Time outs with a 2 yr old..

Hi all,

I have twin b/g who are 4 mo. old, but I find that I use time outs with ds who is 2 yr old to discipline him. I'm wanting some advice as to if you think I'm using Time Out incorrectly or what your opinion is..FYI, we don't use time out for every time we discipline him only when he really needs it, b/c we don't want it to loose it's effectivness. I guess I'm just feeling this way b/c yesterday we went and visited a friend and I felt like she was looking at me strange b/c I had to put ds in time out twice while we were at her house. But her son is very mellow and not as active as my ds.

1st Time Out reason:

Yesterday at my friends house my ds wanted a toy that her ds had so my ds hit her son. And to us hitting, biting, scratching, etc is a big no, no so we automatically put him in time out for 2 minutes with no warning b/c we feel he know better. On his way to time out I explained to him why he was going to time out b/c he hit his friend...so I left him there for 2 minutes and when I got him out I asked my ds to say sorry to her ds and he did. So ended up fine until....

2nd Time Out reason:

My ds had a metal slinky that he was swinging around my ds who is 4 mo. old and I said to my son stop right now and he continued again and I said to him for the second time if you don't stop swinging that near your brother I'm going to put you in time out, and for the third time he didn't stop so I said ok, let's go to time out. Again, I briefly explained why I was puttig him there on his way over to time out, and gave him 2 minutes in time out. When he got out I explained why he was in there and made him say sorry to his brother.

So after these two time outs, I asked my friend if she ever has to put her ds in time outs and she said no, she trys to distract him...well, to be honest a lot of the times distraction doesn't work we have to take a higher level of discipline to fix the problem which is time out.

So do you think I wrongfully put him in time out??? I'm just feeling like a bad parent right now and need some resasurance...

Thanks ladies..sorry to ramble on

 

just wanted to add..i know i shouldn't care what ppl think of our parenting style, but sometimes certain things just get to me...

thanks

 

Well, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said her son is mellow and not as active as your son: different kids need different parenting. My boys sound a lot more like yours than hers, and, like you, I often found myself looking like the wicked witch mom at play dates. But, I felt like it was important to be consistent. I didn't want play dates to mean "free for all" to my kids.

I think the way that you are doing the time outs sounds fine, my only comment would be that the second example would be an offense where I would have said, "Stop swinging that or I'll take it away. 3......2.....1...Ok, let me have it. You can't swing that around other people. It's dangerous."

At that age we tried to impose time outs for only a few behaviors: hitting, biting, pushing. The time out was immediate and given every time. For other things, like not listening, we took something away or moved them to another place. Once they understood the time-out concept, we started applying it to other behaviors, like not listening. At that point we could say, "Do you want a time out?" and they'd stop.

I hope that makes sense. Just want to clarify that I am not saying that you were wrong to give a time out for swinging the slinky

 

I wouldn't let her bother you. Would she prefer that your son hit people? I don't think so. All kids have different temperaments and some require more discipline than others. I think what you're doing is fine. In my personal opinion I think that parents of mellow children don't understand why other people have strong willed children and tend to (wrongly) assume that it's the parents fault. It's no ones fault, the child has a lot of personality and energy and is willing to exert that to get their way. Bad parenting can make it worse, but I'm talking about parents who just let their kids do whatever and have given up.

I have 4 average kids, they aren't particularly mellow but they aren't particularly strong willed either. We do time outs. Our basic routine at 2 yrs is to do a warning, then timeout for 1 minute per year of age (2 yo = 2 minute time out). Like I said, what your doing is fine. Each child is unique and her child is different than yours. She doesn't have the same challenges or parenting style that you do and that's ok.

 

I think you handled it well. That's pretty much how it works around here. Serious offenses are immediate time-out and for less serious stuff we use 1-2-3 Magic method although I have to say that we have yet to see the 'magic' part, but I still keep at it.

 

i think you are right on. I didnt read other's responses. I think you handled it very well. with the slinky incident I may have put him in TO at the second violation not the third, bc of safety issues, depending on how close the slinky was to the baby's face. also bc he wasn't obeying you.

For one child TO works. for the other, it's better to talk to her. sometimes they just need a parable, a story told to them that teaches a lesson. sometimes they need more. .

 

Thanks for all the reassurance!

I just wanted to make sure I wasn't using Time Out for the wrong reasons. But when I sit and think about it, it really is the one way it gets my ds to listen and kinda realize what he did wrong. And I try not to overuse TO as well. Sometimes I feel like the wicked witch when we have playdates b/c I'm the one constantly discipling my ds, but my ds seems to be the only really active one. A lot of our little friends that we hang out with seem to be extremely passive and mellow, and my ds is definitely not that...lol.

 

I think you did great. I also take things away if they're being naughty with a toy and don't stop after a warning but if they seem to be out of control, they go into timeout to cool off. My boys NEED this. Don't doubt yourself -- you know your kids and what works for them.

Also, I didn't see you mention how old your friend's child was. Time outs didn't begin to work for us until shortly after they turned 2. Before that, we primarily used redirection.

 

I didn't read thru all the responses, but I think you handled it well.... It is hard when you are out of the home environment because you feel more "judged", but I agree that just because we are in public it is not a reason for a "free for all" in behavior. We also have "instant" time out behavior like deliberate pushing, hitting etc. and my boys now at 2.5 are very good about knowing the rules. They now look at other children who push or hit and give me this look like "aren't you going to put them in timeout for that??" LOL You are doing a good job Mommy!