turning one with mixed emotions

I can't believe it, next week Michael and Lily will be one year old. I am so truly happy and grateful to be their mother, they are truly two very special miracles (they are ivf babies!) I am also happy to have survived this first year, it has truly been the hardest thing I have ever done without a doubt. At the same time I'm also somewhat sad because I feel the time has gone by so fast that there were things I wanted to do but didn't, and alot of things I don't remember (especially in the first 3mos. that period is such a blur, and I hate that!)

I never sent out a birth announcement, by the time we got around to it they were 4mos and felt like that was too late. I also wish I had more pictures and more video. The pictures we do have, alot of them were taken here at home because honestly we didn't get out much, and when we did get out we each had a baby to take care of, who could take a picture! Also, my mom gave me these little plaster of paris wall hangings that you make imprints of their hands and feet and we never did that either! I just feel so guilty about all of this because I feel like I should have taken the time to do them but didn't! But most of all I just can't believe they've grown so fast and I feel like I've missed it because I was so caught up in all of the constant feeding, pumping, changing, washing bottles, laundry, feeding, changing, etc.

Are these feelings normal? Has anyone else experienced this?

 

Awww, mommy, I know how you feel. Especially the "feeding, pumping, washing bottles" parts of that. There's a lot of stress that goes along with the first year with twins, and it's hard to do the "normal" things. I know I have a plaster cast of one of my girls' hands for their first Christmas, and we never managed to do the second because it was such a disaster. I have two empty baby books, and my birth announcements weren't send out until they were nearly 6 months old (but they were very premature, so I think people cut us slack). So you are definitely not alone here!

But look what you DO have. You have two gorgeous, chubby-cheeked little pumpkins! And who made them so big and strong and healthy? YOU DID! Take a moment to put aside all the "I wish I had..." and pat yourself on the back for the wonderful little people you've made.

 

Motherhood = guilt. Honestly, it does. You feel guilty for not doing their baby books "just perfect", you feel guilty for being mad at them when they are 2 and draw on the wall and proudly show you their art work, you feel guilty when you leave them to have some mommy time, you feel guilty if you don't feel guilty for leaving them to have some mommy time, you feel guilty that you bring cupcakes baked at the local store for their birthday at school and not fancy home baked sugar bombs like little Joey's mom, you feel guilty a lot, it's really just par for the course.

I suggest you let go of the past and the guilt associated with it. Don't fret about the birth announcements, if you do have the kind with pictures then send some out with their birthday party invites. (See how we've grown?) If they don't have pictures then tuck them firmly into the trash can or recycle them. Either way, don't hang onto them. Send them off and send that dose of guilt with them!

Don't feel bad about taking pictures at home, just think of it this way. You took the pictures of your special, beautiful babies. The background doesn't matter, they are what matters. From now on when you see pictures of their first year you won't think about guilt, you will think about how wonderful it is that you have a record of their first months. Not everyone is that lucky. (Not to make you feel guilty, just trying to show you how lucky you are!)

Do the plaster things in honor of their first birthday. Or if you don't feel like messing with them then regift or sell or toss them. Let someone else who may not be able to afford them enjoy them. I never made any plaster casts of my babies hands, I guess I just never saw the point. ardon:

Seriously, it's hard enough being a mom without beating yourself up about stuff that honestly doesn't matter. Your ability to parent isn't determined by announcements, plaster hand prints or where you went while they were little. Your ability to parent is determined by your love.

And yes, it's normal to feel guilty. I feel guilty all the time. I never did a baby book for Emma or the boys and barely did one for Dave. I never did finish knitting David's baby blanket, or Emma's and never bothered with the boys. :blush: I feel guilty that I wasn't around to help Dave much in 1st grade. It's normal, every mother deals with feelings of guilt.

 

Oh Sweetie I am in complete agreement with Betsy. Being the mom of twins is such a different experience than a singleton. Cut yourself A LOT of slack, you have 2 beautiful, healthy children - GREAT JOB MOMMA!! All of these things you wanted to do as newborns, do them for their first birthday. It will be so special to do their hand and feet imprints at 1 year, you could even make it a tradition for each year. As for birth announcements, I didn't send them out either - heck don't we have enough to do at that time. At 1 year I sent out an announcement with their picture, heading said Wow 1 year has passed already!! I also added their stats from birth and 1 year, everyone loved the update, most people know when you give birth so how wonderful would it be for everyone to receive an update on your beautiful miracles!! :hug99:

 

Don't think that being a twin mommy gives you a corner on the GUILT market! I'm a 50 year old mom of adult kids, and I STILL feel guilty about so many zillions of things I "should have done" when they were growing up!

The most important thing is that your babies (who are just gorgeous by the way!) will grow up happy and healthy and knowing they are loved!! I know my babies did, and they don't give a flip that I didn't make plaster molds of their hands (or bronzed their baby shoes, which was the thing in the 80's!) or saved all their report cards or a lock of their hair (I don't have either of those for either kid) or video taped their Little League games and piano recitals. Those would have been sweet things to do but I didn't, and I've spent way too much time beating myself up about them, and in the long run none of that really matters!

You are an awesome mommy (all twin mommies are -- after watching my daughter, I know I sure couldn't do it!!) and your little sweeties are NOT going to suffer one tiny bit by not having a plaster mold of their hands or more pictures in the photo album (or in my case, the shoebox!). Give yourself a break ... and a BIG HUG! You're doing GREAT!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Michael and Lily, and CONGRATS to Mom!

 

Ditto all the sentiments above! Celebrate survival! And love!

 

I felt the SAME way right around a year. I finally decided (and I'm still trying to actually do it) that I needed to be thankful for what I did do in the first year. Such an accomplishment to actually have taken pictures, taken some video and think of all the memories of just looking at them watching them giggle, or feeling secure in your embrace.

We were also given the plaster handprint kits. I decided that we would do it when they turned one. I hope to do it sometime this month. Better now than never, right?

 

I think those hand imprints would be a PERFECT thing to do in honour of the babies' first birthday. What a wonderful memory of their special day and a real celebration of surviving the first year with twins. You should do them now - don't feel bad!

 

Ditto everything above. Felt the same way, especially around their 1 year birthday. I wish that Mommy guilt thing was able to be turned off, but I keep trying myself...

:hug99:

 

Awww hun, we all have those feelings. It is completely natural. :hug99: Having twinfants really makes things go by fast, faster than a singleton, but all parents feel that way by the 1st birthday. It is exciting but yet sad because you can never get those sweet infant moments back. I did my best to document it with pictures and some video. I still feel as though I blinked and I missed it but I think that is part of the course with twins. The first 4 months alone were a total blur. :blink:

Congratulations on making it through the first year and I hope you enjoy the next one! The toddling years are so much fun!

 

I know exactly how you feel. My girls are going to be one next month and the time has just flew by. I have an older daughter, she is 7, and I always feel like I did more with her. I also have those plaster things for their hands and I never did mine either. I did them with my older daughter, but now I just don't ever seem to have the time. Your feelings are sooooooo normal. Two at once is very time consuming!!

 

Thanks so much for the advice. Thinking about all of the things I HAVE done for my babies, helps put things in perspective for me! Oh and I really like the idea of sending a one year announcement to "look how we've grown!" Thanks again!

 

Hey my girls are turning one next week too! :winking0009: I feel guilty as well...especially when I consider the things I was able to do with my singletons, but not with the twinkies! So, you are not alone! Just relax and try and believe that its actually been a whole year! That's what I'm dealing with...I can't believe it's been that long! We did it! Yeah! Enjoy every moment you have because it does go by sooooo fast! My oldest is 8 now! I'm not sure where the time has gone. Good luck and remember I'm there too as is everyone else here!

 

Ditto about the plaster imprints...do them now at one year.

We were given them as gifts and DH was determined to do them asap after the girls were born, but they don't keep their hands open long enough at that stage so we decided to just do their feet. Well, as soon as their toes hit the plaster, they curled them up and tried to squirm away. What we ended with doesn't look like much of a footprint! So definitely do NOT feel bad about not doing them as newborns!!