Time Outs

I know its discussed all the time, I have read 1-2-3 Magic and Happiest Toddler on the Block, and I am starting TOs tomorrow.

I have decided to use the bumbo for now until they get the idea and then I will get a TO chair/spot. My girls are very different and I am not sure how this is going to work.

M is the queen of temper tantrums, she is also a hitter, and obviously she is worse when she is tired so I will put them down for naps earlier on tough days but not too early so we don't throw off the whole day.

S is a drama queen, she will cry for hours about something that happened last week, she is also extremely defiant, if you tell her 'no' she will wave/smile and continue doing what she was doing, she knows exactly what I am saying she just refuses to listen.


Here are my questions:

- What do you do when/if they scream/cry the entire time?

- What do you do if they hit you when you let them off TO?

- What do you do with the twin who is not on TO?

- Is not listening a reason for TO?


Help! Thank you!!

edited for typos

 

I just started time-outs so hopefully someone else who has btdt will be of more help. I do timeouts for hitting, pushing, toy stealing (big problem for Mason), biting, and safety issues like touching outlets even though Momma said no. I have a pack-n-play by the garage door that I use and I only do 1 minute.

- What do you do when/if they scream/cry the entire time? Nothing really, tell them from across the room that they are ok and can get out in a minute.

- What do you do if they hit you when you let them off TO? Haven't had this happen, but I guess put them back in?

- What do you do with the twin who is not on TO? This has been the hardest for me. Several times the one not in timeout is more upset about it than the one that is. They want to go play with the other one, or have flipped out because you picked the one up to take them to time out. If it goes well though I try to play with the one that is not in timeout.

- Is not listening a reason for TO? Not usually, unless it is something they already know not to do like touching outlets. I wanted clear reasons for time out and I couldn't decide how to enforce that one clearly.

 

Great question, Cohlee. We just started with time outs ourselves, so I am curious for BTDT experience. So far, here's what I've done:

I've been doing time outs on my lap for: hitting/pushing/touching outlets,electrical items..etc
I give them a specific time, not like they understand or know, but it will be for 2 minutes or so. With my active little monkeys having to sit in place for two minutes is like torture for them.
So I will say, "Mommy told you not to hit, now you and I will have a time out on my lap."
1. If they scream or cry the entire time, I let them go, once they realize I'm not giving in, they usually stop
2. I have not had that problem but since hitting is one of the reasons we do time out, they would go back into time out.
3. Ironically if one twin is TO, the other usually :escape: and will do something to keep themselves occupied. The attitude is like "I'm not even going there!"
4. Mine don't get the concept of not listening, so like elara, it has to be for something clearly defined "No touching outlets, wires, not hitting your sibling, etc."

 

QUOTE(cohlee @ Jun 28 2009, 10:04 AM) [snapback]1372344[/snapback]
I know its discussed all the time, I have read 1-2-3 Magic and Happiest Toddler on the Block, and I am starting TOs tomorrow.

I have decided to use the bumbo for now until they get the idea and then I will get a TO chair/spot. My girls are very different and I am not sure how this is going to work.

M is the queen of temper tantrums, she is also a hitter, and obviously she is worse when she is tired so I will put them down for naps earlier on tough days but not too early so we don't throw off the whole day.

S is a drama queen, she will cry for hours about something that happened last week, she is also extremely defiant, if you tell her 'no' she will wave/smile and continue doing what she was doing, she knows exactly what I am saying she just refuses to listen.
Here are my questions:

- What do you do when/if they scream/cry the entire time?

Lulu gets 3 minutes in the naughty spot (longer than recommended) that's how long it takes her to go from tantrum to "hey, where is everyone?" Greta gets one minute.

- What do you do if they hit you when you let them off TO?

Put them right back in. Hitting is a no-count offense.

- What do you do with the twin who is not on TO?

I have the PNP (naughty spot) in another room...laundry room, spare room, somewhere that they can't see anyone so the other one (almost always Greta) just plays. Although, at times I catch Greta sneaking toys into the naughty spot when nobody is in there. I think she feels sorry for her sis.

- Is not listening a reason for TO?

Not obeying is. When I'm positive they understand what I'm saying and are purposely ignoring me I start the count.

Help! Thank you!!

edited for typos



Answered specifically above, but I had to use a PNP because neither of mine would ever sit in time-out if not confined and if I confined them, they'd think that was really funny.

 

QUOTE(cohlee @ Jun 28 2009, 12:04 PM) [snapback]1372344[/snapback]
- What do you do when/if they scream/cry the entire time?
Nothing - just let them do it.
- What do you do if they hit you when you let them off TO?
They go back in.
- What do you do with the twin who is not on TO?
Tell them they can't play right now and redirect them to something else.
- Is not listening a reason for TO?
No. But not obeying something they clearly understand can be.

 

Here are my questions:

- What do you do when/if they scream/cry the entire time?
Nothing. They can cry if they want. At the end of time out (we use a timer), I go to them and ask them why they are in TO. Before they had words, I answered the question too. But now they answer why.

- What do you do if they hit you when you let them off TO?
They go right back in. Hitting is unacceptable. They might be frustrated, but that is no reason to hit.

- What do you do with the twin who is not on TO?
Our TO spot (pnp) is in another room (living room), so the other twin is not around. If she wanders in the living room, I tell her "Sister is in TO, so leave her alone."

- Is not listening a reason for TO?
Yes. My girls now know "No listening to mommy/daddy" will earn a TO. But like pp's this is only for times when I know they understand what I'm asking of them and they are disobeying.

 

Thank you for all your responses!! Good news, I didn't even have to use TOs today! :woohoo:

 

QUOTE(cohlee @ Jun 29 2009, 08:25 PM) [snapback]1374603[/snapback]
Thank you for all your responses!! Good news, I didn't even have to use TOs today! :woohoo:

:clapping: for no time outs today!

 

QUOTE(cohlee @ Jun 28 2009, 10:04 AM) [snapback]1372344[/snapback]
- What do you do when/if they scream/cry the entire time?
I don't mind but if they are still screaming when I let them out, I tell them that they can come out when they are ready to calm down and play nicely. Jackson will sometimes keep himself in TO for an extra 10-15 minutes (very rarely but it happens), just chilling out. I let him.
- What do you do if they hit you when you let them off TO?
Mine never have, but if they did, they would go back in, with the explanation that it's not okay to hit, so here is another TO.
- What do you do with the twin who is not on TO?
He gets to continue playing as though life is normal - it rarely phases him.
- Is not listening a reason for TO?
Not obeying is, if I know they understand.


For me, TO is more like a chance for them to regroup themselves, so I do allow one small toy in TO at this age. I don't go out of my way to give them toys, but I let them keep one if it's in their hand. They show enough remorse just from being separated from the action, so I feel okay about this. We use a TO chair and if there is a physical tantrum going on, they just have to stay on the ground in the space near the chair (or they can stand up and get into the little chair).

Good luck, and congrats on a good behavior day today!!! :banana:

 

QUOTE(cohlee @ Jun 28 2009, 12:04 PM) [snapback]1372344[/snapback]
Our time out chair is an old booster chair with a buckle that is strapped to the chair. I never could have had it be successful without buckling them in. When we first started, I tried the chair on the floor and they just crawled away with it attached to their butt. It was actually pretty funny to watch!

- What do you do when/if they scream/cry the entire time? I let them cry/scream. After the time is up. I go by them and tell them they have to stop crying before I take them out. I try to calm them down. If they wont stop, I walk away and come back and tell them again they need to stop before I get them out. Once they stop, I say in one sentence that they need to apologize to me or their brother if they did something to one of us or I talk about their action in a brief sentence.

- What do you do if they hit you when you let them off TO? I would put them back in.

- What do you do with the twin who is not on TO? I usually either play with the one not in time out or continue doing whatever it was I was doing before the time out happened.

- Is not listening a reason for TO? It depends what it is. I dont do time outs for things like asking them to put their shoes on and them not doing it even after several warnings. For that I would say, "You can walk over to your shoes or I will carry you" I then count to three and if they did not walk over, I pick them up.


I had one that early on had bad bad temper tatrums. 123 magic totally helped curb this. If he was having a fit, After about 1 or 2 minutes, I would tell him he needs to stop or he will be in time out. That time out usually gave him time to settle down.

I wish I could remember details of when I started it. I know they were in time out often because I did not let anything slide and I wanted them to really know how this was going to work. It has been a savior. They now very rarely have time outs and it is all because of the consistency early on. I think it really started to work for my boys closer to 26 months.

 

Thanks for sharing. These were really good questions and answers. I've not really implemented TO yet, but these responses are going to help me when I do. I'm realizing that my kids are getting to the age where I need to start taking control to teach them what behaviors are not ok. I'm just slightly terrified...

 

QUOTE(JessiePlus2 @ Jun 30 2009, 11:18 AM) [snapback]1375430[/snapback]
Thanks for sharing. These were really good questions and answers. I've not really implemented TO yet, but these responses are going to help me when I do. I'm realizing that my kids are getting to the age where I need to start taking control to teach them what behaviors are not ok. I'm just slightly terrified...


This is exactly my thinking! Molding them into little people is SCARY!

 

Great post and great repsonses.

We too are in testing phase of Time Outs but this is what we have been doing.

If they cry/scream the entire time, I let them. I heard 1 minute for each year they are and then if they cry you have to start again. Well I never timed it so I am not sure how long they really are there. I just tell them they can come out when they calm down. Most of the time that works. If they continue to cry I repeat about being calm.

I just put them in the corner of the living room where I can watch them.(one reason I did this is so if we are out somewhere like at my MIL's house I can put them in the corner and they know what it means) If they do something really bad or are completely out of control and not listening while in the corner they go in the pnp in my room for 2 minutes. I get them whether they are crying or not and usually they are so upset that they were seperated from the fun and me they calm down and are good for a while. I rarely have to use it anymore.

If they were to hit me when they come out I would put them right back in.

I tell them the reason they are going in the time out while placing them there and then when they come out I make them apologize and hug and tell them do not _____ (insert offense) again

We have good days and bad days. It is hard. I really want to read that 1-2-3 book but finding it and then finding the time to read it has been hard too!