Transitioning to a SAHM

I need a serious reality check of what the transition to becoming a SAHM is going to be like. I'd love to get some perspective from others on what it's like to go from working full time (or at all) to being a full time SAHM.

I've always wanted to stay home...and I've only had to have 4 babies to finally be able to do it! Having 4 in daycare just doesn't make much sense from a $$$ standpoint, but mainly, I'm not sure how sane DH and I would be trying to get 4 children under 4 to daycare each day and still be on time for work. Not to mention the fact that we'd never have any vacation time because it all gets eaten up taking time off for sick kiddos.

I'm really excited about our decision, but I know it's going to be an adjustment for all of us.

 

It's a huge adjustment, but it's definitely nice to be able to be home with the kids. I did it last year after working for most of my life (well either full or part time for 26+ years!). I still have a hard time structuring my days sometimes, but we've done okay. We started participating in story hour at the library ( I brought the baby starting at about 4 months old), we set up playdates, we try to get outside whenever the weather permits....in the summer we spend most of the day playing in the backyard. We do crafts together. It really helps to get creative and get down on the floor and play with the kids.

I do have my days where I wish I was sitting at my desk, doing my work, running out to go shopping at lunch, talking to adults, but I really wouldn't trade this time with my kids for anything in the world.

ETA: The one thing I still find hard after 1 year is not having my "own" money. I have always been able to spend what I want, when I want without worrying about it, even after the kids came along. But with only one paycheck, it's not like I can go out and plop down $$$ on shoes whenever I feel like it.

 

I starting being a SAHM when my now 5 year old DD was 1 and now 9 year old was 5. Since then, I obviously added twins to the family.
The most adjustment I needed was to the being at home a lot. I felt like I needed to get out more. Another thing that was difficult was the housework upkeep. It seemed like there was much less to do when I was at work and they were at daycare, and rightfully so since we now were home all day playing here and making a mess here.

I found my local MOMS club which enabled me to get out and see adults while my kids play and we get out of the house. I found I really enjoyed the 1st 3-4 months of being home and then found myself thinking "what now?" That's when I looked for the group.

It is so worth it to me but since I am finishing my education while home, I do plan to go to work when my little ones start kindergarten.

Enjoy your time with your little ones! It is nice to be the one to take care of them when they are sick without worrying about who will miss work, etc.

 

My job was eliminated in December last year, and I've been a SAHM since. There are good days, and bad days, and all sorts of in between days. I love being with the girls, but I've found that we need a schedule, stuff to get us out of the house, and things that we do for me - both with the kiddos and by myself. We're still working on the money adjustment, and I feel guilty spending any money on me, but I think I'm making everything else work budgetwise.

Trying to get anything done is a challenge, and so I've scheduled out stuff to do every day. The house is never clean, but parts of it are pretty good at least once during the week. Plus, we don't have a lot of kid friends the age of my girls, so I'm trying to make friends that have kids their age.

Hope you get to have as much fun with it as I am! Although, I would really love a day, or an hour, at a spa, too.

 

It's good and bad.. just like working is! I worked until i was put on bedrest with the twins, and then just stayed home ever since. I do some small work from home, but nothing major. As i posted in another thread.. i get alot of guilt about going back to work, and those telling me that the boys are "big" enough now to go to daycare.. sometimes i hate unsolicited parenting advice! Something that is hard is that i want to be a business owner so bad, and often find myself daydreaming of different businesses that i could start up. I often crave corporate world, and i often think of how much easier it would be if we had 2 incomes. Like the previous post about being laxed in a daily routine.. ditto that! It is so easy to flip on the tv for the kids. You have to make yourself get creative sometimes. I often think my kids are getting the crappy end of the deal by not being in some type of program. So we joined Gymboree and they like that. I take them lots of places and i am looking to find a mothers day out. I dont want them to be weirdly attached to me or socially retarded. Something else that is good and bad is my appearance and attire. It is so easy to just stay in my pjs all day, which is nice sometimes, but i notice that i feel better when i actually get up and get ready and look presentable. The patience level is an issue too.. there are days, especially when it is raining and we are stuck inside, that i have had enough of them and im sure they have had enough of me.. and there is no where to hide!!
On the flip side.. The peace of mind i have knowing that I am watching my kids and not some potential weirdo/child predator makes it all worth it. Also, staying at home, you are able to expose them to lots of fun places outside the home that they may have missed being in daycare. I love not missing any of their "milestones". I love my kids, and they will only be little once, i can never get that back, so i feel that outweighs the bad stuff! good luck staying home!

 

It is so tough and repetitive...and thankless...but, having said that, I would not trade it for the world. I get to watch every single growing milestone when it happens. It is truly amazing. Remember to take care of yourself, too! It is tough to be with them every minute. But, as I said before, it is all worth it!

 

It is definitely a culture shock, but if you really have your heart set on it you will make it work. Working was all I knew before I stayed home with my boys, and I hated working and wanted to be at home with my kids. Now that I am home, it does get tiring being here all the time sometimes, and days are very routine, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Just be prepared...your new *job* will probably be ten times harder than your former job, and you will probably go to bed exhausted every night, but it is a good, rewarding kind of tired, and the pay off is huge

 

I think it's all a matter of perspective. I worked full time as a nurse until the girls were born and then went down to one day a week until we moved last summer. In May I'll have been an exculsive SAHM for a year now. I wanted children badly, so even though there are days that seem mundane and the whinning drives me insane on others. I wouldn't trade it for the world. It is thankless, my DH has become even more dependent on my ablities to cook and clean and this tax season he actually had the kahoonas to tell the CPA I did "nothing" when she asked what I did for a living. He didn't mean it like THAT but those are things you'll have to get used to. I doubt I'll ever let him live that statement down.
As a pp post stated, it SUCKS not having your own money, but again it's a trade off. I've found new ways of being frugal and still getting what I want. I pesonally am thankful I have the opportunity to stay home and that DH's paycheck is enough to let us afford to do so.
What you do have working in your favor, many SAHM are stay put, meaning they don't move around as much as a military family does. So you have the luxury of establishing long lasting bonds with other moms you might meet in Mom groups or girlfriends that are aslo SAHM. Good luck with your transition. like I said it's all a matter of perspective and how badly you want to make it work. I hope you enjoy your time at home with your 4 kiddos.

 

I am a SAHM and military spouse, so being a SAHM was a "decision" that our lifestyle helps facilitate (meaning we move every 18mos to 2 years so getting a job in my field is very hard) I worked all the way up to having our boys and then from hospital bedrest and on I have been at home. I am very type A so I quickly found myself creating a daily schedule as well as making sure we get out at least once a day and sometimes more. We get up at 7am everyday and I make sure we are all dressed (myself included) and ready for our morning by 9:30 am... That way you can avoid the "I haven't gotten out of my pajamas" all day trap... Each day of the week has one "for them" activity i.e playground, tumbling class, mall play area, story time at library, etc etc and one "work" item i.e groceries, laundry, vacuuming, etc. The day falls into a nice rhthym that way and things don't get too far behind. Your house will be messier, it will be thankless, repetitive and extremely rewarding. I wouldn't trade it for the world... Good Luck!

 

Thanks, everyone. Your insight really helps. I know in my heart that being a SAHM is what I want, but it's a huge change. Thanks again everyone! The new baby will be here in a few weeks so I'll keep you posted on how this goes!

 

I think the hardest thing for me was the lack of adult interaction. Playing with kids all day and watching kid shows all day can really make you feel like you are losing neurons by the minute. It is very stimulating for them but I was very unstimulated and that was not healthy for me. I felt very depressed by the lack of adult interaction and just the freedom to up and go and do what I needed to do when I needed to do it. Whether it be to stop at the store on the way home from work or go get my hair done or go to the gym, being a SAHM affects all those things. You start to get overwhelmed at the idea of "running" to the supermarket for a few things when you have a kids that you have to dress and juggle with to just do what used to be a simple quick errand. My best advice is get involved with other SAHM and/or a local twin group and have playdates and meetups. It really helped my sanity. Try to have plans a couple days a week to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. You will seriously go crazy after a while. Even if you just go to the local library for an hour or so or take the kids out to lunch. It seriously helps to break up the monotonous routine of being in the home all day. Also, just because you are home all day doesn't mean you have to clean ALL day. Do a set of chores but don't feel that because you are home, you have to spend ALL day cleaning and doing laundry. You may find yourself doing a little more than you normally would have because you are there but stick to how you did things when you were working. Whether that means cleaning up at the end of the day, or however your routine went. If dh generally helped you with the house chores, IMO, while you may pick up a few more chores, he should still help with all the things he did before. Being a SAHM is the hardest job I have ever had but definately the MOST rewarding. It is trying at times. There are times you want to pull your hair out of your head and you may even question whether you made the right decision to become a SAHM but then there are times that are so genuinely beautiful and fulfilling and amazing that you may realize that you totally made the right decision. GL to you and if you ever feel down or frustrated or lost, come here and vent or cry or share a laugh with us. We will be here to help you through it. God knows I still need help to get through it at times :wacko: