Time Outs

This is where I am unsure of HOW to use them, for both dh and I. So-what do you save time out's for? Everything? Or for dangerous situations(running into streets, parking lots, etc). Gosh-I don't even know all the questions to ask!

For instance...I used a time out a few weeks ago when I was just DONE with Anthony. I told him not to climb on the train table and constantly took him down(no TO yet). He then and went and did something else repeatedly after I said no. The last straw was him pulling on the cord for the computer after repeatedly saying no. I said that was it-TO it was. So I put him in the dining room chair-where he cried-and turned on the timer for a minute. Once it was done, I explained to him why and he then went and grabbed his snack and sat on my lap and was fine.

DH used a TO the other day for something that *I* would consider silly for. I can't even remember what it was. Hmmm...Let's say it was something like taking the cover off the DVD(so the kids don't play with it...hahahaha!). Is that TO worthy? Or is that more of a distraction/redirection response.

Do you do TO's immediately? Or after 1 ,2, 3 kinda thing? I know I am not consistent-so any help/thoughts/advice would be greatly appreciated! This is something I have 2 weeks to work on!

 

I am in the same boat as you. DH and I tend to use them for stuff that they keep doing after we told them not to several times. I am curious to see other's answers.

 

I use time-outs for things that will hurt themselves or their siblings or being disrespectful to us...hiting, biting, talking back, telling us no, being told not to do something several times and doing it anyway. I am now using time-out for whining because it has gotten to the point where my girls whine ALL the time and it's just ridiculous, so I give them a warning and if they continue to whine, then they go to time-out. They go into time-out for two minutes, I have a timer and when it dings they can get up. That's basically how I do it.

 

In all my classes (mommy/me) I've taken, kids at this age just don't understand what time outs are. I don't think they grasp what they did and why they have to sit sill for a few minutes. I don't know, my kids were clueless at least, along with a few other moms that I've talked to. Good luck!

 

My twins are 15 months. I set up a pack and play and put it in our foyer. I have been using that as my time out. I have been putting them in it for biting and hitting! I walk away and put them in there for 1 minute. It has cut down on the biting even though I question whether they get it or not! I remain calm and explain no biting or hitting when I pick them back up!

 

I use time-outs for a time when I can't change their behavior in another way. For example, tonight when they were in the bath tub Amelia kept splashing a whole lot of water out at me. I don't mind if they splash a little, but this was a very large amount of water. I told her to stop and asked if she wanted out of the tub. She splashed again. I warned her if she did it again she would be removed from the tub. She splashed again and she was taken out of the tub. There was no need for a timeout in that situation b/c being taken out of the tub was her timeout.

But for other things like hitting her sister repeatedly or running on the couch they are put in timeout for a minute, which is really difficult to enforce now that they aren't in cribs!

 

QUOTE(JicJac @ May 25 2009, 09:56 PM) [snapback]1327765[/snapback]
In all my classes (mommy/me) I've taken, kids at this age just don't understand what time outs are. I don't think they grasp what they did and why they have to sit sill for a few minutes. I don't know, my kids were clueless at least, along with a few other moms that I've talked to. Good luck!


That's my other issue. Do they really even understand at this point? But I don't want them to act out, etc when in public, etc, ya know? So do you/did you use redirection-and be consistent in doing it? I guess I just haven't really figured out a "discipline" technique with them yet.

 

I am so confused about TOs! It should not be this difficult! I need to find a TO spot, I dont want to use anything they will have negative connotations with. :headbang:

In my perfect little cohlee world, TOs will be used for things that could be potentially dangerous and hitting/biting/scratching. My girls think 'NO' is a game. Its maddening!

 

First off, time-outs didn't work with my girls at all until they were about 18 months. Even then you are only supposed to keep them in time-out for one minute for every year they are...but even then it may be too long for your LO. Second, when you start it, you will most likely have to sit in TO with them until they understand that they have to sit there, otherwise, they are just going to get up. My pedi told us to start trying to implement TO at 12 months, but I thought he was nuts. We did start, though, around 18 months, but it took awile for them to get the hang of it and I had to sit with them several times.

Being persistent...even though it doesn't seem to work...will eventually work. If you don't want to implement TO yet, just keep being persistent and consistent with what you are doing and you will see results.

 

QUOTE(Utopia122 @ May 25 2009, 10:28 PM) [snapback]1327812[/snapback]
First off, time-outs didn't work with my girls at all until they were about 18 months. Even then you are only supposed to keep them in time-out for one minute for every year they are...but even then it may be too long for your LO. Second, when you start it, you will most likely have to sit in TO with them until they understand that they have to sit there, otherwise, they are just going to get up. My pedi told us to start trying to implement TO at 12 months, but I thought he was nuts. We did start, though, around 18 months, but it took awile for them to get the hang of it and I had to sit with them several times.

Being persistent...even though it doesn't seem to work...will eventually work. If you don't want to implement TO yet, just keep being persistent and consistent with what you are doing and you will see results.


Thanks for the advice! I put them in the dining room chair because it's a bit higher up and they haven't figured out how to get down. Yet. And being able to actually sit with them while they are in time out, I just don't know how that's going to work!

And Nichole-Nicholas gets the word "No." Anthony...FORGET IT! He thinks it's a game. He just uses his little smile to get away with EVERYTHING! And I too don't want to have the TO place have a negative effect. I did buy two little rugs for them, but I haven't used them yet.

It just seems like once you get one thing under control(like switching to milk from formula/bf, or dropping a bottle, or finger foods from baby foods, etc...), there's always SOMETHING else that comes up where you are left scratching your head on ways to go about it! Parenting is tough! LOL!

 

At first (12 months-ish) we used TO when they did something dangerous to themselves or harmful to others (biting, for instance). Now, we use TO in conjunction with the 1-2-3 Magic philosophy for behavior modification in most instances. We give 2 warnings, then on the 3rd offense (or failure to stop the offending activity if it's screaming or whining) they go to TO for 2 minutes of quiet time. It has been very effective, but consistency is the most important thing.

We don't use TO if redirection is effective, but we do use TO if whining and crying (in the extreme form) persists despite our best attempts to redirect. An example of this would be if Jackson wants to play with a permanent marker and I explain to him that he can't but his other option is a Crayola marker. He won't take the Crayola and freaks out, uncontrollably, begging for the Sharpie. I tell him "that's one. would you like the (Crayola) marker?" He screams and thrashes hysterically. I calmly say, "that's two. Would you like the marker? If you don't calm down, you will need to spend some time in TO." He's still hysterical, so after a few seconds I say "Okay - that's three. Time out. You can come out when I come to get you." I set a timer and he comes out when it beeps.

We also use it if they fail to resolve a situation after repeat warnings (such as repeatedly stealing from each other) or if there is a severe infraction (hitting, kicking, biting). Basically, we have decided what behaviors are inappropriate and if they don't stop doing them when we ask (with 2 opportunities to stop), they will have TO. It is great for redirecting their attention and letting them "get a grip". I feel good about using it, and I am weary of excessive discipline. Good luck!!

 

QUOTE(cohlee @ May 25 2009, 09:11 PM) [snapback]1327793[/snapback]
I am so confused about TOs! It should not be this difficult! I need to find a TO spot, I dont want to use anything they will have negative connotations with. :headbang:

In my perfect little cohlee world, TOs will be used for things that could be potentially dangerous and hitting/biting/scratching. My girls think 'NO' is a game. Its maddening!


R laughs at me when I tell her no. It really makes me want to pull my hair out. Or sell her to gypsies.


I've been struggling with the TO thing too. I think mine would get it now though because I'm also starting natural consequence. The best example I have for that is when the weather finally turned really nice for us, we started spending a lot of time outside. DS has hardly any hair, so it's really important for him to keep a hat on. Well, he kept taking the stupid thing off. Thankfully DH was home and outside so this was fairly easy. Every time he took his hat off I told him, "Well, J you can't play outside without the hat on. Let's go in." He would kick and scream all the way to the door and inside. Once inside I'd ask him, "Do you want to play outside? If so, let's put this hat on. We can't go out until you wear your hat."
Let me tell ya, it took about 5 times, but he got it. Now it doesn't matter whether we're outside or not. If I put that hat on his head, he leaves it alone!


I think I'm going to start being consistent with TO for things that they are repeatedly doing after I've said no or used redirection with and dangerous things and hitting each other.

 

I second Erin's suggestion of 1-2-3 Magic. I read this book and it gives you a really good guide to time outs and what behaviors *you* have that are effective vs. non-effective.

And consistency is key!!

 

Another :good: for 123 Magic. Im trying to implement that approach for our TOs. I just started using TO (with the 123) in the past month. The only actions that are TO worthy right now are climbing on their play kitchen and hitting or throwing repeatedly. With the play kitchen, I clap my hands to get their attention and say "No climbing on the kitchen. Get down." He or she smiles and ignores me. So then I count. "Get down, please. That's 1...2...3. Ok. Timeout." Then I put him or her in the pnp for 1 minute. After the minute is up, I take him or her out and say, "No climbing on the play kitchen. When you climb, you get TO." For hitting and throwing, they almost always stop after being told no. I usually tell them, "No hitting/throwing. Mommy doesn't like being around you when you hit/throw" and then I walk away.

Since DS has a receptive language delay, I am using signs along with words. I clap to get his attention. I use my fingers to count 123 and I use the TO sign when I say TO.

ETA: The most annoying thing about this is that DD runs to climb on the kitchen as soon as I put DS in TO for it. They also "count" me back and smile and wave bye-bye as I carry them to the pnp. I'm hoping that part stops when they realize TO is not a game.

 

I think it's probably too early for TO. I know mine wouldn't get it at all, so I mostly redirect and just remove the reason of the problem as much as possible (like, the train table would go as soon as they start climbing on it). Mostly I just make sure there isn't anything dangerous in their reach until they are old enough to understand not to do something...