Trouble at preschool

At first, the boys didn't cry when we dropped them off. We had to extend the hours to full day and I figured it was best to make that permanent. I still think it's the right thing, but now they are crying and screaming when we drop them off. I figure that's normal. Even one of the teachers noticed Cameron wasn't really crying, but more putting on a show. No waterworks, but he was certainly not happy. Kiefer was crying quite a bit. The teachers say they do fine once we leave. They handle them very well as I have seen after I leave. When we pick them up, they are happy and playing along with the songs and other kids, but dropping them off is getting hard. Harder for DH than me. I focus on how happy they are when we pick them up.

Why are they doing this now? Is it because we extended the hours too soon? DH thinks we should pull them out if they don't calm down in a couple of weeks. He doesn't think the teachers are hands on enough, but this is one of the best schools and one of the few we saw that had two teachers in each classroom of 7 kids. I don't think we should pull them out, but how do we make this transition easier for them? We don't stay very long, but with them hanging on us, we can't just push them off and leave. I have seen the teachers with them and I think they do a good job with them. They are hands on and do give them attention as they are calming down. But DH is scared they are not doing enough for the boys.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to go back to half days. It'll be too confusing for them and won't help them transition easily...I don't think. We've been taking them out at 6 when the school closes cause we had to. I agreed that today we can take them out at 4 if it makes him happier cause any earlier is just too drastic.

Do you think they could be in school too soon? full day too soon? Are we worrying too much and this is normal? How long does it take for a child on average to not cry when their parents leave them at school? It's just so hard to see them this way and leave them there.

 

After about a week of being at daycare (from no daycare to 40+hours a week at daycare), my two started crying when I dropped them off. That lasted about another two weeks, and since then, they've been fine. Don't worry about it. And if you have to just push them off on the teachers while they're crying, that's what you need to do. I had to get one out of the car, go up to the door, wait for the teacher to answer the door, give her one kid, go back to the car and get the other one at the height of the crying.

 

How old are they? (Your ticker's run out!)

I don't see anything wrong with switching back to half days if this is just too much for them. Of course you don't want to make your kids' life chaos with loads of arbitrary changes, but revising your plans for a reason is a good thing. It's not any different from starting PT at age 2, having a really hard time, and postponing it until everyone's really ready - sure, you could keep slogging through, but what's the point?

 

I think it is very normal for toddlers and preschoolers to cry when they begin a new routine - especially one like preschool or daycare, where mommy and daddy are dropping them off and leaving. Are your boys going a full-day because they have to (you guys work and it acts as daycare also, the school requires full days, etc.) or because that is what you guys signed up for? What time do you drop them off? How many days a week do they go? If you have the option of sending them a half-day (you or DH are home), it is definitely something I would consider since they really are pretty young for "preschool". That said, my 4-year-old cried every day when I dropped him off at his 2-day-a-week preschool for an entire month, change is really hard for some kids, but he adjusted and so will your boys. I think they tend to not cry at first because it is new and fun, but then when they realize this is part of their routine and not a special treat, they have a hard time when mommy or daddy drops them off.

 

I have been considering a two-morning-a-week program for my girls, who stay home with a nanny. The director of the program told me it was typical to see easy drop-offs for a while and when the kids realized it was going to happen regularly, they'd start crying more.

I was told by my pediatrician and the director of a nearby Montessori school which goes from 3-5 years that starting "pre-school" before 3 years old isn't necessary, and starting at 4 or 5 is fine too, unless you need the school as day care. They both said they will transition fine to school at 3, 4 or 5 and you don't have to "get them ready" any earlier. That's those two people's opinions, for what they're worth. If you have the ability to send them for just a half a day, maybe try that.

My good friend's dad is a child psychiatrist and he says that when a child comes from a loving, secure home, they can adjust and adapt well to changes in routine, like moving, starting day care, school, going to daycare/pre-school one day and not the next (like the two-day-a-week program I'm considering), etc. I've also found that DH's observations of the kids are pretty accurate and he sees things more objectively than I do. I'm sure your boys will be fine with whatever schedule you decide on.

 

I went through the same thing with Owen when he was little and I hadn't even changed his hours. He was perfectly happy & waiting at the door to go to preschool for the first couple of months, then all of a sudden he started throwing big screaming fits when I left him. The teacher would have to pull him off of my leg every time I left. Ruined my day every time, I felt so bad. But I could stand outside & listen and I could tell he calmed down right after I left. And the teachers said he was perfectly happy & playing with the other kids within minutes of me leaving. I have no idea what triggered it but it lasted a few weeks then gradually tapered off & he was fine again eventually. I would just give it a bit of time if I were you. It's really hard to leave them when they are crying like that, but as long as they aren't crying the whole time you are gone, I would wait it out.

 

Are they in a full day program because it's daycare? How long since the routine has changed? How old are they?

It does take some time to adjust to a new schedule. Have you talked to the teachers/directors about it? They may be able to suggest ways to make the transition easier. I know my Meggie's best friend had a really tough time last year in preschool. She would bring a picture of her mom to school with her each day to make it a little bit easier.

This was the case with Meghan her first year of preschool (3 years old). She was fine for the first week of preschool, then she cried for about 4 months. She was okay once I left, but had a hard time watching me go. At 4, it was so much easier.

 

I updated my ticker. I know they don't NEED to be in daycare cause of their age, but for my sake, it was something I needed to do. We are updating parts of the house and it was just convenient for them to go from half day to full day so we could do our part of the updating. They are in 2 days a week. They were for a couple of weeks going in 8-12:30pm, but now it's 8-5:30pm +/-. I didn't have much of a choice so I had to leave them there for that long. But, like I said, every time I pick them up, they seem really happy and are involved in a fun activity. Today, for example, I picked them up close to 6pm again and Kiefer was running around with a little girl's purse on his arm walking around like he was carrying the most important thing for someone. Cameron was just running around with some of the other kids. When I walked inside, Kiefer came over to me, turned to his teacher, pointed to me and said, "Mama!" He was telling the teacher who I was! Then he wanted her to read him the book she had been reading to him before I got there. She told him they were going to finish the book tomorrow, which unfortunately he's not going to be there since he's there Tuesdays and Thursdays only. Then the teacher changed him. he had done a doody so she showed me how she changes him. She brought him to the potty room and took off his diaper while he stood up. She told him to touch his toes, which he did and she wiped his butt. Then she put on a new diaper. It was so quick and clean, and Kiefer was quite generous in his diaper! Color me impressed! Meanwhile, another boy ran in to the potty room, pulled down his pull-ups, stood in front of one of the toilets, and peed. He pulled up his pants and looked back at us looking so proud of himself. That was inspiring actually!

Don't get me wrong, I do thing the boys will actually do well in school even at this age, but I did not put them in school to make them learn faster. They really did want to learn so much at home and I just couldn't keep up. DH is so good with them, but he needs to focus on his work. I was just exhausted. They are so smart and I was keeping them back. They really seem to do well in school and are enjoying themselves, it's just so hard to see them cry so much when we leave. it's heart breaking! I talked with DH, and he agrees to give the school more of a chance. He's aware that he's just so worried they won't be the same sweet little boys after being in school so long and they need us when we aren't there. He's so worried they are just crying all day. I asked the teacher how they were. She said Kiefer calmed down very soon after we left. It took Cameron a little more time. Cameron would occasionally fuss when he wanted something Kiefer had during craft time, but he did well and was playing well with the other kids other wise. He does well with reading time and reviewing the cards. Cameron is a big talker and singer, while Kiefer is quiet but a good sharer and artistic.

I thank you for your replies. They do help me out. I feel strongly they are where they need to be. I just wish they'd cheer up a bit when we drop them off. It's getting harder and harder to resist running back in the room, scooping them up and hugging the stuffing out of them.

 

If they calm down within a few minutes and are happy the rest of the day, I say that's totally normal. I taught in a two year old preschool/daycare class and almost every child cried at drop off every day, especially the part timers. I equate it sort of how some kids cry every day when they go down for nap or at bedtime. Some kids don't like transitions, no matter how much you prepare them for it, so they will protest but then move on. Some of the "drop off criers" did it every day for the entire year. Others it only took a few weeks, some a few months. I'd keep the new routine for a while and see how it goes.