twins after twins!

Hello all! I just found out I'm pregnant wiht twins via IVF. I was totally thrilled to hear that my PG test was positive, however i'm completely freaking out, because I already have wonderful twin boys ( also via IVF) who are 2.5 year old now. I was really hoping to have another baby. Besides feeling nauseous and tired all the time(this is not a big deal, i know it will pass), i don't know if I can handle another set of twins. SO i started in my mind considering a reduction to a singleton. And while one part of me thinks it's cruel to even consider such thing, another is really scared on how am i going to handle this from now on forward.
so here is the question: has anybody done a reduction from twins to singleton? any pros and cons? how safe is it for one fetus to survive.
any input is appreciated!!!!!!!



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I can't tell you what to do because I don't know your situation. If it were me (and we are very financially strapped and I had pre-e with the twins, so we have/had issues), there is absolutely no way I could reduce. The only way I would even think about considering it is if it were quads or more.

Good luck with your decision, I am sure it is not easy. Personally I would have too many "what if's" if I chose to reduce and I would never let that go.

Congrats on your pregnancy! I think you will be a great mom of 2 sets of twins!!

 

My advice, be SURE. When I found out we were expecting our 2nd set, which would total us at 6 kids, I was thrilled and terrified. We were just getting back on our feet after a 18 month job loss, our boys were 2, we were in foreclosure but recovering and this pregnancy was unexpected. I know my husband was stressed and reduction crossed my mind briefly, as did, in all honesty, termination. At our 12 wk check up we discovered Baby B(I call him Jacob) had no heartbeat. The pain from that loss still lingers with me as we wait for the birth of his twin Josiah. So again I say, just be sure that the loss of one will be easier than the gain of two. Especially after trying so hard to get them.

 

Most places will not reduce to a singleton... so definitely check into this first. And consider all the aspects of this decision, a reduction will linger with you all the time. You can totally do this either way. :grouphug:

 

I guess I feel like you did IVF. You knew twins were a possibility when you chose to do IVF and now you want to reduce one? I could never do it. I know tons of moms on here who have 2 sets of multiples and manage. Good luck and I really hope you chose to keep this new set of twins!

 

I just wanted to offer support...I don't have any experience with reduction. After having a pretty complicated and scary first pregnancy with our boys, I have definitely thought about what I would do if we we're pregnant with twins again. I wish you the best of luck as you and your husband try to sort this out.

 

I can't even imagine how freaked out you must be! My twin boys (who are also 2 1/2) have taken me through the ringer! I would be devastated if I was pg again with twins, however, I don't think I could make the decision to reduce. It's a personal choice (that I believe is every woman/families personal choice to make) but it's not one that I think I could live with.. Too many what ifs... Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy! I also think you'd make a great mom of 2 sets of twins!!

 

Whatever your choice ends up being, I support you.

Personally, I don't even want one more kid, let alone two, and TBH with my situation currently, any pregnancy would be terminated.

 

I have to agree with this. I'm usually of the opinion do whatever works best for your family but this situation is different. If you knowingly transferred two embryos, then I personally think you need to keep these babies. BOTH of them.

I did IVF and I know what a huge, HUGE deal it is, finacially, emotionally and physically. If I didn't want twins again, I would most definitely not transfer two embryos, no matter what. And my RE does not reduce twins, only triplets or more.

I had PTL at 30 weeks and spent time in the hospital and was on bed rest at home for six weeks after that. It was one of the hardest periods of my life and I cried all the time. But I would do it over in a heartbeat to get Athan and Claire again.

And, just take a look at your first set of twins and pick which one you would have reduced. That's what you would be doing here. You HAVE to be sure if you do it. When you do it, it's a done deal. There is no changing your mind. I think you could possibly regret reducing in the future when all of your kids are bigger and it's not as stressful as having little kids, but I don't think you'll regret having both babies when they are all bigger.

Just please, please think about.

 

:hug: You have to do what you feel is best for your family and what you feel you can handle. :hug: Many people handle more than they realize they can just fine - and many people don't. I can't imagine being in your position. :hug:

 

I had IVF resulting in my twin pregnancy (currently 24 weeks). We have a 2.5 yo DD from our first IVF. We were very upset with our clinic when we went in for the transfer and they had thawed 2 EMBRYOs after we specifically requested the thawing of 1. (I had a difficult pregnancy with my singleton resulting at her early birth at 29 weeks). We only wanted to be preggers with 1 baby. Well, needless to say, we couldn't even let one of the thawed embryos perish so we could just transfer 1. So, we went ahead with a transfer of 2 and here we are!! Terrified but happy.

Were there some type of circumstances that forced your hand at transferring 2 ??? If not, then I agree, you had to know the high possibility that they would both "take"! I know that IVF is expensive and emotional, but this was an important decision you made when deciding how many to transfer...a life you worked very hard to create!!!

 

ITA!

 

I agree with this. :hug: I got pregnant with twins spontaniously but lost one early on. I was petrified at first, but by the time I found out I had lost one, I had gotten used to the idea. Yes, it would have been hard, but it was doable! I was sad that I had lost one. :hug: Good luck with your decision!

 

OVer the years I had several IVF cycles. My first cycle didn't result in pregnancy ( 2 were transferred), on my second cycle I was blessed with twins!!! I love them greatly and would not change a thing. On my third cycle i transfered 1 frozen embryo wich didn't result in pregnancy. So here i was with this last IVF hoping that i'll be succesful with one baby. there are too many women who undergo IVF and result with 1 baby after transferring more than one embryo. Plus now that I have kids already i dont' have time to rest, so I was afraid it will not take at all. Anyways, some of you might think i am a fool and maybe I am, but nobody ( i mean doctors) has advised me to transfer jsut one, and after unsuccessful cycle of jsut one , i was afraid to take that chance as well. And now here I am....
And please, don;t think it's so easy for me to even SAY i want to reduce. TO be honest I don't know if I can to, too many what ifs .... And of course, when i saw two little dots on that US monitor, I doubt i can do it, but i'm just too scared!!!!!

 

Something ONLY you can decide. Nobody can say for 100% what they would DEF do until they are in your shoes. A lot of people can say hurtful things about it, but you and only you can decide what is best for you. I have never heard "most places won't terminate twins to singleton", one thing to keep in mind is that 90% of insurance companies will not cover it and it does carry its own risks. I would give it more time to sink in. Talk to your dr about your concerns. Then talk to your family about it. Its a big decision with risks of its own. I hope you are able to find peace with whatever decision you make. :grouphug: Sometimes once you get past the overwhelming news, you realize what you can and can't do. Good luck!

 

i also wanted to add, that as all of you know, multiple pregnancies often have very high risks and bedrests,and all kinds of scary condiitons. now that i have toddlers, i can't think of being on bedrest or in the hospital for a long time- WHO is going to take care of them????!! that also scares me greatly

 

Are you married, or have a partner or friends or family that can help you out? I am trying very hard not to be judgemental or harsh but having done IVF myself, I know that it is a very taxing and trying process and I can't imagine that you didn't think of this possibility prior to transferring two regardless of previous circumstances (one of those being twins!!!). PP are right, that this is something only you can decide but I do think giving it a little more time is a good idea. As far as a doctor not advising you to transfer just one - that isn't surprising at all since the majority of IVF patients are desperate to get pregnant in any way shape or form and s/he probably had no idea that you were going through IVF again only if the perfect scenario of a singleton pregnancy that did not require bedrest or complications resulted.

 

:hug:

I think you should contact your OB-GYN and find out your options. Reduction might not even be an option. I don't think you're a fool, you were following medical advice at the time. Regardless, I hope that whatever decision you come to will bring you peace.

And I just want to add:
I feel that this statement is unkind. "And, just take a look at your first set of twins and pick which one you would have reduced. That's what you would be doing here." No it's not "what you would be doing here." You cannot compare children, because whether zero, one, or two are born in several months, they will NOT be the same child as either of her already born twins.

It's very brave of you to post your doubts and feelings.

 

this can easily turn into a moral political debate...perhaps you could just search deep within yourself, weigh your options, talk to those whomlove you and your family, and make the decision that you can live with. I think this is such a controversial and exposlosive topic that it just needs to remain private. Unfortunately, you will more than likely get judged if you choose to reduce...you may save yourself alot of heart ache if you keep it private. I totally understand your fears. I just really wish you would have just transferrd 1 if you knew that reduction would enter your mind being that you have twins from a prior IVF, it woulda been easier on you... Good luck to you

 

Everyone will have an idea of what THEY would do (though unless you are in that situation you just never know), but the only opinion that matters is yours, your spouse/partners, and your Drs.

We did a FET post IVF twins (it did not result in a pregnancy) but we talked and talked and talked about 1 or 2 embryos (we only had 2 left)- what we should put back, why , what if 'scenarios'. It is emotionally stressful. We ended up having non to transfer since they did not survive the thawing process.


I agree with this. :grouphug:

You are very brave to voice your concerns as well. I wish you peace with whatever you choose.

If you are worried about bedrest, etc. Often moms on bedrest use a HS child, family, or even respite from the state if they are hospitalized/bedrest. Etc It can be done, though it is not easy----it is a temporary situation.

 

:hug: I'm sorry you are in this position. Have you spoken with your doctor? I didn't think they would reduce a twin pregnancy, so it might not even be an option to worry about. Whatever you decide, I hope you are at peace with your decision. :hug:

 

Our hospital won't selectively reduce twins unless one is not going to make it. The risks are VERY very high that both with end up terminated and not just one. Its typically only done in higher order multiples. We had looked into reducing, but ended up not since the genetic defect my son and i have ended up not being the cause of my son's issues and because the hospital flat out wouldn't risk losing the entire pregnancy unless the babies' or my life were in danger.

its a tough decision ((hugs))

 

Huge thanks to those of you who are being supportive !!!!! i just got back from the doctor's visit( btw, it's same person for all the ivf's i've done, and I told him that I blame myself for transferring 2 instead of 1) his reply was : "i would not let you transfer 1, because it drastically drops your chances of getting PG" He actually comforted me and put things in prospective, so now i'm even farther from my thoughts of reduction.

And by the way, in this clinic the reduction is personal choice, so they'd do it if the patient insists, regardless of lack of health issues.

 

I guess I'm not try to judge you - I'm sure this cannot be easy on you - but you did ask for input and I do feel personally fairly strongly that if you commit an act that creates a child (whether through intercourse or IVF) you should be prepared to care for that child. I wish you were prepared to care for 2. :grouphug:

 

I am so glad that he gave you perspective...you are in the thick of things right now. Although, I am kinda shocked that he would not "let" you transfer just 1(especially since you had such a successful prior IVF with your Twins, . The decision of how many to transfer at my clinic was completely ours...however my clinic would only allow a maximum transfer of 3 before a certain age due to the risk of carrying high order multipiles (age was 36 I think). Honestly, it may be that he was worried about his success rates instead of your pregnancy being difficult prior to this one. My RE expicitly told me not to transfer any more than I could handle... I truly do feel for you, and SOOOO understand your being apprehensive. But :youcandoit: !! My best to you and congrats on your pregnancy!!

 

:grouphug:

we did IVF to get my twins and then last summer I did a FET that ended in miscarriage (transferred 1) . Then we moved. I went to the RE here and he acted like it would be a crazy waste of time to transfer only 1 and told me that he would not even consider it.



edited because I cannot spell!

 

So glad to hear it. BTW, RE's are not the one who do the reduction, high risk peri's do it. Twins are done more than most would think. You aren't crazy for thinking what you were thinking. Its a huge shock to get one set of twins....another one I can't imagine! Congrats!

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy first off! I would like to say that I don't think what you were feeling was abnormal or terrible. Everyone responds differently to the shock of finding out they are pregnant and the same shock comes from finding out it's twins! In my opinion though, you won't ever regret your decision to keep them both. You may look at them and say, "Wow it would be easier if there was just one!" but you will never regret it. However, you may regret reducing. I hope you make the decision that is best for your family and gives you happiness and peace. Good luck and, again, congratulations!

 

Who said she would be having the same children? Not me. I was trying to point out that she currently has TWO children in her belly. To me, they are children, not embyros. So, to me, it is what she would be doing.

Agreed.

That was totally not his decision to make and I cannot believe that he would have forced two embryos on you had you not chosen that yourself.

Yes! That's what I think, too.

I know I sound harsh but I'm honestly not trying to be mean. And I don't think you are a fool. I just wish that you had been prepared for two babies because you knew it was a possibility, even given your failed cycle of one transfer.

You are going to do what you want regardless of any of our opinions but I just hope that you make the decision that you can live with.

 

There are better ways of wording things so you don't sound harsh. Your original statement still stands out as harsh to me (against all of the other posts, some of which are saying the same exact thing as yours, just kindly), who doesn't have multiple baby hormones running through her body, I'd hate to think of how harsh you seemed to the OP who does have multiple baby hormones running through her body.

Basically, there are ways of saying that you don't agree with her that don't involve trying to make her feel like sh!t. And if you can't figure out a way, then don't reply to the thread.

/bowing out because this thread is just going to disintegrate into an internet etiquette thread and that's NOT what it should be.

 

Reality is harsh sometimes. I said "I know I sound harsh" not "I'm wasn't trying to sound harsh" because I did sound that way and I know it. But you interpret it however you want. That comment was made to show her the reality of her choice, not to make her feel like ****. It is a huge decision that should not be made lightly based on only "kind" advice that is accompanied by a bunch of smiley faces and vertical hugs.

And since only posting "kind" comments isn't a requirement of this public forum, I'll reply to anything I please.

And to the OP, please ignore becasquared and me. We have differing opinions that have nothing to do with your choice and have unfortunately been played out in your post.

 

I am sure the OP knows this isn't a decision to be taken lightly, hence her post here. I doubt anyone, especially someone who already has children, needs to be reminded about how huge of a decision this is.

 

Just gonna chime in here...sorry. IVF is a TOTALLY different beast than conceiving spontaniously. In my opinion, many may have thought differently if it weren't a deliberate choice to transfer 2, knowing that 2 stuck for her already once. Why wouldn't it happen again? Now, I would be more sympathetic to OP's thoughts of reductiion IF it were a spontaneous twin pregnancy...she would have had no choice in the matter. But she did have a choice and she chose 2. Quite frankly, knowing wwhat I know about IVF having gone through it myself, I cannot imagine purposefuly "doing away with" (or whatever term makes you comfortable) something that you worked SO hard to create. As far as RE's stating that it would be a waste to transfer just 1, that is boloney...it happens all the time. Especially if you transfer a blast. Research shows that success rates are virtually the same between the transfer of 1 as opposed to 2 if they are blastocysts (5 day old embryos). The only thing that is higher is the rate of twins upon transferring 2.

But, in the end, we all have to make hard decisions in life. THis is her battle, and she is the one looking at herself in the mirror in the morning. Just as we have our own mirrors to face. Whilst my opinions may differ from hers and others on here, it wouldn't make me look down on her either way. If that makes sense.

 

When I did IVF I had the option to transfer 2-3 eggs. This was our first IVF. I decided to have 2. They both took.
I was petrified, but happy. I had 9 months to prepare myself and my daughter to embrace the thought of having two. It did not take that long.

No matter what you decide, it is your decision alone. You will have to live with it. And I agree with pp who said you would probably only regret terminating one. And whatever you decide, you will always be judged by some people. That's human nature. Do right by you and your family.

You came here for support, so you have mine.

 

So my decision is not to reduce ( i can't take that chance) however, for those of you who keeps telling me that i should have known to transfer 1 vs 2, we should have the poll on how many SINGLETON pregnancies result from multiple embryo tranfers. I'm really quite curious. anyways, once again, THANK YOU for those who were not being judgmental and supported me!!! Those news are still sinking in ..... ( and i don;t know how long it will take for me to get used to the idea of having 2 after 2 !