to let cry or constantly hold?

my two week old boys seem to alternate feedings to cry for 3 hours at a time. they don't have dirty diapers, they aren't feverish, they are tired but hungry despite having just given them over 2 ounces of formula. some people say to let them cry and others yell at me when i don't run over to them and immediately pick them up. i mean there is really nothing i can do until the next feeding since the pediatrician wants no more than 2 ounces every 3 hours (have to re-ask him why on monday). plus if i give them more than 2 ounces and then feed again in an hour i will never get any rest. so sometimes, and i hate to admit this, i just let them cry. after a few solid minutes of wailing they stop and go to sleep....is this wrong???

 

Please hold them

that really seems like a very small amount of formula. Hopefully your pedi will up that to at least 3oz?

 

That seems like a very small amount of formula. My babies are two weeks and two days old, and we give them breastmilk and formula, both in bottles. But, they sometimes eat up to 3 ounces and are STILL hungry about two hours later!

 

Mine were eating every 2 hrs. roughly at that time, so I can't imagine making them wait 3 hrs. I also don't think I would just let them cry for a long time at that age. I can remember feeling so guilty that I had let one cry for a bit while I changed the other or had to bathe one, etc. There are going to be times where they are crying don't get me wrong (and it may happen a lot). But, they need to know their basic needs are going to be met and at that age, that may just mean knowing you are there to hold them when they need it. You can't spoil a baby that young.

 

they are way too young to let them cry. at that age they don't know how to self soothe, so it's important that you do everything you can to help them. crying it out isn't recommended until 6 months. also, i think the amount you are feeding them is fine. i don't agree with pp who said they weren't eating enough. my girls were eating about that much as two weeks. every baby is different when it comes to formula amounts.

 

DO NOT WAIT until Monday! Feed them more! My boys weighed a little over 3lbs at birth and were horrible eaters. They still ate at least 2 ozs every 2-3hrs at that age. Our doc was worried they weren't eating enough and put them on higher calorie formula. Perhaps your Pedi meant to make sure they eat at LEAST 2oz every 3 hrs. At that age the only way to calm my boys down or get them to sleep was when they fell asleep drinking a bottle.

It is too early to start "bad habits" of too much holding. If your hands are full try a vibrating bouncy chair or swing.

 

Yes, pick them up and feed them. They are hungry and need you to give them the love and cuddling they desire. At that age, they shouldnt be screaming all the time. Most of the time they should sleep from feeding to feeding. I would call your Ped. Mine ate alot at the 2 hour mark.

 

I would feed them more if they are hungry. Call & ask the pedi again if you are unsure, but I'm have no idea why they would not want you to feed them any more than that. I would also pick them up (or get Grandma, Daddy or someone if you are resting), they are awfully young to just let them cry (but if you can give them more to eat, they may stop crying).

 

:hug: Two babies home is a lot of work. :hug: I don't understand why your ped. would say only 2 ounces every 3 hours. My two were eating every 1.5-2 hours for a long time!!! Oh, and they need to know that you are there for them. They need reassurance. Hold them! They absolutely cannot be spoiled at this point. They NEED to know that you are there for them. DOn't worry about a messy house.. make sure you are eating/drinking enough. Your TOP priority are those babies right now! :hug:

 

everyone has summed it up well...
and if your pedi says 2oz every 3hrs-you might want to concider a new pedi

 

I agree with pp. I fed mine as often as the wanted, which was every 1.5 hours. It was not easy, but babies that young can't just be left to cry.

 

feed the babies when they are ready. If they want more than 2oz give it to them. I understand you trying to keep them on schedule but you will get no rest if they are crying and hungry. Also, are you swaddling them? They are only 2 weeks and they need something to mimic the womb. And like PP said, if your ped wants for you to do X amount of ounces then you may want to switch peds. They are at the age where they are ready to move on to the next level of feeding. Step them up!!!

 

i just got approval from the on call doctor that they could have more so we are starting out with 3 ounces. hopefully this will do the trick for the night and tomorrow we can try a little more and than a little more. i just don't want them to eat so much they spit it up...sort of defeats the purpose.

and yes i swaddle them but they wiggle their ways right on out of it. so we start them out in the burrito wrap but in a few minutes they have wiggled themselves out. so that technique doesn't work so well.

 

For the swaddling, I would recommend Miracle Blankets. Those were such a life saver for us!! Much better than trying to swaddle with a blanket.

As far as the feeding goes, if the babies are hungry they need to be fed. This is why I always fed my girls on demand. My girls were not able to go 3-4 hour stretches without getting hungry in between. You have to remember that your boys are preemies, and they need those calories! If I remember correctly they aren't even to their due date yet, which makes it just that much more important. I have never heard of a Dr. limiting the amount of Oz. they should have.

It is hard, but they are way to young to cry it out. They need to be soothed and comforted. You may also want to try a bouncy chair, or a swing and see if that helps. Are you using pacifiers? Any kind of white noise?

Also, go get the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD. I promise it will help you tremendously!!!!

Best of Luck to you! :hug:

 

Great that you got the okay to feed them more, I hope they will be happier with more food! :hug:

 

I agree with the previous posts (pp) I did the swaddling -- my dh was the best he had them so tight like little sausages. I agree with a different Pedi. Babies need what they need. I remember wanting to have them on a schedule so bad -- I think it was to gain a sense of control in what seemed like such a crazy time. What I found out was this time you can't take back. It is amazing that at about 5 months old or sooner for some babies you just can't hold them for hours like you can when they are young like this. I know of mothers who wished they had held their babies more at this age. I know that seems hard to believe when you ALWAYS have a baby to hold at this stage. I found that I finally got to the stage where I sat down and just held them and enjoyed them. The best was a nice nap in bed with both babies on my chest. It seemed to heal me. I also loved to take them in the bath one at a time with me, and my dh would come and get them and change them. They loved it.

It is hard in the beginning to "trust your instincts" but if you get that feeling like this is not right, then go with it. You are the mother and you will get to know what is best for them more than any "professional". You can't spoil them at this age like someone mentioned. (I have two toddlers 20 months old who slept through the night at 4 months and a 3.5 month old who sleeps 6 pm until 3 am). It really isn't until they start to smile at you they they even begin to be able to self-sooth. they become the best when they start to notice toys and attempt to touch them, then you can let them cry a bit more.

Three hours of crying can cause a hernia from all the prolonged crying. Try wearing them in a sling around the house or get out for a walk. We would swaddle our two and put them both beside each other in the Moses basket, they loved to be near each other. My singleton now is a squirrel and thinks "I" am her twin. she was only happy if I was holding her. Despite that I put her down to sleep at 6 pm awake, and she barely cries now and goes to sleep.

After you've read Happiest baby on the block (video would be easier) then read Healthy sleep habits happy child. HSHHC Everyone on here has read those two books and they seem to be the twin bible in here. me included. I've heard there is a twin version.

Tell us how it all works out.

Heather

 

Great recommendations Kyrstyn.:good: I loved the Happiest Baby on the Block book.

 

thanks everyone. i was getting such mixed responses from people...family mostly, on how to deal with a fussy baby.

the on-call gave us the green light to give them more food so we did, up to 3 ounces now, and they seem to be sleeping better although as i am typing this i have a fussy baby in my lap that overate and spit up so now he's a hungry little munchkin again. well a sleepy one since he's alseep in my lap.

going with 3 ounces seems to fill their bellies for up to 3.5 hours rather than the 2 ounces only going for 1.5-2 hours. so far anyway...knock on wood, right?

i just get so flustered with people trying to "help" with their opinions and what not when in truth they will openly admit they don't know what they are talking about because they know nothing about preemies and their needs. so it's a hard place to be in, listening to people "offer" suggestions when they admit they are clueless. although i take all advice and try to apply it. being a new mom i'm fortunate to have experienced mothers around me, unfortunately none with preemies, or twins for that matter...not that one fussy baby isn't the same as the next. i'm grateful for any advice i get but it just sort of reinforces what i was thinking originally having brought the issue to you guys.

we see the pediatrician again on monday. i will be sure to bring everything up to him. i don't think we need to find a new one just yet...it was the nurse practiioner that said the "no more than 2 ounces" bit and i wasn't at the appointment my husband was and she could have very well have said "at least 2 ounces" so who knows.

 

I have never even heard of restricting food for a newborn and can't imagine doing it myself. Here is my rule of thumb so take it for what it is worth : )

For every hour they sleep, my babies have always eaten one ounce so if they eat three ounces, they would sleep about three hours. They would have cluster feeding here and there but it always got back down to that type of volume. Also, for every pound they are, we found they ate two ounces so if they are 10 pounds, they would eat 20 ounces a day or 5-4oz bottles a day, at 14 pounds (now) they eat 28-30 or 5-6oz bottles give or take. This has been almost a science for all three of our babies but of course all babies are different. Your babies look like they are probably about 6-8 pounds now maybe (hard to tell from picture as they always are smaller than they look in pics) so that would mean 12-16oz a day or 8-2oz bottles or 6-2.5oz bottles which seems pretty accurate for what my babes ate at those weights.

A newborn will take what they need and so they will stop when they are full. The first thing I would do is find a new ped. The crying will just make them expend more calories...

My girls loved swaddling and are unfortunately growing too long but I am slowly moving the blanket down further and further to keep it going : )

 

I'm glad they seem to be doing a bit better for you today, Kristine! :hug:

 

:hug: Glad it's going better! Glad you uped the food!

 

Glad to hear it is going better. My daughter was a premie... and had horrible spit up and reflux. So I totally remember the agony of feeding and then wiping up spit up and then doing it all again! I was terribly nervous with my daughter, first time mom and a premie! And you are right, EVERYONE gives you advice, often contradicting one another. So frustrating. Just trust yourself. If your baby is hungry, feed them, needing to be held and rocked, do that. It does get easier, trust me. If it didn't I certainly wouldn't have gone on to get pregnant again! LOL. Now that I have twins, it is a bit harder for sure, but things are going well. You will be fine! Take care honey.

 

So glad things are better!! :hug:

 

well they got better and then they got worse and then better again. some feedings will be the full 3 ounces others it's only 2 ounces and they spit it all up.

if they would just burp it would be sooooooooo much easier.

 

It is hard to burp a tiny little baby. I feel your pain. What about feeding them smaller amounts more frequently? Like trying to feed 2.5 ounces or so every 2 hours and see if that satisfies them ardon: Are they arching or screaming on the bottle? Refusing to take the bottle at all?

 

when they wake up they scream and grunt and flale around for the bottle. when i try to burp them they arch their backs and **** their heads and necks back. they only refuse to take the bottle if they haven't burped or passed gas in some fashion up or down.

we are trying to go 3.5 hours per feed since they seem to eat better and keep it down when they wake up rather then when we wake them up. if we give them 2-2.5 every 2 or so hours they would sleep right through the feed and spit most of it up.

now after we feed them they will fuss for a half hour or so, grunting noises and what not (no dirty diapers or anything) and then fall asleep. they don't eat themselves to sleep anymore it seems like but after 3 ounces their little bellies are full.

if you look at it, the amount of 3 ounces in a bottle, and compare it to the size of our boys' bellies it's really a lot of food. they get weighed tomorrow i'm interested to know how much/little they've grown.

 

What about feeding them on demand rather than trying to stick to a schedule at this point and forcing them to eat when they may not be hungry. If they are hungry they will eat until they are full, and if they are done eating then stop. I know it is very frustrating, but it is very normal for Babies to spit up.

 

all of our doctors in PICU were pretty demanding about making sure to feed them every 3 hours and no more than 4 because of their sizes (both are only in the 5lb range). we are trying to do more on demand feeds since they seem to last longer on 3 ounces rather than on 2. so rather than waking them up we are letting them wake us up which is about every 3-3.5 hours.

 

I agree that the longest they should go between feedings is 3-4 hours, but that doesn't mean that can't be fed before that 3-4 hour mark. On Demand means if they are hungry, and you feed them at that time, no matter how it fits into your schedule. Say they only eat 1.5oz and seem done. So you stop feeding them, then 2.5 hours they may be hungry again, so you feed them again. Therefore, they are still getting the same amount of oz in the day, but they are not being forced to eat a huge amount at one time. I fed my girls on demand, and they were preemies and it worked out so much better for us and them. They simply could not tolerate those higher amounts of food all at once.

 

Same here. They came home from the NICU on a nice 3 hour feeding schedule, but that changed the second we got home because I was the one that had to listen to their crying that they were hungry. Sometimes they ate at 1.5 hours and other times it was 3 hours, but it was never more than every 3 hours and at night I was luck to get them to every 2 hours for a long time.