Topic of contention with my DH

So the twins were our 1st and we got them oddly enough with 1 round of clomid. I love being a mom, although its very exhausting sometimes!
I come from a big family and for me the good days ouweigh the bad days with the babies.

I would like to have another baby when the time is right (in a few years). However my DH is perfectly happy with our 2. He has agreed that he will have a 3rd simply because he knows I want one, but thats it.

Last night we had sleep issues at our house with the twins. He used that oppurtunity to bring up the fact he really doesnt want another baby. He doesnt wnat to deal with sleepless nights, and diapers etc. He thinks its alot of work.

I feel frustrated because I never got to have that ONE baby. I didnt get to focus all my time and attention on one. I didnt get to nurse just one. I didnt truly appreciate and realize how special it is to be pregnant till it was over!

While my husband constantly reminds me even if I get pregnant with 1, I will never have just 1 baby - I will then have 3. He asks how I will cope being up with a newborn all night and then taking care of 2 toddlers during the day etc.

Anyone else have a difference of opinion with their spouse? For all intensive purposes he has a valid point-why have another one and do all that work? But the nagging feeling in my heart says something completely differnet even if it is a lot of work.

I think part of the problem too is I had to go back to work FT when the twins were 1 MONTH old!!! I wasnt able to go PT until they were 8 months! I feel like I missed out on too much. It was not my ideal situation. My husband reminds me though I cant just have another baby and do it over...He says if I missed out already it doesnt make sense to add a 3rd baby htat I have to share my time with.

ahh Im frustrated! Thanks for the vent!

 

During the tough times with the twins, knowing that I wanted another one, dh would say something like "Are you sure you want another one?" He was ok with as many as I wanted, partly because he feels that the kids are my job and his job is to be gone working. Evan is a joy! There are times now when I wonder why I didn't do things with just the twins, because it it definitely harder to go out with three, but I love it! I'd love another baby, but that was not to be. I also feel my age is getting up there, so we chose to stop the baby production with Evan. I love every aspect (well, most) of being pregnant & the birthing experience. (REALLY!) I'd say keep the lines of communication open. Perhaps in a year he will change his mind. You are still at a difficult time with the twins. Good luck!

 

The only advice I have is make sure you are BOTH on board before having another one. He sounds pretty adamant about not wanting more, and that could pose problems later on , once the little one is here. Good luck.

 

Well, it's a higher number, but DH was set on not having more than 4. I wanted 6. We skipped 4 and went from 3 to 5. But each time I was ready to have another baby, from the time my oldest was about 9 mo old, DH wasn't. I didn't want to have a baby that he was unhappy about, so I wouldn't press the issue, but he always knew how I felt. I don't know if you're a praying person, but that was something I did a lot of. Eventually, he'd come around and either announce that he thought it was time to have another baby, or just stop with the birth control. It even happened for this pregnancy. Now he's adamant that he's getting "snipped" after this baby is born. But we're having baby #6 in May. Things are different for us, because I did have 3 children before my twins. But still, I think it's a very real thing to know when your family just doesn't feel complete. Good luck, and hopefully when the time is right, you'll both feel it.

 

I would definitely wait until the kids are 14-16 months old to bring it up again. My husband has LOVED this past year, he adores the kids now that they give so much more back. He hated the newborn phase, but I think if we could afford it, he would have another one. Personally i don't want another one, I can't give the kids enough of "me" as it is, so I can't imagine if we added a third (or fourth, ack!) to the mix.

 

My DH is hot and cold on the issue. When money is tight or we have a potty training disaster, he get's on his kick about "no more." Then when things are quiet and DS is being angelic, he says he wants to try fo more boys. He knows how I feel about having a "quiver-full," but I understand not wanting to have a baby that he resents. It took my DH a long time to bond with my DD (#2) bc at the time, he wasn't ready to have another. But then He said "3 and that's it" but of course we went from 2 to 4 bc of the girls. I think now he realizes how great kids are and sees the blessings they bring, and is on board with my philosophy that "kids aren't expensive, lifestyles are"

 

Thanks mommys! You all certaintly made me feel better. I knew right after the twins I knew that I wanted another and at that time he said absolulety NO WAY. Then as they got bigger and more fun he said OK to the 3rd. Hes like others, when times are tough he says NO, but when everyhing is all giggles and grins he says ok. When the twins were newborn we would go back an forth and we agreed, to not discuss it till they were 2. Although, like last night, it does come up. I ended the conversation telling him there was a reason we decided to wait till the kids are 2 to discuss it so we need to put the conversation on hold. He agreed

My husband loves me and our family. I dont think there would be any resentment towards a new baby. I think I would just have to step it up and not expect him to be as helpful as he is now. I do have a very helpful husband.

Thanks for the replies all!

 

I agree that your DH may have a change of heart in several months. Yours are still babies right now, and I think most men, although they love their children, are able to bond, play, etc with them as they get older, more mobile and more responsive.

In fact, DH and I were talking about more last week (after #3) and he said only if we adopt a little bit older child, because he wants to be done with the baby phase. I can totally relate to that!

I hope things work out just how you both want them!