too soon for CIO?

One of the twins is fine with laying there for a bit and not being held. Happy enough with stuff to look at and a human close, like visible, and occasionally being held. THe other, who has reflux and gets held upright for at least 20 minutes after eating sometimes longer, is also our "hold me baby"... If not being held, he sometimes seems to get a fearful look and start crying himself into a fit. We can't hold him all the time for multiple obvious reasons, one being we also have an older child and an other being they don't get god sleep, plus I need to go to the bathroom and sleep occasionally myself. Only if he is actually asleep, and kind forced to sleep, does he not cry about not being held. When is too soon for CIO in this kinda situation? ANyone know?

 

how old?

 

depends how old. Not before 6 months.

 

How old are your twins? We did CIO for naps but if I'm not mistaken and I could be they don't recommend CIO for babies under 6 months. If it is just a matter that you have put one down to go to the bathroom and let him cry it out while you do so, sometimes that is what has to be done. But if it's to CIO to go to sleep for a nap or bedtime, I think the recommendation is to start at 6 months, though other Moms who are better versed in CIO then I might be able to tell you better.

 

ohhh.. forgot to mention.. the twins are 8 weeks old.

 

so, 6 months... wasn't planning on it for naps, or sleep, yet... just on being able to care for the others and manage a half-way decent house... meaning sanitary and clothed and safe.

 

CIO to me is putting them down for a nap or at bedtime and letting them cry it out.. for over 5 minutes. At 8 weeks it is too young for CIO. There are going to be times that they cry, but they need to know that someone is there for them. They are still learning. Can you put them in a swing/bouncy chair that will keep them happy for the times that you can't spend with them?

 

QUOTE(lisa69bubbles @ Mar 9 2009, 01:18 PM) [snapback]1220356[/snapback]
so, 6 months... wasn't planning on it for naps, or sleep, yet... just on being able to care for the others and manage a half-way decent house... meaning sanitary and clothed and safe.


When my boys were your babies age, it became pretty apparent that at several points during the day someone was going to be crying. Life must go on and while there's 2 (or more) of them, there's only one of you, so I think it's ok if one fusses while you're taking care of the other (or yourself, or another child)... If I was alone, there was no way to avoid it...

 

QUOTE(lisa69bubbles @ Mar 9 2009, 12:18 PM) [snapback]1220356[/snapback]
so, 6 months... wasn't planning on it for naps, or sleep, yet... just on being able to care for the others and manage a half-way decent house... meaning sanitary and clothed and safe.


If it's for that, then it doesn't categorize as CIO in my books. CIO is when you leave them to Cry It Out on their own.. not until you get a minute. At that age I'd put one in a bouncy when I was tending to the other and usually bounce it with my foot [if I was in reaching distance] until I could get the them. Like PP said, there is only one of you. You do what you can when you can. And babies will cry. Sometimes I'd start with one.. go to the other.. then back to the one. For a while it seemed they had to be doing something different every 10-15 mins [so draining].

 

QUOTE(JicJac @ Mar 9 2009, 12:28 PM) [snapback]1220373[/snapback]
CIO to me is putting them down for a nap or at bedtime and letting them cry it out.. for over 5 minutes. At 8 weeks it is too young for CIO. There are going to be times that they cry, but they need to know that someone is there for them. They are still learning. Can you put them in a swing/bouncy chair that will keep them happy for the times that you can't spend with them?

swing or bouncy chair works for maybe 1 minute with him... even if I'm sitting next to him feeding the other boy, it's not enough. I can sometimes get away with having him in my lap at the same time as caring for the other... but, otherwise it's the bjorn, arms or a freaking out crying fit... the kind of ccry that says "they're killing me!!!"

 

QUOTE(Suzy! @ Mar 9 2009, 12:31 PM) [snapback]1220381[/snapback]
If it's for that, then it doesn't categorize as CIO in my books. CIO is when you leave them to Cry It Out on their own.. not until you get a minute. At that age I'd put one in a bouncy when I was tending to the other and usually bounce it with my foot [if I was in reaching distance] until I could get the them. Like PP said, there is only one of you. You do what you can when you can. And babies will cry. Sometimes I'd start with one.. go to the other.. then back to the one. For a while it seemed they had to be doing something different every 10-15 mins [so draining].

LOL! yes, I do all that, but I also need to pump... since he's got reflux we need to add Enfamil AR to help him nt scream and refuse to eat due to pain, and dad can take over and give me a break or let me sleep more than an hour at night... and pumping just takes time...

I often say " yoga masters have nothing on a desperate mom of multiples."

 

QUOTE(lisa69bubbles @ Mar 9 2009, 12:35 PM) [snapback]1220259[/snapback]
One of the twins is fine with laying there for a bit and not being held. Happy enough with stuff to look at and a human close, like visible, and occasionally being held. THe other, who has reflux and gets held upright for at least 20 minutes after eating sometimes longer, is also our "hold me baby"... If not being held, he sometimes seems to get a fearful look and start crying himself into a fit. We can't hold him all the time for multiple obvious reasons, one being we also have an older child and an other being they don't get god sleep, plus I need to go to the bathroom and sleep occasionally myself. Only if he is actually asleep, and kind forced to sleep, does he not cry about not being held. When is too soon for CIO in this kinda situation? ANyone know?


Sorry, that must be really hard. I agree, it's fine to let one cry for a few minutes when you need to use the restroom, take care of someone else, put laundry in, etc. You do what you have to do. I think in your case I might use my Moby wrap a lot!

Btw, our pedi said 4 months is when you can start letting them cry for a bit at naptime/bedtime. (She didn't necessarily say full CIO but she said before 4 months you should always respond to crying--even if you do have to do something else for a few minutes before you can do so--and after that there are times when it's OK to let them cry for a few minutes to see if they'll settle down on their own.)

 

QUOTE(SC_Amy @ Mar 9 2009, 12:59 PM) [snapback]1220441[/snapback]
Sorry, that must be really hard. I agree, it's fine to let one cry for a few minutes when you need to use the restroom, take care of someone else, put laundry in, etc. You do what you have to do. I think in your case I might use my Moby wrap a lot!

Btw, our pedi said 4 months is when you can start letting them cry for a bit at naptime/bedtime. (She didn't necessarily say full CIO but she said before 4 months you should always respond to crying--even if you do have to do something else for a few minutes before you can do so--and after that there are times when it's OK to let them cry for a few minutes to see if they'll settle down on their own.)

thanks!

and thanks everyone for the replies.

 

I don't think I would let my 8 week old CIO but you are right, sometimes you have to use the bathroom or do some chores. Putting him down for a few minutes isn't going to hurt him!

 

I think a good rule of thumb is one minute for every month of age, when necessary (i.e. If you HAVE to leave an upset two-month-old for two minutes because you have to go to the bathroom, then it probably won't hurt). But I don't advocate any kind of sleep training until 9 months and even then it depends on the child's disposition (one of my sons was a candidate for sleep training at 9 months the other wasn't - until age 2).

 

when my DS was that age he constantly needed to be held. i found that wearing him in the moby was the only way i could get anything done, and i could pick up DD while he was in the moby and hold her too if she needed it. i had tons of guilt that i was holding him all the time and felt like DD was being neglected, but she was perfectly happy to entertain herself... and then of course, they switched and she was the one that needed holding! i think they do these things to keep us on our toes!

 

QUOTE(aimeethomp @ Mar 9 2009, 03:21 PM) [snapback]1220776[/snapback]
I don't think I would let my 8 week old CIO but you are right, sometimes you have to use the bathroom or do some chores. Putting him down for a few minutes isn't going to hurt him!

true, nice picture!

 

QUOTE(CHJH @ Mar 9 2009, 03:55 PM) [snapback]1220834[/snapback]
I think a good rule of thumb is one minute for every month of age, when necessary (i.e. If you HAVE to leave an upset two-month-old for two minutes because you have to go to the bathroom, then it probably won't hurt). But I don't advocate any kind of sleep training until 9 months and even then it depends on the child's disposition (one of my sons was a candidate for sleep training at 9 months the other wasn't - until age 2).

we started sleep training with DD @ age 1 and it took 7 months! We've started minor sleep training with the boys, and if we get them calm enough they can sometimes get themselves to sleep... and sometimes with only minor help ( patting, shooshing, bouncing, etc) but not a cio situation....
I actually don't have the heart to leave a baby or toddler crying for long periods.

 

QUOTE(ohjojo @ Mar 9 2009, 04:43 PM) [snapback]1220890[/snapback]
when my DS was that age he constantly needed to be held. i found that wearing him in the moby was the only way i could get anything done, and i could pick up DD while he was in the moby and hold her too if she needed it. i had tons of guilt that i was holding him all the time and felt like DD was being neglected, but she was perfectly happy to entertain herself... and then of course, they switched and she was the one that needed holding! i think they do these things to keep us on our toes!


LOL! I do that daily... sometimes with the baby bjorn, sometimes not... but, when 2 are crying then it's like it's in stereo!!!

 

I just want to second what all PP have said. Like you, we had a more easy going fella, and one with reflux who needed to be held all the time and cried ALOT. In those early days, there were just times when one or both of them had to cry... while I used the bathroom, or helped DS1... I tried it all...bouncies, swings... the Moby wrap helped alot. I agree...that is not CIO. It's just life. With 2 needy babies and one set of arms, sometimes someone had to wait. It killed me...and I often cried too... but for me I found that sometimes just focusing on one at a time is what I had to do. If one was hungry, and one just needed to be held, I'd feed and burp the one, and then he'd be happy and then I could take care of the other guy.
Hang in there... it gets WAY better I promise.... but I absolutely remember those days as some of the hardest of my life. But you will figure it out...they will get older...and everything will be okay.

-maria
DS1 4 yrs old
DS2 DS3 7 months

 

QUOTE(34maria @ Mar 9 2009, 06:23 PM) [snapback]1221007[/snapback]
I just want to second what all PP have said. Like you, we had a more easy going fella, and one with reflux who needed to be held all the time and cried ALOT. In those early days, there were just times when one or both of them had to cry... while I used the bathroom, or helped DS1... I tried it all...bouncies, swings... the Moby wrap helped alot. I agree...that is not CIO. It's just life. With 2 needy babies and one set of arms, sometimes someone had to wait. It killed me...and I often cried too... but for me I found that sometimes just focusing on one at a time is what I had to do. If one was hungry, and one just needed to be held, I'd feed and burp the one, and then he'd be happy and then I could take care of the other guy.
Hang in there... it gets WAY better I promise.... but I absolutely remember those days as some of the hardest of my life. But you will figure it out...they will get older...and everything will be okay.

-maria
DS1 4 yrs old
DS2 DS3 7 months

thanks Maria, It really is a comfort to hear someone is pretty much my exact situation survived this. Yes, stress is felt and tears shed. I do find sometimes I can get away with holding them both in my lap and bottle feeding at the same time works when they get really bad. But, I am SO looking forward to the end of reflux for my one lil' guy. My daughter was much worse and out grew it in less than a year.

 

QUOTE(lisa69bubbles @ Mar 9 2009, 05:16 PM) [snapback]1220350[/snapback]
ohhh.. forgot to mention.. the twins are 8 weeks old.



Much too young.

 

I second the recommendation of a Moby Wrap. That thing saved my life with Evan!