Time to split up

I'm thinking that it is time to start doing some separate things with the girls. My husband and I have been throwing around the idea of taking them out separately. However they hate to be left behind. They do understand taking turns, but I'm not really sure how to approach it.I'm hoping some of you can give me some pointers. They are just starting too get tired of being around one another so much,if that makes sense. Any suggestions?

 

How about both of you go out to do errends, and each take one child. That way both are getting out, and no one is "left behind".

 

No advice as I am in the same boat. Anna is in a dance class once a week and Ian spends that time with my parents, but that is about it. Since DH doesn't get home until 7pm at the earliest, it is hard to find opportunities to split them up!

 

We struggle with this, mostly because on the weekends everyone wants to be with Daddy. Even if he takes one out in the morning and one in the afternoon, the one (or two) left behind are always upset. We only have one car, so planning something exciting for both at the same time is tough.

Id love to hear other's ideas for this, too - great topic idea!

 

We don't often split the kids up, but were talking about this just the other day. I dropped Meghan for a playdate by herself and took the boys out to lunch. Nolan is asking to do things (like fishing, etc) with his dad, too. We are going to be working on figuring this out, too. When we have split them it's basically the boys go do something with Doug, Meghan gets to do something with me, errands or whatever.

 

You could both take each kiddo out for some one on one time at the same time so that nobody is left feeling like they're not going. Mine also take seperate classes (one gymnastics and one martial arts). I also have the daycare/preschool seperate them for 1-1.5 hrs. in the afternoons (they go 3 days a week). It's hard! We have such busy schedules that it's hard to find some one on one time.

 

We started splitting them up for errands when they were babies. It's never been a formal thing, just a way to get our errands done! (We both work FT, so we have to go in the evening or on weekends.)

Now that they stay up a little later, I also have them take turns coming to the grocery store with me after dinner. DH tries to think of fun things to do with whoever is staying home. Sometimes someone will choose not to come when it's her turn because she'd rather stay home and play, so the other one gets the option to come. (If they both say no, I get to go by myself! )

There are still times when someone is unhappy, either because they have to go on the errand or because they don't get to , but on the whole it seems to work out. And they may as well learn that sometimes they don't get to have things their way, anyway!

We have also started scheduling separate playdates for them with friends from school. It's only happened a few times, but whoever is not having a playdate gets to do something fun with Daddy (the zoo, or a lunch date, or whatever).

 

That's how we do it on occassion on the weekends. Since they are both able to go somewhere, it doesn't seem to bother them that they aren't going together. Maybe it's easier with boy/girl twins though?? :unknw: When they get a little older (a year or 2 more) we hope to do "date night" with them. One go out to dinner with mommy (or to do something fun) and the other goes with daddy. Then the next time, we swap.

 

We do mommy and daddy time on weekends. Each girl gets to go run an errand with one of us, and we hype it as something very exciting. They know that whomever has mommy time on Saturday morning has daddy time in the afternoon, so there isn't a big fight over who gets daddy in the morning.

 

Hi:

We've tried to do this since they were infants, taking them out separately for errands or playground time or playdates or whatever. A couple of times, one or the other would protest, but we kept doing "special time with Daddy" or "special time with Mommy". Now my kids really "thrive" with the separate one on one time with a parent. I do think it helps with sibling rivalry not to have to share every minute of parent time.

Just recently, my two were invited to separate b-day parties (at the same date and time) and they both took great pride in going to "their" party. And, I just signed up DD and DS for separate classes with our local rec center -- they've each been to one class and really enjoy their "separate" class and time afterward with one parent.

I probably sound like a broken record on this, but twins share so much that I think it is especially important for twins to have undivided attention from a parent sometimes -- a time when it is "just them." My brother used to take his kids out -- separately -- for breakfast on Sat. mornings -- taking turns as to whose month or week it was. He kept this up almost all the way through high school and it ended up being a really important bonding activity with his kids. (And I really admire my brother's relationship with all his now-grown-up kids!)

Just my two cents, but I say Go For It!

Meg

 

Thanks you all for all of your comments. I love the idea of separate breakfast a couple of times a month. My DH and I always have errands to run on the weekend or at night, so I think instead of us all doing them together, which is usually what we do, I will start doing some of these things separately to have some one-on-one time with them.

 

I think one-on-one time is the greatest thing!! I just had some with Jack- it was for a doctor's appointment, but it was nonetheless truly blissful and wonderful. I must admit, a moment of singleton envy even popped up. I hope that you have a wonderful time connecting with your girls one-on-one. :wub:

 

Aaawww...yes, I have expereinced a moment of singleton envy too! It's like "WOW this is what it would be like just to have one at a time"!! I don't get the expereince too often. So, when I do I try to really enjoy it.

 

Yours are quite a bit older than my boys, but I often grab whoever wakes up from a nap first to go shopping or run errands. It works pretty well. They are both used to being alone with DH or I so it's really just the actual leaving with one or the other that causes the tantrums.

 

We've been trying this on and off since ds 3 was born last summer. On the weekends, DH will occasionally take one boy out on an errand or to the family swim at the rec centre. I stay home with the other two boys since we have only one car, though some days if we coordinate well, I can drop them off at the rec centre, then take the car and the other two boys to the grocery store or somewhere else. The next weekend we switch who gets to go alone with Daddy.

It all works well in theory (and I loooooove how much easier it is to do things with ONE three-year-old), but weekends get busy and Daddies get lazy (well, at least the Daddy around here does), and so we probably only actually do it about once a month. I really think it might help some of the behaviour issues around here if we could do it more regularly, though.

 

Well, we did it and it worked well. Since Sarah had been a little on the sick side, we decided Allison would go with Daddy and Sarah would stay home with Mommy. Sarah at first resisted until I told her we would do special stuff here at home...she totally loved the idea and was telling Allison that "mommy and me are going to do special stuff" Sarah and I got down the playdough (which is something we don't play with every day), then when she got tired of playing that, we played with her My Little Ponies, then we dressed up her My Size Barbie, and then we dressed up Sarah...so I think Sarah had a blast having me all to herself and I made sure I played with her the entire time they were gone. Allison, of course, had a blast being with Daddy and going out, and I think next time it won't be so hard.

 

Rachel we've been doing this too. I just have one problem... Jack is a HUGE daddy's boy and Zack is a mommy's boy so we never get to rotate them, I always have Zack and Greg always has Jack. They prefer it that way!

 

Rachel, glad you worked it out! We only have the weekends when we can do that, but they revel in their separate playdates! They think they are THE coolest! They don't like to be apart much, so it's good that we are working on it!