Timeouts not working!

I am a big believer in timeouts and I have been using them for a few months. I am VERY consistent with behavior and timeouts, so inconsistency is not the issue. I use them for both ds and dd (2yrs 7months), they work perfectly for DS, I rarely even get to 2 (I count to 3 and then they get a timeout) and he is already doing what I have asked.
But DD is a different story, she goes through periods when she gets a lot of timeouts. And this week has been a rough one, she has had 8 timeouts in the first 3hrs of today already. And, she also doesn't stay in timeout, so I have to stand there (thus ignoring poor DS) and make sure she stays there.

I do also use positive parenting, so I try and reward DD for good behavior all the time - but I have almost found that as soon as I say "good job for being gentle with your brother" (because hitting is an issue here) she will hit her brother about 2 seconds later. Its like she is doing just for attention. And she gets LOTS of attention, I spend every minute with them (except for 3 mornings/wk when she is at daycare/preschool). It is driving me CRAZY. So, as soon as she hits I put her straight in timeout, and after I make her stay there for 1minute, she will come out and go hit her brother again. She doesn't like timeouts as she cries when she is in them, but somedays she is just constantly in timeout.

i am so frustrated with this, I try to talk about her good behavior and she goes and does the oppostive, I use timeouts and she still does the behavior.

I am considering trying a behavior chart because she likes stickers. But, not sure how to do it for a 2.5yr old. Do I give her a sticker everytime I think she restrained herself and didn't hit her brother?
And, BTW she only hits her brother or us parents, nobody else. She also has a few other undesirable behaviors like throwing toys, banging toys, and breaking her brothers train track or trains (she does this several times/day).

 

I'm not doing a sticker chart for behavior but I am doing one for PTing my DD (my two are 2 yrs, 8 months) and my first thought is maybe trying a sticker chart where she earns a sticker for each day she has no timeouts. Really talk it up to her. Maybe do it with the two of them and if she sees her brother getting one, she will want one too. Good luck!

 

The sticker chart is a good idea. Also, if TO is not enough of a deterrent for her, maybe you can find something that is - temporarily taking away a favorite toy, for example. My DS is really into clothes, and sometimes threatening to take away his favorite sweatshirt is much more effective than TO.

 

i found time outs weren't really effective here until we upped them to 2 minutes (we do a minute per year of age).

i also like the idea of a sticker chart. GL!

 

I agree with finding her currency. Putting a beloved toy in TO often works for my girls. Also what are the triggers to her hitting? Is she frustrated? How is her language? Can you preemptively prevent the hitting and then reward that ("I know you were frustrated, but great job not hitting!")? :hug:

 

Yeah, I wonder if you can try to figure out why she is hitting. Is it an issue with sharing toys so she hits DS if he has something she wants? Does she get mad at him for doing something? I think if you can figure that out, you can help her learn a better technique for dealing with it rather than hitting.

But that being said, my DD THRIVES on negative attention. If she does something bad, the only thing I have to do to make sure she does it again is act upset. Do you think your DD is hitting to get the negative attention? I could see that being the case if you have to be right there to keep her in TO the entire time. Can you put her in her room for TO and shut the door or use some other TO place that will allow you to isolate her? Also, how old is she? TO generally should be 1 minute per age. Perhaps she needs a little longer time to cool off and disengage from the situation that caused her to want to hit.

 

I am having the same issue and could have written this post except mine is the issue is at daycare and my daughter doesnt just hit her twin brother it's all the kids there. She also takes toys and food off of the other kids plates.
This behavior isnt an issue at home very often.
I have some speech delay concerns with her so I am wondering if that doesnt have something to do with it... ardon: I dont want to make excuses for her but she just isnt 'getting it' that its wrong...time outs dont phase her a bit, she doesnt get upset by them and repeats the behavior with out any concern for consequence.
Anyway, sorry I dont have advice, but I do understand where you are coming from. Its frustrating!! :headbang:

As of now daycare is continuing the time outs and I am getting her evaluated through Parents as Teachers to work on her speech and I am just hopeful once she can express herself better with words it will resolve the issues. I thought about doing a sticker chart, giving her a sticker each day she has no issues at daycare and then a prize for going a whole week with no hitting but I honestly dont think she would care.

 

Well, how about instead of timeout she has to give up a favorite toy to her DS for a specified amount of time.

 

if you do a sticker chart, you might try some type of calendar chart that you put stickers on... I have a calendar/chart that I was putting stickers on for potty time and its really good to see the progress... and you can make notations about what you did differently or when you started or stopped doing something. as for the sticker... I literally just used cut up pieces of those free address labels that you get in the mail... I did this so that I could fit multiple ones on the daily square of the calendar.

good luck!!!!

 

For one of my boys we had to move time out to his room. He seemed to enjoy the time out struggle (trying to escape, me putting him back etc). We have one of the door knob covers on the inside of thier door, so he goes in there for time out and can't get out. Taking away his audience worked almost immediately. The first time he completely flipped out, the second time was better and then he didn't have a time out the rest of that day. It still works several months later. He's also much more likely to respond to the count now instead of waiting for time out. Good luck, you just have to find what works for them!

 

Thanks for all the help. My DD used to love skirts and dresses, and the threat of losing that and having to wear shorts instead of a dress/skirt worked for us for quite awhile, but it doesn't work anymore.

I think I might try putting a toy of hers in timeout (she loves her pink purse), or using her room for a timeout (maybe I will have to put a lock on the outside because our doors are not knobs so there aren't any door locks that work on it).

 

I second using her room as a time out place... we have always done this and it works much better than a time out in a more "public" space. I also make them stay in their room until they have calmed down (that means stopped screaming and/or banging on the door). Sometimes that's 30 seconds, sometimes it's 5 minutes. For our guys, it works pretty well, and it gives them (and me!) some space away from the source of tension to gain control of ourselves!