time outs

Just curious. Jack and Lily are 11 mos. and although Jack does not get into too much yet, Lily is not happy UNLESS doing something that is off limits like banging on the tv, pulling on the plants, taking things from her brother, and lightly hitting (her form of petting, I guess) the dog, her brother, and the 2 year old neighbor. We were over at the neighbors yesterday playing with the 2 yr. old and an 18 mos. old friend of the neighbor and they were all happy running around playing with a little b-ball hoop until Lily started taking the ball away from everyone and throwing a bit of a little fit when I tried to take if from her and teach her how to give it back. I was at such a loss about what to do and anytime they other girls took something from eachother or Lily their mom would say "we don't do that, give it back..etc..." the little girl would comply. I felt like such a loser mom. Part of me thinks Lily is just too young and does not know the difference, but I think it is time to start teaching her a bit. That being said, I did not like taking the ball from Lily to show her how to give it back because I felt like I was doing the same thing to her as she did to them. Even though I was using please and thank you with her it is not like she understands what I am saying, KWIM?


She also does not calm herself down when upset unless I go and pick her up.

I have been reading No Cry Discipline Solution which I love; however, I do not know that it applies quite yet. I try to use some of the things in it just for practice so that they are habit by the time the kids get old enough for it to apply.

THANKS!

 

At 18 months, but not often at all and it didn't work too well at that point. We've started doing it now regularly since they've turned two, and are hitting and biting!

I like the book 1-2-3 Magic, but it is for 2-5 year olds I think. We studied up on that book to be prepared.

 

They were around 2. At 18 mos. I started by strapping them in their feeding seats for a 1.5 min. time out. Now they know if they leave time out, the clocks starts over and 6 min. is LONG for a 3 yr. old!

 

I started with Michael at 1... that said it doesn't work well. I also make him say he's sorry.

Matthew hasn't really needed it.

Teri

 

We started them at about 2.5 for my DD and really at around 3 was when I felt they really became effective.

 

I've done one time out so far and it was for Natalie. She was hitting her sister with a snack cup. I get down to their eye level and look them straight in the eye and say "we don't hit anyone" - she walked away - but 2 minutes later - she walked right up to Carley and hit her again in the face. looked right at me when she did it. I picked her up at this point and told her again, and if she did it again, she's going in her room by herself. well - she up and smacked me with it right in the face - so I put her in her room for about 2 minutes. maybe 1.5 - I felt Natalie knew exactly what she was doing etc. and I HAD to live up to what I said to her. I think only you will be able to tell if your kiddo really knows what she is doing and it is wrong. I know some things, they just don't grasp at that age (sharing being a big one) - therefore time out is mute. But when I know that my girls KNOW that what they are doing is a no no - and do it anyway - that's when I feel I have to keep my promise to them and follow through. My girls are really starting to "test" me, and I don't get angry, but keep those boundaries in place, and follow through. ie. you're getting down from there if you don't sit down etc. those kind of things.
But sharing is a huge one to learn and I think they don't grasp that for a long time.

 

I tried loosely with time-outs before two but they didn't really comprehend so I resorted to a quick explanation like you said the other mom used and give the toy back. After their second bday we really incorporated time-outs which work for us and they have to say sorry and give a kiss/hug if it is their sibling they hurt.

 

We started at 18 months but only for biting. We didn't really use it on a regular basis until they were 2 years old, and even then only for physical aggression like hitting and kicking. It wasn't until they were 2.5 years old that we started to use time outs for things like touching something they are not supposed to, throwing a toy, or other unacceptable behavior. And we've never used it for tantrums. Our preferred method for dealing with tantrums is to ignore it completely. It's been really effective for us.

I think 11 months is a bit too early for time outs. I think the appropriate action in that situation is to distract her with something more interesting and take the ball away when she is not looking. As for her hitting and pulling behavior, you just have to be on top of her so she doesn't hurt animals, herself, or other children. I know it's hard with two babies, but until she is older, it's not her responsibility to make sure of her and others' safety.

But as for the ball hogging behavior, I don't think your Lily was doing anything wrong. How can a 11 month old know how to play ball? Good for her that she outran all the older kids to get the ball for herself! And good for her that she can hold on tight to something she got for herself! You don't have anything to be embarrassed about. Nobody will think you are a bad mother just because an 11 month old is acting like and 11 month old.

 

With Older DD I started timeouts at 18 months (recently started with my twins too). But I reserve timeouts only for situation where either they might get hurt or are hurting (kicking, biting etc) others. For all the other situation I just distract and redirect. In some things I give the item a timeout.....like if they are fighting over one toy....toy gets confiscated....or if they are banging on TV...I just switch it off. They lose pretty fast if the TV is not on.