Tired of the unrequested parenting advice

We are starting to have some problems with sleep around here (or, at least, the sleep thing is starting to get annoying after 3 months) and we have started a series of intervention strategies based largely on the advice in The No Cry Sleep Solution. We won't CIO -- it just doesn't fit with our parenting approach -- and we realize that the approach we are taking may take a while to work.

Tonight, our neighbor became the fifth person who, upon hearing briefly about our sleep issues (NOT, you will note, upon being asked for any advice) said "Oh, no, that will never work. You're going to have to let them CIO." I'm so tired of the patronizing tone and the implication that I am just so naive to think that I can get my kids to sleep any way other than the way they chose to do it. I don't go up to parents who chose to CIO and denegrate their parenting choices, why do they have to poo poo mine?

Kim

 

We are starting to have some problems with sleep around here (or, at least, the sleep thing is starting to get annoying after 3 months) and we have started a series of intervention strategies based largely on the advice in The No Cry Sleep Solution. We won't CIO -- it just doesn't fit with our parenting approach -- and we realize that the approach we are taking may take a while to work.

Tonight, our neighbor became the fifth person who, upon hearing briefly about our sleep issues (NOT, you will note, upon being asked for any advice) said "Oh, no, that will never work. You're going to have to let them CIO." I'm so tired of the patronizing tone and the implication that I am just so naive to think that I can get my kids to sleep any way other than the way they chose to do it. I don't go up to parents who chose to CIO and denegrate their parenting choices, why do they have to poo poo mine?

Kim

 

One thing I've learned as a parent: you can't please everyone, especially neighbors! I get unwanted advice and I have a nearly 7yo and a 2yo in addition to the twins. I just smile and nod - in one ear and out the other!

 

You have definetly touched a nerve with that post!! I feel the same way!
EVERYONE knows better than me about everything!
Anyone who has a child even a couple of months older than my girls has loads of advise to give me on everything. Just because their children are older that makes them experts.
I avoid complaining about anything that might be difficult at any given time with the girls just to avoid advise, but I get it anyway.
None of these people have twins and some only have one child so really in many aspects we're comparing apples and oranges.
Also, till I went on maternity leave I was a pretty successful therapist specializing in parenting so this is supposed to be my field of expertise professionally. I don't think that makes me better than anyone but it definetly doesn't make me worse.
I try not to say much to people who aren't respectful of me and my parenting choises to avoid the conflict but these days I don't have that many other things to talk about except the babies and I end up avoiding people. If all else fails I say the dr. told us to do things this way and that usually makes people back off.
GRRRR!!!

 

Amen to that! Can I add my DH's co-workers to that mix? My girls do not sleep through. They have on occassion, so we know they can do it, but almost all nights they are still up to take some milk. DH, even though he's not the one up with them, decided to rant about it at work. Of course, they all told him we needed to do CIO. He of course took this for gospel, and ragged on me until I tried it. As of yesterday, after weeks of even less sleep for me, and no improvement in the girls' sleeping patterns (in fact it got worse), I stopped trying to do CIO.

In general, I have a rule..."if you didn't/don't have multiples, don't talk to me." I don't tell this to people, of course, I simply just ignore them. Their advice may be well-meaning, but it rarely applies. Two babies is just so incredibly different than one.

Let it float into one ear and out the other, and keep reminding yourself that they mean well....they just don't get it.
HTH!
Robynn

 

You can tell them that this person you know of in Indiana also doesn't believe in CIO and yet she gets 8 hours of sleep a night and only 1 daughter wakes up for 1 feeding. I have never CIO. I didn't do it with my ds and I won't do it with future kids. To me, babies don't cry without a purpose, whether it is to be fed, or just to be looked at, it doesn't matter. I feel CIO leads to day insecurity, not to knock people that do it, it just isn't something I feel good about. Tell them it CAN and WILL work and letting a baby cry just isn't the answer to everything.

 

In one ear...out the other. Easier said than done, though, especially if you're sleep deprived.

 

Kim, CIO isn't for everyone! Don't defend your approach! Just know that there are PLENTY of people who NEVER had to CIO and have babies that sleep well! It can be done (I don't know the answers, but know that people have done it! ) I believe that any approach you choose will work IF you are CONSISTENT!

Good luck and just let it slide off your back as though you were a duck in water