To split or not to split

Don't mean to repeat old threads, but am trying to decide whether to split my duo next year. They currently go to preschool 2x/week and are in the same class -- only 1 2-yr old class. I need to decide quickly what to do next year -- they will be going 3x/wk to the same school. Pros/cons? Any Twin MOMs out there? I have an identical twin Aunt that said "don't let non-twins make a decision about twins" -- she advocates keeping them together -- so does her twin who is a teacher. The school lets the parents decide, but prefer to split.

 

Our twins were placed together for preschool, and as they are VERY individual, we thought it'd be okay...HOWEVER, for our duo, they had their own social "shorthand" with each other...they knew how to "play" together, and surprisingly, made little effort to make friends outside their uterine circle!

The next year, for Pre-K, we asked (and the teachers agreed) that they be separated...and they both flourished. Their skill sets are also quite different -- academically and socially -- and we found that if one excelled at say writing, the other, either from not wanting to compete or look lesser or take away glory from the other, would not make any effort in that arena when they were together. Apart, they both try everything.

In K this year, we absolutely wanted ours split -- although the school gave us the option to place together if we wished. They are in separate classes and while we have varied homework/projects etc. to help with as parents, it's worth it to allow them their "own" experience. They DO see each other at lunch, at recess and for the 16 hours they are home...I feel for our twosome, it was UNDOUBTEDLY the right choice.

In contrast with your aunt, one of my dearest friends is a former principal (and a twin!) and she feels strongly that multiples should be separated...so it truly is SUCH an individual choice!

One thing I think might be reassuring to remember, is that you can change your decision if it proves problematic in most situations. Especially in those pre-"official" school years.

You will make the right decisions for your family...you know 'em best! (and don't feel "pressured" by family members or anyone here or elsewhere to make the decision that THEY feel is right! They're YOUR babies!

 

I second Darren&Sarrah's Mommy - in almost every way!

My girls were together for their first pre-school year; there were separate "classes" available (they are really just "classroom areas" in a very large room, so the kids see each other all day but get individual instruction from their own teacher), but we chose to put them together for their 1st year as one twin was very shy. It became evident before that year was up that one twin "dominated" the other - she talked more and was generally more interactive and we (the staff as well as us) felt our "shy" daughter would do well without her sister overshadowing her every minute of the day. so we separated them for the 2nd pre-school year. Our "shy" daughter started coming out of her shell within 4 weeks; the difference in amount of talking and general interaction was great. She finally had a chance to create her own bond with her teacher and her happiness improved.

I second Darren&Sarrah's Mommy when she says Nothing is Carved in Stone; we could have put them back together at any time if we felt the situation warrented it. The Staff is all about child development there, and would have done almost anything we wanted.

I would recommend listening to the pre-school staff and then making the choice you feel most comfortable with - don't bother listening to relatives or other moms who aren't in your shoes; even me: every child (and set of twins) is different and you are the one raising your kids.

Of course I stressed about my "shy" daughter being "all alone", that's my job.

 

I agree with the PP's. My two have actually never been together in school. They are two different people, and need to have different friends and experiences! My MIL is an ID twin, and HATED that she and her sister were kept together--and she was the dependent twin. The problem was exasperated when her twin passed away before she was 30, and MIL was left "alone" even though she was already married at the time!

 

My girls have been together up to this point. They are very different, both on the outside & on the inside. They play together some, but not very often. They have different friends (Cate with the girls/Claire with the boys). If I thought they were becoming too dependent on each other, I would probably consider seperating them. However, even in a classroom with only 6 other kids - my girls STILL make sure they are doing the opposite of each of other!

If this continues into "real" school, I might keep them together, just so it is easier on me (only 1 teacher to please!). I'll talk to the administration at the school, see what they recommend, and make my decision from there.

 

I dont plan to seperate them until 1st grade.....

 

Im are split this year in preschool.... they did the same class last year for 4 months and this year I decided to split them to see how it would work and I think I was more terrified and had more issues with it than they did... they ahve so much to talk about (what each other did in class ect) I figuered why not do it now and see so when school started we would know how to do it and well Im glad I did .. they have developed so much into there own little people and the shyer one is way more outgoing now and the teachers are amazed atthe difference in personalities ect since they wre seperated.. so for us seperate was good....plus they need to devolpe into there own persons instead of just the twins all the time...

 

Mine are together now (they go to daycare part time)--it's a small center and only one class at each age level. That has been fine for us, but we are looking at a pre-k program for next year (A three year old class, but they'd be older 3s) in which we would probably split them. I like the fact that they would still see each other during part of the school day, but start to be slightl more independent from each other.

 

Mine will be together until 1st grade, our choice.

 

My two have been split for the past 2 years. It is harder on the parents, but they are so different. One is a social butterfly & the other loves learning.

 

I plan to split mine in preschool, because I have a dominant twin, and I want my more shy twin to be able to express herself without her loud sister doing all the talking. I hope this will help my shy daughter come out of her shell a bit.

 

I was talking to our tumbling teacher about this and she was encouraging me to split them for pre-school. My gut is that I want them together for the first time and then I'll consider splitting them after a session. I had it in my brain that they would be split for the first time in 1st grade, but I'm not deadset on that idea. I'm going to follow their lead and what occurs as we go forward!

 

I totally plan on having my girls split when they start real school, but I don't think I will force the issue either way. I'm not really sure what I plan on doing next year for preschool.