Too young to CIO but is this ok?

We are desperate to find a way to keep our girls from screaming from 6 pm. to midnight. My husband travels several nights a week and on the nights I am alone these girls can stay awake screaming until 1 or 2 a.m. They are fed, dry, warm. I am CONVINCED that the only reason they do this is because they are used to being walked to sleep. I know they are young but I still believe they have a habit formed. My mental health, marriage, family, sleep, physical well being etc. is all compromised. This has been going on for 6+ weeks and I've had enough. More importantly , I believe my girls have had enough and are really desperate to find a way to go to sleep themselves. Here's what I'm planning to do:

Start bedtime routine at 5:15 (bath, massage, PJ's, breast feed, swaddle, snuggle)

Put down at 6:15

THEN...do not feed or pick up again until 9:15. I will go in and comfort by patting and sushing but I will not pick up. At 9:15, they can feed again.

I really feel strongly that this is not how things should be. We should not all be so miserable. I believe these babies need help organizing their day and their sleep. I need to try something. I realize 3 hours is a long time and I hope they will fall and stay asleep but if they won't I need to be consistent in trying.

Currently they sleep for 20-30 minutes at a time but mostly scream and cry and eat from 6-12 pm. Then, they sleep from 6 a.m. until noon with almost no break. So, what should be their evening sleep is happening in the morning.

Does this sound like an ok plan?

 

Hi there! Well, I just had a talk with my pedi about CIO at this age...a little younger then yours and he said "sure". I am not against it at all. We haven't started yet, but I think we are this weekend. I feel just like you do. I was at my whits end until last week they seem to be a little better. I have been putting DD in her crib for the first times since she was a few days old...but just for naps. I want her to start getting comfortable about being in her room for a change. She is just a cryer. Even in the car seat...she can't stand it. So, I know alot of people may say it's too young...I don't really think it is. My oldest DD was sleeping through the night at 1 month old and if I recall I did let her cry a little and then I would go in after about 5 minutes. She was always asleep by 15 minutes. It all depends on who you ask I guess. Please let me know how it goes.

adding: She is an excellent sleeper to this day and I've never had a problem with her sleeping 12-15 hours a night (it's more like 11-12 now that she's older).

 

I think your plan sounds just fine, and if after a while it doesn't work, you can always change things up. Do you swaddle your girls? Have you tried the Miracle Blankets. They saved us from many many fussy nights/bedtimes!

Right around the same age as yours, we started with an earlier bedtime and a consistent bedtime routine which included swaddling.

Good Luck!! Suzi

 

I am so sorry you're having a hard time. I know you've been struggling with the cluster feeding and witching hour for a long time, and it stinks. :hug99:

I think it is too early for 3 hrs of CIO, but OTOH you are suffering a LOT. I wonder if there's any middle ground. Do they fall asleep in swings, carseats, slings, anything like that? Maybe you could try just letting them cry a little at a time - at that age, sometimes I'd let mine fuss/cry very briefly after putting them down to see if they'd get it out of their system in a few minutes. (I wasn't comfortable going longer than that, though.) Or you could try moving their bedtime earlier in little increments. So if they usually crash at 1 am, play Tough Guy with them at 12:45, then at 12:30, and so on... It might be like really bad jet lag to try to put babies to bed at 6:15 all of a sudden when they're used to going to sleep for the night at 1.

Hang in there. This really will get better. My babies were so similar at that age, but by 3-4 mo corrected age the witching hour & cluster feeding had shifted much earlier, and they started learning to self-soothe a bit... It won't last forever, I promise! :hug99:

 

Have you considered putting in a wake up/feed in the middle of their morning sleep? I was a firm believer in a 3 hour schedule during the day which helped my girls to fall into a better day/night awareness. Maybe if you tried that their long morning sleep would transfer to a more appropriate time, like last evening.

 

Many babies are extremely fussy in the late part of the evening, especially at this age. Our girls were as well. It has to do with many many factors. The primary one being an extremely immature nervous system. They will outgrow it. There could be other reasons, such as colic (upset belly), but more then likely it is just a normal phase. IMHO letting a wee one cry it out for that long not only causes continued stress for you, but additional stress on the babies. Finding a good night time routine would probably work better and faster then CIO at this age. Good luck to you and your little ones. I so remember no sleep and the stress of just a couple months ago. Try to believe it DOES get better

 

I responded to this post earlier, but I just wanted to add 2 things. First, had I read more carefully, I would have seen you indicated you swaddled, so sorry for asking an obvious question!!

Also, I never got the impression from your post that you were going to let them CIO for 3 hours. I don't think that's what was said or your intent. I did read carefully the part where you were going to make sure they were warm, dry and fed and then you would pat them, sush them and otherwise comfor them without picking them up. I think it is just fine to try that, and again if it doesn't work, you will know and can adjust your plan of attack.

Good Luck!
Suzi

 

Mine are just now starting to go to bed a little bit easier. I read somewhere on here to swaddle them with two blankets and it will help them sleep better. I tried that two nights ago and it worked. I use their quilts that are kinda thick and wrap them up good. Last night they both slept from 9pm until 5am this morning. Also the night before that which was the first night I wrapped them up tight they slept from 9:30 or 10pm until 4:30am. I just hope they keep this up. Also my DD was very very fussy like what your babies sound like and I called the ped. dr and they put her on zantac and it has worked wonders on her. She also has to sleep wedged up a little bit. She has went from crying from 6pm-12am or 1am to barely crying at all.

 

QUOTE(SusieQ @ Nov 29 2007, 08:51 AM) [snapback]513473[/snapback]
I responded to this post earlier, but I just wanted to add 2 things. First, had I read more carefully, I would have seen you indicated you swaddled, so sorry for asking an obvious question!!

Also, I never got the impression from your post that you were going to let them CIO for 3 hours. I don't think that's what was said or your intent. I did read carefully the part where you were going to make sure they were warm, dry and fed and then you would pat them, sush them and otherwise comfor them without picking them up. I think it is just fine to try that, and again if it doesn't work, you will know and can adjust your plan of attack.

Good Luck!
Suzi



Hi Suzi,

No, I would not just let them scream without some involvement. BUT, I did let them cry and I went in every 15 minutes. They did just fine. I think they needed to know I was there but I don't think they NEED to be walked. Here's why: If I walk them, they scream or they don't fall asleep and just fuss in my arms. Last night, I let them do that part in the crib and they did fall asleep and weren't woken up by me laying them down (hoorah!!). Also, we had another success last night, the girls slept in their co-sleeper all night long and did not need to sleep in their swing or my bed. This is huge for me because when one is in the swing I basically don't sleep. Something about it bugs me so I get up all night to check them, the blankets etc. Knowing they were swaddled and sleeping soundly next to me in the co-sleeper was great. I did exactly what I had planned and they survived. They did cry without me picking them up for a while but this morning they were all smiles. I also woke them up at 7 a.m. because I've never been able to have a "start" time to the day. All of the evening mayhem makes it impossible to organize the morning. I am going to follow a routine today too and see if things don't go even better tonight. I will always feed my girls when they are hungry but I will make sure they are getting naps at set times (or earlier if sleepy signs).

One thing I am learning here (among a million other things) is that I need to have some confidence in myself as a mother. I read so many books and do so much research on the internet that I sometimes can't hear my own soft intuitive voice. The truth is, I have been a student of these girls for 12 weeks! I know them better than anyone. I would NEVER do anything that I thought was cruel or harmful. I let them cry a bit longer because I can see in their little eyes that they are exhausted and I picture them saying "mommy we need help...we don't know how to do this" and I just want to help them sleep. I know babies have a witching hour. These girls have been doing this for 7 weeks, they are 12 weeks old and they need a little coaxing to get them to the next phase.

Also, Greta is on Axid and sleeps elevated and I am dairy free. All of these things help her reflux a bit.

ETA: I so appreciate everyone's input and advice and suggestions...thank you thank you!

 

I'm glad that you had a better night, I have been trying the same thing with DD and it is working pretty well, although she is still in my bed b/c it's easier to just lay with her and pat and shush her, one step at a time I guess.

And you are right, you KNOW your girls and what is best for them, way to go!!

 

I'm SO glad that things went well...and I agree - No one knows better what is good for your girls. I also wanted to add, last week (actually just for two nights) - we did something similar with the boys for after their nighttime feeding == they were getting bad about going back to sleep because they wanted to play (and I CAN"T seem to break DH from talking/playing with them at the feeding) - I KNEW they were tired - and fed, and dry - they just wanted to play! So we put them in their cribs, and let them fuss - I was supose to go in every 5 min to check on them, but one DS was asleep before the 5 min was up -- and my other DS was asleep before the second 5 min was up. -- the next night, they were both asleep before the first 5 min were up...and the next, they went back down with no problems. I hope things go even better tonight!!!

 

Oh, I am SO happy to hear you finally got some relief! That's wonderful news. You have been having such a hard time.

And you are SO right about listening to your intuition. You're right - you are the world's foremost expert on your babies.

Hope you have lots more good nights...