very good most of the time. we also have 22 month old twins (boy and a girl), and no they are not identical (people actually ask me that after i tell them its a boy and a girl). The problem is my wonderful wife is unable to get anything done while the twins are up. They just want her to be seated in a chair or holding one of them at all times. if she is trying to cook forget it one wants to be held and then the other is mad that she isn't holding them. if she puts them down to cry it out while she is cooking it doesn't work b/c they get close to the stove and in her way as they are crying and crying. just don't know what to do anymore. when they were younger she could go upstairs at times and do a little laundry while she watched the monitor but that they don't even let her do anymore. any suggestions???

 

I found it a very challenging age as they tend to cry out of frustration because they haven't mastered language yet, they're still teething and their independence is growing. At that age when I needed to get things done I relied on a gated off area (superyards are great!) or I would strap them into their booster seats and give them some crayons to make a mess with, some cheerios or other finger food to figure out, or just something interesting and new to look at. If they cried, well, sometimes they just had to be in their safe play area and have a fit because stuff needed to get done. Good luck!

 

I agree with Jen. You need a safe place where they can stay for those times when things just need to get done. You may need to experiment a bit on what the best space is depending on your kids personalities (they may cry more if it's a place they can see her but not reach her or they may cry less of she's in view).

Dinner time's usually a tricky time just in general as well. Some things to double check that may help-are they napping well? If not, dinner time is prime melt down time. What about food? If it's been a while since they last ate, cue meltdown.

One trick I found useful was a "time in". When the girls got clingy I would set the timer for X time (usually 5 minutes) and explain that when the timer beeped I would have to go to do whatever it was but until then I was happy to cuddle. I still use that when the girls get ornery for no apparent reason.

 

You've gotten some great advice from both Rachel and Jen. I do agree with having a safe area to put them when dinner is being made and also having a timer to set for Mommy time and when Mommy time is done. I used to narrate what I was doing with my twins. So if I had to go in a room where they could not follow, they could hear me (not think I ran off to the South Pole and freak out) and knew I was coming right back. They do get out of this phase. Also like Rachel said, I would double check on teething (they could be working on 2 yr molars), how they are sleeping at night and napping, and also their eating schedule.
Good luck to you and your wife and keep us posted with how things are going!

 

first off my b/g twins are identical WHAT LOL NO NO NO We ALWAYS get that question even after telling them Wyatt is a boy and Willa is a girl, I want to be like What does IDENTICAL mean to you? one time someone said how do you tell them apart? (Willa Grace is smaller, had brown hair and green eyes and Wyatt is bigger with blond crazy curly hair and blue eyes.) I seriously with a straight face said I take one of their diapers off.

anywho.... 1 word for you GATE! our kitchen is the only room in our house that we have gated off but I dont' want them underfoot while I am cooking and they have this strange in need of a 12 step program obsession with the cat and dog food. If possible gate off the kitchen and I am a FIRM believer in a little bit of sesame street when I am trying to cook dinner. Elmo is like baby CRACK they will stay glued to it.

 

It is REALLY tough to let your LOs cry, but at this age they are testing to see how much they can get away with. You need to set firm, consistent boundaries with them. Eventually, they'll get the hang of it. We are going through this right now with my 21 month old twins. Twin A is pretty laid back and if I ask her to wait, she usually will. Twin B is a barnacle, who would cling to me all day if I let her.

Right now, if Twin B cries and says "up," the first time I pick her up, talk to her for a minute or two about what I am doing and why mommy needs to have both of her hands, then I put her down. The second and third times (which sometimes happen the moment I put her down), I will bend down hug her (she stays on the ground even if she tries to grab on and climb up me), remind her that I love her, remind her what I am doing, and again tell her mommy needs both her hands. I also promise to pick her up as soon as I am done (I follow through with this promise to reward her for her patience). Any time after that, she gets explaining, but not much else.

We have gotten LOTS of tears from this approach, which we have been trying for the last two or three weeks. She has also banged the back of her head against all sorts of things in frustration - walls, doors, cabinets, the floor, etc.. In fact, last night, when she was frustrated about something else, she decided that banging the back of her head wasn't dramatic enough, and she decided she'd try banging the front of her head against the crib. Unfortunately, while doing this she lost her balance, crashed face first into the crib, and now she has a heck of a shiner on her left eye. She did get picked up and consolation for her injuries, but as soon as she I realized she was OK and after she had calmed down, she want back down.

Needless to say, it is a challenge. I feel terrible that she bangs her head. It is also hard to "ignore" the tantrum she throws. But, I also think it is necessary. She knows I love her. I also know that she (usually - black eye being the exception) isn't harmed because I don't cave to her every demand. My mom said I did the same thing around this age and that it was just something I had to go through. In fact, she laughs at me now because I am getting a healthy dose of what I gave her.

So, good luck too you and your wife. Please know, there's someine in AZ fighting the same fight with you. Isn't toddler life X 2 exciting???

 

Like Arizona, I have one DS who would be held ALL day long if I would let him, and the other one can be clingy on and off, especially when he isn't feeling well. I think you just have to be firm about it, and know that it will mean some crying. Sometimes I literally have to peel one of them off and me and go do what I need to do while they cry. Other times I have had success with talking through it - telling them what I need to do and that I will hold them later. Sometimes it even helps with my boys to say "Mommy needs you to be a big boy right now and that means I can't hold you right now because I need to do ________". The only time I don't take this approach and give into the clinging is when they are not feeling well, someone just got a minor boo-boo, etc., and then I will cuddle them for a bit and put off what I needed to do.