Trying for another baby

I have sworn time and again that I would NEVER, ever, ever, ever, ever get pregnant again. My twin pg was really rough. Well, now I am having the itch again big-time. In fact, I am kind of excited to be pregnant again, and I never thought I'd ever say that. There are a lot of factors in this for us (no ready-made sperm and no legal rights make it a bit more challenging...!) and we are trying to tackle them one at a time as we consider the decision. So, I am wondering if anyone might have some thoughts about when might be a good time to be pregnant, in the cycle of twin toddlerhood. I am thinking right now that I might try to get pg when the boys are about 2, then I would give birth when they are close to 3 (assuming I get pg right away).

One of my biggest concerns is that I want my boys to not need to be held all of the time when I am pg. Around what age does the desire to be held begin to diminish? Should I start trying to make them walk everywhere now so that they will be broken of the habit by June of next year?

Any thoughts on this topic would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!

 

We are done having kids but if we were to, I wouldn't do it before 3. 2's are hard, very hard. At 3 they can help get you diapers, etc and have a better understanding of what's going on.

 

We got pregnant with our twins when our first DS was 2 months away from his 3rd b-day. They were born when he was 3.5 years old and it worked out better than I ever imagined it would. He has had very little adjustment issues, he really enjoys the babies, he entertains them well, he understands (though doesn't always like) that the babies are very time consuming, he's pretty independent (potty-trained, dresses himself, gets toys for himself, etc.) and the list goes on. Obviously, I can't comment on having twins and then a singleton - but we couldn't have picked a better age difference than 3.5 years.

Good luck!

 

Nothing to add except I'm a bit jealous. I had my tubes tied and am regretting it. I'd love to be thinking of another right about now!

 

I agree with pp. . .My twins are 6 weeks and I have a son who is 3 1/2 and he has done better than I ever could have imagined with the twins. . .He has had very little adjustment issues and is able to entertain himself when I am occupied with the babies. . .I am so glad we waited till we got past the 2's to have a babies (let alone twins!). . .I am so glad that he is older and much more self-sufficient. . .and he is so good with the babies and quite a helper for me too!

 

Ditto the PP's -- Nadia was 3.5 when the babies came, and it worked out great, and is still working really well. She did have a bit of an adjustment, but nothing out of the norm -- she definitely didn't need to be carried during my pregnancy. I'm so glad it turned out the way it did, because I got plenty of time to thoroughly enjoy her babyhood, and she was old enough to look forward to being a big sister.

If you've ever read any John Rosemond, he recommends 3.5 years as the "ideal" spacing between children...I can dig up what he says in his book if you're interested.

I know when baby fever hits, it hits hard!

 

Four years old so they're in school. I agree with everyone about having them old enough to help you. THAT is what would make all of the difference in the world. And obviously, out of the crib, out of diapers, off bottles.. you know... that stuff. Out of the stroller!!!! That would be a HUGE one for me. I'd also want them to be able to put themselves in their car seats/boosters. (I don't know why but that is a MUST for me!)

I have a whole list as I know I'm not planning on more probably ever but for sure until these guys are in some form of school. I just feel I wouldn't be able to appreciate the twins or the new baby with all 3 of them needing constant STUFF from me.

 

Wow Erin! I'm jealous that you're even brave enough to THINK about another baby. My husband and I had plans to have 4 or 5 children but as time goes by with the boys that number diminishes. At this point, I feel like I'd be completely happy with just our family of four. My main concern is the effect it would have on our marriage. As it stands right now, he brings in all the income so I do all the housework and anything else concerning the boys (yes, even on weekends). We have very little time together to just be us and it's been a huge adjustment. I think things may be better if we worked more as a team and embraced our NEW relationship as parents, but we tend to try to relive our college days (8 years before kids or marriage) and that just can't happen. ANYWAY, sorry to go on a tangent, but if I do decide to have another baby or DH hides my BC pills (wouldn't put it past him), I'm hoping the boys will be 4 when the baby is born. That would be my ideal situation. My husband works for our school district so I'm thinking the boys would be able to go to one of our head start schools free of charge. I can't see being home with a baby AND having to pay for two in day care! Good luck with whatever you guys decide and though I'm sure this goes without saying, keep us posted!

 

I'm gonna be in the minority here....

My boys are going to be 20 months old when baby #3 comes along. We did IVF and it took us four years to conceive our boys-as well as 4 IVF's. When we decided to try for another one, we waited until the boys were a year old(ok...17 days before they were one!) to do another cycle(we did a FET). We were surprised when it worked on the first try, but things happen for a reason!

We wanted our kids close in age, wanted to be done having kids by the time we were 30(that's dh talking and him thinking of retirement!), as well as we have all this baby stuff around already!

I know it's not going to be easy, but we will make it work. And I am sure it will be a wonderful experience. I might not think it right away, but later on down the road I am sure I will! LOL!

 

The three years between our two pregnancies was just perfect. The twins are great helpers at this age. They really love their little brother.. dd will only say "I love you" to "Baby Evan."

Good luck!

 

I had another baby when my twins were almost 3. It was perfect timing. Everything has went smoothly. They all 3 are so good with each other, they play together and they always make sure Katie is included in everything they do.

 

Another vote for age 3! The girls just turned three when Caleb came along. We started the adoption process when they were 2.5, and shortly after their 3rd birthday, we got Caleb. It really has been the perfect age, very little adjustment issues, they can help, they are more independent. Really the only downside is that they don't nap, so I don't get a whole lot of a break during the day, but it's not that bad.

 

I can't speak from the twins then singleton perspective since my singleton came first. In my opinion 2.5 to 3.5 years age difference would be ideal. DS was 28 months old when we had our twin girls. He's adjusted very well and is extremely helpful. He loves his baby sisters, "Baby Laina" and "Baby Care" as he calls them! I think you'll know when you're ready to try for more children, just listen to your heart!

 

I'm thinking at least 3.5-4. I want the boys to be in preschool/kindergarten, PT'ed, old enough to get in/out of the car, etc... Another reason is purely selfish- with the twins, I felt I never got a lot of mommy and baby alone time. I was always juggling the two. So I think it would be nice to have a few hours a day while they are at school just for the baby. Also, time where I can run errands with just one child- you know, baby wear, or just simply not need a double stroller! Though I admit, I already want to be pregnant again, but I have to remind myself how incredibly insane that would make me!!! :laughing:

 

We are hoping to try shortly after the boys turn 3. If I'm lucky enough to get pregnant right away, that would make the boys almost 4 years older.

I have bad baby fever NOW, but I am hoping to return to my teaching career next school year (we are broke), and unfortunately when you teach, those things have to be "planned." If such a thing is even possible.

 

I have one year old girls and one on the way due in April. The girls will be 16 months old when the next one is born. I was so loving being a mom and they were so much fun I wanted to collect more. Now that I'm pregnant there are so many things I didn't think about like a different car, type of stroller for those ages, having enough support, time alone with then next one, tireness of being pg with twins running around...... I really wasn't thinking is all I can chalk it up to at this point.

The positives of having them this close in age would be .... when I am through the 2-3 yr troubles I will be finished !! I will be out of the diaper stage within a year of each other, I can get rid of all the equipment / clothes / toys all at once instead of it hanging around in the garage taking up space. They will likely be closer since they will only be a year apart so less of a "twin" connection, when they go to school they soon all go to school, they will likely all be tall enough for "this ride" and be interested in the same activities and likely be immature or mature enough (depending on their age at that time) to go out for dinner or other activities.

hope that helps.

Heather

 

there is 32 months in between my ds#1 and ds#2 and 23 months between ds#2 and ds#3 IMO the 32 month difference was better when they were very little and the 23 month difference works out MUCH better NOW that they are older!!! if that makes any sence!!

 

No experience, and I'm too chicken to even think of having another --- just wanted to wish you luck!

 

Ours will be 27-28 months apart. This pregnancy was not planned though (went through 4 years of infertility before the twins, this one was a suprise!). I am totally stressing about a lot of things already mentioned such as the fact they still can't get into the carseats on their own, I will need a triple stroller (ugh), do I get a third crib, will I go crazy??? We never planned on another baby, just said if it happens, it happens. I think if we did plan a third, and I could pick, I would have spaced them a little more apart, but no more than 3 years.

BUT, my brother and I are 26 months apart, and that was planned. I'm sure it will be a rough first few months, but I'm not too worried in the long run. I do think the closer in age siblings are, the closer they will be during childhood (and more fights too I'm sure). I don't think the age difference matters in adulthood, but 4 years is like a lifetime apart when you're a kid, in my opinion.

 

QUOTE(ivfbound078 @ Dec 2 2008, 07:17 AM) [snapback]1093326[/snapback]
Four years old so they're in school. I agree with everyone about having them old enough to help you. THAT is what would make all of the difference in the world. And obviously, out of the crib, out of diapers, off bottles.. you know... that stuff. Out of the stroller!!!! That would be a HUGE one for me. I'd also want them to be able to put themselves in their car seats/boosters. (I don't know why but that is a MUST for me!)

I have a whole list as I know I'm not planning on more probably ever but for sure until these guys are in some form of school. I just feel I wouldn't be able to appreciate the twins or the new baby with all 3 of them needing constant STUFF from me.



Ditto! I would agree with 4 or closer to 4. The 3s were a pain.

 

My vote is for around 3. My ds was just over 2 and I thought it was really hard because he still needed me in ways he doesn't need me at 3. At 3 they can just do so much more unassisted... get snacks, get their own drinks, go potty by themselves. And 3 is not too large of an age differance where they can still play together. I think it is wonderful you are thinking of having another and what ever age... you will find a grove and it will fall together! GL!

 

IF (and thats an if of gigantic proportions) we decide on a 3rd baby I'll wait until the twins are at least 3.5 before I start trying...

 

Our twins will be 2 months shy of being three
when the baby is born.

 

I'm posting again just to mention some of the things I'm going through with being pg and having 13 month olds. Luckily my two are low weight percentile babies, but still I get so tired and exhausted just getting them up out of their cribs and downstairs, and again into their highchairs. My back is killing me and I do think, despite my complaints, I've had an easier pg than others. I'm not that big yet so likely due to the fact that I'm having a hard time eating myself. When I do get bigger and so do my two, it will be a killer I'm sure. My dh is AMAZING and helps me so much, but I still could use a day or two off each week (including the weekends). If you have alot of family support it will really help you to make this possible.

I wish they could walk upstairs at least or get into their carseats themselves like another person posted. I am lucky my two have two decent naps still but often even with two naps I have still be left feeling exhausted. Go stroller shopping now, and it might change your mind -- really. A triple stroller is no fun even the best of them.

Look into activities you can take all 3 to, there often isn't many and unless your mother can come with you everytime it will be very difficult to go to many things. I'm lucky to have a multiples playgroup which is well contained and has some great toys for the kids -- so at least that will be one place I can take them to and have other people around who understand. If there is more of an age gap you could have the two older ones "almost" going into preschool and give you some time experiencing the single baby experience during the day when they are at school.

I wanted to write all this stuff because not too long ago I posted asking peoples opinions about having another one, and I think what I failed to look into was all the specific details of what it would be like. I guess for us age is a factor me and my dh, so that is always something to look into when planning a family. I hope this helps to paint a more realistic picture.

 

Heather- thank you for being honest, not just telling people to "go for it".

I think that's a good idea!

Man, that does NOT sound like my idea of FUN. Thanks!

 

I put in a vote for 3-4 years. For one reason...POTTY TRAINING! It has taken forever to potty train my boys, and I can't imagine having three in diapers. My boys will be turning 4 before their baby brother is born. They were not potty trained until 3 1/2, and we're still constantly changing wet pants!

To answer your question about being held, my boys are just now asking less and less to be held, especially as it is getting harder and harder for me to pick them up. A year ago, they wanted to be picked up all the time, and I would have felt horrible if I couldn't have. I hold them on my lap on the couch instead, and they are happy with that.

I don't have my boys in preschool, but they are just now getting to an age where they are wanting to be more independent and not have me do everything for them. I think they will adjust fine to the new baby. They are having fun pretending with their "babies".

We didn't plan for our kids to be this far apart in age. It took us three years, with one miscarriage, to conceive this last baby. Things don't always turn out as planned

 

If finances were not an issue I'd try to have another right away. But they are (and we have to do a FET to get pg again which costs $$$) so DH and I agreed to wait until the twins turn 3 to try again. If I had another right now I would probably have to work more than part time to make ends meet and I'd rather wait and have more time at home. That said we are not preventing and if we are lucky enough to beat the odds and be in that 2% who get pg naturally after ivf I would be over the moon!!