Transition to SAHM

Not sure if I should post this here or another place...

I have a got a question for those of you that have made the transition after your child(ren) were born to be a SAHM. Since we are having twins, we are 90% sure we will be having me stay home after the babies are born. A little background… I have always been pretty independent and honestly started working PT at the age of 13 so I have always worked and always made my own money. In my first marriage I always made more money than my husband. Now with my second marriage, my husband will most likely be getting a substantial raise that would allow us to have me be a SAHM. I have always dreamed of being a SAHM but I know giving up some of that control is going to be an adjustment for me. My husband is incredibly giving and always lets me know when there is a little extra $ and lets me spend it however I want, so I know it is not a control issue with him, this is more my issue. I am hoping that I will be completely absorbed with all of my new duties as a mom of 2 that I wont have time think about it. I am concerned that this will cause tension between DH and I as our finances will be tight I know there will be times that will be difficult, but in the end, for us this is what we have always dreamed of. Does anyone have any advice, resources, lessons learned they can share?

Thanks ladies!!

 

I stopped working after our second child was born. There were really never any issues about whose money was whose, etc. We have had joint accounts since we were married, and just think of ourselves as a team. There have been times over the years when things were a bit tight, but being able to stay home with the kids is so worth it. (Not only that, the cost of childcare for kids is huge.) It will be an adjustment, but you'll do it. He will see how busy you are too, and won't question your need for any extras! :winking0009:

 

I think for most working women the most difficult transition is just the social aspect...the feeling of not having an adult to talk to. This can be alleviated by forcing yourself to get out...with the babies and without the babies. Even when you don't feel like you have the energy to get out, it's still good to do something a few times a month. The first 6 months are incredibly busy, but when all you have are infants in the home it's actually pretty boring. So prepare yourself to feel not only exhausted but mentally bored. As they get older and start to communicate it's not nearly as bad. And for some women the feeling of lack of accomplishment is difficult. For women used to high pressure jobs where they accomplished a lot, it can feel frustrating to deal with a day in and day out routine where you do the same tasks over and over and over and over.... The first six months of twinfancy feels like groundhog day to some extent. (remember that movie where he lived the same day again and again??) So it's important to try to vary things up for yourself so you don't go mad. Eventually when the babies get into a routine you'll be able to get into a structured routine of keeping your house chores done and making creative meals again. And I try to gain my sense of accomplishment through those goals. And of course there's many other projects you can throw yourself into as a stay a home mom... everything from scrapbooking, to home decor, to culinary skills...to organizing playdates, getting involved with other fun things to take your kids to...clubs like MOPS... so there are things out there, you just have to find what you enjoy, what's important to you..what you can handle without feeling overly stressed. It'll be very different from your current life, but a lot of it is in your attitude and how willing you are to make the life adjustment.

 

Hi! I have no advice, but your story and mine are very similar. I'll be a SAHM when our boys arrive too. Now that I'm on bed rest it's really starting to sink in that I'm about to give up a job that I really like for a company that is very good to me. But nothing could be better than staying home with my babies, plus the cost of day care would actually eat up my entire salary anyway!! So all I can say is good luck and I'll see you on the SAHM boards!

 

I am not sure if this is an option for you, but can you take a leave of absence and then decide at some point after the babies are born. Say go into planning on being a SAHM but having the option to return to work at say 6-12 months if you choose to, and if not you resign?
Depending on your career field you can always go back to a different, part-time job if you want some adult/away time and want to make some money at the same time as they get older.

I know for me I was sure I wanted to be a SAHM and actually had anxiety attacks as my leave shortened, but in the end I was ready to go back to work at 6 months, 2 days a week, it was the "break" I needed and provided some extra income.

HTH

 

I never thought I'd be a SAHM, but after bringing home my first daughter, there was no way for me to go back! I stayed home for about 2 1/2 years until my second daughter was 6 months old. By that time, I had to get back to work. From a mental perspective and accomplishment perspective, I've always been driven to do lots of things. I wanted to start a new business or go back to school and we definitely needed the money. I ended up getting my real estate license and selling for several years, so I had lots of time flexibility. Now with the twins coming, I'd like to stay home again. I've started a real estate brokerage and have another business with my hubby, so fortunately, I'll be a SAHM with some at home work opportunities.

One thing I would definitely recommend....Get involved with a local playgroup, either though your hospital, or a Mother of Multiples group, or something. You will so appreciate having a support group and the adult interaction in invaluable!

Good luck to you!

 

My biggest piece of advice as a SAHM for 2 1/2 years is to find a play group (maybe more than one) and join. It will help you feel like you are doing something productive...not only for your babies but it will provide you w/ much needed ADULT CONVERSATION! The hardest thing for me was not being able to earn my own money... for special extras like a cute purse or pair of shoes. But I learned to treat myself in other ways. I get together monthly w/ a group of my friends and we usually have a pot luck or go out somewhere inexpensive. It's something I look forward to and it's my way of taking care of myself. It's very important to find time for yourself away from the babies, especially as a SAHM. It's a 24/7 job, so it's important to take breaks!!! (ANd not just once a month, more if you can!) It's a difficult transition at first but most days I find myself feeling so lucky to be home and feeling bad my husband has to go off to work! I think to myself "wow, I got the good end of the deal". Good luck, it's totally worth it!

 

QUOTE(Shelly @ Mar 14 2008, 02:59 PM) [snapback]669481[/snapback]
Not sure if I should post this here or another place...

I have a got a question for those of you that have made the transition after your child(ren) were born to be a SAHM. Since we are having twins, we are 90% sure we will be having me stay home after the babies are born. A little background… I have always been pretty independent and honestly started working PT at the age of 13 so I have always worked and always made my own money. In my first marriage I always made more money than my husband. Now with my second marriage, my husband will most likely be getting a substantial raise that would allow us to have me be a SAHM. I have always dreamed of being a SAHM but I know giving up some of that control is going to be an adjustment for me. My husband is incredibly giving and always lets me know when there is a little extra $ and lets me spend it however I want, so I know it is not a control issue with him, this is more my issue. I am hoping that I will be completely absorbed with all of my new duties as a mom of 2 that I wont have time think about it. I am concerned that this will cause tension between DH and I as our finances will be tight I know there will be times that will be difficult, but in the end, for us this is what we have always dreamed of. Does anyone have any advice, resources, lessons learned they can share?

Thanks ladies!!


I'm the same way! I was very independent from an early age and my folks used to borrow money from me rather than the other way around. DH was a bachelor into his 30's and slow to give access to the money he'd squirreled away over the years (even after we'd married). DH & I still had separate bank accounts just prior to me staying home. I wasn't after his money; that was all in his head... and it's entirely in my head that I feel like I have to get approval now for purchases that I would have made without consulting him before. We don't have it all figured out but we're working on it.

We had to have some hard discussions early on about the way he approaches things. Such as, asking me if things on the credit card statement are correct. I felt like he was demanding for me to explain myself when really he was trying to be sure nobody was ripping us off. So, my advice is to keep the communication open and not to let anything fester. It's also an excellent idea to learn to budget if you aren't already. You should talk about what purchase types need to be decided together and how much discretionary money each of you gets. I also had to get past the idea that it's his money -- it's the household income and it supports the four of us.

 

I went from working full time and having two kids in daycare to being home with all four kids five days a week. I work 20-22 hrs on the weekend. Me and my husband alternate our schedules to cut out daycare. I wish I could be home totally w/ the girls, but I maintain the medical benefits. I would say the transition from FT-PT was hardest on my husband having to pick up the extra financial duties...

Good Luck, Tara

 

My Dh and I have always shared an account and if you figure out how much you are saving your family in child care costs, eating lunch out, dry cleaning for work clothes, etc....you are saving your family a lot of money! Keep up with friends and co workers by scheduling times out with them just so you have adult conversation but you will have fun and be very busy being a SAHM.

 

For me, the most helpful thing was to keep a schedule. It might sound crazy... but in the beginning I felt like I had to hurry out of the house every morning. I just could not shake that morning rush out the door. I felt like I had to get everyone up at the same time, and get us all in the car. All I did was go to the grocery store or the park... but it made me feel like I was up and alive and not trapped at home. Also keeping a schedule throughout the day. Find some mommy clubs to join or start making friends with neighbors with children that you can hang with and talk to. Like a PP said, the social thing was huge. I aslo had been working PT since I was in my early teens... and a workaholic... last job was a sr. accountant. I HTH... good luck with your transition!!!