time outs

When did you start, and how?

 

I started with my older DD a little before 3. I tried around 2 1/2 and she really didnt comprehend the idea of them. So at 3 I follow Supernanny's instructions. She has a time out stool and she sits for 3 minutes (one minute for number of years old). I place her on the stool and tell her why she is there. Then I set the timer and walk away. After 3 minutes, I go back to her and I ask her why she is on the stool and to apologize and then I tell her I love her. Works so far for us.

 

Well, we started with Annie, she's 5 now, just before she was 1 year. When she didn't listen she would go in the PNP in her room for TO. It did work for her at the age...the second time we told her to stop playing with the plug or something and she didn't she went into TO for about 2 minutes. When she came back she stayed away from the plugs.

When she outgrew the PNP, we used a footstool and a timer. She never got off the footstool....I don't know why, but I wsn't complaining!!

Pretty much I now just send them to their rooms for TO. They listen pretty well, so it doesn't happen much. More often they are told, "Go to your room and cry/whine/have your fit. Come out when you're ready to be a nice girl agin." We don't listen tothem cry!!

 

I think that until around age 18 months or so we used redirection. But, they started biting each other, pushing and hitting around that age, so we started using quick time outs for those offenses. I limited the things that would get time outs, and just sat the offender down against a wall away from the action and said something like "No hitting. Time out." and stood there, looking the other way, for about 30 seconds. I didn't have a special place for time outs, so that I could do them anywhere (a store, the in-laws, etc.). A lot of the time it was just a way to diffuse the emotions and settle everyone down. But, it didn't take too long before I could ask them to stop something and add, "Do you want a time out?" and they would stop. Maybe 6 months to a year or so. I know, that seems like a long time now, but put in the energy now, and it'll pay off in not too long. And, of course, try to be consistent.

They are still often acting on impulse at that age. They lash out before their brains have time to weigh in on whether or not it's a good idea. So, I tried not to be too upset with them, but did want them to begin to understand that actions have consequences. Their brains will catch up with their impulses in not too long, and then you can begin to impose longer time outs.

 

We started right around age 2. Our "time out" is the bottom step away from everything else. At first they wouldn't sit for it, but now they do. We give a warning the first time, then if it happens again, we tell them they are going to time out for (whatever the reason). They sit there for 2 min. (since they are 2) and then after the time is up we tell them why they are in time out again and make them say sorry for it, either to us, big sister whoever.

 

we started around 18 months or so. i really didn't think they would stay where we put them...but surprise, surprise it is something they actually do!!! shocker!! it is not a full 2 minutes though...just enough so they kind of get it. we tell them why they are being put there...then we tell them again when they are done, ask them to say sorry and give me a kiss...and then i tell them i love them. we only do it for big offenses right now...they still do these things though...so i feel like a broken record and not sure if the timeouts are working. i know that they really don't "work" until around 2-3 yrs. old.

 

I started them about 2 weeks ago. I make them stand facing the wall. They have learned pretty quickly that they don't like timeouts. They start crying, then apologizing and I tell them they can't come out of time out until they can calmly say they are sorry. Threatening timeout seems to help curb some bad behavior.

 

QUOTE(DATJMom @ Jun 11 2008, 03:20 PM) [snapback]821833[/snapback]
I started with my older DD a little before 3. I tried around 2 1/2 and she really didnt comprehend the idea of them. So at 3 I follow Supernanny's instructions. She has a time out stool and she sits for 3 minutes (one minute for number of years old). I place her on the stool and tell her why she is there. Then I set the timer and walk away. After 3 minutes, I go back to her and I ask her why she is on the stool and to apologize and then I tell her I love her. Works so far for us.


DATJMom - one of my girls REALLY needs time outs but i just didn't know how to go about it - they are 3 now. i am willing to use the stool as you mentioned...but where do you put it? in a corner, in their room, are they supposed to be UN-distracted? my other daughter i can just start counting and she "knows", so i don't need it for her. but Rianne can be such a pill...she is so defiant, but she is extremely sensitive and emotional at the same time, which makes it even harder to discipline her.

thanks,
rebecca

 

The DAY they turned 18 months. It was really only Arwen that I needed to give them to because she was doing 2 things that were not acceptable; hitting her sister and climbing on the tables. I started with ONLY those two behaviors. The place for time out that has worked best for me is in the packnplay which we keep in the dining room which is away from EVERYTHING. There is really no traffic there so she knows it's not a game.

Here's how the time out goes:

1. She hits her sister. I say, "No. We don't hit. Hitting is not nice. Time out."

2. Put her in the pack n play and walk away for 1 and a half minutes (1 minute per year of age)

3. After time is up, I come back and tell her again, "We don't hit. Hitting is not nice. It makes people sad."

4. I make her apologize to her sister. If she refuses to say sorry (which she did often in the beginning, partly because she didn't understand and partly because she was being stubborn) I say, "We say sorry when we do something that's not nice. Time out." and then I put her back in the packnplay. Sometimes this happened 3 or 4 times until she finally said sorry or kissed her sister (which was sometimes her way of saying sorry).

5. No more conversation about it. It's done...until the next time.

I did the same thing with the table climbing. "No. We do not climb on tables. It is dangerous. Time out." You have to keep it as simple as possible. Don't get too wordy. Straight to the point. Too many words confuse them and they have no clue what you are talking about. I always have it finish with an apology and a hug. Only start out with one or two behaviors at a time. Focus on those until they are curbed. I would say in the beginning it took about 2 weeks of consistent (and daily) time outs. But Arwen STOPPED hitting her sister and stopped climbing the table. For behavoirs that are hurtful to someone or dangerous there is NO warning. Straight to time out. You can not keep threatening a time out and not following through other wise it will NEVER work.

HTH

 

At age 2, before that it really seemed pointless they did not comprehend the reason why they were in time-out anyway.

 

I read 1-2-3 Magic and it's really effective!!!

 

My boys just turned one. We do time-out for major offenses: biting, hitting, etc. Specifically, we got a new kitten and one of my boys is fairly aggressive with her, so they get time out for pulling her tail or hitting her (not being gentle). If one bites his brother, I say 'No bite. Time out. No bite.' Then, he sits facing the corner for 10 seconds while I count to 10. Then I say 'ok-- all done. I love you' and walk away to let him free. I think he knows it's punishment because he will complain and protest for the first few seconds. It works pretty well, and even if he doesn't realize that it's punishment... it re-sets and re-directs his focus. It has made the aggressive episodes less frequent... that poor kitten!

 

We didn't start until 2 1/2 to 3. Before that, it was redirection. The true purpose of Time Out is to change a behavior so they don't keep doing it, and until they are capable of understanding cause/effect, time out isn't truely effective--the reason why younger children get put in time out over and over again for doing the same thing. For those children it is working as redirection, but it is not really solving the problem.