Timeout question

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by seamusnicholas, Sep 25, 2008.

  1. seamusnicholas

    seamusnicholas Well-Known Member

    I have been doing time out for a while but now realize they are at an age where the way I have been doing it is not working to the full potential.

    When I tell them they will go to timeout, they laugh. I say, thats 1, if you hit me with the stick again you are going in time out, thats two and same thing until I get to three.

    Then I put them in the corner and they immediately say, "Im sorry" and try to wiggle out. I hold them there and they repeat, "Im sorry" "Im sorry" all now while trying to get out of the corner. I feel like I cant physically hold them for two minutes. That seems like it would be an eternity of holding them with them trying to get out. I thought about using a timer but I dont know if they will get that yet. They probably will like the timer and want to go to the corner!

    Maybe I should take a chair and turn it against the wall. IDK. I think if I do something drastic like that they will freak and when Seamus freaks, it is hard for him to come back!

    The god thing is that currently after they get out of their 'short' timeout, they dont repeat their action.

    The bad thing is that when I say they are going to time out, they dont care enough to stop their action.

    Any suggestions?
     
  2. swp0525

    swp0525 Well-Known Member

    I'm not really sure!

    I will tell you this...Ben and Sarah do not stop whatever it is I want them to when I threaten time-out, but when they come out of it, they don't repeat it again and I consider time-outs to be sucessful in this house. I kind of figure they'll connect the dots eventually and stop the behavior for fear of a time-out.

    They do stay in time out for the full two minutes. They each have a pillar in the hallway that they sit up against. I stand nearby, but not focusing my full-attention on them. Close enough that they see me standing there, but they don't have my attention for the tantrum. If they get up, I immediately put them back and start the two minutes over. After doing that only a few times Ben stays. Sarah still gets up from time to time, but she's definitely getting better. The other day she got up and started to walk away until she saw me coming, then she put herself back in time out :D
     
  3. Lougood

    Lougood Well-Known Member

    How about changing the location of time-out? I was doing time-out on the stairs for a while and couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. Ashlyn would ASK to go to time-out and that's when I realized they didn't mind sitting on the stairs. They would try to climb up...or play with the gate. :rolleyes: I too would sit there and make them stay. But when I moved time-out to a chair I have by the door it started working. I put them in the chair and walked away. If they tried to get out I'd put them back and they got it fairly quickly to not get up. Aidyn will now stop behaviors before even getting to time-out. Ashlyn...well, at least she doesn't ENJOY it anymore. :lol:
     
  4. bridgeport

    bridgeport Well-Known Member

    I actually think the timer is a good idea. My mom was a preschool and kindergarten teacher, and she always used timers with great success. I don't think it's necessarily bad if they like the timer a little bit, because the time out will still serve the purpose of removing them from the bad behavior. Anytime a 2 year old is forced to sit in one place for a time (even if it is with a kind of cool timer to look at), they're going to be less happy than if they're allowed to roam freely. The timer would just make it tolerable enough for them to stay put.

    My cousin used a similar theory and put her time out mat right in front of their big fish tank. So the kids at least had something nice to look at to keep them in place for their time.

    I guess I've just always thought that the real primary purpose for time out was to remove them from the situation - not to punish them.
     
  5. Babies4Susan

    Babies4Susan Well-Known Member

    We use the timer. At first they would not stay in timeout, they kept crawling/walking away. At first we literally had to sit and "hold" them in place. Now that never happens, they know if we've counted and they end up in timeout, we mean business and they stay there and calm down until the buzzer goes off.

    I felt really weird about holding them in place at first, but it was successful.

    Keep all emotion out of it, that's my best advice. If you're holding them in place, don't talk, basically ignore them.
     
  6. double-or-nothing

    double-or-nothing Well-Known Member

    This is my one issue with the 1 2 3 magic technique and why I'm not sure if I will use it until they are older (if at all). I just think that if they do something they know they are not suppose to do then there are no warnings. They go into immediate time out. At least for offenses of physically hurting me or sibling or anyone or anything very dangerous like standing on a table. There is NO waring for those types of behaviors. I think if they are doing something that you just don't like or is not cool, I give a warning and if they do it again then right to time out. I just think that it is being disrespectful if I ask them to not do something that is not nice or not safe and they do it anyway. I just feel that the counting thing gives them too many chances to continue the behavior and it becomes a game to them (where they start counting with you and laughing or they just want to push your buttons and know they have numbers 2 and 3 to do so).

    As for the location, I use one of my extra dining room chairs that I have on either side of the china cabinet (or whatever that thing is called, we have no china LOL). I had contimplated turning it around into the wall but I was afraid they would push it backwards using their feet on the wall and tip backwards so I decided against it. So far I have been lucky. They stay for the most part in the chair until their time out is over. But there were occassions where I kept sticking them back in the chair and told them that everytime they get up, the time out starts over. They were getting exhausted with getting down and me shoving them back in the seat until they finally realized that I could play that game all day so they don't fight it anymore. Sometimes they pretend like they are going to get down and just give them the evil eye and say "don't even think about it." and they don't. GL hope you find some solutions.
     
  7. Anne-J

    Anne-J Well-Known Member

    QUOTE
    This is my one issue with the 1 2 3 magic technique and why I'm not sure if I will use it until they are older (if at all). I just think that if they do something they know they are not suppose to do then there are no warnings. They go into immediate time out. At least for offenses of physically hurting me or sibling or anyone or anything very dangerous like standing on a table. There is NO waring for those types of behaviors. I think if they are doing something that you just don't like or is not cool, I give a warning and if they do it again then right to time out. I just think that it is being disrespectful if I ask them to not do something that is not nice or not safe and they do it anyway. I just feel that the counting thing gives them too many chances to continue the behavior and it becomes a game to them (where they start counting with you and laughing or they just want to push your buttons and know they have numbers 2 and 3 to do so).


    I completely agree, and this is what I did too. At first I did the warning (just one) and that was it. The next time, no warning. I also agree with not showing any emotion and ignoring the repeated apologies, cries etc. I used to say (at the beginning of time out) in a low voice "Mommy will not listen or speak to you till you can talk in your big girl/boy voice and not cry"

    From what I've experienced, they get that quicker than several warnings (which eventually become games) and soon learn that nothing they say or do will get them out. It'll take a while but it does work if you're consistent.

    Good luck!
     
  8. Phia713

    Phia713 Well-Known Member

    When I put my girls in timeouts, they, too, try to wiggle off of the chair. I just keep putting them back on. They will start to cry, and I basically try to ignore them, until their time is up. Then, like Supernanny, I try to explain to them about what they did and why it was wrong. Still not sure if they understand me, but the bad behavior usually stops.
     
  9. Stephanie M

    Stephanie M Well-Known Member

    We use a digital timer for timeout and my children know they have to wait for the beeps. We have a timeout chair (little chair) that is away from everything else. Sometimes my DS is good at sitting in timeout and not at other times. DD is never great. TO is still a work in progress for our family. I find that all discipline is sooooo difficult at this age. I know the key is to be consistent and I'm not consistent enough!
     
  10. Babies4Susan

    Babies4Susan Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(double-or-nothing @ Sep 26 2008, 04:35 PM) [snapback]998871[/snapback]
    This is my one issue with the 1 2 3 magic technique and why I'm not sure if I will use it until they are older (if at all). I just think that if they do something they know they are not suppose to do then there are no warnings. They go into immediate time out. At least for offenses of physically hurting me or sibling or anyone or anything very dangerous like standing on a table.



    We do immediate timeout for hitting, biting, pinching, etc. I guess mine don't do anything too dangerous, that hasn't come up. For anything else, we use 1-2-3 Magic.
     
  11. seamusnicholas

    seamusnicholas Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone! I got a lot of great suggestions here! I really appreciate it!
     
  12. Sullyirishtwins

    Sullyirishtwins Well-Known Member

    The kids are turning '2' this week on Tuesday. They are showing signs of 'terrible 2' especially my daughter. She whines/meltdown every little thing. When she start doing that I put her in a 1-1/2 minute timeout in her booster chair facing to the wall (not too close). I tell her that you're in a time out because you need to stop whining. I signed to her so she knows that she has to stop doing this meltdown. I know she may not understand but if I stay consistent but I have my doubts.

    I had a horrible time yesterday with taking her to "Enchanted Ball" at our local park district. She ran around all over the gym area and doesn't even care if I am there or not. She kept hopping around (running into other little girls) because she doesn't pay attention. They also had hoop that she was carrying around and often bump into other little girls around her. I noticed there were a few little girls that has to be '2' but they were well behave. I meant they didn't go running around all over the place, they look at their mommy to be sure she was watching them. I did everything I could to have fun with my daughter but she didn't want to be around me. She has been very independently since she was born, arm length, does not sit well with either of us, and etc.

    How do you discipline to make her understand she cannot have the freedom of running around the older she get? What can I do to make some improvement?

    Thanks,
    D, w/Rianna and Justin
     
  13. dfaut

    dfaut 30,000-Post Club

    Nicole, I have to recommend you read 1-2-3 magic!

    When mine try to get out of timeout, I put them in and start the timer OVER. Now, at two you are going to have a harder time with that.....BUT Do you still have feeding seats? I strapped mine in their seats and didn't put them in the corner, but I face them away from "the action" and ignore their cries and stuff. 1-2-3 doesn't recommend putting them in a corner etc. They probably don't want me to face them away. But I want them to HEAR what's going on without seeing it. So, they know they are missing out on the fun....

    Hitting is an AUTO time out around here. NO's get you to two from the start!

    Good luck!! I totally recommend it!!
     
  14. seamusnicholas

    seamusnicholas Well-Known Member

    Ever since this thread, I have seen progress already!

    I now put him in the corner and step a few feet away acting like I am doing something. He has tried to get up, and I tell him to get back and he does. I never thought that would work. So just the fact that I dont hold him is huge. I look at the clock in the kitchen and he sits there for two minutes. But in that two minutes, I did have to tell him to go back a couple of times. My mom has a ton of extra booster chairs. I am going to borrow one and keep it in the corner.

    I got 1-2-3 Magic when they were little and my mom was borrowing it so it looks like they are at the age that I need to read it and perfect this!

    I am so excited about getting this to work!

    Oh, and notice I always say "he". I guess I am lucky that I dont have to say 'they'! My one that never goes to time out always says, "corner". Its like he feels that he is missing out on something! Well the attention I guess!

    Thanks again!
     
  15. HRE

    HRE Well-Known Member

    Nicole, I'm a little late getting in on this, but I'm glad to hear it is working.

    I, too, do time outs without warnings when they do something physical or dangerous. I put mine on the stairs. They don't sit great, but I put them down, walk away and ignore, if they get up I put them back, walk away and ignore, etc.

    Now, my other thing is that I don't think it's bad if they like or want to be in time out. The point of a time out instead of another consequence is mostly a calm down or regrouping time. It's never bad to get alone or regrouping time. Sometimes my kids head to the timeout area and just play, and that's ok with me completely (while not on time out).

    Anyway, glad you are seeing progress!
     
  16. kajulie

    kajulie Well-Known Member

    I leave my girls in for much longer than a minute per year of age. The reason is this. They get excited to go to time out. They think they like it. And when i first put them there, they smile and giggle and are happy as a clam. It's after the first couple minutes that they realize that they are missing out on some fun. I usually hear a little wine or wimper come from the time out corner and that's when I know they've "gotten" it. I wait another 30 seconds, then i go over, stand them up, squat down to they're face level and explain to them why what they did is unacceptable, and that we do not do it. They generally say ok. Then we hug and they are free. so far this has worked and they do not repeat the action once they get out.
     
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