I've been reading all the posts on the "silly Dh" thread, and it got me thinking, How does a twin pregnancy effect dads. We all know that your not experiencing what your wife/SO is going through as far as the discomforts and joys of being pregnant... but in which ways is she (or all of us) "clueless"? Do you think men feel the stress of the upcoming financial burden more? Are these going to be your first children, and do you wonder what your role will be in their lives at first? Do you think your wife looks pretty pregnant? (loaded question; you don't have to answer LOL) Anyways, just tell us your point of view.
At first I'm thinking 'Great, first I get abuse for having the audacity to suggest that male disparaging comments might not be appropriate and then this patronising topic' But I'll assume you didn't intend it that way, and while don't think so highly of myself to suppose that my opinion needs to be shared with the world, and based on the reaction in the "silly DH" thread I strongly doubt that many people here are particularly interested in the fathers experience, I'll answer your question anyway. I suppose I can't speak for anyone else, but I certainly don't think my wife is clueless, but as for what we're going through while we aren't getting to share directly in the experience of pregnancy: We're Jealous that we can't feel all those little movements, Feeling like we're a little left out on bonding with the babies Worried that we'll be good parents Absolutely, mind numbingly, frustrated that we can't *DO* anything for the babies directly Stressed out that it's so completely out of our control More stressed every time there's a scare about bleeding, or leakage, or changes in blood pressure, or changes in fetal movement, etc. We wonder how we are ever going to cope with newborns… and sleep deprivation… Concerned about minimizing any post partum depression our wives may go through Stressed about possible conflict with other family members as the family dynamic changes We worry about our jobs not being understanding about us needing to take time off to go to prenatal appointments and worry that they won't be pleased with us taking time off when the babies are born. Frustrated that we can't take as much time off as our wives can… not in a 'pour me! I want time off too! Kind of way, more like "I want to be home to spend time with my family, to bond with the babies, to take on half the load of taking care of them…" And then we get to feel helpless in the face of the hormonal/emotional rollercoaster our wives are going through Oh, and we're exhausted. Not only do we still get up at 4:30 in the morning, commute to work and put in a full day, but then it's taking care of the wife, running errands, cleaning the house, taking care of the pets, making late night trips to the store for some odd food, making late night trips to take the wife to Labor and Delivery when ever there's a concern, setting up the nursery… and those cribs which I'm not convinced are designed to be near impossible to assemble. In effect we suddenly have a full time job, all the housework, baby preparation home improvement projects, and a completely dependant wife… And all the while marveling at the transformation that our wives are making into motherhood and amazed by the creation of new life. As for finances. Given that I live in a world of two income households I certainly don't think men feel the stress of financial burden any more than women do, excepting for that period of time when the wife can't work and we're the sole income. But we certainly do stress about finances, especially when we were only planning on ever having one child... And for the record. My wife is beautiful. And as ungainly as she may feel (she described herself today as resembling a sumo wrestler), she's still beautiful. Somehow softer and glowing, and I just wish I could hold her and protect her and make everything all right even more… unfortunately I can't as she's on hospital bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy and I can't be there all the time.
To Lorem Ipsum: :hi: If it were Father's Day, I would nominate you for the Father of the Year award!!! When my husband reads this later he will be saying, "that's what I have been saying!!!!!" I feel the original post was written with a kind heart. Thank you for sharing with us here and keep up the good work.
To Lorem Ipsum, what a beautiful post! I hope you make a copy of it and save it for your wife! Thank you for sharing a man's point of view!
I wish my husband if he felt that way would have just SAID it!! one reason I feel like my dh is clueless is because he never seems to say the sweet things, it is always the complaints I hear! that was so sweet! I hope that is how my dh feels but just has a hard time verbalizing.
Your wife will be a PUDDLE when she reads that!!! :hug: Nice post!!! My Dh opened my eyes to a lot of those things that I hadn't even considered! (I wasn't on bedrest, but sick as a dog for the whole time. He never complained about pulling over to make a 'pit stop'!) Once the babies come, it's not going to change that much. You are going to have a full time job and come home to a stressed out, at the end of her rope wife who's pulling her hair out because one won't eat and the other won't stop crying or both won't.....You'll make it through!! I DO like having the male point of view represented her at TS! I think it's really important for all of us to remember that we all come from different 'places' on things!!
Oh, and we're exhausted. Not only do we still get up at 4:30 in the morning, commute to work and put in a full day, but then it's taking care of the wife, running errands, cleaning the house, taking care of the pets, making late night trips to the store for some odd food, making late night trips to take the wife to Labor and Delivery when ever there's a concern, setting up the nursery… and those cribs which I'm not convinced are designed to be near impossible to assemble. In effect we suddenly have a full time job, all the housework, baby preparation home improvement projects, and a completely dependant wife… I teared the moment I read this paragraph, totally aware of the 'discussion' back in the other thread. Reason why I teared was because this paragraph made me realised that my hubby has been doing all that was mentioned in it, if not more. And on top of that, he has a job that can hold him back till 3-4am in the morning, and he still makes an effort to visit me at my mum's plc the next day, although he tends to doze off on the bed or sofa. And just this afternoon, I got upset with him cos he dozed off while we're in the taxi on our way home (he brought me to the hairdresser), and when I asked why is he so tired, he said he had to shower the two dogs last night (he got home at 2am, btw) because they were out in the garden ytd and slept at 4am. Last but not least, I certainly am a dependent wife cos I'm too big to do anything right now, even to just get off the bed in time to go to the loo. Thank you, all husbands....for all that you've done and will continue to do. :bow2:
QUOTE(Lorem Ipsum @ Oct 25 2008, 01:52 AM) [snapback]1041307[/snapback] At first I'm thinking 'Great, first I get abuse for having the audacity to suggest that male disparaging comments might not be appropriate and then this patronising topic' But I'll assume you didn't intend it that way, and while don't think so highly of myself to suppose that my opinion needs to be shared with the world, and based on the reaction in the "silly DH" thread I strongly doubt that many people here are particularly interested in the fathers experience, I'll answer your question anyway. I suppose I can't speak for anyone else, but I certainly don't think my wife is clueless, but as for what we're going through while we aren't getting to share directly in the experience of pregnancy: We're Jealous that we can't feel all those little movements, Feeling like we're a little left out on bonding with the babies Worried that we'll be good parents Absolutely, mind numbingly, frustrated that we can't *DO* anything for the babies directly Stressed out that it's so completely out of our control More stressed every time there's a scare about bleeding, or leakage, or changes in blood pressure, or changes in fetal movement, etc. We wonder how we are ever going to cope with newborns… and sleep deprivation… Concerned about minimizing any post partum depression our wives may go through Stressed about possible conflict with other family members as the family dynamic changes We worry about our jobs not being understanding about us needing to take time off to go to prenatal appointments and worry that they won't be pleased with us taking time off when the babies are born. Frustrated that we can't take as much time off as our wives can… not in a 'pour me! I want time off too! Kind of way, more like "I want to be home to spend time with my family, to bond with the babies, to take on half the load of taking care of them…" And then we get to feel helpless in the face of the hormonal/emotional rollercoaster our wives are going through Oh, and we're exhausted. Not only do we still get up at 4:30 in the morning, commute to work and put in a full day, but then it's taking care of the wife, running errands, cleaning the house, taking care of the pets, making late night trips to the store for some odd food, making late night trips to take the wife to Labor and Delivery when ever there's a concern, setting up the nursery… and those cribs which I'm not convinced are designed to be near impossible to assemble. In effect we suddenly have a full time job, all the housework, baby preparation home improvement projects, and a completely dependant wife… And all the while marveling at the transformation that our wives are making into motherhood and amazed by the creation of new life. As for finances. Given that I live in a world of two income households I certainly don't think men feel the stress of financial burden any more than women do, excepting for that period of time when the wife can't work and we're the sole income. But we certainly do stress about finances, especially when we were only planning on ever having one child... And for the record. My wife is beautiful. And as ungainly as she may feel (she described herself today as resembling a sumo wrestler), she's still beautiful. Somehow softer and glowing, and I just wish I could hold her and protect her and make everything all right even more… unfortunately I can't as she's on hospital bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy and I can't be there all the time. As someone else suggested- I am completely melting. MELT. While I am aware and appreciate everything you go through and are doing, down to having to help me do the most menial things like move/get up/get out of the bath, I don't feel I express appreciation and gratitidue enough. I wish I knew how, but you are absolutely wonderful and I adore and love you with my whole being. And I am glad you voiced what you are experiencing, and other fathers are likely experiencing. If is good for us wives/me to know and be aware. It is too easy for us/me to sometimes get wrapped up in the hormonal and physical stuff and concerns regarding the pregnancy and take for granted all of the wonderful things and emotions, concerns, changes, stress, exhaustion, extra work, etc. that the most important people in our lives/you are going through with and for us. Those of us who have husbands and/or significant others like you/I are extremely fortunate. I know for a fact that I am.
