thumbsucking debate

DD is 3. She sucks her thumb all the time. It's in her mouth much more than it's out.

Asked pedi at 3 yr appt. He says: ignore it. b/c it makes it worse to point it out, i guess. okay, fine.

BUT, preschool (3 full days per week), is making a "deal" out of it. they keep telling her to take it out and wash her hands b/c of spreading germs. there are 3 kids in the classroom and they are trying to break the habit in this method. i already know that Pedi won't agree. FYI they didn't tell me they started this. I happened to notice when I picked them up on W.

my issue w/ it. She'll try to talk w/ her thumb in her mouth. Already hard enough to understand her, put a thumb in there and I can't figure it out. So THE ONLY thing I've said is - pls take your thumb out of your mouth so i can understand your words.

i'm not ready to battle this issue right now (with nail polish or thumb device or whatever gadget or method). She's a good sleeper b/c she sucks her thumb and Pedi is okay with it.

BUT since I'm worried about the speech and MOSTLY b/c he said to ignore it and the teachers are clearly doing the opposite. What do I do???????

 

To be honest with you, I would have a problem that the school is doing somethng without discussing it with you. How do they know if you are using a different method, whAt is/isn't working for you. IMO, it's is up to YOU, the parent, to decide when and how your child will stop sucking her thumb. If you waNt their advice, or you want them to implement yor method, fine. That would really annoy me!

If you are concerned about your dahughter's speech, maybe it's time for you to start thinking about your approach. It's reassuring to hear that your ped. doesn't think that it's harmful. So, you have time to decide how YOU wnat to handle it.

Good luck!

 

While I think it's good that your pedi doesn't have a problem with it I also think you can discourage her without making it into a big deal/battle of wills. I think you are doing the right thing asking her to take it out when she's speaking. Another subtle way to deal with it is to get them doing activities where they need both hands so she will take it out without even thinking about it.
You mentioned her being a good sleeper because of the thumb sucking, but gentle discoragement of sucking her thumb during the day is unlikely to affect her sucking it at night.

As far as daycare goes, if it upsets you that they are asking her to stop then you should talk to them. Honestly I don't think it's a big deal unless they are making her feel upset or ashamed. If they are treating it in a matter of fact way (as opposed to treating it as bad or babyish behaviour) then I'd let them continue. I wouldn't worry about the way they do it being different to what you do at home. Kids younger than 3 have no trouble understanding that different places/people have different rules, so I don't think she will be confused by it.

 

I'm glad the pedi doesn't think it's an issue. I don't think it really should be one for another couple of years.

That said, the preschool is trying to stop the spread of germs, and that's fine. But they will learn soon enough that it isn't going to affect her thumb-sucking. But it might slow down the spread of germs, so that's fine. I agree with the PP that as long as they aren't trying to guilt trip her about it, there's no reason to be upset that they are asking her to wash her hands more often.

I would continue to listen to your pedi and/or your gut!

 

I guess the reason that I would be annoyed is because I feel that this is a perent decision. It's not just that you might be doing something differenet at home, getting her confused. I'm sure that would be fine. Just that it's not their place to decide this.


What it all boils down to, fo me, is that I really don't like when school take matters into their own hands. As a former teacher, I j think that sometimes schools forget the boundries. I do, of course, understand and appreciate them encouraging extra handwashing to prevent the spread of germs.

If I were you, I would decide how I plan on dealing with the thumb sucking, and let them know your plan.

 

I'd have no problem with the school discouraging it... I don't blame them because I think it does spread germs and it is a gross habit. DD does this and drives me nuts because she DOES spread germs, and picks up every germ anywhere, bringing it into our house, making her CONSTANTLY sick, and then getting the rest of us sick. Pedi says ignore it, but it's so hard to avoid because, like your little one, she doesn't talk as much, and when she does, it's often with the thumb in her mouth until I tell her to remove it. Good luck, and if you do find anything that truly works other than a mean-looking hand splint or yucky nail polish, let us know please!

 

I tried to be positive with my little girl, she's four. I tell her she can suck her thumb in her room and at night time (in her room). If I catch her sucking her thumb anywhere else I ask her, 'Where is your thumb?" She'll smile and take it out of her mouth. So much of this training had to just make her aware that she was doing it, because it was just second nature to her. I will then tell her if she wants to continue to suck it then go to her room. Not as punishment and not in a negative tone, just that's where we will freely let her. After about 3-4 months of this we or the school hasn't had a problem. She still sucks her thumb with her blanket at night. I understand not wanting to pick your battles, maybe giving her this choice would help you too!

 

not to scare you...my little sister sucked on her thumb until she was 10 (stopped because was getting made fun of) My mom took her to dr,counslers etc.They all told her it sometimes stems from insecurity and they will outgrow the phase and not to make that big a deal of it

 

QUOTE(Mel G @ Mar 21 2009, 01:54 PM) [snapback]1238092[/snapback]
I guess the reason that I would be annoyed is because I feel that this is a perent decision. It's not just that you might be doing something differenet at home, getting her confused. I'm sure that would be fine. Just that it's not their place to decide this.
What it all boils down to, fo me, is that I really don't like when school take matters into their own hands. As a former teacher, I think that sometimes schools forget the boundries.

Not to take this thread too OT but; My feeling (as a nanny) is that schools/daycares/childcarers have to have some autonomy from parents. If I was never allowed to make small decisions about the childrens care without first checking with the parents I'd go mad. I see this as a small decision-it is just fitting in with the standard of behaviour that they expect, to me it's equivalent to them saying a 3 year old could not have a pacifier in the classroom.
I make choices like this all day long for the children I look after-what is time out behaviour, do they have to eat the crusts on their sandwiches, can they bounce on the sofa, do they need a sunhat on etc etc. Of course I follow their parents wishes and would never make a big decision on my own, but I know that some of the little things I do are different. I had almost this exact situation with Alyssa (my only thumb sucker) where I would ask her not to suck her thumb during the day. Like a pp said it was almost an unconcious thing for her and just by me saying "Lissie, thumb" she would take it out. I never asked her parents for permission to do this, honestly it would never have occured to me to do so.

I guess this is why it's so important to find childcare that matches with your beliefs/attitude and where you can really trust the person. Everyone is different in what they see as a big deal or important decision.

 

I agree 110% with Zoe.

 

Since the preschool has her 3 days a week, they should be allowed to try to get your daughter to stop sucking her thumb - you trust their care to send her there, you must trust their decision on how to break the habit. As long as they are not verbally or phsically abusing her, I would give them free reign to try to solve the issue. It will only get harder the longer she does it

 

didn't read this whole thread - but thought i would share what i learned today from the dentist.
my dd is a major thumb sucker (although, oddly, she NEVER sucks her thumb at preschool, which she attends 3 days a week 9-12 - the teacher was shocked when i asked her if it was a problem at school because she has never seen her suck it - but i digress). so today we went to the dentist. the dentist said not to try to get her to stop right now. he said she is not capable of stopping at this age. he said not to tell her "big girls don't suck their thumb" or anything like that. he said just make sure she is aware of it - like ask her "do you realize you are sucking your thumb?" - she may say yes and keep sucking or may stop - but the goal is just awareness. then, at four, he wants us to start playing games with her to get her to stop for periods of time - like "try not sucking your thumb on the way to the grocery store, and then you can suck it if you want on the way home" - things like that to get her to go longer and longer periods without sucking. he says they don't even try to tackle night sucking (actually not an issue for her, but one for her brother, who only sucks at night) for a while.

anyway - just thought you might be interested in another opinion.